Chapter 11 Panic

Kakashi POV

Just listening to his peaceful breathing wasn't enough to put me at ease, today of all days they come after him. On the day of his mother birthday, the day that the most beautiful women were born. I couldn't think of a way that this could get worse, oh wait yes I can tomorrow we are having our first mission as a team. I don't think that I have ever been so worried about my whole life.

It wasn't that the mission is hard it was the fact that it was going to be out of the village. The Hokage was and is still certain that Orochimaru won't do anything or injure him or endanger his life in any way. Which doesn't make me feel better he was raped for 3 months, my son has endured enough. So him not being attacked because Orochimaru's wanted his sex slave in top condition didn't make me feel better.

"Hey, where did you go?" I looked up from my thoughts to see that Kurenai was staring at me her large red eyes filled with worry and hesitant as she scanned my ridge form. I'm sure that she noticed the way that my eyes harden with worry and my shoulder tensed. It took all I have not to let my hand dip down to my leg hostile.

Call me what you want, paranoid, a reck, a helicopter parent but just the thought of Sasuke begin taken again drove me into a murderous rage. "Kakashi you can hear him breathing, he right there. There is no way that he is getting through that shield and it seems fine. Would you please relax."

I could hear how soft her voice was, it's the same voice that I used when I'm talking to Sasuke after one of his nightmares or right after he told me what happened in that lab of horrors. I'm sure that if she knew the same thing that I did that she would be saying that. But I simply took in a deep breath before trying to look at her.

My gaze must have been hard because she flinched from something that she saw in my eyes. "Thanks but I'll be better and more at ease when that freak of nature is dead." I didn't want her looking at me like I'm the one in the wrong. Sure she loved him but he was my son, my little boy, my flesh and blood and he was taken from me. Though she can relate she will never truly understand what that feels like.

With that shuddering thought, I stormed out of the room and into the living room, I could see Sasuke curled up contently on the couch a navy blue blanket draped lazily over his chest as his eyes moved rapidly under his lids. I looked around the room for a moment taking in the deep black coffee table and the two couches off to the right of the room. The tv was off as rain started to fall from the sky.

It force smile to my face, Mikoto always loved the rain so this has to be perfect for her. But come to think about it where the hell is Itachi he has to be here somewhere. Did he head to bed or did he leave the shield? I heard the shifting of a moment and before I could even think about it I have a kunai in my hand as my right hand darted to my headband lifting it slightly.

Of course, that only caused Kurenai's worrying gaze to narrow as her red eyes began to darken with both worry and rage. "You can't do this, I won't watch you freak out over nothing. He's right there he is fine! You can't keep acting like this, you have gotten a decent night of sleep since the first time that that man came to the house. Kakashi you need to trust that Sasuke is going to be fine." I snarled angrily she isn't going to tell me how I should feel.

I relaxed my posture just a bit before snarling firmly at her "The hell would you know about any of it, he's my kid and I nearly lost him for good. You don't have the right to tell me how I feel."

It came out harsher then I meant it to be, but as her eyes widen in both pain and hurt I could see Sasuke stirring from his sleep. Damn in my rage I forget that he was sleeping, but what I think threw me off the most was the fact that there wasn't a single pang of guilt hitting my heart.

"Get out, I don't even want to look at you right now" Kurenai's eyes were filled with both courage and sadness though I'm sure that it was about what I said and nothing about her actions that led to this. But who was she to kick me out of my own house, but I knew that there was no point in pushing her so I grabbed an umbrella and started to slowly make my way out of the house.

I know that what I said is wrong and that I would no doubt be sleeping on the couch for the rest of my life but I can't bring myself to regret it. When he left so did she, she never came home, never even bother to see how anyone else was coping because she was in her own grief. Now the moment that he comes back she wanted to pretend like everything is fine. The moment that Sasuke left my left wasn't the only thing that fell apart, so did my marriage.

I couldn't help the heavy sigh that left my lips as I slowly made way down the street, the rain thunder against my black umbrella as the deep black sky lit up a dark blue and purple as the lightning cracked against the sky. I watched the sky for a few moments longer as I heard light walking coming towards me.

As I looked down from the sky I could see Asuma walking with what looked to be Itachi, his cold blue eyes were filled with grief and something else, I think sadness. Asuma walked stiffly next to him. I'm sure that the news about the truth wasn't pretty for him. I'm sure that the fact that is father knew about it only made it worse.

I took in a heavy breath as I stopped directly in place just watching his angry brown eyes light up with new found rage and grief. But something in my face forced his eyes to soften a bit. I'm sure that he saw something in my eyes that made him think that his life isn't that hard. Itachi looked at me for a moment I could see his eyes scanning my face like he thought that there was something wrong with Sasuke. "Your brother is fine you should head back to the house."

I watched him nodded his head still a little unsure if he should leave the two of us but then he disappeared from my sight leaving me with a confused Asuma. "Where are you heading I'll join you." I laughed harshly before making my way to the cemetery.

Not saying a word simply listening to the sound of the water pounding against the streets as water rushed passed my feet down the muddy roads. "So is there a reason that you were walking alone in the rain. I thought that you weren't leaving Sasuke side for the rest of the night."

Another harsh laugh let my lip how the hell am I going to explain that to him without blowing the lid off of what Sasuke said to me. I grumbled under the breath as I walked into the large black metal gates.

The twisted metal glinted in the rain as the looming depression filled the air I always felt more depressed here than anywhere else. But I shoved my feeling deep down my chest as I walked into the cemetery the smell of a soil filled the air as I moved mechanically to Mikoto's grave, honestly I have been here so many times that I could walk the path with my eyes closed.

Even as I reached her funeral plate I watched as droplets of rain ran down her face as it looked like her beautiful face was crying. I shook my head sadly as I dropped to one knee, letting my eyes scanned her memorial plack, "Her lies Mikoto Uchiha a loving mother, wife, and ninja" It forced a heavy sigh to leave my lips as I felt my body begin to deflate.

What would you think about all of this? Would you think that I am in the wrong with what I said it Kurenai? Would you say that I'm overreacting? That I am just being overprotective and that I'm being a dick? A heavy sigh escaped my lips once more forcing Asuma glare to intensify "What is going on Kakashi you better start talking. I know when you are upset." Of course, he did I have known the man my entire life.

"I might have said some choice words to Kurenai that might or might not have gotten me kicked out of the house. The point of the matter is I don't know how anyone else can relax with all this bullshit going on." I let out a groan as I felt a sharp swat placed to the back of my head while Asuma rage-filled gaze bore deep into my back.

I didn't need to look into his eyes to know that he probably has a rough guess on what I said to Kurenai. "You're an idiot you can't take out our anxiety on everyone around you. You know that but you still did it anyway there is something that you aren't telling me. That Sasuke hasn't told anyone but you and I think that you need to get it off of your chest. Not to me but to her I'm heading over your house met me there when you got your shit together."

Before I could even say a word thing lightning raced across the side as thundering boom echoed off in the distance. It forced shivers down my spine like the weather was being to Asuma's mood.

I took a deep breath as my body began to become more heavy with each passing moment. "I'm sure that I would like to tell you that he is fine that we are all fine but that would be a lie. I couldn't bring myself to come to visit your grave since I found out the truth about the massacre."

I took in heavy breath simply holding it as my shoulder slumped a little more then I would have liked. "I hate the idea of him just the thought of that monster makes my blood boil after all the things that he did to Sasuke you would think that he would have some decency and just let him be. Between the torture, the experiment, the non-stop training and the…" I felt my throat clam up and my voice comes out horse.

Barely audible whisper as purple lighting lit up the sky giving me a better look at my girl, the woman I loved. How could I possibly tell her grave let alone her actual spirit that I failed our son?

I took in a heavy breath letting my muscle tense before relaxing to the point where thought I could say it. "If I wasn't so weak then he wouldn't have to be taken he wouldn't have been...raped by that freak."

Even as the words left my lips they were alien, my body seemed to freeze as the sturdy umbrella did nothing to protect me from the ice-cold water that swept below my feet hitting the legs that I allowed to rest on the ground.

The mud seemed to squished and crumple under my weight. There is no point in being here not tonight. Though I doubt that Kurenai wanted me home at any point. So I just sat here mute and numb for what felt like hours when the rain finally let up.

Even as my muscles begged for me to get out of the ran and my skin froze to the touch I decided that it was time to head back to the house. I'm sure that Mikoto would tell me that moping around and begin anxiously at every sound wouldn't make me feel any better. With that thought, I jumped on my feet and started to make my way back of the house. The deep black sky seeming to be lighting up, a bird chirped in the distance. It must be morning already how long was I at Mikoto's grave.

I rubbed the back of my neck gently as I noticed Sasuke looking blankly out of the window for a moment before his eyes seemed to rack over me. I could see the way that his eyes lit up with rage as he ran out of the house. I could see how worried he looked as he ran over to me. I thought that he was coming to give me a hug but then I felt a fist dart towards my fist.

I barely managed to dodge in time, he has gotten faster I didn't think that would be possible, then I notice it, Sasuke's eyes lit up a red and black, he seemed full of rage. "You jerk what did you do to mom?!" I looked up at him confused for a moment before noticing a stiff and rage-filled Asuma leaning in the doorway.

"Go head to the bridge I will talk to your mother and next time Sasuke you better think before you throw those fist I don't give a damn how angry you are, you are still my son and you will show the proper respect."

Even as he started to walk away I could see the rage in his eyes like I'm the one in the wrong and I am but that didn't give him the right to try and hit me. Though I'm sure that the cold-hearted things that I said it Kurenai felt like a well-placed blow to the gut. Dammit.

I swivel my head for a moment just looking at Sasuke as he walked away before making my way into the house. Even as I passed Asuma sturdy form I could tell that he didn't approve of what I said but he didn't dare make a comment about any of it. Fuck me. Even as I walked up the stairs I could hear the light sobs as I open the door to see Kurenai's heated and raged fill gaze. "I need to tell you something about Sasuke he was…"