It's been a while, but I finally thought of another TV show to use –Kath & Kim. If you haven't seen it and you still want to understand this fic, take this advice: if you don't understand what I'm writing, it's probably a quote from the show.

All my chapters so far have been 10 and Rose, but I'm making this one 9, Rose and Jack.

Look at moiye…

Rose had insisted that the Doctor take her and Jack to Australia. Unfortunately, after many failed attempts, she had instead decided on a Kath & Kim marathon to fill the gap. One day the Doctor walked into the lounge room and sat down in the hope that she would soon be finished.

"I've been to Australia, and no one acts like that," he commented.

"I'll believe that the day the TARDIS lands there," said Rose. "Besides, this show's hilarious! Look – that's Kim. She's the daughter of Kath. Kim is married to Brett, but they argue heaps." Indeed, as the Doctor watched, the overweight woman with long brown hair looked like she was about to kill the man opposite her.

"Howdare you call me unattractive!" Kim exclaimed.

"I didn't say that…" began Brett.

"And look at you!" continued Kim. "You're hardly Brad Pitt! You're only 26 years old, and you've already got crows feet!"

"Crows feet?" said the Doctor, frowning. "Is that some sort of foot condition?" Rose laughed.

"No silly," she said. "It's wrinkles you get around your eyes. They're like 3 lines that branch out on the ends, making them look like the feet of a crow. You get them sometimes." The Doctor's eyes widened.

"What?" he said.

"Mm," replied Rose. "Like when you do one of your really big smiles."

"Oh," said the Doctor softly. He pursed his lips, and continued watching the show.

"And not only that," said Kim, "you're balding! Do you know how embarrassed it makes me to be seen in public with that? It makes your giant forehead stand out even more. And then to top it all off, your ears look like bloody satellite dishes!" The Doctor's mouth opened. He'd never paid a whole lot of attention to his looks (his sixth body's fashion sense made that clear), but now, for some reason, he felt it necessary. And with the arrival of pretty boy Jack, he felt more unattractive than ever. While Rose was distracted by the TV, the Doctor turned to the mirror sitting next to the couch. He looked into it, and the deeper he looked, the more wrinkles he saw. He ran his fingers over his face, attempting to smooth out the crevices that had formed there. He placed the tips of his fingers on his ears, and pushed them back in the hope that they would look less conspicuous. There wasn't a lot he could do about his forehead, but maybe if he tipped his head back…

"Doctor, what the hell are you doing?" asked Rose. The Doctor jolted in his place. He didn't want to admit the truth to Rose, but at the same time he didn't want to lie. He sighed.

"Do you think I look like Brett?" he asked. Rose examined him for a moment, turning her head between him and the TV.

"Maybe a little," she admitted.

"But … all that stuff Kim just said about him," said the Doctor. "It applies to me too."

"Doctor, Kim is a shallow, annoying bitch," said Rose. "More importantly, she's fictional. She doesn't exist."

"But the way I look does," said the Doctor. "I never really thought much about my body, but it's not a nice feeling to have it presented to you like that. I'm sure Captain Jack never gets any worries about things like that." Rose looked at the Doctor.

"Are you jealous of Jack's looks?" she asked. "What, do you think I'm just gonna run away with Jack coz he's supposedly better looking than you?" The Doctor shrugged.

"I don't know," he said. Rose nodded.

"Doctor, look at moiye," she said.

"Huh?" said a confused Doctor.

"Look at moiye," repeated Rose. "Look at moiye, look at moiye, look at moooooooooiye…" Finally the Doctor faced Rose.

"Now I've got one word to say to you," said Rose. "Hot."

"What?" said the Doctor.

"Youare a great hunk o' spunk, and anyone who can't see that can get stuffed," said Rose. The Doctor raised an eyebrow.

"Really?" he asked. Rose smiled.

"Come here," she said, bringing her lips to meet the Doctor's. Just then Jack walked past, but stopped in his tracks as he saw the couple on the couch.

"This calls for a celebration," he decided. "I'm gonna crack open the Tia Maria and put on the footy franks!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

If you want to see what Brett looks like, type "Peter Rowsthorn" (the actor's name) into Google images.

How about this – my fic "What Use Are Emotions?" was my 100th! I didn't even realise!