AN: so i finally go the talk up. i feel like its all over the place but i think i covered everything. i wrote this not having slept for 3 days so bare with me i'm a little delirious. if you find anything wrong just review or pm me and i'll fix it. think of writing the scene where Rose kills Royce let me know what you think. also any suggestions for stories you would like to see me write for twilight jsut pm me with the idea.
Chapter 10
Rosalie's POV
I walked slowly up the steps towards what I knew to be a broken Bella. As I got closer to her door memories of my own past started to resurface. They were the most horrible thing in my past. After almost eighty years it still plagues me. I wanted to be the strong confident female vampire and not the vulnerable and scared little girl that I hadn't allowed anyone but Emmett to see.
I stood outside Bella's door for a few moments gathering my self confidence before going to speak with Bella. I knew she was hurting and would need everyone around her to help her get through this.
I just wanted her to know that she could come and speak to me if she needed to. Although I haven't been exactly pleasant to her, I really do like her. Her choices just don't sit well with me. But at a time like this I refuse to be, as Emmett would say 'a super bitch'.
I inhaled one last time and knocked on her door gently waiting for an answer, hoping that she hadn't gone back to sleep yet. I heard her voice call softly.
"Come in Alice," expecting the small pixie and not me.
I opened the door slowly. I looked at Bella. She was laying in the middle of her bed in the fetal position facing away from the door. It broke my heart to see someone like this and especially her. She reminds me so much of myself. I knew this was going to be a hard conversation to have. Seeing the haunted look in her eyes that I knew only too well would be torture.
I spoke softly still standing in the doorway. "It's not slice. I wanted to talk to you if that's all right?" I stayed in my place awaiting her answer.
She stretched her body out then sat up and turned to look at me. Her eyes once so alive were just clouded with pain. She spoke and thought her voice was quiet it was harsh and venomous.
"What exactly do you have to say to me. What are you gonna tell me it's my fault for getting in a relationship with him. That we knew it was doomed from the beginning. Or that I asked for it for being such a slut and feeling up his sister while still with him. Or are you going to yell at me for braking up your family again. Because if that's what you're hear to tell me I already fucking know. So you can leave happy." by the time she was finished she was crying and yelling at me hysterically. I don't know which one hurt more; the fact that she felt this way about herself or that she thought I just that much of a bitch that I would actually come and say any of these things to her after what happened.
If I was human I would be crying. But seeing as I'm a vampire my eyes just sparkled with my tears that wouldn't fall. I looked at Bella's for sitting there holding herself together. I was slightly angered at her word but I knew she was just lashing out because she was hurting. So I spoke softly.
"Bella's I'm really sorry you feel this way. I would never say any of those things to you because they're not true. I never meant to hurt you with the way I acted around you… Well maybe I did but not for the reasons you think." I closed the door and sat on the floor pressed against it. I was about to speak when I heard Bella's voice.
"Why would he do this me? He was always so loving and caring, sure he was over protective but it was endearing. I knew that I should have told him I was falling out of love with him. I was planning on telling him soon. But then Alice was here and she was holding me and it felt right but we never let it go any further than a few touches. You have to believe me Rose. I promise we didn't. Neither of us could have stood to hurt him. I obviously can't say the say for him."
I knew she need to vent and get all her thoughts out but I couldn't just sit and watch her break like this. I had to comfort her somehow. I stood and walked over to her bed she had stopped her venting for a moment to breathe she looked at me and before I knew it she had leapt from the bed and threw her body on me. With her force I knew she would have bruises aside from the ones that HE undoubtedly left on her. But she didn't flinch on impact. She held on to me tightly shaking uncontrollably. I wrapped my arms around her to comfort her rubbing her back reassuringly.
"Bella its okay to feel the way you feel. I've been there before trust me it hurt and it's hard but you'll get through it."
"But Rosalie it hurts so much. How can I ever let this go. " she asked moving her head to rest on the place my dead heart resided. Looking at Bella clutching my shirt with tear running down her face she looked so lost.
"Bella, sweetheart I know you feel like you can't breathe properly right now. And you fear every move you make because he may come back. But I promise no matter what we have to do HE won't come back. Between me, Emmett and especially Alice you wont be hurt again."
I moved us over to sit on her bed. I sat and she sat in my lap. "Rosalie I can't help but feel like it's my fault. That maybe if I would have -"
"Bells I learned the hard way that you can't go around blaming your self for the actions of others. There is no power on this earth that gives anyone the right to do what he did." She was silent for awhile she had calmed down some. I could see she felt a bit better but she still had a lot more healing to do. I had never really been this close to Bella but now I could tell why she had every member in my family captivated. Her scent drew you in but once you were there everything else about her made you want to be around her. She broke my train of thought with a question I knew would come up but I still wasn't ready for.
"Rosalie…why do… I mean… how… how do you know what I'm going through so well? What happened to you?" she looked at me expectantly. I knew she didn't need to know the details but she needed to know the story.
Bella's POV
I wasn't sure why I asked it but I just had this aching feeling that I needed to know. We had never been close before hell this is the only conversation we had ever actually had. It just felt like she could relate to me on a level that no one else could, not even Alice.
"Bells how much do you know about why I was turned?"
I looked confused. "Not much. Just that Carlisle found you in bad condition and turned you. Was there more to the story?"
She let out a dull laugh "yeah there was a bit more to the story." She looked at me and sat me on the bed. I felt oddly tired. I lye down, resting my head on her lap as she told me her story. She ran her hands through my hair as went on with her story.
I listened as she talked about the family she had. I heard the longing in her voice when she talked about her friend Vera and her husband and child.
Then she told me of her relationship with a man named Royce. She left out most of the details of what happened the night she was turned. She did tell me that their relationship ended much the same as mine and Edward's. The only difference being it wasn't just him it was him and his friends and no one was there to stop them.
I shuddered at the thought of Alice not saving me when she did. Oh my Alice!!
Rose was talking about what made this life so bearable: Emmett. It was clear that although she had been through an extremely traumatic experience she got through it. It gave me a small incentive of hope for myself. I looked at her she had stopped talking looking deep in either thought or memory. I had a question before I lost her altogether
"Rosalie, how did you get over what Royce did? I mean you experience was so much worse and yet you can sit and speak about it objectively, whereas I still can't even say HIS name."
She just looked at me and laughed "Bella it takes a lot of soul searching and support. I wasn't just better in the blink of an eye. And even sitting here with you it takes a lot of emotion out me. I've just gotten pretty good at controlling my feeling. Emmett still comes home to find me a quivering mass on the floor every now and then. But that's the major factor. Emmett. I let him in and showed him all the emotional cuts and bruises. And he was my own personal doctor. You understand what I'm saying."
I nodded. "Rose I don't have an Emmett. And I don't think I can get through this by my self. I just hate him so much and it just feels like that's the only emotion that consumes me now."
She gazed at me intently and if trying to convey life secrets through that stare. "You do have an Emmett. Alice is very much sweet in you. And I can tell that you like her just as much. The second I said her name my thirst flared from your blush." When she said this I made a move to get up not wanting to make her uncomfortable but she stopped me. "Bella don't worry your scent doesn't bother me. With a record almost as clean as Carlisle's, it's not at all hard for me to resist. I've never tasted human blood. But anyway. Back you and Alice. Just take it slow. She won't rush you into anything. She just wants to be there for her. Take it from me, you'll need her and you wouldn't want to lose her because you pushed her away. I almost lost Emmett and it's really not something you want to go through."
"Thank you Rose. Talking to you helped a lot." I looked at her and smiled the first sincere smile I'd had today.
"You're welcome Bells. Glad I could help. I should call Alice although she's probably seen me and is already on her way here." She laughed. When we heard a car pull up outside.
The engine cut off to the car and Alice was up the stairs seconds later, knocking on the door.
"Come in." I looked at her she looked amazing she had changed her clothes. She now had on a cute form fitting pink velour track suit. My heart sped up a bit seeing her..
Rosalie laughed and Alice smiled "Alice if that happens every time she sees you you're gonna give her a heart attack." All three of us laughed at that.
"God Bells it's good to hear your laugh." She looked at me and I could tell that Rosalie wasn't lying. There was longing and love in her eyes. It made my stomach flutter.
Rosalie got up to leave. I should go I need to be with Emmett. She hugged me and kissed Alice n the cheek as she walked passed.
Something I she said earlier caught my attention at that moment. "Hey rose if you've never tasted human blood why is your record only almost as clean as Carlisle's?"
She laughed darkly "that's a story for another day. Be with your Alice." And with that she walks out the room leaving me with the lovely tiny fairy seated next to me. I slide over to Alice and wrapped my arms around her after. After the conversation with Rose I felt a bit better about being touched. I felt oddly emotionally drained and just wanted to be with Alice.
"Alice could you help me shower please."
"Of course bells anything for you."
