Chapter 11

More than a month passed with no more sign of the man they were hunting. The murders had stopped after Olivia's apartment was broken into. It had since been cleaned and several pieces of furniture had been replaced, along with the carpet and a few floorboards underneath. She gave up her protective detail after 2 weeks because the case was cold and she was tired of not having any privacy. Cragen wasn't happy, but he was no longer her captain, so she didn't care. She was working in computer crimes, and had very little contact with SVU detectives. She hadn't even met Elliot's new partner, James Green, yet. Almost two months after her transfer, she finally met him, but not in the way she had hoped.

"Are you Olivia Benson?"

"Yeah. Who are you?" Olivia asked, looking up. The man standing infront of her looked so young she couldn't believe he actually had a gold shield. He looked more like a rookie cop.

"James Green, Special Victims Unit." He extended his hand to Olivia, but she ignored it.

"I've heard about you. Elliot's new partner, right?"

"Yes, and you were Elliot's partner for a decade. That's why I'm here." Olivia looked up at him, finally giving him her attention. "He's going downhill fast. I know I haven't been at SVU long, I haven't even been a detective long, but any idiot can see it. This case is really getting under his skin and I'm worried he's gonna fly off the handle any minute. He's gonna get someone killed."

"What exactly do you want from me?"

"I don't know. But you know him better than anyone else around here, and no one else can get through to him."

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm the last person Elliot's gonna listen to. I couldn't control him then and I sure as hell can't do it now."

James slammed his fists on the desk, making Olivia jump, and bent forward so his face was barely an inch from hers. "Try. Before someone gets hurt."

Olivia swallowed hard. "Maybe you're not such a wet-behind-the-ears rookie after all." He smiled and left the office.

When Olivia finished work that night – at exactly the same time every day, which she loved – she headed to Elliot's house. She'd finally bought a car since transferring to computer crimes and, thought she didn't have a lot of use for it and it was hardly anything special, she was happy to have it; getting a cab to Queens wasn't exactly cheap. She couldn't even be sure Elliot was home yet, but she wanted to check there first. It probably made more sense to check the precinct first, but for some reason she just didn't want to walk into her old squadroom if she didn't have to. And she didn't want to call Elliot because he would probably just hang up on her.

When Olivia finally arrived at Elliot house, however, she wished she had just gone to the precinct. Kathy answered the door when she knocked and seemed shocked. "Olivia? What are you doing here?"

"Looking for Elliot. Knowing him he's probably off…

"He doesn't live here anymore, Olivia."

It was Olivia's turn to look shocked. "He…Uh…I'm sorry, I didn't know. How, uh…how long?"

"How do you not know?" When Olivia just looked at her confused, Kathy gave a sort of sorrowful smile. "Well, at least I finally know he was telling the truth."

"About sleeping with me?" It wasn't really a question.

"About leaving me for you."

"I would never take him away from you, Kathy, no matter what my feelings. But…I have to ask…is that why?"

"Oh, Olivia." She sighed. "It was over long before this. Don't flatter yourself. You might have been the subject of a few arguments, but it was our lack of trust that was the problem, and you can't just fix something like that."

"That's sort of a relief. I don't think I could live with myself if I was responsible." Olivia turned to go but Kathy called her back.

"You got what you wanted, now there's something I want to know."

"Once. Long after you accused him. It was a mistake."

"I drove him to you."

"No. A traumatic kidnapping drove me to him. Goodnight, Kathy."

"Good night, Liv."

The whole way back to the precinct Olivia couldn't silence her reeling thoughts. So she hadn't been responsible for their marriage breaking up, even Kathy said so. Did that give her permission to swoop in and replace Kathy? Olivia doubted she could ever feel right about being with Elliot, not matter how much she might want it. And what about Elliot, what did he want? He had wanted a life with her, or so he claimed, but did he still want her after being rejected so cruelly? It scared Olivia to realize how much she yearned for him, how miserable she was without him next to her. He had been there for so long she just assumed he always would be, but since transferring she had been miserable. She'd tried to pass it off as the effects of the kidnapping and the fact that the man was never caught, but that was bullshit and she knew it. She had fucked things up with Elliot so much. By the time she reached the precinct she had made her decision, though. She would fix it, or at least try. Someone who made her feel so safe, so – yes, very cliché – complete was worth fighting for. She needed him, and it had taken her way too long to figure it out.

Walking up the steps of the precinct, it was all she could do to keep from throwing up. Rejection had never been a big deal for her, especially since it was her job that usually ended her relationships, but suddenly she couldn't face it. She wouldn't just be rejected, she would be rejected by Elliot, someone she actually cared about. How could she face that? But she made her feet move somehow and managed to finally enter the SVU squadroom.

Munch and Fin looked up at her in surprise. "Hey, Liv, changed your mind?" Fin asked.

"No. Where's Elliot?"

The two detectives glanced at each other in a 'Does she know how bad it is?' sort of way, before Munch said, "In the crib, Cragen's orders."

"Thanks." She left Munch and Fin and headed for the crib. Before she even opened the door she could hear Elliot stomping around angrily, like a caged animal just waiting for release. When she pushed open the door he practically charged at her before he realized it wasn't Cragen come to release him. He took several steps back and sat down on a cot.

"What are you doing here?" He was clearly in a dangerous rage. She knew the signs: jaw clenched so tight his teeth might explode, fists clenching and unclenching, chewing his lip as he paced, and of course the raging fire in his eyes. She had seen him like this before, but it was something she would never get used to. It scared her.

"Everyone's worried about you."

"So they went running to you?"

"What's going on, Elliot?"

"Why the hell do you care?"

"Can you just answer one question without another question?"

He glared at her for a long time, fists still clenching and unclenching on the edge of the cot. Then he said, "Get the fuck out. You're not my keeper anymore."

That stung. Olivia shook her head and turned away, afraid she might start crying if she kept looking at him. "I care about you, Elliot, and I don't want you to do this to yourself."

"You care about me? You got a funny way of showing it. Fuck off, Olivia." She couldn't stand it anymore and rather than continue to argue with him as she might once have done when they were just partners, she left. Of course, they had never been 'just partners' she now realized, not really, but she hadn't realized it before. Now that she had, she couldn't stand his harsh anger anymore. She wanted to blame his rejection on his rage and nothing more, but she couldn't believe that. Her heart ached horribly and she hurried back to her car, where she let herself sob against the steering wheel.

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU

"Hey."

Olivia looked up and smiled at her old captain. "Hey. What brings you down here?"

"Came to see how you're doing here. It's hard to imagine you working anywhere other than SVU. So how are you?"

"I'm good. It was a tough adjustment; I really couldn't see myself anywhere else, either. But it really was time for me to leave."

"Good. I'd hate to see a good detective burn out in SVU."

"So…what's the real reason you came?"

Cragen smiled. "You don't have to be a detective all the time, you know. I want you to talk some sense into Elliot."

"Why does everyone assume I have any more influence over him than anyone else?"

"If this keeps up he's gonna end up turning in his badge and gun. I don't want to do that to him."

Olivia sighed. "Alright. I'll talk to him before work tomorrow." Cragen nodded and left. Olivia sighed again.