Chapter Eleven. Interesting twist here. Also happens to be around the same time i decided to go talk to somebody and Rebecca (Randi) went with me to Tracy (Teresa) to provide moral support while i asked about getting a councilor.
I don't own Neopets. Tamara and all them are mine.
"Alright. I Give."
Chapter Eleven
I sank like a rock to the bottom of the pond. I felt the concrete floor beneath my butt before starting to resurface. I let my breath out slowly, hoping that neither Kayla nor Alison would think to look for me just yet.
Then, a curious thing happened. When I opened my eyes, I saw the ghostly image of Maya floating before me. Her right forearm glistening with the scares of the glass cuts I had treated back in October. Her brown eyes locked onto mine. Her Mynci, China, still balanced on her shoulder.
"It's not worth it, Tamara. It's not worth it." She said. She reached out and touched my forehead with two fingers. "Think of all the people who are going to miss you if you go."
Once more, I thought of Mam and Pap. Surely they would miss me.
I thought of Mom being stuck with a loafer like Codax.
I thought of all the people I met and made friends with: Alison, Bella, Camara, Bo, Randi, Thor, Kayla. Even Kara had just begun to get on my good side. What would they do?
I knew for a fact that Thor would be the most likely to follow me. He really only had me and Bo to fall back on. And, during the time after Maya's funeral, Thor and I had gotten extremely close. He checked with me daily to make sure I was okay.
As for the rest of them, I didn't know how they would react.
I knew that suicide was a selfish act. I also knew that it tended to start chain-reactions. I knew that it was viewed as bad and so terrible to throw your life away needlessly. But what could I do? I was still living with the guilt of knowing I was the reason Maya had died. Every night, my dreams were haunted by her face just before it plummeted down to the grove.
Just then, I felt hands loop under my armpits. My head cleared the pond and I blew water from my lips. With my eyes closed, I still saw Maya.
"Go back, Tam. Your friends still need you. Your time's not up yet. Go back."
"Tamara! You are so stupid!" Kayla scolded me, throwing the beach towel I was using over me. I shivered, the water had been cold. "What were you trying to do? Shake hands with God?"
"Not quite." I laughed, nervously. I looked up into Alison's concerned face. "I saw your sister."
Alison blinked. "What do you mean you saw my sister?"
"I mean, I saw her on the other side." I said. I explained everything that I saw.
"So, you had a near-death experience." Kayla said. It wasn't a question.
I shrugged; tugging the towel tighter around my shoulders, shivering. "Most likely." I said.
Alison knelt before me. "Tam. Tam, look at me." I looked at her. "How long have these thoughts of suicide been going on?"
"Not long." I said.
"Since the window?" Alison said.
"No. That was an isolated incident."
"Then for how long?"
I remained silent. Not willing to tell her that it was four and a half weeks that this had been going on. Only because I knew what their response would be.
Splash—Kayla's Lutari—crawled up onto Kayla's shoulder and growled something into his Mistress's ear.
"Four and a half weeks?" Kayla said.
I looked over my shoulder at Fangore who was looking quite guilty. "Thanks ever so much, Fangore." I said, sarcastically.
"They want to help you, Mistress." Fangore said. "Besides, if you go, so will I and I don't want to die just yet."
I could see where he was going with this. "I still don't like people fussing over me. And I don't want help."
"Whether you want it or not, we'd like to see you get some help." Alison said.
"But you know I won't." I said.
"Booger, leave her alone." Kayla told Alison.
I almost laughed. I'd never heard anyone call Alison "Booger" before. But, I bit my tongue to keep from smiling.
"You know she's only going to get bullheaded and stubborn." Kayla continued.
Alison nodded. "Just think about it." she said.
I followed them both back to the beech tree but sat out in the sun to dry. When we went back to the dorm, I changed and we went to supper.
Amanda met us there. She greeted Kayla and Alison with high-fives and smiles. When she saw me, she nodded. "Hello again, Tamara." she said.
"Hello, Amanda." I said. "How're you?"
"I'm good. And you?"
"Fine." I said. This was how it always started between me and Amanda. But, for some reason, I suspected that Amanda only let me join them because of Kayla and Alison.
"Tam is going to hang out with us tonight." Kayla said, resting her elbow on my shoulder. "Hope you don't mind."
"Not at all." Amanda said, her green eyes still on my face. "Any friend of your's is a friend of mine."
I didn't relax. I didn't like the way she was still watching me or how she said that. Everything she said or did around me left goosebumps up my arms.
While we ate, I stayed out of their conversations; still contemplating what I had seen. I thought about my grandparents, mom, and brother. I thought of the friends I had made here. Even the people I had met before coming here. Yes, those were the same people that had made fun of me: dropping me in the dumpster or shutting me in the lockers, tossed my textbooks in the toilet, ripped up my notes. I wondered if any of them would even care. They probably didn't even know I was still around.
After the Block Party, we went over to Amanda's apartment and had ice cream. Then, I headed back tot he dorm alone after promising Kayla I would still be alive when they got back.
Randi crossed paths with me as I headed upstairs to my room.
"Hey, Tam." she hailed.
I stopped with my foot on the bottom step. "Hey, Randi." I said, not looking at her.
Randi leaned against the wall by the stairwell. "So, uh, Alison tells me you through yourself in the pond. Is that true?"
I nodded. "Unfortunately."
Randi glared at me and I looked away. "Why?"
I shrugged. "Just wanted to see if I could do it."
"That's not a reason." Randi scolded, Sheldon growling at Fangore.
"Well it is to me." I said, Fangore growling back at Sheldon.
"And?" Randi asked.
"And, I decided to talk to Teresa about getting in to see a counselor." I hung my head, almost shamefully. "But, I wouldn't know where to begin."
Randi nodded. Then, she took my hand. "Come with me." She led me back out ot the lobby to Teresa's apartment.
Teresa was at the kitchen table playing a card game with a friend of hers when Randi knocked on the door.
"Hello girls." Teresa said, smiling at us.
"Teresa, can we talk to you? Alone?" I asked, seeing her friend.
"Oh, okay." Teresa looked at her friend. "Would you mind leaving the room for a moment?"
"Sure. I'll come back when you call me." She said, rising and going into the living room.
"What can I help you girls with?" Teresa asked.
"I'm just here for moral support." Randi said, crossing her arms at my shoulders. It's Tam that needs your help."
"What do you need Tam?" Teresa asked.
I met her gaze. "Alright. I give. I want to see a counselor."
