IMPORTANT: AN: I am taking out the whole 'trying to keep this story in real time' thing. Easier said, it starts on December first and then it just gets nearer and nearer to Christmas as the chapters are added. This story is just basically now a random fan fiction about the things they do around Christmas. This was based on actual events that had me laughing my butt off. Thank you to lanna-misssunshine for letting me use her idea and to my friend Anne who helped inspire this chapter along with my art class! You guys rock! Now read!

Chapter Nine: Christmas Shopping

My feet felt dead. I was drained. I saw a bench and dragged Edward over to it. I sat down and let out a huge sigh. We still had time before we had to meet back up with everyone else. So we could afford to sit for a few minutes and let feeling return to my feet.

In truth, I had not wanted to come shopping today, but Alice had insisted. After two whole pay checks from Newton's, a cookie, and three hours, I had finally collapsed. Well, not completely, but I was getting tired and needed to rest my feet. Edward sat beside me in a swamp of bags. I smiled at him. He hadn't wanted to come much more than I did. It was refreshing to just sit and hold hands. But, it didn't last long…..

While we were sitting there, I suddenly heard a buzzing noise.

"Please don't answer that." I said. I knew it would be Alice and that she wanted to drag me into some other shop. I had finally managed to sneak away form her with Edward, and there was no way I was going back right now. He sighed and pulled out the phone that was still buzzing.

"I should……"

"No you shouldn't't!" I said quickly.

"Something might be wrong."

"It's a trap!"

Disregarding me, he flipped open the phone. "What Alice...Yes…..No……..Fifteen minutes...okay." He flipped the phone shut. I was a bit confused by his side of the conversation and he must have seen it because he started to explain.

"Alice wants us to meet her by the entrance in about fifteen minutes."

I groaned. It would take us about ten to get there through the crowded mall so I only had five to rest. Due to the fact that my legs felt like they were going to fall off, I really did not feel like moving at this point. Edward chuckled at me, and I glared at him.

The five minutes passed way too quickly. Edward and I were moving toward the entrance, and we were greeted by a very chipper Alice upon arrival.

"Okay, Alice, where's the fire?" I asked as she bounced up and down. I sat all of our bags down at my sides.

"In there!" She said pointing her finger toward the store I hadn't even realized we were standing in front of.

"Um…Alice…." I said as I read the store name. "Aren't we all a little old to go in Toys 'r' Us?"

"Do NOT insult the most awesome store to ever exist!" Jasper said as he pointed his finger in my face. I stepped back toward Edward and he put his hand around my waist.

"It's okay Jazz, she didn't mean it." Alice soothed him.

"Sorry…" Jasper started, "I just really like this place."

"No problem." I forgave him.

Rosalie looked at Emmett who was acting like an excited two-year old who had just seen Santa in an I-can't-believe-I-am-with-you way. Alice was smiling, and Jasper was acting like Emmett. Edward was faintly smiling too. I just looked around a bit puzzled by all of this until Jasper's happiness hit me like I ran into a brick wall. Despite his emotions, I could not believe I was about to go in Toys 'r' Us with five vampires.

Jasper POV

I was so freaking excited it was unbelievable. I was surprised that no one else was feeling it too, but then I saw Bella's expression change. I couldn't't help it though. After Alice had drug me around the mall for hours into various uninteresting stores, I finally got to go in the place I came here to go in. Alice squeezed my hand and we started into the store.

Bella POV

I was surprised to see Edward actually getting excited as we went into the store. Maybe it had just taken longer for the excitement that was overpowering me to hit him. He let go of me and ran with Jasper and Emmett to the first shelf they saw. Rose, Alice, and I followed them. In their apparent excitement, they hadn't paid any attention to what was on the first aisle. Barbies.

When realization hit them, I thought Emmett was going to run away and scream in fear.

"NO!" he boomed.

"Calm down Emmett they are just dolls." Rose said.

"What exactly is wrong with him?" I asked Edward quietly.

"He is afraid of Barbies." He laughed uncontrollably.

"You are kidding!" I said. Edward shook his head no back in forth since he was incapable of speech. I burst out laughing at the fact he was afraid of Barbies. Big, strong Emmett was afraid of dolls! This was priceless! Plus, he was making quit a scene.

"They are not just dolls! They are evil mindless….Satanist!" he said as he cowered from the Barbie.

"Emmett!" Alice said as she picked up the Barbie. "She is just the purple Barbie Princess."

"They are kind of creepy." Jasper jumped in. "They are always smiling and they stare at you!" he shuddered.

"O.M.C.! (Oh my Carlisle.) They are just dolls! I will show you." Rosalie started to open the Barbie box.

"No!" Emmett lunged at her and grabbed the box before she could open it. "Don't open the box that holds Satan's bride!"

I was practically rolling on the floor in laughter with Edward at this point. I couldn't't believe Emmett. This was so much funnier than the Mike thing!

"Look Emmett, I hate Barbies with a passion, but they are just dolls!" Rose snapped at him and pried the box from his hands. Alice grabbed the box from her.

"Alice…." Emmett started. He looked nervously over at Jasper who was laughing with Edward and me despite the fact that they creeped him out. He knew he had no help now. Rose and Alice had him cornered. "Stay away from me midget!" he snapped at Alice when she stepped closer to him with the doll.

Alice's jaw dropped, and she froze with an –oh-no-he-just-didn't look on her face. We were all stunned and stopped laughing. "Oh…crap….Alice….I am so sorry….I don't know what came over me." he was trying to back pedal.

Alice was unconvinced and flung the Barbie box back to throw it at Emmett. It would have hit him square in the chest, but when she drew back the box above her head, it was partially open and the Barbie went flying out of the box due to the quick motion. It landed in Jasper's lap. He looked down to see the purple Barbie princess smiling back up at him evilly. He shot up like the Barbie was on fire and started to run away screaming, "Ew! It touched me. The Emo Barbie touched me!"

Jasper POV

Suddenly, the purple Barbie princess landed in my lap. I felt my eyes bulge out of my head when I looked down in my lap and saw a Barbie with long brown hair smiling back up at me. The smile on her plastic features scared the Be-Jesus out of me! It looked possessed! Now I saw what Emmett meant.

I shot up and ran far away from the bride of Satan (as Emmett put it.).

Bella POV

After Emmett had been properly slapped by Alice and Rose and the Barbie princess was safely back in her box, we went on a ten minute search around the store to try and find Jasper. It was a good thing Emmett knew where to go or else it would have taken us forever. We found him in the section of Toys 'R' Us that held the fake light-sabers and plastic swords.

"Jasper!" Emmett screamed as he saw the swords and ran up to grab one. "I so challenge you to a rematch!"

"You're on!" Jasper replied.

"Wait. Re-match? They did this before?" I asked Edward.

"Yeah- they destroyed this whole section of the store in the process too. I am surprised we haven't been chased out of here yet because of it. We have the tape at home."

"I so want to see that when we get home!"

Security Guard Person

I hated having to work the afternoon shift at Christmas time. We always got so dang busy! I scanned numerous rows to make sure no kids were pilfering and that no parents were either. So far, it had been a good day, and I intended to keep it that way.

No sooner had I thought that that I saw them in the fake swords area. NO! Not those two! Again! Don't the words 'banned for a life time' mean anything to these two!

Bella POV

Alice, Rose, Edward and I were enjoying the show Emmett and Jasper were putting on with their fake little swords. It was quite amusing to watch them. Even though, they had knocked over a whole bin of the light-sabers, and they were close to knocking over a shelf as it was now.

"Go Emmett!" Rose cheered Emmett on.

"Go Jazz!" Alice backed her husband up.

Edward and I were laughing at them. It was so funny to watch them lunge and circle each other while trying to be careful and graceful. Emmett lunged at Jasper in a Ninja Turtle imitation move; instead of hitting his mark, he landed in a pile of huge bouncy balls. That was when I started to wonder what Mike would be doing if he were here to see Emmett now which made me laugh harder.

"Hey!" a voice screamed form the end of the aisle. Our laughter was cut short, and all of us turned to look. Jasper and Emmett even stopped fighting in mid swing. When we turned, we saw a very out of shape security guard running toward us.

"Time to leave." Edward said as he picked up our bags that we had set on the floor.

"We'll finish this at home!" Jasper and Emmett both yelled at each other as they threw down their swords. In their hast, they ended up knocking over the shelf that they almost had earlier. Hundreds of toys crashed to the ground as the shelf collided with the floor and bouncy balls Emmett had freed. Thankfully, no shoppers were under it, but several stunned people turned to look at their destruction

I was giggling as we ran out of the store. The whole time the guard was swearing and yelling stop behind us. As we ran out, Alive threw some money to one of the clerks and said, "That is for aisle ten!" as she skidded to a stop just long enough to hand him the money before beginning to run again. It was hard to run since my legs were already tired and I was laughing, but I sprinted with Edward the whole way out into the middle of the mall.

Finally, we stopped running, and I found a nice bench t sit on and catch my breath with Edward. As soon as we all looked at each other we broke out in hysterical laughter. Well, all of us except Jasper and Emmett who were arguing about who won. Suddenly, I didn't regret coming on this shopping trip anymore. I turned to Edward and said,

"Do you think you could get that security tape to add to the collection?"

Thanks again to all of those that helped me with ideas and let me borrow theirs. So thanks to lanna-misssunshine and Anne, Amelia, Rondalyn, and Cody (who got the Barbie thrown at him.) I really appreciate it. Now REVIEW! Some of it was true and I thought it was too funny to change.