Disclaimer: None of the authors involved in this story own Labyrinth, The Sound of Music, or Claudia Black, from whom Sarah stole her drinking song.


From: GlitterinKing637(a)crystalcast com

Sent: Wednesday, June 25, 2008 5:15pm

To: RoyalMumsie(a)crystalcast com

Subject: Greetings

To

Her Royal Highness

Queen-Emeritus of the Goblins

Amara

Dearest Mumsie,

You always complain that I do not communicate with you often enough, and yet you certainly do not make it an easy task, with your gallivanting all over the Underground. However, I believe that I have devised a solution. You will be able to use this portable electronic device to send me 'emails'. These are letters which will be delivered to my own device almost instantly. The system uses a rather ingenious thing called the 'internet', which I borrowed and modified from an Aboveground technology (you know how I like to tinker). Most useful of all, these emails can be delivered to the Aboveground internet with no waste of magic.

I have sent Sir Didymus to show you the workings of the thing. I know how you like him. I also seem to recall that, upon vacating the throne, you swore that 'if you ever saw another goblin you would rip out its brain, stuff it with bits of fruit, top it with whipped cream and serve it as a dessert'. Much as I would enjoy witnessing such a thing, I'm afraid none of my minions will go near you.

Lucky woman.

How are you finding retirement? I hope that you are enjoying your travels. I have heard rumor that you enjoyed yourself perhaps a bit too much while visiting Duchess Wimmley, but then I am a monarch and above such sordid gossip. (But really, Mumsie, try to behave yourself.)

Unfortunately, things here are much the same as they have been these last eight years. How can eight measly years seem so long? If Didymus has not already informed you, he has yet to procure the Ebstone. He is, of course, eternally optimistic that the next pointless clue will lead him to his quest's end, but I am afraid that time is growing short. I have decided to take matters into my own hands.

I know that you disapprove of the idea, but, with the use of this email, I have been able to speak with the girl. She is still understandably wary of me, but I almost begin to hope that I have made some progress. 

Humans really are silly, sentimental things. Believe it or not, Mumsie, but she has already referred to me as her friend on more than one occasion.

But enough of her. I have also been in communication with the boy. He is much more pliable, much good it will do me. I begin to think that, if we can get this whole mess worked out, I may end up keeping him after all. Chenea can be damned. Her claim is void now, anyway. I have begun to teach him magic and already he is showing potential. I think that I would enjoy making him my apprentice.

You would be impressed, Mumsie. His knack for Chaos is as drastic as my own, if on a less powerful level over-all.

Well, Mumsie, I will leave you to your shenanigans. Try not to keep Didymus occupied for too long. After all, if he ever does succeed in his quest, it would make all of this extra effort unnecessary.

I am certain that I will hear from you soon.

Your loving son,

His Royal Majesty

The Goblin King

Jareth


From: GlitterinKing637(a)crystalcast com

Sent: Wednesday, June 25, 2008 10:30pm

To: cluckerswillruletheworld(a)yahoo com

Subject: RE: Lessons

Toby,

Well done, though a student should always mind his grammar and punctuation. I have just a few notes on your answers.

Firstly, I did not specify that the use of notes was cheating and therefore your response to question 2 was legitimate. I notice, however, that your notes are a tad more proper than your writing in general, which leads me to wonder where you copied them from. On a completely unrelated note, I can't help but question where my copy of The Balance of Powers has gotten to. It seems to have disappeared sometime around Monday.

Please note that, hence, use of notes on homework is strictly prohibited. (I will catch you.)

Toby, if you cannot grasp a simple concept such as the difference between Mages and Enchantresses, then I worry for your intelligence. It's quite easy. Mages are boys and Enchantresses are girls. There is no other difference between them. Any person with a magical skill a sufficient degree higher than that of the general sorcerous public is given the title of Mage or Enchantress, depending upon their gender. If you cannot tell whether a person is a Mage or Enchantress, I would recommend peeking under their skirt.

Good basic grasp of the elements, but you did not mention alignments. Remember that while Earth and Wind are opposites and Earth and Water are neutral, Earth and Fire align and are therefore easier to use together. Please respond with a more complete list of the elements, including their opposites and alignments.

I have no idea what you were trying to say for number four, but it sounds like you have some idea what you are talking about, and that is the important thing. Remember, when confronted with a question you cannot answer or a problem you cannot solve, it is better to push ahead and bluster your way through. This may seem almost counter-intuitive (look the word up), but by faltering or turning your back on the problem, you open yourself to being attacked by the very magic you sought to control.

I hope that you have been practicing the meditation exercises I taught you. By your next lesson, I expect you to have explored your soul enough to tell me which elements flow most strongly through you.

On that note, when will your parents be leaving you with a sitter again and are they aware of the disturbing spectacle Jill made of herself with that young man on their couch last time?

I shudder.

Expectantly,

His Royal Majesty,

The Goblin King


From: cluckerswillruletheworld(a)yahoo com

Sent: Thursday, June 25, 2008 7:30 AM

To: GlitterinKing637(a)crystalcast com

Subject: RE: Lessons

Jareth,

Hey! Im still learning. I just finshed third grade. Cant be perfect all the time.

Next time Ill see you Ill return the book. Even though you said it was what you used for light reading its way too heavy. (hey isnt that 'I' button neat? It makes it look like my moms writing since its so neat.)

Darn. Am I supposed to remember what everyone is? And the ages? Its super confusing.

Peek under their skirts? But wouldnt I know if they were wearing a skirt? Or are they like you and wear girl clothes at times?

I did NOT sign up for homework when I did this. I bet Sarah didnt have to have homework. or did she?

Here I go again:

Earth is the opposite of Wind and neutral with Water. It alligns with Fire. Wind is the opposite of Earth and neutral with Fire. Alligns with Water. Water is the opposite of Fire neutral with Earth and alligns with Wind. Fire is the opposite of Water and neutral with Wind and alligns with Earth.

Right?

I thought I was clearer than you were with your question. I hate tongue twisters. Sarah always is making them up.

Thats very confusing.

Yes. Ive been doing them. All seems kinda crazy and a mix. Ill try again later. How long did it take you to find out?

I dont know when next. Mom does know nad Jill is fired. I told her that Im old enough to stay by myself. She and Dad werent sure and talked a bit. Then mom emailed Sarah for her opinion. Sarah pretty much said no way hosay.

So i dont know when Mom and Dad are going again as there is no babysitter and they wont leave me home alone. I hope they dont get old lady McGregor from next door shes awful and makes me eat brussel sprouts. Is there magic for that?

Or maybe theyll get Sarah to come. Maybe. I think Im stuck for a bit though. I know Dad has a dinner party in a week or so. Ill probably be left home then.

From, Toby


From: GlitterinKing637(a)crystalcast com

Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 8:21 AM

To: FairiesByte(a)yahoo com

Subject: RE: Thank You

Sarah,

I am glad that you are developing a positive relationship with Diminutive D. I know that my mother adores her Mog Lion. What is his name? Cheesey? Chumpy? Hmm. Something of that nature. Regardless, she takes him with her everywhere. And I am quite serious when I say everywhere. Since retirement, my mother has taken it into her head that she needs to travel across all the Underground and see all of the things that she did not see during her reign as Goblin Queen. Let me tell you, I am often quite comforted by the fact that, in a scrap, a Mog Lion is quite capable of taking down a fully grown ogre.

Please do not take this the wrong way, but I often wish that I had not returned you to your mother. You are clearly a very rare person, the fact that you are even communicating with me is evidence of that. I find myself wondering what you would have become if you had been raised surrounded by real magic, not just that of your own imagination.

In addition to which... Well, it is clear to me that your mother has been less than ideal. What heartache has she inflicted upon you that could have been saved had you been raised by a Fae parent? I consider myself very fortunate in that I have a mother with whom I have a very good relationship. It saddens me that you cannot say the same.

This email has gotten far too sentimental. Please do tell me about your drinking song. I am most intrigued.

Yours,

Jareth

King of the Goblins


From: FairiesByte(a)yahoo com

Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 9:01am

To: GlitterinKing637(a)crystalcast com

Subject: RE: Thank You

Dear Jareth,

Why do I get the feeling that Mog Lions are the Underground equivalents of Hollywood's usage of chihuahuas? I mean, seriously... well, except that I highly doubt a chihuahua could take down an ogre. But the idea of the fancy-pants (no offense to your mother in the least, I'm just using a general term here) ladies carrying around Mog Lions compares easily to the modern stars toting around a small dog in their purse. Hm. Makes me feel... trendy.

Speaking of Duncan... I need to have a chat with him about Rob, again. Today, Rob came over to return the DVD I lent him a few weeks ago, and... I wasn't able to open the door. It was absolutely embarrassing!! I told Rob to leave the DVD on the mat.

Oh, that reminds me... do Mog Lions need to be potty-trained? I haven't been worrying about that sort of thing, but after watching Duncan take down a cockroach the other day (oh, it was nasty... not something you want to see after you've just eaten, I tell you...) it occurred to me that one of these days I might find a... mess.

Would your mother really get herself into that much trouble? Hm. I blame the Queen of England.. she's such a proper lady, and I don't know of many other queens. Royalty, I should say. I know a few queens... but they're not quite the same thing. Anyway, my point is that I really have a difficult time imaging the former Goblin Queen doing anything that would cause you worry... but, then again, she is your mother, so perhaps I shouldn't be too surprised.

What's this? The Goblin King is making a wish? Be careful, Jareth... wishes are dangerous things. I seriously think I haven't made a wish since I wished Toby away. Maybe one or two... and only then I'm sure it was on shooting stars and only out of habit. :)

I'm glad you returned me, for various reasons. First, I wouldn't say that communicating with you makes me all that special... wouldn't anyone do the same, my biological mother excluded? I only recently started wondering that same thing myself... but amid my wondering, I came to the conclusion that had I not been returned, I wouldn't be who I am, public school education and all. Perhaps if I had been raised by the Fae, I wouldn't communicate with you as I do. Things wouldn't be the same, would it?

Aw, I haven't suffered too terribly. Well... maybe you might see that I did, but I did end up with two very caring parents, my Dad and Karen - once I got smart enough to see that she did care about me. Karen is more a mother than Linda ever was. She may not be blood related, but she's my mother in every way that matters, and I turn to her whenever I need motherly advice.

Besides... if I had been raised Underground, I would still physically be a child, wouldn't I?

And of course, if I were a child, I wouldn't have my drinking song. Learned it a few years ago from an Australian girl I knew for a little while. I don't think you would know the tune... but, if you're familiar with The Sound of Music, it's to the Do-Re-Me song. If you don't know it... well, I added a few explanations. Heh.

Do, a beer, a very strong beer,

Re, a guy who buys me a beer, (the Re here would sound like 'Ray', sounding like a man's name)

Me, someone I buy beer for,

Fa, a long way to the bar! ('fa' to sound like 'far'. a play on words)

So, I'll have another beer

La, la la la la la la,

Ti, no thanks I'll have a beer, ('ti' to sound like 'tea')

And that brings is back to do!

...

Hey, you asked for it.

Your friend,

Sarah


From: GlitterinKing637(a)crystalcast com

Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 11:09 AM

To: FairiesByte(a)yahoo com

Subject: RE: Thank You

Yes, I can see the similarities. Oh, except one thing. Mog Lions are majestic predators, loyal and protective to the death. Chihuahuas, on the other hand, are annoying.

I am... surprised. And concerned. A Mog Lion would never attack someone his mistress specifically told him not to, unless that person had sinister intentions. How well do you know this Rob?

Mog Lions usually bury their excrement. You should not have to worry about it. Though I would lay some ground rules, if you have an affinity for house plants. Petite D is intelligent. He will understand if you tell him where to do his business.

My mother has the rather extraordinary ability to be act the complete loon one moment and then 'turn on the queen', as she calls it, the next. Of course, monarchs of the Goblin Kingdom have never been held to quite the same standards of decorum as most. We are fully expected to be a little on the bizarre side. Still, Mumsie has always had an adventurous side and wades into some rather shocking situations happily. I would consider giving her a second Mog Lion for her birthday, but they would inevitably fight to the death over her affections. Alas.

It is only dangerous to make wishes if there is someone to grant them for you, Sarah.

I'm not sure you fully comprehend how unusual you and your brother are in your willingness to speak with me. I am sure that I do not need to tell you that most humans are terrified of me. The lesser being of the Underground are either terrified of me or too stupid to be afraid. The Fae generally hate me for my refusal to steal more children from Above than are wished away. The Goblin Throne is not a comfortable one.

I think that someday I will have to provide you with a beer and make you sing this song for me. Although why you would drink that common filth is beyond me. I have much more interesting alcoholic beverages, should you be interested. :-P

Yours,

Jareth

King of the Goblins


From: GlitterinKing637(a)crystalcast com

Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 1:01 PM

To: cluckerswillruletheworld(a)yahoo com

Subject: RE: Lessons

Toby,

One may not be able to BE perfect all the time, but one should TRY.

Keep the book. Read it. I will expect a full report in two weeks.

There are only five Mages and Enchantresses in all the Underground. It should not be that difficult.

Yes, you will do homework. If I could, I would keep you in the Goblin Kingdom at all times and your days would be dedicated solely to learning to utilize your abilities. As it is, you barely have time to scratch the surface of your potential. Such a pity. And no, your sister did not do homework because she was never trained. What she is able to accomplish is done blindly and with little or no idea, like as not, that she is even doing magic. You should recognize from your lesson how dangerous this is.

Magic is not for whiners. Continue and your lessons shall cease.

Your response was correct. Remember that Order magic utilizes primarily aligning elements, while Chaos uses opposing. Either one requires more raw power and skill to master than pure elemental magic.

The vast majority of spells requiring a verbal component are tongue twisters. Get used to it.

Keep working with the meditations. You already know the answer; the exercises will open your eyes to it. And do not compare your progress to my own. I was raised in a magical kingdom. I had Spell-Tutors from the time I learned to speak. My mother could feel my elemental alignment even while I was still in the womb (in fact my nursery was decorated to match). Given your circumstances, you are doing well.

Hmm... Tricky. If your sister babysits you, there is little chance I could bring you here. I will work on the problem.

His Royal Highness

The Goblin King

PS- I'll have you know that all of my garments are both masculine and fashionable. You would do well to remember that, Unicorn Boy.


From: SilverStarCinemas(a)crystalcast com

Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 1:10 PM

To: KMWilliams(a)hotmail com

Subject: Congratulations!

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From: cluckerswillruletheworld(a)yahoo com

Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 2:12 PM

To: GlitterinKing637(a)crystalcast com

Subject: RE: Lessons

Jareth,

Speaking of being perfect, I had a lesson with Mom after she read through one of these emails (dont worry she thinks its a Fantasy game I'm playing). Now she gave me all sorts of rules to follow on the apostrophe thingy and the comma.

Takes much longer to type now. Mom says it gets easier.

Two weeks? Okay. I will just as soon as I get it back from Cluckers. I think it's somewhere near his litter box...

I'll start memorising. And that number isnt going to change then?

Hey! Hey! I never said I wouldn't do the homework. I just said I didnt know there was going to be any. Im doing it. Really. Mom would be pretty angry if I was Underground. Or if she even knew of it.

Not whining.

Yes, yes, yes, and you should never ever ever combine order and chaos unless you are a Mage or Enchantress otherwise you're no more.

Right?

More tongue twisters? Darn. Should I start practicing? Let us flea said the fly, let us fly said the fle as they flead through the flaw in the flu.

I hate tongue twisters.

I did more mediating today. It was a bit clearer if that's the right word. Ill do some more before bed like you said.

What? Aren't you and Sarah emailing each other? Wouldnt you like to see her?

From, Toby

P.S. Masculine and Fashionable? If you say so Jareth. Sarah doesnt agree though. Weve had many laughs about that.


From: FairiesByte(a)yahoo com

Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 1:15pm

To: GlitterinKing637(a)crystalcast com

Subject: RE: Thank You

Dear Jareth,

Well, you're right about that - no argument from me on that front. It's mostly the 'rich carrying around the small' sort of thing that strikes me as similar. Of course the Underground equivalent would be much more majestic and grand. And loyal.

Rob does not have sinister intentions! He's my friend. He's been my neighbor ever since I moved in here, and has never been anything but kind and courteous to me. And helpful. The man can fix anything, I swear - he's practically the building's handy-man, though I know for a fact that he works for the Post Office. He helped me fix my shower when I had a leaky pipe, and when my computer crashed last year, Rob was the one who brought it back from the dead.

I've implemented a rule for Rob that's akin to my bathroom rule. Duncan doesn't have to like him, but he's not allowed to attack him unless I specifically ask him to - just like he's not allowed to follow me into my bathroom unless I call him. In exchange, I will let him glower at Rob from the top of my bookshelf if he'd like, the same way he can stand guard outside my bathroom door, and I have promised to call for his help the very second I need it - not that I would with Rob.

Oh crap. I don't have house plants. Not live ones, anyway. I tried that for awhile, when I first moved in here, and they all died because I either overwatered them or didn't water them enough... I never did figure out which. So... all my plants are fake. Shoot... I wondered why there was a strange smell in the general area of my fern. I do have some roses out on my fire escape, but... I think I'll have to look into getting either a real plant, or a litterbox.

Mumsie? Hmm. Okay, when given that particular term of endearment, I think I can see her as needing a couple of Mog Lions. She sounds like a very interesting lady... I'd like to meet her, someday, I think. Might be fun to swap stories about her son... hee.

Oh, I know, silly. I was joking with you.

Well... I don't know. Do you ever get the chance to show this side of you, the side I'm getting to see through email, to those who hate or fear you? I would think that, if they knew you as I'm starting to, they wouldn't have such harsh feelings. I did, but that was based on an image from the mind of an uninformed fifteen year old girl. Not to say that you couldn't be frightening, but I'm not afraid, and I most certainly don't hate you - and of all people, you would think that I would!

Oh, Toby did email you, then? I forgot to tell you that... I gave him your email address. I hope you don't mind. He kept pestering me about you and wanting to know this and that and... oh, stuff that was rather awkward to explain when Karen might come in at any moment, so I thought emailing you directly might be helpful. I usually don't do that - give out email addresses, that is. I think of them as being rather private, as private as a personal cell phone or the like. I swear, I won't give it out to anyone else... not that i have anyone else I would give it to, anyway. Everyone who actually knows about you, besides now Toby, is in the Underground!

But, anyway, I hope he doesn't pester you too badly. He's a good kid, but I know he can be overly curious at times. If he bugs you too much, just let me know, and I'll hint to him that he ought to cool it.

Beer? Ha! Actually, no, I don't drink beer. I'm not all that much of a drinker, but as it is, 'Margarita Shooters' doesn't exactly fit into the song. Oh, and, suuure. Next time I feel like getting myself drunk off my backside, I'll let you know, to see how interesting you could make it.

... Oy, that just doesn't sound right. Don't read too much into that... for the life of me, I can't reword it to make it sound any better. :-/

Your Friend,

Sarah


CAST

In order of appearance

Jareth - DanikaLareyna

Toby - Kore-of-Myth

Sarah - MartiOwlsten