Part Two
All he really cares about is sex and his alpha maleness. You fell for him just like all of the other people that he's been with just because he's handsome and he pretends to care about you. So this is what happens when you let people in.
He rubbed his eyes again and exhaled shakily as he thought about what he should do next. He wanted nothing more than to be away from the silver tongued agent yet at the same time he wanted, no, he needed to hear an apology, an excuse, even – anything from the lips of the man who he had once felt so comfortable with. Morgan muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'Spencer' and then sighed in his sleep. His forehead crinkled in consternation and he turned away from him, only to turn back around and face him again. "Samuel," he muttered, "don't…don't…NO!" Suddenly he sat up and looked around wildly. "Reid!" he shouted, not aware that the very man was sitting right beside him. "Reid!" he called again into the darkness.
"Morgan! Morgan! I'm here! I'm here."
"Reid," Morgan said in relief and quickly grabbed his arm. Reid flinched beneath his touch and tried to pull away but Morgan's grip was tight and painful. "Are you okay?" he asked anxiously.
"I…I'm fine! Wait…no! No, I'm not fine! Morgan, what did you do to me last night?!"
"What did I…what?" Morgan said with some confusion.
"Last night we were talking about Sherlock Holmes and we ordered room service –" Reid broke off and pressed the heel of his palm against his temple. Morgan recognized this as a sign of an intense and sudden migraine but that's not what made his eyes widen in shock. He quickly grabbed Reid's hand and pulled it away from his temple. "Reid, look at me," he commanded. Reid obeyed and stared at him even though his eyes watered with pain and regret, "You think I raped you?" Reid hated the word but nonetheless nodded weakly. His hand felt clammy and cold in Morgan's own but for some reason he did not pull away. Having heard the accusation come from Morgan's mouth accompanied by anger, bewilderment, and betrayal Reid began to realize just how, well, paranoid his accusation was. He swallowed and looked into Morgan's eyes with desperation. I'm sorry, he tried to say but anger quickly crowded Morgan's brow and he had to look away.
"Reid," he said, leveling his voice. "I want you to listen to me because I'm only saying this once since it will never cease to be true. I respect you. I respect you as a profiler and as a friend. Reid, I would never -"
"I know! I know!" Reid said quickly. He felt the overwhelming need to thank Morgan for…what? Reid was never the man for passionate words or earnest admittances of emotions so how was he to explain to Morgan the gratefulness and respect that he, too, felt towards him? What words would he use to thank him for treating him like a normal human being as opposed to a victim or socially awkward and pathetic genius? What tone of voice would he use if he were to apologize for being frightened and panicked about the whole thing when he knew that he should at least try to show strength, some faith in Morgan? If he couldn't say any of things how did he ever expect to tell Morgan, to really look him in the eye and say the words that had been flitting through his mind ever since Morgan had first run his hand across his chest? He opened his mouth but fear and anxiety quickly shrouded his thoughts and he closed it again. He stared at Morgan's hand and briefly wondered what he would do if Morgan were to touch him again, this time without the fear of an unsub hanging over them, without the fear of anything, really. That's when he realized that he wanted him; he wanted Morgan to run his hand over his chest and look at him with his usual carefree smile. He wanted him to call him Pretty Boy, Resident Genius, Kid and then throw his hands up in mock submission when he made a surprisingly witty retort. He wanted, above everything else, to feel the freedom, carefreeness, and companionship that he had felt with Morgan once before except this time he wanted just a little bit more. He stared at Morgan's hand, willing himself to reach out and take it but he couldn't. He simply couldn't. He had always been adverse to touching people (and being touched) and, even though he wanted nothing more than to be touched by Morgan at that moment, the idea of instigating such closeness made him queasy with anticipation. He took a shaky breath in.
"I'm sorry, man," he said, unable to look Morgan in the eye. Morgan moved his hand away and Reid's eye followed it with some regret, "this whole thing has me on edge. Paranoid, really,"
"Yeah, I know how you feel," Morgan sighed and closed his eyes. Reid could sense that he was still angry yet he knew that his anger was not directed towards him, but rather the splinter that had been lodged in their friendship and the man that had stuck it there. There was a silence and then…
"When you were sleeping you called my name."
"Did I?" Morgan opened his eyes and looked at him.
"Yeah. And then you said, 'Samuel…don't…don't…No.'" Morgan groaned. "What is it," he asked worriedly.
"More paranoia," Morgan had no intentions of telling Reid anymore about the mysterious man that he had met in the bar but one look at the young genius's face told him that he really didn't have a choice in the matter. He sighed again and moved in closer to Reid. "When Emily and I went to check out the bar that the victims had gone to we met a man. His name was Samuel Fidel and…I don't know, Reid. Something about the guy just really got to me. You know how when you meet an Unsub for the first time you just want to –" Morgan bit his bottom lip and slammed his fist into his palm, "- well, maybe you don't. But I do. This guy…something about him made me want to lash out at him yet at the same time…"
"What?" Morgan shook his head.
"Yet at the same time he reminded me of somebody, the way that he looked at me. Only once has a man ever looked at me like that before."
There was a pause as Morgan collected his thoughts. Reid looked away in confusion. Who was Morgan talking about? Reid scanned all of his mental databases but he couldn't think of anyone that could unsettle Morgan in the way that this man – this Samuel Fidel – obviously had. For a second he thought that maybe he had been referencing Hotch (a ridiculous idea, but an idea nonetheless) until he realized that there was another man that he had learned about a few years back. He looked up at Morgan in horror, but the other agent's eyes were fixated on the wooden rail at the end of the bed. His face was drawn and his eyes were distant as if he were caught in a reminiscence of a tainted past. So that's what his paranoia looks like, Reid thought as he stared at Morgan. He wanted to do something to help Morgan, but he did not have faith enough in his words to use them as a method of comfort yet at the same time he knew that his friend was walking through his own personal hell full of confliction and desperation, a hell that a man like him usually walked alone. He was silent a moment.
"Morgan, I think it's time that I told the rest of the team." Morgan roused himself from his reverie and looked at him.
"What?"
"I said, 'I think that it's time that I told the rest of the team.' About Benedict." He looked at him with a grim expression on his face. "You don't have to do this," he said, watching him closely. Reid shook his head.
"No, I have to. I feel like I've been floating around in denial ever since we…" he hesitated, looking for a relatively non-obscene word. Unable to find any he let the sentence drop and continued, "and it's not fair. It's not fair to you or the rest of the team. They have a right to know. And you…Morgan, you deserve the faith and respect of someone stronger than I am."
"Reid…"
"No…just…please don't hinder me on this one, okay? I have to tell them." Reid stood up and tied the belt to his cotton robe resolutely. Already the sun was starting to shine through the grey mists of the morning and paint new patterns on the powdery blue walls. Morgan stood up and rested his hand on Reid's shaking fingers.
"Reid, you're not going to tell them –"
"But –"
"We're going to tell them together because this involves both of us." Reid sighed in relief and sat back down on the bed. But Morgan was quick to pull him up again.
"Hey, what's this?" He said, his hands still on Reid's wrists, "I thought we were leaving now."
"What? Now?"
"You were tying your belt. I thought you were getting ready to leave."
"I was cold."
Morgan smiled and shook his head. "Look, kid, it's not going to make a difference when we tell them. All that matters is that you get it off of your chest and we can move on with our lives."
"You're right."
Reid went in the bathroom and quickly slipped on a grey woolen sweater and tan trousers. He glanced at himself in the mirror and immediately hated what he saw. His eyes were surrounded by even darker circles, his clothes were wrinkled, and his hair was sticking up in a frizzy disarray. He pulled at one of the brown strands and tried to lock it behind his ear. "Like someone who hasn't seen a shower for days," he muttered. He quickly drew his eyes away from the mirror, so ashamed was he of the grimacing reflection that he saw. He turned on the faucet and simply stared at the running water for a minute or two before splashing some on his face and hair. The water felt cool and refreshing against his skin and he felt, as he ran the rough towel against his cheek, that a weeks' worth of worry was being removed from his face. However, when he looked into the mirror again the same dark-eyed, tousled hair reflection looked back. There was nothing that he could do to wash the life's worth of fatigue away. He put his hand on the knob and turned, fearing the expression to be unmasked that he would see on Morgan's face.
"I'm ready," he mumbled, pushing past Morgan to get to the door. Already he was starting to regret his decision to tell his team everything and it was with a pounding heart and aching stomach that he opened the hotel room door. But something was wrong. Morgan hadn't moved an inch. Reid turned and looked at him quizzically but immediately the look melted from his face when his eye's settled on Morgan's.
Part of the reason why people speculated that Reid had autism, Asperger's, anything that seemed to encompass everything was because he tended to avoid eye contact. It's not that he feared the demons that he would see in people's eyes as someone had once dared to hint but rather he hated the judgment and pity that he often saw there. People usually refrained from telling him what they truly thought about him and his statistics but he already knew based on what he could see in their eyes whenever he had the courage to hold their gaze long enough. Only if he was close enough with the person or trying to explore some new idea would he maintain eye contact. But, even though a strange smile played about his lips, Morgan's eyes were strangely empty; devoid of all feeling, judgment, and emotion except for …Reid couldn't bring himself to admit it so instead he felt it; he felt it wash over his body and control his thoughts, he felt it spill through the man's fingertips as they pulled him in closer, he felt it gather in the pit of his stomach and swirl around his body like wisps of smoke as Morgan bent down, ever so slowly, and kissed him once on the cheek. And then he felt it wash over his parted lips like a breath of warm air as Morgan pulled back, eyes still closed, hovering just a few inches before his lips. He felt it take his palm and press it against the back of his neck and then Reid knew that it wasn't just Morgan's love that made him tilt his head and kiss him once again but the love that they shared for each other.
XoXoXoXo
Me: Ooooh, how'd you like that macaroni and cheesy kissing scene at the end, huh? Come on, tell me. I'd love to know. Sorry this chapter took so long to update. I was trying to figure out how exactly I wanted to structure it and, I have to say, I'm just as surprised as you are at the end result. Originally I just planned on having them share the same hotel room and then have Reid tell Morgan that he wanted to tell the team but this *taps screen* I'm not sure where this came from. Seriously, I didn't plan it at all. Maybe Morgan and Reid are speaking through me o.O Hope you enjoyed it! On to the next chapter! Oh, also (if it was a bit hard to understand) Reid had a wet dream and that's why he thought that Morgan had raped him when he felt the wetness in his pants.
