Hi guys! I'm glad you liked the last chapter. So it looks like most of you guessed it right lol. Thank you for all your kind reviews. They really make me writing this story so much enjoyable. I know you guys are anticipating this next chapter and I hope you'll enjoy it. It's a bit longer than usual and I'm hoping you won't be too bored reading it. Cheers!
Chapter 11
It was already dawn and sleep still wouldn't come to Nathan. He watched Haley sleep all night, her words still ringing in his ears. Just thinking about it made him feel sick all over again. They had a baby. His baby. Fresh tears started welling in his eyes. This had been his routine all through the night. He couldn't turn off the fact that their baby had died, and everytime he thought about it, the tears would start falling. Watching Haley sleep he couldn't believe that he had caused her so much pain. At that point, he didn't know if he could ever find a way back to her anymore. He got up from his chair slowly, not wanting to wake her up and made his way to the door, closing it softly behind him.
Nathan found Lucas in the gym shooting hoops with Jake. His walked towards him, his pace increasing with each step he took. As soon as he got near Lucas, he grabbed him by the neck and pushed him against the wall before landing a punch straight at his jaw. "You son of a bitch!" He screamed as he readied himself to hit him again. Before he could do it, he felt Jake pulling him back but not without a struggle.
"What the hell Nate?" Lucas yelled, wiping blood from his mouth. "Are you crazy?"
"You son of a bitch!" Nathan yelled again. "All the time we were in touch since I was gone, not one word about Haley being pregnant!" He started to take a lunge at Lucas again, this time managing to punch him in the stomach making Lucas groan in pain.
Jake quickly pulled him away again. "Nathan, stop it. Calm down Nate."
"Don't tell me to calm down Jake! I can't believe you kept that away from me Luke. How could you?" Nathan asked, looking at Lucas in disbelief. Lucas struggled to get up, his hand still clutching his stomach.
"Nate, your mom told us not tell you. I'm so sorry." Lucas said, bracing himself for another attack.
"My mom? Unbelievable." He walked to the wall and punched it in frustration.
"Nathan!" Jake yelled running up to him. "You're bleeding man. Let me get a bandage." He said and ran to get the first aid kit.
Nathan slumped down against the wall and covered his face with his hands. "She said I killed our baby Lucas. She said I killed our baby." He sobbed.
Lucas went to him and put his arm around his shoulders. "Come on. There's gonna people coming in here in a minute. Let's get you out of here." He said and pulled Nathan up. "Hey Jake, we'll be in my office!" He yelled over his shoulder so Jake could hear him.
Lucas managed to get Nathan to his office without anybody seeing them. As soon as he sat Nathan down in the chair across his table, his cell phone rang. "Hello?" he answered. "Yeah ok I will. I'll see you later," he said before hanging up the phone. He looked at Nathan and said, "I'm gonna go see Turner for a while. I'll be right back."
Nathan nodded. "You might want to clean up your face first," he said indicating the blood at the corner of his mouth. Lucas quickly wiped it off before walking out the door.
When he came back to his room, he was glad to find that Nathan was still there. "It was Haley wasn't it? She called you justnow didn't she?" Nathan asked.
Lucas reluctantly answered, "yeah. She won't be coming in today. She said she wasn't feeling very well." He walked over to Nathan and asked, "what happened Nathan?"
Nathan looked up to him, feeling the tears starting to form again. "I went to her house yesterday and she was drunk. We argued and she said...Oh God..." He couldn't continue as he felt the already familiar dull aching pain in his heart. "She said she almost died Luke. What did she mean?" He looked at Lucas questioningly.
"Nathan, don't do this to yourself." Lucas said, hating to see his brother like this.
"Just answer me dammit! What did she mean?" Nathan yelled in anger.
Lucas sighed and went to his door to lock it and pulled the blinds so nobody could see them. "After the wedding, I sent Haley home. She said she wanted to be alone..." he started saying.
Flashback
"Haley I don't want to leave you alone like this." Lucas said looking at his friend still in her wedding dress, her face wet with tears. She looked at him and said, her face expressionless.
"Please Lucas. I just want to be alone right now. Please." She begged.
Lucas hesitated before saying, "ok. Your mom will be right over as soon as she gets something for dinner from the cafe ok?" He pulled her into his arms. "It's gonna be ok Hales." He said before leaving her.
Haley looked around her house, unable to believe it when Lucas told her that Nathan had left. He said that he'd always love her. Always and forever. She felt the room spin and blacked out.
End of flashback
"Me and her mom came by an hour later and we found her on the floor. There was blood everywhere. By the time we got to the hospital the doctor told us that she had lost her baby. We didn't even know she was pregnant." Lucas stopped and looked at his brother before continuing, "she...she lost a lot of blood and was unconscious for a couple of days. It was like she never wanted to wake up."
Nathan stared into space as he listened to Lucas. "This is all my fault Luke. I did kill our baby," he said, a lump in his throat already forming. "She said she hates me. And I don't blame her."
Lucas looked at him feeling helpless. He wished there was something he could say to make this right, but he knew he couldn't. "You have to stop blaming yourself Nate. No good will come out of this if you keep on doing this."
"Tell me how Lucas. How can I not blame myself. I abandoned her. I should have died from the cancer. I shouldn't have survived."
"Nathan stop it. That's crazy talk. There's a reason why you survived. You fought to beat the cancer so that you could come back and fix things." Lucas said, trying to reason with him. "I'm partly to blame too Nathan. I shouldn't have left her."
Nathan got up from his chair looking more distraught than ever. "I gotta go. Sorry I hit you." He said and unlocked the door before letting himself out.
"Mom!" Nathan called out as soon as he entered his house. He heard the sound from the tv and headed to the living room to find Deb there. "Mom why did you tell Lucas not to tell me about Haley and the baby?" Deb looked stunned. "Mom, why didn't you tell me?"
She regained her composure and took his hand. "Sit with me Nathan," she said as she led him to sit next to her. "When I came to see you the next day you were in the hospital preparing for your surgery. What good would it do if you knew? There was nothing you could do. There was nothing anyone could do."
"I don't know what to do mom." He said as he cried in his mother's arms, just like he used to do when he was a kid. "I love her so much. I thought there was a chance that I could get her back but now...she hates me mom."
Deb looked at his son, broken from the pain and felt her eyes water. "No she doesn't Nathan. She was hurt. She's still hurting but the pain will go away. I promise it will go away."
"No mom, I don't think it ever will."
Brooke looked up and saw Nathan walking into Karen's Cafe. The gang was there talking about what happened between Haley and Nathan. "Hey Nathan," she greeted softly. "I heard what happened. How are you?" She looked at him with concern. He looked like he hadn't been sleeping.
"How do you think I am Brooke? I found out that Haley miscarried after I left her. How do you think I feel right now?" Nathan said silencing Brooke. "Look can we talk about something else please?" He pleaded, needing something to distract him.
"Yeah sure," Jake said. "The wedding's next weekend and Nathan, I'd love it if you could be my best man. Will you?" He asked.
Nathan was stunned. "Are you serious? Yeah I'd love to. Are you sure though? I've got a lot of things on my mind right now. Why didn't you ask Lucas?"
"I thought about that but he's easily distracted by Brooke." Jake laughed looking at Lucas.
"Thanks a lot man." Lucas said giving his friend the evil eye.
Nathan turned to Peyton and asked, "so Peyton, who's the bridesmaid?"
Peyton looked guiltily at him. "Haley. Is that alright with you?"
Nathan turned silent. Just hearing her name brought back the aching pain in his heart. He managed to put up a smile and said, "yeah I guess." While they were talking about the wedding plans, his mind wondered back to Haley, wondering how she was doing after last night. He wanted to see her so badly but knew he shouldn't. He had done enough damage.
"Hey buddy. Are you alright?" he heard Peyton ask. He didn't notice that the rest had gone leaving him and Peyton.
"Yeah sorry. Where did everybody go?" He looked around in confusion.
"Everybody's got something to do. And I didn't want to leave you alone. Looks like it's just you and me Nate." Nathan kept silent. "Hey do you wanna go for a walk? I think the fresh air's gonna do you good." Nathan agreed and they decided to go to the dock.
"How could I let it get to this Peyton?" Nathan asked quietly after a long bout of silence. He took a deep breath, taking in the fresh air.
Peyton gave him a look of understanding, and reached for his hand, squeezing it and giving him a smile. "You're gonna be ok Nate," she whispered.
"How do you know Peyton? You should have seen her yesterday. She looked so broken and I couldn't do anything." He gave her a small smile through his tears. "You know, she used to say I could fix anything. But I can't fix this Peyton. Where do I go from here?"
Peyton watched him cry and her own tears started to fall. She had never seen him like this. He had always been strong and she wasn't even surprised that he beat the cancer. But seeing him like this broke her heart. "Well, you work things out with her. I know it hurts Nathan but you have to deal with it. You might not be here a year ago but you're here now. You need to be here for her this time. She needs you Nathan. It's not just her loss. It's your loss too. And if you need anything, I'm here for you. We all are."
"How can you have so much faith in me when I don't have faith in myself?" he asked brokenly.
"Because I know you. And I know Haley. She's stubborn and you're afraid that you might end up hurting her again. But Nathan, let me tell you something, you guys have the strongest bond I've ever seen in two people in love. You make us believe that there is such a thing as true love. What's happened in the past can't be changed. But you can change the future. I know you can't get past something like this that easily but if I know anybody who can, it's you guys. Have faith Nathan." She said trying to reassure him.
Nathan nodded and wiped the tears from his face. "Thanks Peyton." He looked at her and gave her a watery smile. "Since when did you become so wise all of a sudden?"
Peyton grinned. "Since we broke up. Now get lost. I know you've got someone to see," she said and got up to give him a hug. He returned her hug before walking away.
Haley woke up that morning feeling like her head was going to explode. She let out a little groan and let her head sink back on her pillows. She couldn't remember much about what happened last night. The last thing she remembered was being drunk and seeing Nathan at her door. She reached for her cell phone and called Lucas to let him know that she was not feeling well and to let Principal Turner know. She spent the rest of the afternoon wandering around the house aimlessly, trying to recall what happened last night. She was about to make dinner when she heard the knock on the door. Opening it, she found a weary looking Nathan.
"Wow this sure feels like deja vu. Come on in." She said and let him in. Seeing her made Nathan think about the events of last night and he was surprised that she didn't tell him to go to hell.
"Hey Hales. I was just wondering how you were doing," he said tentatively, not knowing what her reaction was going to be like.
Haley ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. "Well my head feels like somebody pounding it with bricks. Guess I shouldn't have drank that whole bottle of wine, huh? But other than that, I'm fine. What happened last night by the way?"
Nathan looked at her face, searching for telltale signs. "You don't remember?"
"Well I think that's what alcohol does to you," she said. She noticed the stricken look on his face. "Hey are you alright?" she asked.
"You really don't remember what happened last night, do you?" he asked.
She shook her head and sat down on the couch. "No, not really. I remember being drunk and yelling at you about something. But the rest were all a little bit fuzzy."
Nathan sat down next to her. He knew he should tell her that he knew about the baby but he didn't know where to start. He took her hands in his and with a deep breath said, "Hales, when you were drunk you mentioned that you were pregnant and that you miscarried when I left." She looked at him bewildered and started to pull her hands away but he wouldn't let her. Suddenly the memory of last night came flooding back in.
"Oh God. I remember now." She stammered as she started to get up.
Nathan put his hand on her shoulder and looked into her eyes already glistening with tears. "I'm sorry Hales. I should have been there for you but I wasn't. I understand if you hate me but I just need you to know that I'm so sorry."
She kept silent and looked down. A few seconds later she lifted her head revealing the tears that were now flowing freely down her cheeks. "I don't hate you Nathan. And I don't blame you. It wasn't your fault. I just wasn't strong enough."
"Haley stop it. It was my fault Hales. I should not have left," he said brokenly. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't think it mattered anymore Nathan. What good would it be if I told you? It would only hurt us both."
Nathan pulled her into his arms and let her cry and she clung on to him as if her life depended on it. "Tell me about it Hales. I need to know. Please," he pleaded, whispering into her hair.
She sat down on the couch, pulling him with her. Wiping the tears from her face she looked at him. "I umm...I found out I was pregnant a week before the wedding. I didn't want to tell you yet because I wanted it to be a surprise. I knew that you would be thrilled when I told you so I thought I would wait until after we got married as my wedding gift to you." Nathan listened as a river of tears flowed down his face. "Lucas sent me home that day and I told him that I wanted to be alone, to think things through. I was already feeling a bit sick at that time. The next thing I knew I was at the hospital and the doctor told me that I had miscarried. I'm sorry Nathan, I'm sorry I lost the baby. It was all my fault." She started sobbing uncontrollably.
Nathan put his hand on his mouth and closed his eyes drawing her near to him. "Sshhh...it wasn't your fault Haley."
She looked up to him and said, "I kept waiting for you to come back but when you did it scared me. I was scared because my feelings for you haven't changed. I was scared that you would hurt me again. I was scared that if we got back together, then it would happen again. I was scared of losing another baby. I couldn't go through that anymore. I still love you Nathan. I've never stopped and..."
Before she knew it she felt his lips crushing hers in a searing kiss. "God Hales you know how long I've waited to hear you say those words? Say it again Haley," he whispered before kissing her again. "Say it again," he pleaded.
She kissed him with the same passion, their tears mingling. "I love you Nathan. I love you," she breathed. He couldn't contain it any longer and kissed her hungrily, his tongue gently massaging her lips seeking for entrance and groaned when she parted her lips.
"God Hales, what are you doing to me?" His voice was ragged as he continued kissing her, their lips burning as they locked both not wanting to let it end. He lifted her mouth reluctantly from hers and gently wiped the tears. "I love you Haley. I love you so much," he said softly, his voice thick with emotion. "I never meant to hurt you."
Haley touched his face gently. "I know. I know that now." She looked at him shyly and said, "I want you Nathan."
Nathan smiled before pulling her again and kissed her tenderly, loving the feel of her lips, her tongue gently caressing his. He lifted her up from the couch and carried her to the bedroom, putting her down gently beside the bed. His eyes never left her as he gently pulled her top over her head, revealing her black lacy bra. His breath caught in his throat as he reveled in her beauty. He started caressing the sides of her breasts eliciting a soft moan from her. He pulled her to him and she could already feel his hardness as he kissed her again. "I want you too Hales..." He felt like his body was on fire, her every touch burning his skin.
He gently guided her towards the bed and pulled his t-shirt over his head. She touched his skin gently, tracing his nipple, loving the feel of his body. He felt like he was about to explode, gasping from her touch. She had always had this effect on him. He wanted to make her feel the same way he was feeling now. He looked deeply into her eyes and gently flicked his tongue on her lips as he slowly removed her jeans, leaving only her underwear.
She started to writhe beneath him, her fingers frantically reaching for the button on his jeans and unzipped it. He quickly removed his jeans and carelessly threw them on the floor. She moaned as she felt his naked skin on her. "Nathan please..." she begged. He smiled and shook her head. "Not yet Hales." Haley groaned as she willingly let him ravage her body with gentle kisses. He gently removed her bra and took a sharp intake of breath as he took them both in his hands, kissing her hardened nipples one at a time. "Oh God Nathan..." she gasped, pleasure after pleasure overtook her. He lifted his lips from her breasts and started to make his way down, leaving a trail of kisses along the way stopping short just at the top of her underwear and gently pulled it off her legs. He gently caressed her legs, making her skin burn at his every touch. He started to part her legs as his fingers continued their journey between her thighs, already feeling her wetness making him groan. A loud moan escaped her lips as he started stroking her.
Her hands made their way to the waistband of his boxers, making him want her more as she removed them. He looked into her eyes, filled with passion and love and he wondered, thinking it impossible to be this in love. He felt her tremble beneath him as she arched her back, inviting him to enter. He buried himself in her, interlacing their fingers together, making them both groan at the contact. They started to move together as she gave herself to him, meeting his every thrust. He closed his eyes as he held back, putting her pleasure before his. Their pace grew frantic as she felt herself falling closer and closer to the edge, finally exploding in ecstasy, screaming out his name. He slowed down his movement, wanting to prolong her pleasure. She opened her eyes and looked at him in confusion, suddenly understanding what he was doing. She touched his face and said softly, "Nathan, you know what I love most about making love to you? It's the feeling you gave me everytime we come together, feeling yourself let go inside of me..." she didn't manage to finish her sentence as Nathan looked into her eyes and groaned, "God Hales. Oh my God! I love you!" He screamed as he finally found release, collapsing on top of her making sure he didn't crush her small body.
He gently rolled off her, pulling her too him, listening to her heartbeat, feeling his own drumming against his chest. He slowly opened his eyes as his dark green eyes bore into hers. Her eyes were glistening with fresh tears and he gently wiped them away. "Hey, why the tears?" he whispered softly.
She shook her head and said brokenly, "I've missed you. I've missed you so much Nathan. Don't leave me again."
"Sssshhh...I'm right here Hales. I'm right here." He cradled her in his arms and whispered into her hair, rocking her to sleep as exhaustion overtook them both.
