The New Beginning
Chapter 11
Motherly Advice
For the second time in a week, Martha was waiting for Castle before he went in to work. He came down the stairs, whistling, to find her sitting at the bar.
"You sound like you're in a good mood today. Anything to do with your plan?"
"As a matter of fact, it does. I think it's working already."
Martha looked skeptical. "I'm not sure having a plan when it comes to Beckett is such a good idea. She's doesn't strike me as the type to play games. If you ask me, I think you should seriously re-think this plan of yours."
"Did I ask you?" he said teasingly.
"Well, it's your life, but for the record, I think you're making a big mistake."
"Don't worry, mother. I know exactly what I'm doing."
He had gotten a kick out of teasing Beckett yesterday and was anxious to get to work and pick up where he left off. He smiled with anticipation.
When he walked into the 12th, Beckett, Esposito, Ryan and Roger were already hard at work. He smiled as he walked over to join them. He sat down next to Beckett on the desk, so close that their thighs were touching. She turned to look at him and raised her eyebrows. She crossed her arms, looking uncomfortable, but didn't move. As they talked about the case, Castle made sure to lean into her as he pointed out different objects on the board. He kept it up for several minutes before he got up to write some ideas. He wrote them down and then turned around to hand the marker to her. As she went to grab it, he intentionally moved his fingers forward a little so they brushed against hers as she took it. She pulled back so quickly that the marker went falling to the floor and rolled under the desk. He picked it up and handed it to her again. She snatched it out of his hand, giving him a dirty look. He looked back innocently. She rolled her eyes and walked away.
He stayed at the board, figuring he probably should spend some time actually working on solving the homicide they had been assigned to. It wasn't long before he made a crucial connection. He looked around until he spotted Beckett and went over to tell her what he had found. He noticed that when he got close to her, her body language changed drastically. She went from standing with her arms hanging loosely at her sides, to standing with them folded across her chest. She also took a step away from him. He, of course, followed, looking at her face intently. Pretending to see something on her upper cheek, he reached up with his thumb to rub 'it' away. The minute his thumb made contact with her cheek, she shot her arm up, swatting his hand out of the way. "Cut it out Castle" she said loudly. Ryan and Esposito shot each other knowing looks. Beckett caught it and walked away from all of them, proclaiming that she was going to lunch. When she got outside, she called Lanie and asked her to meet her at the park.
When Lanie got to the park, Beckett was sitting on a bench looking pretty unhappy. When she saw Lanie, she smiled slightly. "Thanks for taking time to meet with me. I just had to get out of the office for a little while."
"Don't you mean get away from Castle? I take it he's still at it."
"I just don't get it. What's his problem? It's like he is going out of his way to make me uncomfortable. And I can't even address it with him, because I don't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing how much it's bothering me. So I'm stuck just ignoring him."
"Can you just ignore him? Maybe he'll get tired of playing and pick up his toys and go home."
"I'm trying, but it is really starting to irritate me. You know, I kind of thought we were past this and maybe moving toward something more. But it's like we're back to how we started three years ago. Maybe that's it. Maybe he is trying to put distance between us." She looked very troubled about that thought.
That didn't sound right to Lanie, but she had to admit, he was acting strange. She decided maybe she would pay him a visit and see what she could find out.
Castle was sitting at his computer looking up information about the suspects he had indentified. He was really trying to put into practice what he had been learning about profiling. He heard a knock at his door and grinned. "I knew she'd come looking for me," he thought and got up to open it. His grin changed to a polite smile when he saw Lanie at the door instead of Beckett. He shut the door behind her and went and sat down at his desk. She had that serious 'you're-in-trouble' look on her face that he knew all too well.
"Alright, what now?"
"What are you doing Castle?"
"What do you mean?"
"Oh, you know what I mean. You're messing with Beckett, and I want to know why."
He started to deny it, but saw the look on her face and thought better of it.
"Okay. I'm messing with Beckett. I'm just trying to lighten the mood a little. She is just always so determined to keep me at arms' length so I figure-"
"You figure that you'll just keep touching her and teasing her and she'll get used to it and start to be more comfortable with you, just like that?"
He seemed surprised that she had figured out his motive so easily. "Exactly! So you get it?"
"I get it. Now knock it off."
"Knock it off? Why?"
"Well how does it seem to be working out for you so far?"
He thought about it. "Not great. But it's only the second day so-"
"Look Castle. I like you. I like Beckett more, but I like you. I will go out on a limb here and say that I think that you're heart's in the right place. But I'm telling you, this isn't going to work. If I were you, I'd take my advice and knock it off."
Her phone rang and she told him she had to get back to her office but not before one last parting shot. "I'm warning you. You hurt her, and I will make your life miserable.
After she left, Castle thought about what she said. "First my mother, now Lanie," he thought to himself. It didn't take long for him to come to a realization. "They don't know what they're talking about."
He left his office and looked around and found Beckett sitting at her desk going through case files. He went and sat on the corner of her desk and waited for her too stop and look at him. She must have known he was there, but she didn't look up. He couldn't see her clearly, because her hair was hanging down shielding her face. A little irritated by being told what to do by Lanie, he decided to up the game a little, anxious to prove her wrong. He reached over and gently brushed the hair out of her face and started to tuck it behind her ear. She jumped up and planted her hands on the desk leaning forward until her face was inches from his. He stepped back when he saw the anger in her face. And not the cute 'I'm pretending to be angry but am secretly amused' angry either.
"Castle. I need to talk to you. Now!" She walked briskly in front of him to his office. As he followed behind her, had a sinking feeling that maybe his mother and Lanie were smarter than he had given them credit for.
He had barely stepped through the door when she immediately got back in his face. "What the hell do you think you're doing, Castle!"
"I, um-"
"Look, I'm not stupid. I know what you're trying to do. Okay, well, I don't know what you're trying to do, but I know that I don't like it."
"I just thought-"
"You just thought what? That I liked being the butt of your jokes all day? Like having Ryan and Esposito snicker at your cleverness? You think it's funny to try and see if you can get me to react? Is this all just a game to you? Because if that's what it is, I don't think I want to play."
Castle stood there in shock. How could he have been so off base? He was so sure that if he could bring the fun back into their friendship she would loosen up with him and they could take a shot at something more. He was scrambling to try and figure out what he could to say that would make this better. He reached over to take her hand, as he had the past two times they had been in the office. He planned on staying here with her until he could make her understand what he had been trying to do.
Instead of walking over to the couch with him, she pulled her hand away forcefully and quietly, but very firmly said, "Don't. Touch. me." She started walking towards the door. When she got to the door she turned around so quickly he almost ran into her. "And don't follow me." He stood in the doorway and watched her as she walked to her desk, grabbed her purse and walked out. He quickly put away his files and headed home. "Looks like I may need that motherly advice after all"
When Martha arrived home later that night, she found Castle sitting in the dark. She went over and sat down. By the look on his face, she figured that something had happened with Beckett. She sat and patiently waited for him to tell her what it was.
"Well, turns out you were right. My plan was a huge mistake. I seem to be making a lot of those lately."
"Maybe it would help if you told me what your plan actually entailed."
He told her about what he had been doing. "So, let's start out with trying to figure out exactly what you were trying to accomplish."
"I guess I just wanted to make her feel more comfortable with me. I thought if I was not so serious, she might not feel so threatened."
"Did it seem to be working?
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, did it seem to be making her feel more comfortable with you?"
He looked back on the last two days. In his mind he saw her crossing her arms, moving away from him whenever possible and several wary, uncomfortable looks. He buried his face in his hands. "I really screwed up didn't I?"
"Yes, I would say you did. Listen, I care for Kate, but she's certainly not your only option. Why are you trying so hard."
"I don't know. I've been married twice. I've had more relationships than is probably socially acceptable. But I have never felt about a woman the way I do about Kate. I think about her first thing in the morning, and she's the last thing on my mind as I go to sleep. I want it to work so badly. But I just can't figure out how to reach her. She'll only let me in so far before she panics and pulls away."
"The thing is," he continued. "I know she has feelings for me. Maybe not love, but strong feelings. It scares me to think that I might not be able to reach her. But what scares me even more is that I might finally break down her wall, and then I can't be what she needs. I could never forgive myself if she finally decided to trust me and I let her down."
Martha was so touched by her son's confession that she found herself blinking back tears. She didn't know Kate that well, but her woman's intuition led her to believe that she just might not be able to accept her son's strong feelings for her. She also believed that her son would not accept that and would continue to fight for the one woman he couldn't have, leading to heartbreak.
Martha asked the obvious question. "Have you told her how you feel?"
"I've tried. She always shuts down. But I'm sure she knows that I would like more than friendship."
"Have you told her that you're scared?"
"No, and I'm not about to. I can't believe I told you, let alone her."
"Richard, I know your life wasn't perfect. You didn't know you're father, I was not the best mother. But if nothing else, we've always shared our feelings freely. You passed that on to Alexis. And if you are having a hard time admitting that you're scared, think about how much harder this must be for Kate."
"So what should I do?"
"My advice is to think long and hard about what you want. If you have any doubts, any at all, then be fair to her and walk away. But if you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that she is what you want, then I say you do whatever you have to do to break down that wall."
