A/N: Kind of religious theme in the beguining, in athiest-Matt POV. Just warning you. Not meant to offend ANYONE.
I hear the stories, I do;
I listen to the dreams
Of a perfect place of many names
Heaven, Paradise, World Peace.
No matter how you call it
The wish is still the same.
Where might we find this perfect world?
What direction do we take?
What corners do we turn?
How far must we wander
To find this peaceful paradise?
No one I ask seems to know for sure.
I'll be truthful here, because
I trust you will not judge me.
There is no right direction.
There is no road nor golden staircase
No pearly gates of white. An imperfect world
Doesn't deserve a perfect ending.
I hope I'm wrong.
I hope that after all of this horror
After all of the pain
That when I close my eyes
And my last breath escapes me
I'll find a peaceful "after".
But if I'm right
And heaven isn't waiting for us,
If the "after" is just nothingness,
Just dark, just void,
It won't matter to me. I really won't mind
If it's all over.
Because really the truth is
I don't need more. I don't need "after".
I've had enough in my "before".
I've had hate and terror and blood
And I've had joy and bliss and love.
Best of all, I had you.
You were the one who made it matter
The one that gave my life reason
To keep on going. It was you
Who let me live not only the length of my life
But the width as well. It was you that forced me
To not only exist, but live.
I died after nineteen years.
I died barely an adult.
I died a child, never seeing twenty.
I died having never lost my youthful hope.
I died hoping maybe the world wasn't so ugly.
But I lived more than the oldest man.
My life wasn't perfect, far from it.
I was orphaned, I was abused,
I found love only to have it ripped from under me.
I cut. I smoked. I drank. I did all the things mom tells you not to.
I obeyed blindly, stealing, sneaking, even killing. I died like a dog.
But for you, it was all worth it.
So if it's the end when I die
If there's nothing waiting for me…
If I never find out what happened to you,
And never find peace, if I never meet God,
Or whoever you might believe,
At least I'll die knowing I lived for us.
