A/N: Now, I can't wait for next week. I want things to fall apart. I want it to collapse around Arthur's EARS. I want all the wrath of a Merlin and Gwen scorned to come slamming into King Arthur Pendragon in a fiery inferno of doom.
And I want it to happen now.
ALTERNATE EPISODE
Arthur: *Holds up scroll thinking he's cool like, look, you idiot*
Merlin: Dude, Morgana could have made a COPY. She's a WITCH. That proves absolutely nothing.
Arthur: Gosh, Merlin, when have you ever been right?
Merlin: Look, we'll agree to disagree for now. But when Agravaine's a traitor, permission to say I TOLD YOU SO? And a raise in my wages? And a new neckerchief?
Arthur: Since it will never happen… Sure.
Agravaine: *walks up* What did I miss?
Merlin: Morgana making kissy faces with a big black dude who's like ten years younger than you. You better hope she likes you better than him, because she's killing someone within two episodes. It's like Morgause/Cenred, but with more revealing clothes.
OVERALL THOUHTS ON EPISODE
Quite a few of you told me Arthur's your favorite character. How nice. Well, Arthur fans, hold me back, because if you don't, I'm going to murder him. I want to throw that stupid pointed crown at his HEAD. HE HAS NERVE. He threatened Merlin with exile TWICE in one hour for giving advice. And then asked for his advice. AND THEN, instead of taking that as a kindness that Merlin didn't kill him then and there, he has the nerve to taunt Merlin.
AND HE THINKS THAT BIT OF HUMILITY IN THE END OF THE EPISODE MAKES IT OKAY. IT DOESN'T. IT DOESN'T, ARTHUR PENDRAGON. IT WASN'T EVEN POINTED AT MERLIN, IMBECILE! YOU ARE GOING DOOOOOOWN. I'm seriously so angry at him I'm shaking.
Merlin puts up with some… stuff. But I do not even want to cuddle him for it anymore. I want to smack him. Why doesn't he quit? I want to see Arthur train crash. I want to. I want him to come crying back on his knees. Why does Merlin let him get away with it? Does he enjoy being abused? This is so unhealthy.
If there is no I told you so next episode, I may boycott this series.
Am I the only one who would have told Helios my life story and then sat there and smiled at Morgana when she came in? (Since, as Gwen, I wouldn't have known she wanted to kill me.) Why? Because I'm feeling for all women scorned who act like total witches (if you know what I'm getting at) right now.
Mithian. I tried to hate her. I thought mean thoughts at her. I tried to make her hate babies or dogs or servants or something. But no. She was as sweet as could be, pretty too, and kind to Merlin… She even asked Arthur not to be mean to Merlin, which is more than Gwen ever did. She forgave him for breaking her heart. Why didn't she have the decency to be hateable?
Okay, since I wrote the beginning of this chapter, I have read some stuff praising the Arthur of this episode for the way he handled his Gwen feelings. He chose to give it all up for a woman who hurt him. However, I'm not biting the bait; I don't care what type of heartbreak he's going through now. This isn't about Gwen. It's about Merlin.
When Mithian shows up, I was like: LEON! GWAINE! STOP SMILING! Don't they know this is Gwen's replacement?
She will be back. Arthur and Merlin as good as said it. She will be back. Huzzah!
This series is so literally dark. All these shots of people in shadow really make positioning a computer screen hard, otherwise I wouldn't have noticed.
How did Gaius manage to forget the fact that the body couldn't have been thrown, due to the wholeness of everything but neck and stab wound? Unless he was dead before or as he hit the ground, there would be bruising and bleeding. I guess the neck could explain that, but why is his head at the normal angle, then?
I was furious when they didn't point out that the boy could have been the traitor. They've completely abandoned that plot line with the traitor still at large, after Gaius was cleared.
Poor Mithian! She needs a man now. I'll give her Percival. (I can still have him outside of the episodes, then. I won't give her Leon because of Moron, or Elyan because I'm ticked at him for not sticking up for Gwen, or Lancelot because I hate him and she deserves better.)
SLUG-O-METER
Arthur. Arthurarthurarthurarthur. Let me kill him. I will kill him. I am so angry at him I cannot FUNCTION PROPERLY. Also, Morgana. The doe trick was so low. And Agravaine. He smirked at Merlin. Why don't they just straight up say they hate each other?
HUG-O-METER
Gwen and Mithian. Gwen, because she didn't do a thing and her life is going downhill. Mithian, because how much does it stink to be told "hey, you're cute and all, but I was just leading you on because I actually love some little nobody"? As a princess, that must be hard to take. As a woman, that must hurt like HECK.
BEST QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
"Smile and clap." Because that's how Gaius gets through life, isn't it? I saw someone point it out somewhere and they are totally right—that's what Gaius DOES. His life falls apart and he smiles and claps and pretends he's cool with it. As opposed to Merlin, who tells his king how it is. And if not for Merlin, Arthur would be a poorer king. Do you see what I'm getting at? I think it's Gaius's fault that Uther could be a poor king sometimes. Not entirely (it was partly Uther's fault), but partly. Uther had no advice that wouldn't shut up.
MORAL OF THE EPISODE
Showing up boys while hunting is a sure way to impress them. They won't get their male egos hurt or anything!
MEMOS
ONE ~ There is no more pleasure to be had here! None at all! So don't touch her. Because if you touch her, you die. K?
You should start caring more where people come from. Because your past has a huge impact on whom you are. Stupid.
Sincerely, Kitty O
TWO ~ Why didn't you say it again? Say it again. See if he really has the guts to banish you, because I don't think he does. Stupid, stupid PRAT!
Your face at "except you still love her". I wanted to hug you closely for your skills as a person.
You could smile and clap. Or, you could have pushed Mithian off of a parapet. Sure, she's nice, but I think some sacrifices must be made for the Arwen ship. She did shoot Gwen.
You took the fact that your best friend got turned into a deer very well. And thank you for not, you know, letting Arthur shoot her, because I don't think my heart could have taken it.
I love the way you see Mithian, and you hate her at once. That face.
No, no, you don't say he knows what to do. Your line is: "You don't know what to do? Sorry. Wish I could help. But, you know, you'd banish me if I even said her name again, much less gave you advice about her. Marry the pretty woman you don't love. Go ahead. See if I care!"
"You'll find each other." THEY'LL FIND EACH OTHER? NO, THEY WON'T! She's avoiding Camelot ON PAIN OF DEATH. Hello!
Sincerely, Kitty O
THREE ~ You are so mean to your man, and today I find out why. You have another man waiting in the wings for when you are queen. You are loose-moraled, my non-friend. LOOSE-MORALED! Selling yourself for some help taking over Camelot is not the answer. Ever. You should save yourself for Merlin! Whoops, did I say Merlin? I meant marriage.
*SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE *No, seriously, woman, you will be with no one but Merlin or Agravaine if you must so help me, so stop flirting*
By dropping the ring, you helped Arthur realize he still loved Gwen. Ah. Don't you love Karma?
Sincerely, Kitty O
FOUR ~ Aw, bless. Felt for you this episode. Really, before now I've always wanted to like you. I found it hard knowing where you would eventually end up. But now Lancey-pants is dead and the whole thing was not your fault, so I say LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. Only, you need to go see Arthur to become Queen. Why so ashamed? Please, move on!
One thing, you know he took his new girl on a picnic? Yeah. I thought that was you two's thing. Apparently not.
I admit. You turning into a doe? I did not see that one coming. I was hit with that one unprepared. I was also a little annoyed when you didn't wake up to see Merlin healing you so that he can reveal his magic.
Sincerely, Kitty O
PREDICTION FOR NEXT EPISODE
If Leon dies next ep, who else will laugh and cry at the same time?
I predict Arthur won't even make it till next episode, on account of my killing him in his sleep. Oopsie.
Well, onto next episode!
~Kitty O of Awesomeness, peace out.
