BACK TO GRIMMJOW'S POV

"Bye Mom!" I call out as I wave to the violet-haired woman in the living room.

She curls up into this awkward yoga position and grins at me from in between her legs.

"Bye, Grimmy! Make sure to take Toshiro with you until he meets up with his friends!"

"Yeah, okay," I confirm.

When I reach the door, I spin around and raise my hands to my mouth.

"OI! TOSHI! GET YOUR SKINNY ASS DOWN HERE, YOU LITTLE SHIT! I'M LEAVING!" I bellow.

"FUCK OFF! I'M PUTTING MY SHOES ON!" yells back a voice from the hallway.

I tap my foot impatiently as he jumps over to me, a piece of an apple hanging from his mouth, still struggling with his shoe.

He fumbles with it for a few more seconds before I get tired.

"Here, lemme do it, fuckass," I drone out dully.

"Mmph," is all that I hear through the fruit.

I kneel down and tie my little brother's shoe. He really is such a pain sometimes, but I can't help but enjoy it. I'm brotherly. Got a problem with that, skank?

I'm glad we see eye to eye on the matter.

I do this intricately awesome knot, then jump up off the floor.

Slapping his head, I turn to my white-haired sibling. "Let's roll, tu mierda pequeña."

"Bye, boys! Don't get killed or arrested! Oh, and keep up your Spanish skills! Remember, it's not cursing if no one can understand you!" Mom yells to us as we leave.

Words of wisdom from Mommy. They must obviously be taken very seriously.

I grab Toshiro's hand and drag him out the door before Yoruichi can launch into a full-fledged speech about how the Spanish language would soon infiltrate every corner of the globe, slowly taking over the business world, leaving the Europeans and Westerners behind in the ashes of a Hispanic revolution. Quite likely.

I drag my sibling out of the house quickly and make my way to the sidewalk.

I let go of his hand as we set a leisurely pace, slowly advancing towards school.

Yawning, I whip my hands behind my head and let the sun shine down on my face.

"Nice weather today," I comment.

"Mmm hmm," he hums in reply.

I turn a corner and, strangely enough, DO NOT run into anyone! Score one for Grimmjow!

But little Toshi did bite the dust.

"Ugh…" he moans from his new position under some kid his age.

The kid in question coughs a little, struggling to roll off of my brother.

I'm about to reach down and help him up when a cold voice hits my ears.

"Step down, trash."

Oh look, it's Ulquiorra.

WAIT WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS HE HERE

"Ulquiorra?" I ask dumbly as he strides over and plucks the kid off Toshiro.

He ignores me, cradling the boy in his arms. "Are you okay, Luppi?"

"Mmph… yeah, I'm okay," the kid groans. He then stares down at my little brother worriedly.

"Is he… oh hey! It's Toshiro! What's up?"

Toshiro cracks open an eye and stares up at him. "The sky appears to be of great altitude today, as do the feelings of pain in my lower back and right elbow."

Luppi gives Snowball a lopsided grin. It's kinda awkward looking because his face is really squished in Ulquiorra's hug of death. "Sorry 'bout that."

Toshiro works his way back onto his feet, swaying a little as he does so.

I sigh. He can be such a drama queen.

"I'll live."

Luppi stares blankly for a few seconds before his face lights up and he leaps over to my brother.

"Oh, so I have to go talk to this dude, right? And he's kinda creepy and so I was wondering if you could-"

I tune out the little guy as he starts rambling aimlessly and we all start walking to school again. How does Ulquiorra put up with this? He's like one of those two hour long infomercials about vacuum cleaners. OKAY, IT CLEANS CARPETS REALLY WELL. WE GET IT. I HONESTLY DO NOT CARE ABOUT HOW THE NEW OCTUPOD-DERIVED SUCTION TECHNOLOGY EXPONENTIALLY INCREASES THE EFFICIENCY ON WOODEN SURFACES. PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LEMME WATCH MAKE IT OR BREAK IT.

But seriously. Make it or Break it is a good show. All the drama that those girls go through…

…it makes me tear up every time. EVERY FUCKING TIME. Oh god, I'm crying again just thinking about it…

"Grimmjow."

I face Ulquiorra as he addresses me. "Whaddya want?" I sniffle.

"…You are… crying…"

I wipe at my eyes. "No I'm not! I just… It's… I got somethin' in my eye. Err, both of 'em."

He walks away.

Aww, now he thinks I'm some emotionally stunted bitch. Better pull some suave moves. Okay Grimm, just be casual. As casual as a casual section as some awesomely underpriced department store that sells nothing but casual stuff. Which is really casual. In a casually casual way.

Clearing my eyes, I saunter up to him and match his pace. Our little brothers are still talking, so I can turn up my sexy meter all the way. Yes, I have one of those. And it's fucking awesome.

I swipe my hand through my hair, leaning back to pull my shirt tightly against my abs, defining the muscles in just the right way. "So Ulquiorra, how are the bribes coming along?"

He glances over at me, then reaches into his pocket to pull put a sheet of paper. Hmm, he didn't notice my sexiness yet. Time to crank it up.

"I have plans for most of them, and now you have to help obtain the items. It should be rather straightforward," he replies.

"Mmm… cool, cool..." I say, stretching my shoulder by pulling my arm to the side, giving him a nice view of my back. I then subtly lift my shirt a little as the wind blows, sending the hem up past my belly button and really putting on a show.

He continues to stare straight ahead. Balls.

Awkward silence ensues.

I steal a glance at him while I think he isn't looking. He's rocking these freakishly skinny grey jeans. My eyes slowly trail up his thigh to rest on…

…Aww yeah.

It's so… perfect.

Toshiro suddenly appears out of nowhere and leads me a little ways off from the other two.

"Hey, Grimm? I have a question for you."

"Hmm? What is it, punk?"

He smirks a little. "Well, you seemed very interested in Ulquiorra's attire. I just love his shirt. Might I ask you what color it was?"

I blank. "It was… uh… well, if you look at it from a certain angle, it's…"

All I can see are flashing images of a grey-clad posterior. DAT ASS IS EVERYWHERE.

"…Blue?" I try.

Toshiro flicks my forehead. "If you're gonna check out someone's butt, make it less obvious, dipshit."

I growl. "Fuck you."

He gives me a teasing grin and walks back over to talk with Luppi.

If it's really that obvious, I'll have to find some more subtle, more slick, more undeniably sexy way of wrapping Ulquiorra around my finger.

As soon as he's gone, Ulquiorra walks over to me. "Grimmjow, from what I've gathered so far, you will need to speak to Ichigo about helping you convince Orihime to pipe down, and from then on you may also want to ask him if he will get her to convince Chizuru, since Chizuru is very, um, friendly… towards Orihime. Zommari and Shinji can easily be convinced with drugs, and I have someone working on obtaining those. I'm not sure about Soi Fon yet, so I'll do some information gathering today."

I nod mindlessly, not really taking in what he says. Need to speak to blah blah blah convince Chizuru blah blah drugs blah blah blah blah blah information blah blah… oh, dude, I just got this great idea.

"Wow, Ulquiorra, that's a lot of stuff. I don't think I'll be able to remember it all. Oh, hey! Here's an idea! Why don't we go to that new café after school, and you can go over everything with me?" I suggest brightly.

Ohoho, I'm soooo smart. He simply CANNOT resist my Jaegerjaques charm.

He blinks up at me with those insanely wide eyes of his. "I apologize, Grimmjow, but I cannot go today. I have to get some stuff done with Nel, Ichigo, and Shiro. But I will gladly give you my list. I have another one in my files."

He hands me the list. "Well, if we're all done here, I need to hurry Luppi along. He's been having trouble with his locker lately, and I have to unjam it for him. Good luck."

I stare at him dumbly as he jogs off with his little brother in tow. Was I just… rejected? No way. That word isn't even in my vocabulary.

Toshiro stops at the corner and waits for me as I slowly drag myself forward in a robotic manner, not really comprehending what just happened.

"So… Grimm? You okay there? You look like you just saw Dad streaking again," he comments.

"Uh…" I say stupidly.

Wow, I need some time to clear my head. Focus on something stable… something like… trees. Yes, trees are as pretty fucking stable as they get. Unless some chainsaw-wielding maniac runs through and just has at it. Or a monster truck runs it over. Or if it was struck by lightning. Or if a tsunami came and swept it away. Or if a tornado…

…Nevermind. Trees suck.

Oh hey, I can think again. Cool.

Looking around, I realize that in the time I spent trying to recover my ability to cognate, my little brother disappeared.

"Toshiro?" I ask.

No answer.

OH GOD WHAT IF THE PEDOPHILES GOT HIM? I SWEAR PEOPLE LIKE ICHIMARU ARE ALWAYS HIDING BEHIND TRASHCANS TRYING TO STEAL HIS CUTE LITTLE SNOWY ASS HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THINGS FRUITY WHAT AM I GOING TO DO MOM WILL FREAKING KILL ME AND DAD WILL JUST STAND BACK AND SMILE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVELY AS SHE BEATS ME WITH A WHIP AND MARRS MY BEAUTIFUL BODY WHILE MOURNING THE LOSS OF HER YOUNGEST CHILD AS SHE CONTEMPLATES ALL THE TERROR THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE BEFORE HIM AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT AND OH GOD WHAT IF THEY DECIDE TO DO WEIRD KINKY THINGS TO HIM LIKE MAKE HIM DRESS UP AS A WHALE AND HAVE FETISH WHALE SEX WAIT HOW DO WHALES EVEN HAVE SEX I MEAN I'VE NEVER REALLY SEEN A PENIS OR VAGINA ON ONE BUT THEY'RE STILL MAMMALS SO I GUESS THEY HAVE ONE SOMEWHERE BUT THAT'S REALLY KINDA WEIRD I GUESS THAT'S WHY IT QUALIFIES AS FETISH AND KINKY BUT STILL ACCORDING TO THE RULES OF THE INTERNET IF IT EXISTS THEN THERE'S PORN OF IT AND GOOD GOD EVERY SECOND I SPEND RANTING IN MY HEAD IS ANOTHER SECOND THAT TOSHI MAY SPEND HAVING STRANGE MARINE WHALE SEX.

I break out sprinting. "TOSHIRO, I'LL SAVE YOU! THE WHALES CAN'T HAVE YOU! BIG BROTHER GRIMM IS COMING TO SA-"

I freeze when I run in the middle of a group of students, all staring at me with wide eyes. Toshiro is in the middle of them, hiding his burning red face in his hands.

Oops.

We all stay still as statues for around thirteen seconds, just taking in the situation.

Lil' Bro appears to have grouped up with Orihime, Rangiku, Rukia, Shuuhei, and Kira.

And now they're all staring at me.

I feel a cold palm land on my shoulder. I turn around hopefully, hoping that Ulquiorra will bail me out.

A sleek voice cuts through the air. "Whaddya get yourself into this time, Jaegmaster?"

A warmer hand accommodates itself on my other shoulder. "Ever the awkward one, Jaegerjaques."

I release my muscles and pout as the twins slink by me to loop their arms around the other's shoulders and casually part the little awkward-fest we have going.

"Tch, fuck off, berries," I reply before running up to join them.

Everyone else seems to feel the tension break and drop the whole "WTF is wrong with Grimmjow" thing.

Remembering Ulquiorra's orders, I set out on a course of action.

"Hey, Shiro, can I ask ya something?"

"Mmph. What is it, Kit-Kat?"

"Ha, dude, do you remember that time when Ichigo was up on the roof after school and he lost his-"

"-Okay Grimmjow, what do you want?" Ichigo cuts me off before I can relay the gruesome details of that which shall not be named.

Bait taken. Fuck yeah. That always works. Heh.

I grin. "Well, Ichi, ya know how Ulquiorra and I are working on a little project of mine? Well, we need your help. It isn't anything big, but it does require-"

I pause, flipping my hair a little and gazing evilly at him from the corner of my eye.

"-a certain type of character. Preferably a redheaded one."

"Yeah, yeah, get on with it," he states as he waves me off.

"Okay, let's be blunt. I need you to shut up Orihime. Right here. Right now. Pretty please?"

He looks at me in a confused manner. "Can't you just do that?"

I give him the 'are-you-fucking-serious' look.

"You are way stupider than you look. And that's pretty insulting, 'cause you look like a goddamn dropout," I deadpan.

Even Shiro looks like he's about to facepalm.

I shove the redheaded failure in Orihime's general direction.

"Just pull out some slick Kurosaki moves and she'll be putty in your hands. All I need you to do is convince her to never speak of the party again," I inform him.

After a few seconds of contemplation, I add, "Oh, and get her to convince Chizuru of the same thing by lesbianing her up."

"Eh?" is all I hear before the flustered teen is face to face with a wall of boob.

I'm about to stand back and watch my handiwork when Shiro drags me into the bushes.

"C'mon! Let's get front row seats!" he sings out excitedly.

I smirk as we both take a dive for the hedge.

Perfect vantage point. I guess this is how stalkers feel. Not bad.

"Shh, here, listen. They're talking," Shiro whispers.

"-didn't see you there, Ichigo! Haha, I should probably pay more attention to everything!"

"Oh, uh, ha, yeah, well, um, listen, I was wondering if you could, uh, do me a favor."

"Eh? What kind of favor?"

Shiro and I keep tabs on the two as Ichigo continues to stumble through the conversation.

Very suave.

Oh wait… someone's walking up to them… is that… oh hey, it's Rukia.

Wait…

…OH HELL NO.

"Shiro!" I whisper-shout frantically, shaking his shoulder. "It's Rukia! Ichigo's already lost his cool being forced to talk to Orihime, but he's gonna melt into a puddle if Rukia gets involved! Dude, we're fucked!"

I'm about to leap out of the bushes heroically when Shiro clamps his hand down on my arm, hard.

"Grimm," he says seriously. "Just… let it play out. Let's see how this works."

I scan his face for any sarcasm. Because this is quite obviously not going to work.

His eyebrows are set in a concerned bunch, his eyes strangely calm and his entire demeanor tensed. It seems that he's worried about his brother, but also… hopeful, maybe?

I smile inwardly. These two may act like dicks to each other, but it's nice to know that beneath the exterior they really do care. Just like me for Toshi. Not that I would ever tell him, though.

I'm jolted out of my musings by a slight yelp from the little group that we're spying on.

Ha, it was Ichigo. That loser.

"R-rukia! Ah, um, what are you doing here? I mean, ha, I didn't even see you, and then you were there, and then I, and you, and, uh…"

"Hi, Rukia!" greeted Orihime.

"Hi, Orihime!" Rukia returned warmly. "So what's up?"

Orihime smiled at her. "Well, Ichigo and I were talking, and then he asked me for a favor, but he didn't tell me what it was yet, so now we-"

"Ah! Wait! I, uh, I don't really need a favor! I didn't actually say that! I was, um, asking about, uh, a new flavor! Yeah! You know that ice cream place? The new one? Uh, haha, yeah, there are a bunch of weird flavors that I've never tried before, and they seem pretty fun! So I wanted to know which one you like!" Ichigo rambled.

Shiro and I both slap our faces at the same time. FACEPALM COMBO X2.

Fail.

Before I have time to react, Shiro worms out of the bushes and flies over to his twin.

As I stealthily blunder out, I can hear Shiro patching up the situation Ichigo got himself into.

"Hey, Rukia, Orihime, didn't see you guys there! Man, it's really nice out today! Oh, hey, did you guys hear about the new club that a senior started a week ago? He and his friends asked the admins if they could-"

Shiro grabs the two girls by the shoulders as he rambles on, and I quickly abscond the fuck out of there with Ichigo in a headlock.

As soon as we're out of earshot, I lean into his face and bitch hysterically. "What happened out there, Berry? I thought you were good with this sorta stuff?"

He draws up a slightly confused expression. "What gave you that idea?"

I open my mouth to begin rambling, but shut it promptly after I realize that this assumption was backed by no evidence whatsoever. "Uh… good point."

I sigh, rather depressed that my brilliant plan was defeated.

"Well, I guess I'll just go over and talk to Ori…" I begin to say, but trail off as I listen in on Shiro working the babes like the smooth operator he is.

"So you'll do it? Oh, wow, you're so great, Orihime! I would totally kiss you right now if I wasn't sure that you would undoubtedly slap me and hate my guts for it! I'm sure that Ichigo would really appreciate it. He's really concerned about his friends, you know."

The pasty pimp just adds to the flattery by casually picking up a strand of her auburn hair and idly spinning it in between skilled fingers. "I mean, Grimmjow can be a real ass, but we still like him to some degree for reasons still unknown."

I frown at this. That jerk will pay for that later.

"Well, if we're all good here, I'll just be going off! I'm gonna drag Kitten and Broski to school double time 'cause Ulqui just texted me. Says he needs something or another with us," Shiro laughs.

He's about to head over to where we're extremely unobviously eavesdropping from a few feet away when he rapidly spins back around to the girls and taps Rukia's shoulder a bit.

"Oh, and that reminds me, speaking of needing things, Ichigo really needs to talk to you about something, and he can't really do it now, but do you think that you could stop by the park after school today? And, Orihime, there's this really awesome bakery down the road from there that I've been dying to check out with you and Ishida, so if you can come, that would be awesome!" he states in a voice chalk-full of borderline-cocky confidence, leaving the two in question with no room to say no.

After a few unsure exchanges where two consents were finally dealt out, Shiro grinned and waved to our female friends as he danced back over to us before tugging us down the road at a brisk pace.

Ichigo looked ahead at his twin in a bored fashion. "So how did it go?"

Shiro sneered back at him and tightened his grip on both of our arms. "It went a hell of a lot better than your discourse did."

Ichigo flushed and looked away, muttering irritably.

"Well Grimm, I got you the princess' silence, and the crazy pervert girl's too," he informed me through a face-splitting grin.

He looked back at his twin a bit dangerously. "And I got you a date with Lil' Kuchiki, Ichi."

Eyes now wide in alarmed panic, the redheaded brother gaped at his sibling. "You did WHAT?"

"Ahahahahahaha!" was all that we got out of the albino as he broke into a run, leaving us to awkwardly try and maintain our footing as we trailed behind him.