Self Pity

By D.H. Lawrence

I never saw a wild thing

sorry for itself.

A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough

without ever having felt sorry for itself.

Hector POV

It's not been an easy life for me; there have been very few positives in my life. Mostly this has been my choice. I have a very loving familia growing up, that was one of my positives. Because of the love I have for mi familia I vowed to protect them always. So I chose at a very young age the best protection I could provide for them is to join the deadliest gang I could find. Everyone knew who was a member of this gang and not to fuck with them or their familias. I gave up my soul for their protection; I would give that and much more for them.

I have hunted, I have maimed and I have killed. I was the enforcer in the beginning, I was scrawny but wiry. This was valuable in misleading others; they would be ignorant of the death and damage I would bring to them. Once I was given an assignment nothing would deter me. I would execute not only the assignment but often the person too. I built a name for my self, ángel de la muerte.

Because I excelled at every assignment the OGs gave me I climbed the gangster ladder, you know corporate ladder but with bad asses, from being an enforcer to being a capitán, then to a vice-presidente. But when a member of a faction gang killed our presidente, I took to the streets and eliminated every member of that gang. Which put me in the highest position of power; I became the presidente when I was 21.

There were something's that was instilled in our gang and it was old school thinking; one of them was you don't hurt women or children. This is why I picked this gang, I knew my familia would be protected and there was a type of honor among these thieves and murders. When I happened upon a disturbing scene at a pastry shop while I was walking in the suburbs of Trenton I knew I had to extract my deadly vengeance.

There was a scream I had never heard before and never want to hear again. The amount of pain I brought to our enemies never equaled the pain in that scream. It brought me to that pastry shop, I saw a man zipping up his pants as he walked out with a package under his arm. I know that look of satisfaction of a sick and twisted man. Instead of going after him, I heard the whimpering inside the shop. I get inside and look to find who this pedazo de chit hurt. I find her behind the display case, blood around her as she just sat there crying. She looks up at me and stuns me with her blue eyes; I feel the pain behind them all the way to my dark soul. I put my hands up in order to show her I mean her no harm. She wraps herself into a small ball and backs away from me.

"Angel dañado, I mean you no harm. I wish only to help." And help her I did, not only that night but for the next 8 years. No one knew of my connection to her besides mi familia. I kept her out of the gangs radar. I would just slip away to where ever she was, the 'burg, college and so forth. My underlings just thought I had a pieza de arranque on the side. This kind of helped me because it was uncommon knowledge that I am gay. There had been questions on why I didn't have a compañera, especially through my way to the top. But no one knew that I was gay and no one knew of my friendship with my Fie. Seems like a strange nickname, but that's what I have called her since that night. It was her friendship and unwavering support that lead me to college while she attended. She received her bachelors degree in business, mine is in computers.

Her own familia was loco at the time. She wouldn't tell me who harmed her, but I heard a couple of days later that she had been ground because someone had written about her in the men's bathroom stalls through out their little town. Her madre is a domineering puta, if my kind hearted Fie would have let me I would tear her apart with my bare hands. But my Fie who calls me her dark angel, her savior won't let me harm anyone she says she doesn't want her to be the cause of anymore suffering on my soul. It was this puta of a madre's reason why I wasn't in mi Fie's life anymore.

The heartache of being out of her life made me realize I had changed and I couldn't be in the gang anymore. I am the only presidente of a gang to walk away not only with my life but the life of mi familias still intact. This is to say that the enforcers or vice presidentes were so lucky, but the capitáns had a coming to Hector moment and they realized how futile it was to keep coming at me. Not only was it pointless but it wouldn't be beneficial to their health. So I walked, it was about this time that mi Tia Ella went to work for a company called Rangeman. She set up an interview for me with the owner Ranger Mañoso. I had heard of him from the under belly of the organized crime world. He was considered to be a BAMF. When I meet with him we came to an understanding. He was in charge but I was left on my own. He would only suggest I do something and I would take it under advisement. But at the same time if he had need of me, I was there for him knowing that my Tia Ella held him in high regards.

Seeing my Fie again in the monitors was heart stopping. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw her in the elevator with Ranger. How in the hell did they know each other? Why in the hell was she here? She looked incredible, even through the monitors I could see the sparkle of life that was still in her eyes. It has taken me some time but after that bittersweet night, where she was hurt but came into my life, to put that sparkle back in those hypnotic blue eyes but it was still there.

I ran up to the fifth floor and slammed the door open glaring at Ranger. Hoping he realized that he was not to fool around with mi Fie. When she turned to see what the noise was she just blinked at me then took off in a run into my arms that I held out for her. Once she was in my arms it was if my soul found peace again. She always had a soothing affect on me, but after so many years away from her I had forgotten what an incredible feeling it was having her hug me. She did something she has always done but that no one else ever did, not even my familia, she kissed my tattooed tears. She followed it up with another hug and grabbed my hand as she didn't want me to leave. I allowed her this because I was not ready to be away from her.

She started speaking with Ranger, "Do you have somewhere we can talk, I mean if that will be a problem? We could just go back downstairs, if that's ok with you?" so sweet but unsure of herself.

If he knew what was good for him he won't deny mi Fie, "Yea Babe, you two can go to my office. It will be private in there."

Ranger and I exchange looks, and I understand he is giving us our privacy. I nod my understanding of his allowance. He guides her through to his office, and opens the door for her to go into and explore. And she does with her eyes wide taking it all in while she touches everything. She still has that naivety, that pure innocence even with that night that hangs in her past. This is just one of the many reasons why I love her.

I see her mentally shaking her head, she doesn't realize how easy of a read she is, you always know where you stand with her. No guessing no plotting from her what you see is what you get with her. Again she is refreshing from the people that have been in my life. She turns and looks at Ranger. There is an electric current between those two and he doesn't realize it yet but he and I are going to have a coming to Hector meeting. He will come to understand how to treat her, BAMF or not no one messes with mi Fie. Her manners that she has always had shines through once again, "I know you are probably wondering how we know each other, and you have been very generous with me. But if you could give us a little time to talk I will answer your questions. Well any that I can, thank you for everything today. I can't begin to tell you how incredible you have been and now finding him again…" She humbles me; I know exactly how she feels. There are no words for this overwhelming feeling

Ranger answers correctly, "It's not a problem Babe. If you need anything he knows where to find me." He just walks out of his office and closes the door.

She turns towards me and I can see the anger in her eyes, then she lights into me, "Where in the fuck have you been? Why did you leave me? You said you would always be there for me. WHERE WERE YOU?"


A/N: The characters contained in this story are not mine; I make no money out of this adventure. The only thing I get is the satisfaction of writing it and hopefully providing entertainment to you the reader! For the one who makes money of these characters please see Janet Evanovich. The poem is by D.H. Lawerence if it seems similar it is the poem from the movie GI Jane.

From me to you Margaret… a little bit of Hector POV…. Big Dopey Dreamy Sigh!

Translation: familia - family

ángel de la muerte – Angel of Death

OGs – Original Gangsters

Capitán - Captin

Presidente - president

pedazo de chit – piece of shit

angel dañado – damaged angel

pieza de arranque – piece of snatch

compañera – girlfriend

loco – crazy

madre – mother

puta – bitch

BAMF – Bad Ass Mother Fucker