To Whatever End: Chapter Eleven
-Kathryn-
The first few days at the Dunharrow camp passed by uneventfully, which I was thankful for. The army gathered at the mountain's base had continued to slowly grow larger as more Rohirrim arrived, and soon we'd have enough men to justify riding out for Minas Tirith. Tensions rose higher as the day drew nearer (which of course wasn't helped by the gigantic haunted mountain looming over us), but was doing my best to not let my own anxiety get too out of control. It was proving to be easier said than done, however. Somehow, things just felt... off. As dusk swept over the campsite on the third day, I emerged from my shared tent to find Kaia sitting out by a small, barely lit fire, halfheartedly poking at its kindling with a stick. I walked over and promptly plopped down next to her in the grass, offering a small smile. "Hey Kaia. What's up?"
She gave a weak shrug without so much as a glance in my direction. "Nothing."
My smile faded as I noticed her dull tone. "Oh. You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
Her short, clipped answer said something else entirely, though, and my gaze narrowed slightly in concern. "...Is there a reason you're sitting out here all by yourself?"
"No, I'm just... tired."
I didn't buy that for a second. "Okay, seriously," I deadpanned. "What's wrong? I can tell you're stressed about something, you've been in a weird mood ever since we got here."
Kaia's jaw tightened, her words now ground out through clenched teeth. "Nothing's wrong, Kathryn. Don't bother me about it."
I frowned. What the hell? Why is she suddenly being so closed off? "I'm just trying to figure out what's going on! Are you pissed? Did someone do something? You know you can tell me anything, I won't-"
"Kathryn!" I jumped as she snapped, suddenly turning on me with a heated glare. For a second, I froze, shocked by the outburst, but then Kaia winced, closing her eyes as she sighed. "I'm sorry, I just... Leave me alone for now, okay?" Without giving me a chance to respond, she quickly got to her feet, dropping the stick and stalking off before I could stop her.
I stared after her in confusion, frowning as she soon disappeared into the maze of tents. Okay. That was abnormal. Clearly she was on edge about something, but... what? What could be bothering her so much that she didn't even want to talk to me? My gaze fell to the failing fire she'd abandoned, feeling slightly hurt. ...Did I do something wrong? But even that idea didn't make total sense. I'd always known Kaia to be hotheaded, sure, but this felt different. I knew what she was like when she was angry. This wasn't anger, it felt more like... fear. Again, I glanced in the direction she'd gone, remembering the night she'd paled upon seeing the signal from Minas Morgul. What could she possibly be so afraid of? I spent the next several minutes trying to figure it out, but kept coming up with nothing, eventually growing frustrated and realizing I needed a second opinion. Determined to get to the bottom of this, I stood and left the dying embers, deciding to seek out a certain ranger who might know what was going on. If there's anyone else here she'd confide in, it'd be him.
It didn't take me long to find the man I was looking for. The first place I went was the small tent he shared with Legolas and Gimli, stepping up to the door flap and pausing before barging inside. "Aragorn?"
Thankfully, his familiar voice answered back. "Yes?"
"It's me, Kathryn. Can I come in?"
"Of course." I threw aside the thick canvas flap and stepped into the tent, pleased to see Aragorn was alone. He looked up from where he sat on his bed, roughly stitching up a tear in his jacket. "Did you need something?"
"Yeah, I'd like to know why my best friend is suddenly acting so strange," I replied, letting the flap fall shut behind me. "Do you know why Kaia's freaking out?"
Aragorn paused, but then shook his head, looking back to his work. "I know nothing more than you. But I have noticed she has not been herself as of late."
"I know," I agreed. "She seems... stressed, or paranoid about something, but I have no idea what, and she won't tell me anything. I tried to talk to her, but she got all mad and stormed off."
"She does not enjoy being worried over," Aragorn said. "Kaia needs her space."
"Yeah, but... I mean, this is so unlike her. She's acting like she's afraid of something, and if it's major enough to have her this freaked out, I feel like she should've told at least one of us! Like, does she feel like she's in danger or something? Has she realized something else has gone horribly wrong in the story?" I watched as he stuck the needle in his mouth, holding it between his lips as he moved in to tie the knot. "I know how much she trusts you. If it's just something she doesn't feel like telling me, that's one thing. But if she's hiding something from both of us... that's concerning."
Aragorn glanced back to me. "It is odd," he admitted. "But Kaia has her reasons, I would assume. Perhaps she grows nervous for the battle to come."
Still, I frowned. "I mean, maybe, but... I don't know. Something's just not right." Kaia's never been afraid of battle. Never. That can't be it.
Aragorn removed the needle from his mouth and laid it down to safely wrap it in a small leather pouch. "Do not press her too hard, Kathryn. Wait for Kaia to tell you on her own. When she is ready, she will come to you. "
I resisted the urge to groan. Damn it, Aragorn. I knew you'd say that. "Okay," I nodded, trying to sound sincere despite my lingering worry. "You're probably right. Thanks." The ranger returned the nod, and I turned to leave him on his own again, slipping back outside into the murmur of men preparing to settle in for the evening. But as soon as I was out of Aragorn's sight, my frown only deepened, utterly unsatisfied with his advice. Now I was more determined than ever to find out what was wrong. If Aragorn doesn't even know what her deal is, that's a problem. And I know how stupidly prideful Kaia can be - if she hasn't come to either of us by now, she never will. Even if she was about to be burnt at the stake, she wouldn't ask for anyone's help or pity. My eyes scanned every crevice of the campsite as I walked, knowing I had to take a more direct approach. The least she could do is just tell me what's bothering her. And even if it's not something I can help with, I could at least give her advice or someone to vent to. That's what friends do. That's what we've always done for the last ten years we've known each other. Now fully convinced I was doing the right thing, I continued to search, asking around for any sighting of where Kaia had gone. It took me awhile, but I eventually found her out on the edge of the campsite, leaning up against the mountainside and staring down at her feet. "Kaia!" She jumped as I startled her from her thoughts, and as soon as her eyes landed on me, she tensed, drawing back even as I first approached her. "Okay, look. It's obvious that something's been eating at you for awhile." She opened her mouth, but I cut her off. "Don't even try and deny it; I can tell and so can Aragorn."
Her eyes widened the slightest bit. "Um, what? Why did you go to Aragorn?"
"Does it matter?" I shot back, firmly staring her down. "You apparently haven't told him anything either. Why are you becoming so distant all of a sudden?"
Kaia let out a breath, reaching to pinch the bridge of her nose. "Kathryn, it's really not that big of a deal-"
"It is if it's stressing you out this much!" I paused, catching myself and trying to soften my tone. "Kaia, please talk to me. What's going on?"
"You don't need to know," she replied, meeting my gaze with a challenging stare of her own.
"I don't? Really? Even when it might concern my best friend's safety?"
"It's not... well, I.." Kaia let out a frustrated groan. "Kathryn, I'm sorry, but I don't want to talk about it. I can't."
I frowned. "What the hell is that supposed to mean? Kaia, you can tell me anything. You know that!"
She shook her head. "Not this."
"What, so now you feel like you can't trust me?"
"You know I trust you, Kathryn, it's not about that."
"Then why don't you just tell me?"
"Because I can't."
My hands balled into fists. "Why?" I barked, my frustration growing. "Is there some supernatural force holding you back? What the hell are you so afraid of?!"
At that, Kaia stilled, staring at me in silence for a moment before speaking again, her voice dangerously low. "Kathryn, stop," she growled. "This is more than you understand. I'm telling you to stay out of this." Her eyes darkened in warning, and she brushed past me, starting to walk away again.
"Kaia, no!" I cried, turning after her. "Please! Just tell me what's wrong, I can help you i-"
"NO!" In the blink of an eye, she was on me, whirling on her heel and less than five inches from my face. "No, you really can't!" She was all but shouting at me now, eyes blazing. "Do you think I like keeping stuff from people like this? You think I like dealing with terrifying shit on my own?! I wish I could tell you, Kathryn, I really wish I could! But I can't!"
"But why?" I pushed back. "I don't understand!"
"Because you wouldn't be able to fucking handle it!" she cried. "You'd try to change things, or stop them from happening, and you can't do that! I have shit that I need to do here - that I was destined for - and I don't need you sticking your nose into it and trying to help me! I don't need anyone's help! I couldn't take it even if I wanted to!"
I stared at her, mouth agape, now even more confused and irritated than before. "What the hell are you talking about? Why are you so convinced that you don't need help? You don't know what could happen if I-"
"I DO KNOW!" Kaia roared, and suddenly there was a glassy sheen over her eyes and I regretted ever opening my mouth. "I know exactly what's going to happen, and I wish I fucking didn't! There's nothing you can do, there's nothing I can do, there's nothing anyone can do to help me, and that's just how it is! Okay!? You don't know shit about what's going on with me, Kathryn, so stop acting like you do and leave me alone before you get fucking hurt!" And then, before I could even process it all, Kaia was gone, seething as she turned and stormed off without another word.
I just stood there, as if I'd been frozen in place as I watched her go, stunned into silence as Kaia vanished from sight. ...Oh my God... What just happened? I clapped a hand over my mouth as reality finally caught up with me, guilt slamming into me like a concrete wall. I never meant to make her so angry... God, what have I done? Why did I say all that? Why didn't I just listen to Aragorn? I shivered against the cool night air, wanting to throw myself from the cliff's edge as I stood there in the darkness. I'm such an idiot. I wanted to help her, but I only pushed her away even further. Fuck, I'm so stupid! I felt sickened by my own words as I leaned back, staring up at the sky in vain as if there was some magical force out there that could help fix everything. The inky blackness was scattered with stars peeking out from behind the clouds, but they felt so distant and far away, almost mocking me as I stood there, pathetic and disgusted with myself. God, I can't do any of this right. I've been trying and failing since day fucking one, and I just... "...I want to go home," I finally whispered, voice shaking as I bit my lip. "I don't want to be here anymore. I want to go home."
–
-Legolas-
My footsteps were silent as I moved with purpose through the camp, careful to wake no others in the dead of night. By now the skies had grown lighter, with dawn not far off, and the only men who remained awake were those chosen to keep watch by the king. Sleep had eluded me that night, and so I had quickly taken to the trees nearby, settling in their boughs and keeping a watchful eye over the camp in my restlessness. And that is how I had seen him. A rider on a white horse, cloaked in black, racing up the mountainside and converging on our small settlement with incredible speed. At first I had thought it to be an enemy, and had drawn my bow in a flash - but then he had dismounted his horse and withdrawn his hood, revealing himself to the guardsmen. I had nearly fallen from my perch then, shocked to see such a guest arrive in the middle of the night unannounced. But here he was, and I had watched him slip off toward Théoden's tent in secrecy before returning to the ground and following after him myself.
My heart stuttered in my chest as I came within view of the larger, more ornate tent several minutes later, questions stirring in my mind that I wanted, no, needed to ask. And yet, despite the pull of my own heart, I found myself still fearing whatever answers lay within. I inhaled deeply as I slowed in my approach, pausing just outside the closed doorway to the tent. For a moment, I hesitated, but then reached for the canvas, hand outstretched -
"Ónen i-estel Edain." I froze, recognizing the first voice immediately. [I gave hope to the Dunedain.]
But the voice that responded was the one which gave me greater pause. "...Ú-chebin estel anim." [...I have kept no hope for myself.]
I frowned. Aragorn? The sound of a weapon returned to its sheath followed a moment later, and I quickly drew back, concealing myself in the shadows before Aragorn emerged from the tent, appearing deep in thought as he hurriedly left the scene. My eyes fell to the sword at his side, widening in shock as my confusion was only fueled further. Andúril! The blade was unmistakable, even through only the briefest of glimpses before the man disappeared. It was his birthright as the heir of Isildur, of course. But why was it brought to him now? I was perplexed by the sudden appearance of the legendary weapon, to be certain, though as I returned my gaze to the tent I knew I had not the time to dwell on it. Instead, I stepped out in front of the entrance once more, straightening to my full height as I reached to push past the doorway. It does not matter. I have come here for a more important purpose of my own.
The interior of the tent radiated warmth as I stepped inside, well lit and furnished for the sake of Théoden's comfort. The king himself was nowhere to be seen, but I paid it little mind as my eyes immediately found the cloaked figure who stood with his back to me. I saw no evidence of surprise on his face as he turned - in fact, he seemed hardly disturbed by my presence at all - and I wondered if perhaps he had known I would come. Wise grey eyes beneath a stern brow looked to me as I stood before him, and he laid a hand over his heart before extending it to me in greeting. "Thranduilion." [Son of Thranduil.]
I mimicked the gesture, bowing my head low. "My Lord Elrond." I hesitated slightly as I looked up once more, unsure of where to begin. "Your arrival here was unexpected."
"As it was meant to be," he replied. "It has been long since I have traveled so far south, and the world has grown more perilous since then. I wished to leave the Enemy blind to my movements."
"But you have not come to ride to war with us," I surmised, noting his lack of armor.
Something flickered in his eyes then, but I could not read it. "No," Elrond answered. "I have not." He paused, eyes boring deeply into my own. "And you have not come only to exchange pleasantries with me."
I remained unmoving, feeling the tension dance on my skin. "No."
Elrond nodded, turning away from me then to stand over a nearby wooden table displaying a weather-worn map of Arda, splaying his hands across it. "Why, then, have you come?"
For a moment, my own words became ensnared in my lungs, and I could not find the will to speak them. My nerves stood on a razor's edge as I swallowed, the desperate need to know becoming too strong. "...I wish to know what has befallen my father's realm." Elrond abruptly looked up from the map, and I saw the concern in his face with his slight frown, studying me carefully as I took a step forward. "Mithrandir spoke to me of war in the north when we met in Fangorn Forest. He said the Lady Galadriel had forseen a great battle beneath the trees as Sauron's forces led an assault on the Wood Elves." I searched the elder lord's face as I spoke for any trace of a reaction, though fearing what it may be. "Is there truth in this?" I asked. "Has it come to pass?"
At first, Elrond said nothing, silent and still as an ancient statue. But then he shifted, the intensity of his gaze softening as he spoke. "Some time ago, our scouts reported sightings of unprecedented activity within Dol Guldur; a dark power stirring within the depths of the fortress unseen to us. Three of the Nazgûl now dwell there, sent by Sauron himself to lead an assault on the northern realms while he moves to attack Gondor in the south." My pulse quickened, and I felt terror grip me, rooting me to the ground. Elrond paused, as if reluctant to voice his next words. "At the time of the summer solstice, some thousands of Orcs and Easterling Men had amassed in Dol Guldur under Sauron's banner, and soon they marched to launch an assault on Lórien, Erebor, and the Woodland Realm. Thranduil's forces were able to withstand the siege, and the armies retreated, but the Nazgûl still remain and their strength remains unbroken. By the time I set out from Rivendell to ride to this encampment, I received word that your people were preparing for a second attack from the forces within Dol Guldur."
Valar, no... I could not keep myself from staring at the elven lord in horror, jaw clenched as I felt a great pain with my heart. "So it is true..." I breathed, my gaze falling away as I imagined elves cut down by Orcish blades, my own kin falling in defense of their home. Paying in blood as Sauron ravaged the woodland. Fighting against the evil that had threatened to swallow us whole for centuries, that we had worked so tirelessly day and night to hold back. And here I stood, far to the south, in the warmth and comfort of a king's tent... and I could do nothing. I was not there. I looked back to Elrond, a jolt of fear striking me as my thoughts turned to the one I feared for most of all. "My father," I said, imagining him atop his great elk leading the charge. "Have you heard anything?" Tell me he lives. If nothing else, tell me he at least has survived this. Please.
"Thranduil led his armies well against the first assault," Elrond reassured me. "When last I heard, he was alive and unharmed."
Relief flooded through me as I closed my eyes, letting out a breath and thanking the Valar above incessantly. After a moment, I reopened them to meet Elrond's gaze once more with the deepest sincerity. "Thank you, Lord Elrond."
He nodded. "There is strength yet in the elves of Mirkwood, Legolas. Do not let your fear for them consume you."
Though I knew his words were true, I still could not fully rid myself of the discomfort gnawing at the back of my mind. "I will not," I said nonetheless. "I swear it." But there was another question I sought answers to, one which had plagued me for nearly half a century ever since I had first left the eastern forest. I hesitated, glancing down as I spoke it in no more than a quiet whisper. "When you spoke with my father... did he ask of me?"
The faintest of smiles crossed Elrond's face. "He asked if I had seen you in Rivendell, and of your wellbeing."
My gaze immediately snapped back to his, and I nearly drew back in shock at his answer. The strangest warmth washed over me then, and suddenly it was as if I could hear his voice, speaking to me just over my shoulder. Legolas... My son. My greenleaf. I blinked, wide-eyed as I looked to Lord Elrond, and for the second time, words failed me. "...Thank you," I said again, finally returning to my senses as I stepped back. "I pray your return to Rivendell is a safe journey." Elrond said nothing, and I turned to leave, the world still feeling slightly distant as I approached the tent's entrance. But then, just as I reached forward to push it aside, the silence was broken.
"...Legolas?"
I stopped, looking back to him, but now it was as if an entirely new elf stared back at me. In an instant, his entire face had fallen and an air of weariness had descended on him, as if he had aged three thousand years in the blink of an eye. I frowned, confused by the sudden shift as grey eyes stared back at me with a deep, horrible anguish buried within them. He looked... broken. At first, I did not understand, but then Elrond spoke again, his words soft and pleading. "What happened to him?"
Confusion immediately became pity, and my face fell. I felt a dull pain in my own heart, a deep sorrow for him that could never compare to his own grief over what he had lost. For a moment, I wanted to tell him. He asked because he trusted my word, and I wished so desperately I could ease his turmoil if only even a little. But difficult as it was, I shook my head, knowing I could not. "It is not my place to tell you. You must ask her, and she must tell you herself." Elrond closed his eyes, face twisting in a pained grimace, and I knew it had hurt him, but he nodded in understanding nonetheless. And knowing there was no more to be said, I turned from Lord Elrond for the last time, ducking beneath the canvas and slipping off into the night without another word.
–
-Kaia-
A gasp ripped through the silence of the tent as I shot upright in my bed, jarred from sleep with panicked breaths and my pulse racing a mile a minute. At first, all I could see was darkness, and my fists clenched at the blanket in panic, still seeing flashes of flame and Sauron's wrathful Eye across my vision. But slowly, it faded, and I remembered where I was, and my grip relaxed, letting out a breath to calm myself as I buried my face in my hands. The nightmares still hadn't gone away, even after all this time. Somehow, I doubted they ever would. I shook my head in an attempt to rid myself of the gruesome images burned into my brain, throwing my blanket aside and getting to my feet. I need some air. Moving quietly, I crept from the tent, being careful not to wake Kathryn, who still slept soundly nearby as I slipped out.
The camp was still quiet as I emerged and looked around, with only a few flickering torches here and there against the darkness. But it was lighter now than it had been, and I sighed, knowing dawn was just around the corner. No point in trying to go back to sleep now. An anxious knot was still wound tight in my stomach as I started walking, resigning myself to exhaustion as I decided to seek out my favorite ranger to help me de-stress. If nothing else, maybe he could keep me distracted with idle conversation for a little while until everyone else woke up. It didn't take me long to reach the nearby tent I knew was his, and I stopped as I reached its entrance, sticking my head inside the flap. It was too dark for me to see anything besides the form of someone crouched over something in the back. "Aragorn?" I hissed. "Aragorn! Is that you?"
The person turned at my whisper, but it was Legolas, not the man I was looking for. "Kaia?" A loud snore erupted from a nearby bundle that could only be Gimli.
"Oh, hey Legolas," I whispered back. "Where's Aragorn?" As my started to adjust, I could now see the third bed which was currently unoccupied.
"I do not know," the elf replied, getting up and coming closer to meet me. "He left Théoden's tent some time ago, but I have not seen him since."
I frowned. "What the hell is he doing out and about in the middle of the night?" Legolas shrugged, and I cursed under my breath. "Goddamn his sneaky, elusive ass. I'm going to go look for him."
"I will as well," Legolas said, following as I stepped back out of the tent. "I wish to speak with him before dawn."
"Okay," I nodded, jerking my head to the left. "I'll go this way, and you go the other way. One of us is bound to run into him eventually." Legolas returned my nod before we went our separate ways, leaving their tent completely in search of the ranger. I kept my eyes peeled as I wandered around between the tents, asking some of the men on watch if they'd seen where he'd disappeared to. At one point, I stopped by the king's tent just to make sure he hadn't gone back there, but when I peeked in, it was empty. Hmm. Weird. Eventually one of the younger soldiers said he'd seen him by the horses, so I started heading in that direction next.
Just as I was about to step out from behind the last tent, however, I stopped, recognizing a familiar voice tinged with panic on the other side. "The war lies to the east, you cannot leave on the eve of battle!" Éowyn. "You cannot abandon the men." I frowned, now listening intently with a creeping suspicion I hoped was wrong. Uh, what?
My fears were confirmed when Aragorn was the one who answered her. "Éowyn..." Oh, HELL no! He's not leaving now; not on his own!
"We need you here," she pleaded.
There was a pause before Aragorn spoke again."Why have you come?"
My frown deepened, confused by both his blunt question and her soft response a moment later. "...Do you not know?" What's that supposed to mean? She came for-
My thoughts were interrupted when the ranger replied, speaking softly, his voice almost sounding sorrowful now. "It is but a shadow and a thought that you love." What!? "I cannot give you what you seek." Oh my God... Éowyn loves him? Damn, I was way out of the loop on that one. "...I have wished you joy since first I saw you," he whispered. Éowyn said nothing, and I felt a pang of pity for the shieldmaiden. Wow. That's rough.
It was silent for a minute before I heard him turn and walk away, and took that as my cue to finally come out from behind the tent, giving him an incredulous look as I stepped right into his path. "Seriously? That's the best you could come up with? I didn't take you to be such a heartbreaker." Aragorn stopped, surprised to see me as I glanced over Brego, who was saddled and ready to go. "So... I hear you're planning on leaving us?"
He nodded, giving me a warning look. "Yes, Kaia. And I must go alone."
I threw my head back and laughed. "Ha! That's funny. Give me like, five minutes to get my stuff, okay?" I spun on my heel, prepared to sprint back to my tent.
"No, Kaia. You cannot come with me."
I stopped short, turning and shooting him a skeptical look. "Seriously? Aragorn, don't be an idiot. Of course I'm coming with you. Why would I let you go riding off by yourself?"
Still, Aragorn's stare was firm. "Do you know where I intend on going?"
"Does it matter?" But then he pointed to the mountain behind us. You know, the haunted one. Full of angry ghost people. My face fell slightly as I remembered this part of the story, and I'll admit, I felt a twinge of apprehension, but quickly brushed it aside. "Right. Well... whatever. It's just a mountain, Aragorn. I'll be fine."
Now he was the one giving me a skeptical look. "You know what is in there, do you not?"
"I'll be fine," I insisted.
"You are sure of this?"
"Yes."
"Truly?"
"Yeah."
"...Absolutely certain?"
"Aragorn!" I rolled my eyes in exasperation. "I know what I'm getting myself into. And even if I didn't, you can't possibly think I'd let you go it alone." I took a step forward, clasping his shoulder. "We're in this together," I said firmly. "For better or for worse."
He was silent, staring at me for a long while, and I could tell he didn't want to give in. But then, finally, he sighed, shaking his head. "You are the most stubborn woman I've ever known. Hurry up and go get your things."
I grinned. "You got it." Not wanting to waste any more time, I immediately turned and ran, zipping through the camp at top speed. Okay. We're doing this. We're going into the haunted mountain to try and convince ghost people to team up with us in a fight against the army of a flaming eyeball. I couldn't help but laugh to myself. God, my life is insane.
"Kaia!"
The shout came so suddenly I barely registered it, screeching to a stop and almost crashing right into Legolas as I turned around. "Oh God! Sorry!"
He bore a quizzical look as he glanced down at me. "Did you find Aragorn?"
"Uhh... Yeah, and he's kind of... leaving. And I'm going with him."
"What?" He frowned. "Where are you going?"
"Into the mountain," I replied, careful to keep my voice down. "He's going to take the Paths of the Dead and try and convince the undead army to fight for him. And of course, I'm not about to let him do some crazy shit like that on his own, so I'm going too."
There was a flash of unease across his face at the mention of the ghosts, but the elf steeled and nodded nonetheless. "Very well. I will go with you."
I smiled. "Sure. Sounds great."
"As will Kathryn."
The smile dropped from my face in an instant. "Okay, no. That's not going to happen."
Legolas frowned again. "You would leave her behind?"
"Legolas, there's no way you're going to convince her to come," I said. "Kathryn would never willingly move another foot closer to that mountain, and even if she did, she'd be terrified." I shook my head. "She wouldn't do well in there, trust me."
He scoffed. "And you believe she will be any less terrified fighting against an army of over two hundred thousand in less than a fortnight?"
"She's perfectly capable of defending herself-"
"That does not matter," he said quickly. "I promised Erin I would look after both you and Kathryn, and I intend to keep that promise. She will come with us."
My gaze narrowed into a challenging glare. "No, Legolas. Kathryn stays." Regardless of our recent argument, I refused to let her get dragged into this. "You're not going to force her through crippling anxiety and panic attacks the whole way. I don't care what you promised Erin; what's best for her is to stay here with the Rohirrim."
Legolas matched my stare for several seconds. "...You truly believe that?"
"I do."
There was a long pause as the elf and I stared each other down before he finally closed his eyes and sighed. "All right. Kathryn will stay."
I nodded. "Thank you. But you're still coming?"
"Yes."
"So I guess that means Gimli's gonna be a part of this, too?"
"Most likely."
"Okay," I said. "We're leaving in a couple minutes. Get your stuff, and then meet us over by the horses." He gave a curt nod of agreement, and then turned to head back toward his tent as I did the same.
I worked my way through the camp quickly, soon finding the small tent Kathryn and I shared and slowing as I approached, being careful to stay quiet as I ducked inside. Sure enough, she was still there, stretched out beneath a blanket with her face buried in her pillow as she slept. For a moment, I hesitated in the doorway, feeling guilty as I stood there. In truth, I didn't want to leave with such bad blood between us, especially not now. And the longer I looked at her, the more I wished I could just explain everything so she understood. But I didn't let the thought linger, shoving it aside as I tore my gaze away and focused on crossing the tent silently to get my stuff. Just grab your things and go. The faster we get out of here, the easier it'll be.
Unfortunately for me, however, it was still so dark inside the tent I could hardly see what I was doing. I tried to move as carefully as I could, sneaking across to the back and grabbing my Fellowship cloak to pin it in place around my neck. Okay. Doing good so far. I then turned to grab my swords from the familiar spot beside my bedroll... but they weren't there. Oh, shit. No, what did I do with them? I started tearing through the mess of blankets that covered my bed, trying to move quickly as I searched. As I pulled my pillow away to check underneath it, though, my arm bumped a precariously balanced pile of Kathryn's cookware, and I wasn't fast enough to stop it from tumbling to the ground with a loud clatter. "Oh, for fuck's sake!" I swore, throwing my pillow back as I scrambled to pick up the pots and pans. Please tell me that didn't wake her up, please tell me that didn't-
"Kaia?" Shit. I cringed at the sound of Kathryn twisting around on her bed. "What are you doing?"
"Oh, you know... the usual," I said, trying to sound nonchalant as I froze with a kettle in my hand. "Just... making a midnight snack."
A pause, then more rustling, and a second later warm candlelight flickered to life, illuminating both myself and Kathryn's sleep-ridden face as she sat up, rubbing her eyes. As I turned around, though, she frowned. "Why are you wearing your cloak?"
I said nothing for a moment, setting the kettle aside. Suddenly I was unable to meet her gaze. "Because, I ...I'm leaving."
"Leaving? Why?"
"I'm going with Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli," I explained quietly. "Into the mountain to take the Paths of the Dead." Still, I was staring at the ground. "So... I'm not coming back." It was silent for the longest time, and I sat there unmoving, feeling an indescribable dread creeping across my skin as a tiny voice sounded in the back of my mind. Just tell her. Tell her everything. This is your chance, and you're not taking it.
But I can't, another part of me protested. I know I can't. I can't tell anyone.
You can't? Or are you just afraid to?
"...I'm sorry."
I blinked, ripped from my thoughts as my head snapped up. "What?"
"I'm sorry." She said it again, louder this time, her words thick with regret. "I was wrong to pry like that earlier. I should've just kept my mouth shut instead of trying to force secrets out of you."
I looked back at her, unsure of how to respond at first. "...I'm sorry, too." She looked up at me in shock as I shook my head. "I know you only had good intentions, and... I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. You were just doing it because you cared." Again, it was quiet, and I looked away. All I could think about was Edoras, standing in the Golden Hall and watching as Erin walked out, and the horrible, painful ache that had been in my chest then.
The next thing I knew, Kathryn had set the candle aside and crawled from her bed, pulling me into a tight hug that caught me off guard. I gasped, hugging her back, and in that moment I was so aware of it all - of Kathryn, one of the closest friends I'd ever had, and I never wanted to let her go. I was afraid to let her go. "It's just scary, you know?" I heard her whisper. "All this... this battle that's coming, and this war..." She paused, shaking her head, and when she spoke again it was even softer. "...I just wish we could skip it. You, me, and Erin. I wish we fast forward to the three of us living out our lives after all this is over, safe and... and happy."
I swallowed. "Don't worry, Kathryn. You'll be okay." But it felt so fake, so hollow and insincere. Because you're lying. She's your best friend and you're lying to her face.
Kathryn finally let me go, and when she pulled back, smiled the tiniest bit. "Let's hope."
But I said nothing. I just stared at her, suddenly paralyzed with fear as I saw it all flash before my eyes - the signal, the battlefield, the shadow with a crown consuming everything, everything, even her -
"Kaia?"
I couldn't breathe. You're afraid. You've always been afraid. Afraid of your own future, afraid to admit what you're going to lose.
Now Kathryn was leaning forward with a concerned expression. "Kaia, are you okay?"
She reached out to lay a hand on my shoulder, but I stopped her, shaking my head, and as she withdrew it my chest tightened to the point where I thought it might burst. Kathryn just sat there, staring at me with worry and confusion written all over her face, and for what felt like an eternity I just stared back at her, remembering everything we'd ever been through together since the first day we'd met. I can't do this to her. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I swallowed, closing them as I took a shaky breath. "Kathryn... there's something I need to tell you."
–
-Erin-
The old mahogany creaked on its hinges as I pushed the door aside, stepping into the room as my eyes immediately settled on the person I'd been looking for. "Gandalf."
At my voice, the old wizard looked back from where he'd been standing on the balcony of our suite, gazing out over the fields far below. He nodded in acknowledgement as I came forward, offering a warm smile. "Are you in need of something, my dear?"
I stopped with a good deal of distance still left between us, too apprehensive to come any closer. "Actually, yes. I came to ask you for a favor." Gandalf must've caught the slight edge to my tone then, for his expression shifted slightly, becoming more somber as I continued. "I assume you know that Denethor is in possession of a palantír."
Now the Istari had turned fully towards me, also stepping back into the room with a nod. "And with it, Sauron has poisoned his mind," he agreed gravely. "He has bided his time, weakening Minas Tirith from within long before even I had ever suspected it." He paused, his gaze falling away as he shook his head, almost sounding remorseful. "Had I foreseen his madness, perhaps Denethor might've been spared. But he has been corrupted, just as Saruman was. Through him, Sauron has gained another foothold in this city."
But then I took another step forward, drawing his focus back. "What if we destroyed that foothold?" Gandalf's brow creased at my proposition. "Sauron's power through Denethor is only kept alive by the connection they share through the palantír. If someone were to break it, it would cut off Sauron's influence, and Denethor might regain some of his sanity. And even if he doesn't, it's still one less way for the Enemy to control the situation here. Denethor has been making decisions to effectively weaken Minas Tirith across the board. He's laid down all our defenses, refused to call others for help, and very nearly sent Faramir and his officers to their death on a suicide mission to reclaim Osgiliath, which he lost in the first place because he refused to send more men out to fight for it." Again, I felt a pull on my heart for the people of the city as I spoke. "And the palantír itself is seeping fear and despair into the hearts of everyone within these walls. It's like a cancer spreading through the city. The longer we let it sit here and fester, the worse it'll manifest. If we're going to drive Sauron from Minas Tirith, we have to rip him out at the root. Nothing will ever heal if we don't."
Gandalf stood there without once interrupting as I laid it all out, taking everything into careful consideration. I knew he already believed everything I spoke was truth, but that wasn't what I needed to convince him on. Still, he shook his head all the same. "I understand your fear for the fate of these men, Erin. But there is nothing to be done. Even I cannot forge a power so great that it might destroy a palantír. There is no such force that exists in Middle-Earth."
I stared back at him, unrelenting. "Have you considered all our options?" My gaze shifted to the small, leatherbound bundle sitting by his bedside across the room. Gandalf's gaze followed mine, and as we looked back to one another a moment later, I caught the spark of realization in his eyes. "You know what the Blue Fire is capable of, Gandalf. And so do I. It might not be strong enough to destroy the palantír, but it's the best chance we've got." I paused, glancing at the floor as my voice softened. "I know I'm asking a lot of you," I said, "but please... let me at least try."
When I looked back up, Gandalf was staring at me intently with an unreadable expression. And I'll admit, I was somewhat afraid to hear his response. There were at least dozen different reasons for him to say no, and if he did, I was out of luck. Finally, though, after what seemed like an incredibly long stretch of silence, he spoke again. "...When will you do this?"
A welcome wave of relief flooded over me, though I kept my composure as I took a breath. "Soon," I said with an unsure shrug. "Faramir told me it's kept locked in the highest room of the White Tower of Ecthelion, so... I figured I'd just watch and observe the patterns of the guards for a few days, and then go from there. Infiltrate when the time's right."
Another nod. "You must be careful," he warned. "If Denethor learns of these plans, he will come for you, and I do not doubt his punishments in that case would be most unkind."
"I know," I said. "I'll do my best." I gave a small smile. "Thank you, Gandalf." Knowing I'd been granted his approval and needing nothing more, I turned to leave, quickly returning to the door and opening it to step back out into the hall.
"...You know that if you do this, you will recieve no praise for it." I stopped halfway over the threshold, glancing back to the wizard as he leaned on his staff, his gaze still fixed on me. "If you are truly to succeed in this task, you will save this city from an evil within it that most do not even know exists. The people of Minas Tirith will be spared, but it will pass unbeknownst to them, and will earn you no further honor in their eyes."
I held his gaze. "I'm not doing it for honor." Something flashed across Gandalf's face then, and I thought maybe I saw him smile as I let the door fall shut behind me. But it didn't matter. All I cared about was putting this plan into action as I took off down the hall once more, a burning determination buried deep in my gut that no one, not even Sauron himself, could take from me now.
–
-Kaia-
Kathryn sat there in utter shock, tears streaming down her face as she stared at me. It was dead silent for several long seconds before she said anything, her voice no more than a frail whisper. "...You can't be serious..."
I nodded, struggling to pull myself together as I held her gaze. "I'm sorry." What else was there to be said? What else could I say in the face of everything I'd just told her?
A shuddering gasp escaped her as she reached to cover her mouth, shaking her head as her gaze fell to the darkness around us. "...No, no no no," she weakly protested. "This can't be... this can't be the only way!"
"I wish it wasn't," I said, and that was the honest truth. "I wish things could be different, but... Kathryn, I saw it. I saw it all in Galadriel's Mirror. It has to happen."
Dark eyes met mine again, full of pain that I wished I could've spared her. "But why? Why you?"
I swallowed hard. "I don't know."
Kathryn looked away again, still shellshocked as she slowly tried to process it all. But then something in her face shifted, and her tone softened slightly. "...Does Erin know?"
"No," I answered, feeling the familiar sting of regret as I thought of her. My gaze fell to my lap. "I was going to tell her before she left Edoras, but..." I shook my head. "I just... didn't. I was too afraid to. And now I wish I had." I took a breath, closing my eyes for a moment as my voice threatened to waver. "...It's going to destroy her." I'm so sorry, Erin. Oh God... I'm so sorry.
Again, it fell silent for a long while as we both became consumed by our thoughts. Eventually, Kathryn was the one to break it quietly. Unwillingly. "...So this is it, then."
I opened my eyes, looking up at her again with a somber nod. "Yeah. This is it." It was absolutely still for just a moment before we both broke and threw ourselves at each other, the two of us locked in a crushing embrace as I fought back tears. "I'm so sorry, Kathryn," I whispered into her shoulder, words failing me. "There's nothing you could've done, nothing anyone could've done-" My voice broke, and I bit my lip hard.
"No, I know. I know, I just..." She sucked in a breath. "...If I ever manage to have even half the courage you do someday, I'll consider myself lucky."
Despite myself, I managed a watery smile. "You already have courage," I said. "I knew that from the moment I met you." Only then did we pull away from each other, and I tried to engrave every inch of the moment into my memory forever as I drew back to look at her. "...I should go," I muttered. "The others - they'll be waiting on me." Kathryn nodded, wiping at her face as I stood and forced myself to head towards the tent's door. Just as I reached it, I turned, looking back at her one last time. "Thank you, Kathryn. For everything."
Her eyes still shone as she nodded, watching me go. "Goodbye, Kaia."
I lingered for a final moment, every bone in my body feeling as heavy as lead. "Goodbye." And then I was gone. I turned and abandoned the tent, strapping my swords to my belt and hurriedly wiping away tears as I left it all behind. I so deeply wished I could turn around and go back, and just stay hidden in that little tent forever and forget the future, but I knew I couldn't. The things I'd foreseen were unavoidable now. I had to fulfill my task. There was no other choice for me. And so I willed myself to regain my composure as I strode through the camp, finding and approaching Aragorn just a few minutes later as he led Brego towards the mountain pathway. "Okay," I said, stepping up beside him. "I'm ready. I'm to ride with you, right?"
He nodded, though a slight frown pulled at his face, and I knew he could sense my unease. The ranger opened his mouth to question it as I climbed up into Brego's saddle, but was cut off when a gruff voice from beside us spoke up. "And just where do you think you're off to?"
Aragorn shook his head. "Not this time. This time you must stay, Gimli."
The dwarf narrowed his eyes in a mild glare, but just then Legolas walked up with Arod's reins in his hands as well. "Have you learned nothing of the stubbornness of dwarves?"
"You might as well accept it," Gimli said. "We're going with you, laddie."
Aragorn glanced between both of them in confusion, but then turned to me with a raised eyebrow and accusing stare. I raised my own eyebrow right back at him. "What? Did you really think you could've left them behind anyway?"
The future king of Gondor rolled his eyes, but sighed in defeat nonetheless. "...Very well." I couldn't help but crack a small smile as he moved to mount his horse, with Legolas and Gimli following suit atop their own steed together. No one said a word as the four of us set off together, riding straight forward through the small gathering of soldiers who'd awoken and were watching us in both fear and confusion. I could hear them whispering to each other as we passed them by, a few even daring to call out to us.
"What's happening?"
"Where are they going?"
"I don't understand!"
"Lord Aragorn!"
Still, we continued on without pause, drawing ever nearer to the path cutting through the wall of stone. And as we disappeared into the mountainside, I stared straight ahead, feeling one last painful clench in my heart as I thought of Kathryn before the eerie grey mists swirled up and swallowed the four of us whole. Here goes nothing.
