Hope yall like this chapter. Sorry its taken so long to get up. Been quite busy with my sons school and annual meetings. Plus leaving one job and starting another. I still have some chapters left in this one.
Amanda and Liv had been building a relationship. It was slow which was what they both needed. They didnt need to rush into anything. They were happy and content. Liv had gone out and purchased a bed for Jesse since Amanda and Jesse spent alot of time there. Wouldnt be fair to the little girl to keep sleeping on a spare cot. Amanda's pregnancy had brought a long a new string of emotions. One minute she was snapping and lashing out and next she was curled in a ball crying on the couch, and Liv couldnt want her more.
Since the kids had done their usual, taken off to now pretty much their room to play and what not. Liv sat down beside the blonde. She hated seeing her so torn down and hurting like this. Liv gently put her arm around Amanda and pulled her closer. Amanda didnt fight it, infact she curled as close as she could, laying her head on Liv's shoulder. She really didnt have the words right now, her mind was in such a state of confusion she didnt know what the hell had hit her. The only place she felt safe was with Liv.
Liv just held Amanda in that spot for what seemed like hours but in reality it was just an hour. She went and checked on the kids, they had crashed. The scene stole her heart. Both kids asleep on Noah's bed. Liv hadnt felt complete before, something was always missing, but right now in this moment that was was she felt. She felt complete, like this was what she had been waiting for. She knew she had a family with her squad for sure, but this was a whole new feeling to her. She knew that it wasnt going to be an easy road at all, but her and Amanda needed to talk. Her feelings were growing more each time all of them were together not to mention now with Amanda keeping the baby she really couldnt put to words what she was feeling other than "complete". She gently kissed the kids foreheads, whispering "I Love You" to them, pulled the covers over them and went back to the couch. Amanda had moved a bit, now she had taken her shoes off and laid down. Hands resting on her belly. Amanda was resting comfortably which was nice. Liv gently placed her hand on Amanda's which resulted in Amanda's eyes opening immediately. Liv moved hand "I'm sorry, I uh... I didnt mean to disturb your rest." Amanda smiled, tried to grab the quick moving hand but missed. "You didnt disturb me. Honestly that felt nice." Once Liv could see that Amanda was sincere about wanting her touch she put her hand back. "So do you have a preference this time around, like do you want a boy or another girl?" Amanda shrugged, holding onto Liv's hand "I'm not sure, would be nice to have one of each. As long as this one is healthy is what's most important to me." Liv kissed her forehead gently, making Amanda's eyes flutter shut. Noone in her life had been this gentle or caring towards her.
She eased herself up, she wasnt far along or if she was she hadnt started showing yet. She'd have to make the obgyn appointment for all of that. "So Liv, I uh..." She cut her eyes down, she wanted to ask but feared the rejection she felt she was going to receive. Liv thumbed Amanda's hand curiousity getting the best of her as she could tell Amanda wanted to ask her something but was holding back. "Hey honey, I know you were about to or want to ask me a question. Whats on your mind sweetie?" Amanda closed her eyes for second to gather her thoughts. Why did it scare her so much that she needed to rely on someone but feared that rejection. She bit her lip quickly before she answered. "Would you want to go with me to the appointment? It's just to get started and maybe an ultrasound and heartbeat since they know my history with the placental abruption. You dont have to go. I just umm.. I figured I'd..." again she shut down for fear of rejection. Liv thought a moment, these people in her life really fucked her over. She's afraid of rejection for even asking for company. Liv tipped her chin so she could look into Amanda's eyes. "Honey there is no need for you to be afraid to ask me something. You can always ask me anything." Amanda took a deep breath and prepared herself to ask. Her voice soft and just barely audible Liv had to strain to listen. "Would you want to go to the appointment with me? Its just to get started probably questions, a due date and maybe even a heartbeat if I'm lucky. They'll wanna do some tests I'm sure since I had that placental abruption with Jesse." Liv squeezed Amanda's hand, of course she'd go with her. She felt honored that Amanda wanted her to go. Like this was just such a personal moment and she wanted to share it with her. "Sweetie, you want me there and I'm there. I would like nothing more than to be there and share in your joy and be there for you." Amanda hugged Olivia, not one of those quick hugs either, it was one of those lasting ones that said what was needed to be said in the moment. After a few moments of just being in each others arms Liv broke the silence "Honey I can tell you are exhausted both physically and emotionally, why dont you go get some sleep and I'll take the couch."
Amanda looked at her, that skittish look in her eyes. She already felt alone, she really didnt want to be alone physically. "Liv, I dont want to take your bed. Fuck it, look I dont want to be alone. I dont know if its this pregnancy or what but I cant take being alone. Maybe it was having noone when I had Jesse that's pushing this even more I dont know. I guess with all my rambling what Im really asking is if we can cuddle again?" Liv smiled, she just wanted her friend at ease and comfortable. "Of course honey, we can cuddle. I like holding you, it's been nice and just so easy. It's like we connect on more than one plane." Amanda leaned back and smiled, Liv just made that as easy as it could be. She expected it but didnt at the same time. Have to take into consideration that Amanda has never felt like her wants mattered. It's always been what her partner wanted so she wasnt used to this at all. It felt nice but it was something she'd have to get used to. Amanda grabbed her hand "Come on let's go get some rest."
They each went and changed into their sleep clothes. Since they were at Liv's place they met in Liv's room. Amanda approached the bed cautiously. She laid down and Liv pulled her close into her arms. She just liked having her in her arms. Just holding the blonde woman in her arms gave her a warm feeling. This was definitly something she wanted and needed in her life. She needed Amanda, Amanda and Jesse made her little family complete with Noah. Now this new addition with Amanda's baby would just add to that. She wanted nothing more than to care for an infant again and this time the way things were going between her and Amanda she would be there from the very beginning. She lightly placed her hand on Amanda's stomach, ever since the two of them agreed to explore what was between them and had shared kisses here and there it just felt right. Amanda put her hand on top of Liv's holding it there. As she did that Liv braved herself to tell Amanda how she felt about everything.
"Amanda I know this is sudden, I know it's fast but to me it seems right. Everytime you and Jesse are with Noah and I it feels like a legit family. With the new baby coming, now that you have made the decision to keep it, the feeling I get when I'm with you is complete. I guess what I'm saying is you and your family with me and Noah make us complete. So as long as you want us with you Noah will have two siblings instead of one. Your new baby as well as Jesse and Noah would have two loving parents that they deserve. I dont want to put any kind of pressure or added stress on you but this just feels right to me."
Oh Amanda didnt know what to say, Liv had never rendered her speechless before. It's like she was actually hearing what she wanted to hear but at the same time it felt like her mind was playing tricks and misleading her; cause everyone who had ever said they cared left her and that made her feel not worthy of it. She glanced at Liv, tears in her eyes. She formed her words.
"Olivia, this is all just surreal to me. I have never had this. Nobody cared. You know my parents were abusive. You saw how Beth treated me. I cant even call her 'mom' anymore especially after she hung up on Jesse when I tried to open up the lines of communication again. Look at Nate, he played my ass for a sucker. Yeah I admit there was a fling with Nick and yes Sonny. He was just there for me with Jesse. Then I opened myself up once again for Al. But out of all of them you're the one I've trusted right off the bat. You complete me as well. You accept me for flaws and all. You've been here for me consistently since all the shit went the thing, you havent put any pressure on me, nor have you stressed me out. You have been here. You've been amazing with my daughter, hell you treat her like your own. I can truthfully say that I would love for you and Noah to be part of my family too. Jesse would have two siblings to love and play with as would Noah." Amanda couldnt even get through the rest of it without fully crying and inturn making Liv cry. She hugged Liv tightly and Liv reciprocated the hug right back just as tight, both of them mindful of Amanda's protruding belly. Their silence giving each of them the answer they needed. They needed each other, they loved each other, and they were going to be a family.
So where do you think this is heading? I kinda want Amanda to find out what shes having. Maybe a run in with Al now that they are establishing a relationship. As always reviews are great.
