Chapter 10:

Filemot

Fi'lemot

Noun

The color of a dying leaf


"I miss you," Meredith murmured as she sat facing the grave. She dusted the dead leaves off the top of the cool granite, her hand resting on top of it. Cold coursed through her body, a combination of the stone and the setting sun. "What am I supposed to do, Derek? I want to be with him but how can I? How is that not betrayal?" Tears flooded her eyes as she remembered the last few months of their marriage. They fought constantly about his job in D.C. and whether he should take it or stay with her. There had been so much fighting when they should have been happy, enjoying their time together while they had it.

Desperate for an answer, Meredith pulled out her phone and dialed a familiar number. "It's two in the morning here. This better be good," a sleepy voice barked from the phone. Meredith was silent for a minute, unsure of where to start. "Hello? Mer? I'm trying to sleep, I have a big surgery in the morning. Saving lives and winning awards, you know."

"Cristina, I don't know what to do," Meredith finally said. "I'm sitting at Derek's grave and I don't know what to do."

"Um, go home? Cemeteries give me the creeps," Cristina retorted.

"But Jackson is at my home," Meredith explained. "And he kissed me… more than once."

"Was he any good? I would hope with a face like that he would at least know how to show a lady a good time."

"Yes, it was incredible," Meredith smiled just a little before re-reading the name on the gravestone. Her smile quickly disappeared. "But that is so beside the point."

"And now you want to know if you can move on? Right?" Cristina cut straight to the point. "You can, you know. Derek would want you and the kids to be happy and all that crap. Remember, you are the sun. You get to start a new day and you can start it with him."

"How?" Meredith asked weakly.

"Go kiss him back," Cristina offered. "You always figure it out. Now can I please go back to sleep?"

"Thanks," Meredith smiled into the phone as the call ended. She stood and looked down at the grave. If only it was as simple as Cristina implied.

"Meredith?" Jackson called. In the dusk he could see her standing at Derek's grave. She had her arms wrapped around herself as she stared at the ground. As he approached her, she looked up at him with a slight smile. That was a good sign.
"How'd you find me?" she said quietly.

"Alex told me it was time to come get you," Jackson explained, putting an arm around her shoulders. She willingly leaned into him, resting her head on his chest.

"I don't know how to move forward with this," Meredith admitted. "With Derek and the kids and now April and the baby. I don't know."

"I want to show you something," Jackson replied. Meredith followed him through the cemetery. The golden sun was setting, casting long shadows across the grass as they moved. When they finally stopped, Meredith took Jackson's hand and gave it a squeeze. In front of them was a small grave, a little lamb adorning the top of the stone. "Samuel Norbert Avery" it read. "We both have a past. Tragic and complicated," Jackson explained. "But now we can build a future. I want you to be a part of mine."

"Are you going through with the divorce then?" Meredith asked, turning to look at him.

"I want to," Jackson admitted. "But I don't know what will happen. I can't be with April though. It's not what's best."

"Jackson, I want to move on. I think I want to move on with you but I can't be a dirty mistress again. I did it once and I will never do it again," Meredith explained. "So until you and April figure this all out, we should just be friends. So no more kissing."

"Okay," Jackson smiled. At least she was admitting that she had thought about being with him. When she had run off earlier, he was scared that their relationship could never go back. That she would not be around him again. "Now let's get home before Amelia gets any more crazy ideas about us."


The next morning, Meredith sat in the E.R. watching April. Something about this surprise pregnancy wasn't adding up, especially considering how perfect the timing was. Meredith had spent most of the morning thinking back to her pregnancies. How tired she was, the morning sickness, the mood swings. But the more she looked at April, the more skeptical she became. April was bright and chipper despite being on-call the past three nights and she hadn't seemed nauseous once.

"Dr. Grey don't you have lives to save?" April asked with a raised eyebrow as she stopped at the nurse's station where Meredith sat.

"Nothing my resident can't handle," Meredith replied, seeing her chance to ask about the baby. "So how far along are you?"

"Um," April looked a little surprised at Meredith's question. "Just barely ten weeks."

"Any morning sickness?" Meredith pried. "I had the worst right around this time. If anyone mentioned any kind of food, I was ready to throw up. Especially with Ellis."

"Oh, well I haven't really had it too bad," April smiled. "I guess I'm just lucky." Meredith was about to ask another question when a nurse interrupted them.

"Dr. Kepner, there was an explosion at the Northgate Mall. They are requesting we send teams out to the scene to help triage," the nurse explained. "Dr. Hunt wants you to get a team to the field."

Within twenty minutes April had assembled a triage team and they were on their way to the scene in a crowded ambulance. Initially Meredith hadn't been on the team, April didn't want her there but after a stern look from Bailey, who would rather stay in the hospital, Meredith was reluctantly put onto the team.

The ambulance was mostly silent, save for the few interns who managed to get onto the team. They chatted anxiously about the explosion, what they might see and reviewed the steps of triage. Meredith, Jackson and April sat in silence, neither of them looking to one another.

"We just got a call over the radio about a casualty. Older woman stuck under some debris and she is insisting on Seattle Grace to get to her," the paramedic called from the front. "Said her last name is Avery. You know her?" All the color drained from Jackson's face. He could feel both Meredith and April look at him.

"If she's conscious and talking then she must be okay," Meredith tried to reassure him. "We'll take care of her."

"Oh my god," April muttered. "I knew she was going there."

"What do you mean?" Jackson snapped, hearing April's confession.

"She told me this morning at breakfast that she was going to look at nursery furniture, we had been looking at designs all last night," April explained, her cheeks turning rosy.

"This is your fault," Jackson accused. "If you weren't so eager to have her interfere in our life, if you hadn't called her…"

"Jackson," Meredith interrupted, placing a hand on his leg. "There is no way April could have known about the explosion. She'll be okay, we'll take care of her." Jackson let out an angry breath and rested his hand on top of hers. He knew Meredith was right but that didn't change the fact that he was angry, especially with April. She was a roadblock on the way to his happiness.


They spent the rest of the ride in complete silence. Even the interns had stopped their mindless chatter. It didn't escape April's notice though how comfortable Jackson and Meredith seemed while they sat hand in hand. As expected, the scene was chaos. Meredith was determine to find Catherine and get her out okay. Much to her dismay, Jackson was pulled away by paramedics to treat burn victims and April was just as set on finding Catherine. "I'll get her for you," Meredith smiled to Jackson, giving his hand one last squeeze before they parted ways.

"Let's go," Meredith called to April, following a firefighter who knew where Catherine was trapped. Sure enough, Catherine Avery was stuck under a collapsed beam, her abdomen being crushed under the weight.
"Where's Jackson?" she breathed, her face pale. This was worse than Meredith had expected. There was no doubt an incredible amount of internal bleeding and bruising. They had a limited amount of time before Catherine would bleed out.

"Oh Catherine," April gasped as she took in the injuries. "I'm so sorry. This is completely my fault. If I hadn't insisted on keeping Jackson and-"

"Stop," Catherine waved her hand and shot a pointed glance to Meredith. "Just get me out of here."

"You're right," April stood up and motioned to the firefighters. "Let's get this off of her now."

"No," Meredith called. "We can't take it off of her yet."

"Oh and just let her lay there in pain?" April challenged.

"And just let compartment syndrome set in?" Meredith asked, raising an eyebrow. "She could go into shock and who knows what other complications if we just removed it." She waved over one of the interns. "Get me as much saline as you can find, we need to get fluid into her system to prevent kidney damage. Kepner, get her vitals and begin a full body exam."

An hour had passed since they arrived to the field. Catherine was still conscious but she was fading fast, her breathing getting more shallow and her heart rate increasing. "Dr. Grey, we are out of saline," the intern said, carefully removing the IV.

"She's getting acidotic," Meredith stated.

"Let's just get her out of here," April snapped. "The longer we wait the more danger she is in."

"The moment we move this beam, her abdomen fills with blood and she is at a greater risk for swelling, kidney damage and shock," Meredith explained, taking charge once more. "We need a clear line to the ambulance and an O.R. waiting for her the moment we get to Seattle Grace." She stood up, stretching her legs. "I'm going to snag us an ambulance and a stretcher. You sit tight." Meredith walked away, leaving the intern and an upset April with Catherine. She wove her way through the busy parking lot, dodging the running emergency responders and worried bystanders.

"Meredith," Jackson called to her, his voice just barely above the hub bub.
"Jackson," Meredith breathed, turning to him as he pulled her into an embrace. "She's going to be okay. She needs surgery but she will be okay."

"Thank you," Jackson replied. "I have to go, be careful." He kissed her forehead briefly before he disappeared, swallowed into the crowd. Meredith worked her way to an ambulance.

"I need this on stand by," she called to the paramedic, explaining the situation. Another firefighter grabbed the stretcher and followed her back to Catherine.

"When we lift the beam, someone needs to pull her out. We can't move it fully as it is caught under that rubble over there," one of the firefighters explained. "The movement is going to disturb everything around us so there is a chance of more falling and shifting debris."

"April, you should clear the area," Meredith ordered. She might be upset about April's pregnancy but that didn't mean she would put her at risk.

"No," April insisted. "I'll be okay."

"Think of the baby," Meredith pushed, knowing that April couldn't argue against the reasoning.

"Fine," April relented, stepping away from them. The firefighters took their spots around the beam, ready to lift, as Meredith and the intern prepared to slide Catherine onto the backboard. As they began to lift, more debris began to fall catching Meredith off guard. She stumbled backwards as a piece of ceiling tile landed right beside her, narrowly missing her body. April was quick to jump in, ignoring Meredith's order to stay back. Before Meredith could move and push April back, she was already pulling Catherine out and lifting her from the backboard to the stretcher while Meredith caught her breath.

"April, you shouldn't lift that much in your condition," Meredith scolded. "Think of what could have happened to the baby if you were injured. Your stress affects the baby's vitals and Jackson would be devastated if something were to happen to the baby."

"There is no baby, Meredith," April finally exclaimed in frustration. "So stop acting like you suddenly have to take care of me. Stop pretending you care about me when you clearly only think about yourself."