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Chapter 11
She Said
I'd missed him so much. The feel of him, the smell of him. The thrum of his biotics joining with mine. He pulled me tighter against him, one of his hands sliding up into my hair, the other at the small of my back. He broke the kiss long enough to tell me, "I really hate body armor." I nodded and pulled his mouth back to me, his tongue shoving past my teeth to entwine with mine.
"I'll take that under advisement in our next meeting, Commander," I replied, yanking off my gloves and dropping them to tangle my fingers in his hair.
He froze, then pulled his mouth away from mine. "Meeting… oh, hell." He leaned his forehead against mine, "We can't… do this, Shepard."
"Can't do what, Alenko?" I ran my fingers over his lips and felt him tremble eagerly against me. He growled low in his throat and jerked himself away from me.
"I can't pretend the last two years haven't happened, Shepard!" He was trembling and not in lust. He was angry. The angriest I'd seen him since Horizon.
"Who's pretending?" I demanded.
"We can't just pick up right where we left off! It's not that easy!"
"Yes, it is, Kaidan," I told him, stepping closer to him. "Dying only made me that much more certain of what I want in life. And I want you." I grabbed the shirt of his uniform and yanked him back to me, closing my mouth over his. He crushed me to him, the strength in his arms surprising. He forced my mouth open and our kiss was no longer the gentle thing it had been, but hungry and needy, violent and greedy. His fingers found the clasps of my armor and the pieces fell off me, his hands hot on my back through the body stocking I wore underneath.
Kicking the armor out of the way, he spun me around and lifted me up onto the railing that ran around the room, shoving his body between my legs. I kissed him back, just as hard, my hands shoving his shirt up to get to the bare skin of his back, dark energy trailing along my fingertips to his bare skin. He shivered and pressed himself against me, and the railing put me at just the right height that I could feel how glad he was to be there. His fingers went to the zipper of my body suit at the back of my neck and I made an encouraging moan against his mouth, wanting his hands on me. It was my turn to tremble. Locking my legs around him, I held on to him, desperate to keep him close. His hands found the skin of my bare back, the zipper completely open and it was my turn to shiver at the dark energy coursing through his fingertips, playing against my bare skin with electric shocks. He knotted his fingers in my hair and pulled his mouth away from mine to trail hot kisses down my neck and across one bared shoulder. All the while he was muttering, "Never leave, you can't leave me again," over and over.
I pressed my lips to his neck and felt him tremble against me, "I never left you, Kaidan. Never. I died."
The second mention of my death made him freeze in place, and he pulled back, his face closed down. The biotic flares subsided and he seemed to fall in on himself, closing me off.
"And how can I trust you again, Shepard? Considering who your allies have been these last two years."
I just looked at him and unwrapped myself from his body, a lump of lead where my heart used to be, "I'll be sure to inform the liaison you've assigned us if we need anything, Commander. I wouldn't want to take up more of your valuable time." I zipped myself back up and got my armor back on in record time. I ran my fingers through my hair to make sure it was at least all laying flat against my skull.
I walked out of the comm. room ignoring his, "Shepard, wait!"
He caught up to me in the elevator. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared straight ahead. He hit the stop button. "You need to get over this thing where you don't believe that I died, Kaidan," I told him, using his given name for only the second time since I came aboard.
He stared at me for a few moments, I must have completely derailed his train of thought, "Then what am I supposed to believe, Shepard?"
I depressed the stop button and felt the elevator lurch into motion again, "Don't touch me or talk to me about anything other than the job again until you've spoken with Doctor Chakwas or Miranda Lawson, hell, Jacob Taylor could give you a first hand account." I turned my head to look directly at him, "Better yet, wait till we get to Illium and ask Liara T'Soni about my death. That ought to be illuminating." The elevator doors opened and I stood and stared at the floor they opened on until just before they would have closed on me and stepped out quickly. I turned to watch the doors slide shut on his handsome, startled face.
I spun on my heel to find Tali directly behind me, her hands on her curvy hips, a datapad in one, "Shepard, are you all right?"
"Why are men such dicks?"
"I don't know, Shepard. If you find out, let me in on it, would you?"
I laughed, "So it's a cross-species mystery?"
"I'm afraid so," she replied, her voice dripping mock sadness.
"Did I interrupt you doing something, Tali?" I asked.
"They don't have a kitchen here, do they, Shepard?"
"Nope, I'm afraid it's just like the SR-1. Food processors all the way."
She made a rude noise, "I'm missing Gardner already, even if he didn't always wash his hands."
I thought fondly of my own bed, bathed in the light of my empty fish tank and my poor hamster. The insanely hard couch and having Tali and Garrus, Joker and Chakwas up to visit and watch old vids. On Tali's suggestion, we'd each brought the worst movie we loved dearly. I'd gotten exposed to some truly awful turian and quarian cinema that night. I'd resented the hell out of it at first after waking, yet another Cerberus collar around my neck, but had become home. "I just miss our ship."
"I do, too. Oh, I almost forgot, Shepard. Joker wanted to see you."
"What about?"
"I don't know, he wouldn't tell me."
"Typical. All right, I'll track the weasel down," I sighed. She laughed.
I found Joker at the back of the hold. He'd wedged himself against the wall, stretched out with his arms crossed and his cap pulled over his eyes. I gently tapped his booted foot. He cocked his head, peering out at me from under his cap, "Shepard. You're lucky my legs don't break at the drop of a hat any more."
"Yeah, I know, you're quite the tough guy, now. Shooting Collectors from the airlock with an assault rifle, jumping ships in escape pods… Tali said you were looking for me?"
He sat up straighter, "Look, Shepard, I'm sorry for not giving this to you before. In all the excitement over you getting to ride on Alenko's ship," he grinned at his own innuendo. Thinking of how right he would have been up in the comm. room a few minutes ago, I frowned at him, and he continued, unabashed, "I almost forgot to give something to you." He took off his hat, a sly grin on his bearded face. "Before I jumped ship, I rescued the little guy for you. His house and his food are around here somewhere, he just seemed lonely." He held out his hat to me and the tiny inquisitive nose of my space hamster peeked up over the edge of his cap. A very non-commanderly squeal escaped me as I scooped up my little furry pal and Joker blinked at me, startled.
"Nimitz! Joker, I could kiss you!"
"Uh, don't."
