Henry's Pov

My chest burning woke me up but that was nothing new lately that's the way I've been waking up but this time Jessie had her head on top of my chest right on the wounds. "Strawberry?" She sniffled and lifted her head up a bit. "What's wrong?" Her eyes were red and puffy.

"Nothing." She huffed trying to bury her face.

"Baby that kinda hurts…"

"Because I'm so fat right!?" She yelled pulling away from me.

"Uh…. Where is that coming from?" One look into her eyes and I knew what was wrong with her.

"What! What do you keep looking at?"

"You aren't fat Jess."

"Shut up." She turned around and pulled the blanket over herself.

"I know you get like this when you step on a scale and see your weight," I said softly she didn't move. "Babe?"

"Leave me alone Henry."

"No, I'm hungry wanna go get our grub on?"

"Not hungry."

"Don't start that shit Jess come on." She groaned but didn't move. "You are perfect Jess." She said something but I couldn't understand, sighing I pulled the cover off of her. "Good morning my beauty." I kissed her cheek.

"I'm hideous." She had tears pricking her eyes.

"We both know that's not true," I said smiling she sighed. "What was it?"

"Huh?"

"Your weight?"

"I don't want to talk about it Hewwie…" She tried to pull the covers back over her face.

"Fine but i'm not gonna let you go without eating."

"I'm fasting right now."

"Do you want me to go tell your family? Jess just because you don't like the number on the scale doesn't mean you aren't-"

"It's not just my stupid weight Henry and you know that."

"Baby-"

"I need to get back to the gym or something."

"I think you look fantastic and if don't believe me, I can spend the day worshipping your body." She smirked.

"Worshipping me huh?"

"You are my princess and I think you could use a day of just this." I pulled her to the middle of the bed pulling her long sleeve shirt over her head. "This is mine… Stop stealing my stuff, your in Italy why would you need this?"

"It smells so much like you so when I'm missing you I wear it." I don't think I've ever felt venerable in my entire life but when I was with her holy shit I was an open book and she could read me like I was her favorite novel and I couldn't describe how that made me feel, I knew I loved her but this was something more it felt way more than just love but that was too sappy to say out loud I knew she'd make fun of me spontaneous romance wasn't really my thing I guess.

"Hewwie?" Jessie said tugging my hair a bit. "I'm not complaining or anything but wasn't I supposed to be getting worshipped over here?" She lifted her leg rubbing her foot against a certain member who was now interested in this conversation. "Stop looking at me like your a little lost puppy and I'm your owner." She patted my cheek giving me a soft smile.

"Ahh, but isn't it that way my beauty?" I smirked back at her.

"Whatever you say beast."

"Beast? I kinda like that…"

"Back to the worshipping, please? Help me relax?"

"First tell me where you went?"

"To try on my bridesmaids dress the lady made it seem like I was a zillion trillion pounds!" She threw her arm over her face.

"That bad?"

"She just said it wouldn't hurt to lose a couple pounds before the wedding like thanks you old hag it's in one day." She groaned out. "Enough talking Beast and get to the worshipping!" I smiled and just took in her beauty for a second.

"You are so beautiful, baby." I kissed her neck letting my hand rest on her hip. "I could do this for hours."

"What have sex?" She rolled her eyes.

"No this," I drew random patterns on her skin. "Just being with you, spending a lazy day in bed where we make out and talk. I know that probably just made me seem like a girl and I'd really appreciate if you didn't make fun of me."

"I love spending time with you too Hewwie." I dropped my head against her chest. "What?" She laughed wrapping her arms around my neck holding me close to her breast I resisted the urge to sigh happily.

"I thought you'd drop the Hewwie thing and just call me Beast from now on."

"No way I've been calling you Hewwie since I was eleven months old! That name is there until you die mister goodie pants."

"I do got a goodie in my pants for you Strawberry," I whispered into her ear. "But of course as a man of my word I promised my beauty to be worshipped so the goodies can wait till later."

"There's my Beast."

I spent a good chunk of my day in bed with Jessie it's been awhile since we just fooled around with each other oddly enough it was sometimes better than the sex. Just being able to show her how much I truly love her and appreciate everything she does. I was dragged away from my worshipping duty and put on Logan duty he was laying in bed reading a book. "What's wrong boy wonder?" I closed the door to his room and hopped onto the bed.

"I don't need a babysitter leave me alone." He huffed out wrapping his arm around his pillow and turning the page of his book.

"Are all the Herondale's in a bad mood today?" I poked his side but he didn't talk. "Do you want me to cheer you up? I just spent a few hours cheering up Jessie." I said knowing that would get a reaction out of him and sure enough Logan sat up and turned around to look at me.

"That is disgusting! I don't need to hear about your sex life with my sister!"

"I didn't say I cheered her up with sex your mind automatically went there all by yourself genius." Logan glared at me.

"I don't care that you two sat talking about your stupid mushy mushy feelings." He picked his book up and rested it in his lap.

"Actually we didn't do that either," I said and he finally sighed giving me his tell me look. "Well I won't go into detail but-"

"Never mind! That means it was something at least intimate and those are details I do not want."

"You're my best friend who else can I talk to about my relationship?"

"Shane? He's your friend talk to him about all that nasty crap."

"I listened to you talk about sex all the time and when I try and tell you something you don't even pay me any mind," I said playfully getting Logan to open up to me took a lot of time but I knew where his boundaries stood and talking about Jess was definitely over that line but I just wanted to fuck with him right now it's been forever since I've done this.

"Because you're the only one who doesn't get uncomfortable when I ask sex questions trust me I went through the list of people that I thought would be comfortable with those kinds of conversations but well you're the only one," I smirked causing Logan to roll his eyes. "What was wrong with Jessie?"

"She found out her weight today and she wasn't too happy."

"That explains the text." I gave him a look but I knew he wasn't going to tell me anything. "What's wrong with me?" Logan asked softly his eyes firmly planted on his book.

"What do you mean?"

"I really tried my best with Damien he meant…everything…" He choked back a sob. "Everything to me but I wasn't good enough he still couldn't accept-"

"Stop beating yourself up about it Logie fuck him." I don't normally talk like that and it was definitely noticed by Logan. "You can't keep beating yourself up about this Logan you did nothing wrong absolutely nothing if he can't be comfortable with his own self that's on him it doesn't mean you did something."

"Should I move on?" He asked softly and by the look on his face, his heart was breaking all over again so I did the only thing I could think of I held my arms out for him. We've never hugged before because it makes him uncomfortable but this time he put his head against my shoulder and started to cry against me. "Is it sad that I would forgive him if he came back?" He said softly against me. "It's stupid right?"

"If he's changed no I don't think it's stupid at all." He stopped crying but he didn't move.

"I can definitely see why Jessie likes doing this." He muttered and the poked my bicep. "You work out to much."

"Are you flirting with me Dr. Herondale?" I teased Logan pulled away rolling his eyes.

"Fishing for compliments within the gay community Detective Carstairs?" Logan teased right back. This was our friendship and I had missed it. Jessie always says we're secretly gay for each other.

"Why my sweet Princess LogieWogieBear-"

"Fuck you asshole!" Logan threw his book at me laughing.

"Ayy! I'm injured don't go throwing," I picked up the book and my eyes went to Logan. "How dare you throw a classic at me." I brushed the cover of War and Peace before handing it back to him. "You only read long books when your thinking things you shouldn't or doing things you shouldn't, which is it?"

"I hate you." He said crossing his arms come to think of it he's been wearing long sleeves this entire weekend, I grabbed his arm pulling his sleeve up he tried to pull away but let's face it I worked out more. "Stop it." His arm was covered in cuts and bruises.

"Logan…"

"I don't understand this, my feelings, I'm suffocating, it hurts, I want to stop feeling like this because over pours of emotion do nothing but fill my anxiety and it's even worse when I can't comprehend the emotion all I know is it fucking hurts and I know how to deal with that just move the pain somewhere else and focus on that."

I didn't say anything waiting for more because when it came down to this one thing always followed Logan sighed opening the nightstand drawer and handed over his Xanax. "Can I have one of those before you take them away from me?"

"No."

"You act like it's illegal! It's my prescription." I didn't response which irritated him some more. "Can I have my book back?"

"No, we aren't done talking about this." Logan sighed.

"You're mad at me?"

"Yes, I'm mad at you."

"For the Xanax?"

"For your arm."

"They won't scar… they're mostly scratches." He shrugged but I didn't say anything he crossed his arms. "It's my body I can do what I want."

"I'll be sure to pass that message along to your-"

"You wouldn't dare!"

As if on cue the front door to the hotel opened and Liam's voice followed by Jace's filled up the entire room. "Ah come on dad!" Liam's voice was amused.

"You are so lucky he didn't kill you, Liam Alexander." Jace didn't find whatever happened funny at all.

"Henry please don't tell them anything if you do I will never forgive you and if I learned anything from my dad and Will it's that Herondale's can hold very long grudges."

"You know I'd only do this because I care about you Logan I won't say anything but I'm keeping these and if I so much as even see a teeny tiny scratch on you I will tell them got it?"

"Thanks for always looking out for me Hewwie."

"Of course princess LogieWogie."

We left his room to see what the problem was, Jace was hitting Liam with an empty bottle repeatedly. "Help me, Logan!" Liam held his arms out trying to get Jace to stop but just kept hitting him. "Dad stop! This is child abuse!" Liam whined.

"If you think your an adult I'll treat you like one!"

"You never hit Ryland!"

"Ryland has never slept with a married woman!" Jace kept on hitting him with the empty bottle.

"I didn't know she was married." Jace stopped and gave Liam a look. "Okay, I knew she had me wait until he went to sleep." He started again. "Dad! Stop! I'm sorry!" The door opened again and Ryland came in with Clary.

Clary watched for a second and then quickly took the empty water bottle from Jace and pulling Liam to her. "Are you okay Bugga?" She looked him over and Liam played it big time.

"I kept telling him to stop." He dropped his head onto her shoulder and Clary glared Jace, it was a glare that meant he was in the doghouse I'm pretty sure Jess got her temper from Clary so I knew from experience this wasn't going to be pretty.

"Are you going to tell your mother why I was hitting you?" Jace questioned and Liam got really quiet.

"Ooh, mom are you gonna beat Liam with the bottle too?" Ryland asked smiling. "Can we all get a turn too?"

"What did you do?" Clary asked Liam.

"Nothing."

"He slept with a married woman," Jace said.

"Classy." Ryland whistled.

"I didn't know she was married," Liam argued and Jace threw the bottle at Liam. "Ow! Asshole!"

"Do not call your father an asshole!" Clary yelled and grabbed Liam's ear yanking him towards the door.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Moooommmm!" Liam whined as Clary pulled him out of the room.

"We taught you better than that Alexander! You do not sleep with a married woman what's wrong with you? How would you feel if your wife did that to you one day?"

"Plenty more pus-" Clary yanked his ear. "God damn it!"

"You and I are about to have a very long talk, mister. Jace! Let's go!" Clary marched off pulling Liam along.

"And I thought I was a horrible teenager," Ryland said smiling.

"Not now Ryland," Jace said rubbing his temple and walked out.

"Let me guess you and mom were coming here to make sure I was okay?" Logan asked Ryland.

"Actually I was coming to invite you and Liam to my party tonight but I doubt mom will let him come now."

"It's just sex." Logan shrugged sitting on the couch and picking up another book.

"I'm starting to think you brought more books than clothes," I said and Logan shrugged. "First it was War and Peace and now it's Bleak House? On a classic binge?"

"I brought all my books over a thousand pages to keep me busy and yes before you go all specific on me I know that bleak house is not a thousand pages but it's close so it came with."

"I wasn't going to say anything, what's after Mr. Charles Dickens?"

"In Search of Lost Time." I gagged and Ryland chimed in.

"Hey, I think I've read that…"

"Really? You've read a 4,215 page book?" Logan asked surprised.

"Definitely not the book I thought it was…"

"As you can see I'm going to be busy reading all day so I won't be able to come to your party… sorry…"

"We'll be there," I said and Logan glared at me I had a feeling he would throw the book at me but he didn't.

Logan's Pov

Everyone finally left me alone and I was left to my silence or my own personal hell as I like to think about it. I didn't want anyone to know how much it hurt because then all the attention would shift from Ryland to me and I didn't want to take away from his weekend. I read and read and read just trying to block out life in general and books always helped me forget my problems, Henry and Ryland ended up going somewhere together they tried to get me to go with them but I just want to be alone.

Henry had left my Xanax on the bed he must've forgotten it when we heard dad and Liam yelling, I put it back in the drawer and climbed into bed. "You're a big boy Logan," I said to myself staring at the ceiling. "You'll be okay…" I knew that was a lie. "I'm so pathetic."

Here I am in Italy being depressed over a stupid broken heart, laying in bed wishing Damien would call and ask for me to forgive him but he didn't call and he wouldn't call we were on two different paths from the beginning of our relationship and maybe it was all just pointless from the start. Pathetic Logan….

I tried to wrap my feelings into a big ball and shove them into the darkest corners of my mind so I didn't have to deal with them anymore, It didn't work, the numbness wouldn't go away I didn't know why I felt like that when we broke up it hurt physically everything hurt and I couldn't understand it because there was no medical reason as to why everything fucking hurt I couldn't wrap my mind around this awful feeling that's been dragging me down deeper and deeper making me more and more sad and pathetic.

I wish Henry didn't leave he always knows how to make me laugh when I don't want to but he has better things to do then sit and watch me pine over someone who ripped my heart out with his bare hands and then threw it in an unsanitary wasteland.

My sadness turned to anger towards him. He threw away almost five years, everything we had together, gone, just because he didn't want his stupid new friends to know he was gay? He wanted me to be his secret while he pretended to be straight maybe he'd even have sex with girls just so his stupid friends wouldn't get suspicious of him being a closet queen. I hate him. I hate him. I fucking loathe him for leaving for fucking up our relationship.

I mean I knew I was the one to end it but he still walked away in the end.

Great now I'm a hypocrite.

A pathetic hypocrite.

I tried to get myself motivated to do something anything at all but no all I wanted to do was feel sorry for myself because the one person who meant everything to me looked me in the eyes and fucked me over.

Stop thinking about him! I hit myself really hard over and over wishing for once that my brain would stop thinking and going into overdrive every ten fucking seconds. Damien use to help me when I felt like everything was suffocating me he'd always make me feel better and he wouldn't stop until I smiled but now thinking about it didn't make me smile it filled me with bitterness and something I didn't understand.

That numbness that scared the shit out of me came back pulling me into the dark, I was scared of the dark, I was scared of everything because I'm so fucking pathetic… I sighed my mind kept telling me that and it was getting annoying.

My phone chimed and my heart skipped a beat thinking it would be Damien but it wasn't.

You are so weak and-

Mama: I'm sorry I didn't get to talk to you baby how are you feeling today?

Other then pathetic?

I typed that out but decided to delete it I do not want any kind of attention right now.

Logan: I'm great

I threw my phone and didn't care when it chimed, again and again, I sometimes wish mom couldn't read me as well as she can. I wish everyone would leave me alone. I wish Damien never hurt me. I wish…

Wishing got you nowhere in life.

I knew I couldn't mope around all day someone would eventually come and get me since we were all going to dad and Ryland's concert tonight and then after that Ryland was going to his party, I wonder what Kayla's gonna do it's not like she can go to a club since she's pregnant. The door opened and Liam came in and slammed the door. "What?" He yelled once I looked at him I immediately looked away, Liam sighed and sat down on the couch across from me. "I'm sorry I yelled…"

"You always yell," I said simply.

"Never at you, I know you don't like when people yell."

"So… A married woman?" He rolled his eyes.

"Are you gonna yell at me like mom and dad did?"

"Well, you should know better than to sleep with a married woman that's kinda low."

"I didn't know she was married until it was too late." He said I gave him a look and he sighed. "Fine I knew she was married but I didn't care I mean it's not every so often a married women wants to jump your bones so I jumped at the opportunity. Sue me."

"I know why you did it, it's okay Liam…," I said softly his eyes shifted to mine.

"Then please enlighten me, little brother."

"You never really processed what that teacher did to you," When we first started talking he wasn't tense but now he was as stiff as a board. "You just kept saying boys don't get raped but-"

"Logan stop."

"Then you stopped talking about it all together you pretending like it didn't happen and tried to go on with your life and you started sleeping around a lot more I mean you more than normal and-"

"I don't want to talk about this Log."

"No one ever does…"

"Do you want to talk? How are you feeling?" Sad. Pathetic. Weak.

"I'm fine."

"Liar."

"I am fine."

"Have you talked to Damien at all?"

"No." I tried to sound like I didn't care but I think I stressed the word too much. "Have you?"

"Once."

"Oh…"

"Do you want to know what we talked about?"

"No, I don't care."

"Really?" Of course, he didn't believe me.

"I hate him." Liam was messing around with something but when I said those words he looked at me. "I could care less what he does."

"That seems a bit… harsh…" Anger flooded through me and I wanted to punch something I would've punched myself like I normally do but that would've been awkward to explain.

"Well, it's the truth."

"You've never hated anyone in your entire life. Not the guy who abused you, not the kids who used to bully you, not the homophobic assholes that talk shit about you, not Kendra who you say is the worst person to work with, so I don't believe you when you say that you hate him."

"You're right I don't hate him… I loathe him." For turning me into this hopeless mess, for ripping my heart out, for trying to make me his secret, for pulling away when all I tried to do was hug him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.

I love him…

Pathetic.

"Why did you guys break up?"

"I'd like to be alone now," I said and usually, that got people to leave me alone but it didn't work on Liam. "I said I'd like to be alone now."

"I heard you the first time but that's not going to happen."

"Leave. Me. Alone."

"When I talked to Damien he was a mess Logan why can't you just forgive and forget?"

"I thought my own twin would be on my side but I guess straight people have to stick together," I said sarcastically and left the room but Liam being Liam followed me. "Liam I am going to punch you in the face if you don't leave this room in the next ten seconds."

"I'd beat your ass."

"Go ahead I don't care." Actually please do, the pain would be welcomed anything other than this numb darkness. "Get out of my room."

"No." My anger got the best of me and I punched him in the face he fell back in surprise and then rubbed his face. "I didn't think you had that in you."

"Get out."

"I'm trying to help."

"By telling me to take him back!"

"You're miserable without him and he's miserable without you."

"Good! I was the best damn thing that ever happened to him." No, you weren't the air force was that's where he met his new family and completely forgot I was a part of it.

"I don't like this version of you," Liam said softly backing out of my room and closing the door.

Way to go Logan now your twin hates you.

I sat against the wall and just stared at the ground letting my tears fall, letting the darkness consume me, letting ever awful thought into my mind, I crawled towards my bed and grabbed my Xanax.

Jessie's Pov

I was watching Willow and Harlan, Ryland had a surprise planned for Kayla and didn't want to ask mom and dad to take the kids since they're taking them tonight while everyone else parties. "Ha!" Willow yelled wrapping her arms around Harlan's neck. "Ball!" Harlan ran and jumped on the couch grabbing Willow's ball she had thrown and then ran back to her.

"I got it for you Lo." He handed it to her and she took off running with it. "Uncle Liam!" Harlan ran to the door. I didn't even hear it open…

"Did the husband do that to your face?" I asked when I noticed the bloody lip.

"No… That was all Logan."

"Wait… What?"

"Logan punched me in the face." I tried not to laugh but failed. "Fuck you."

"I'm sorry… It's just… Logan's never punched anyone… Ever…"

"There's a first for everything I guess."

"What did you do?"

"I was trying to help."

"You know Logan doesn't-"

"I know! But he's so sad and I hate seeing him like that and this was something else… There was so much anger in his eyes I've never seen Logan get so mad at something. He didn't even get mad when Ryland broke his telescope and that thing was Logan's life."

"Damien broke his heart."

"This is why I don't do relationships."

"You don't do relationships because you think they're pointless."

"Who wants to have sex with one person for the rest of their life?"

"Normal people?" Harlan and Willow were quiet which was never a good sign. "Har? What are you guys doing?"

"Willow's chasing me!" He yelled but his voice was distant.

"Do you know why they broke up?"

"No."

"Do you not care?"

"Of course I care but I know Logan. He doesn't like when people try and help him when he doesn't ask for it, he can't understand his emotions right now because it's all new territory for him. He's never had to deal with heartbreak before and the one person other then mom who used to help him through his over pour of emotions is now the reason for all these emotions. Just give him time Bugga."

"He said he loathes Damien." That was a red flag…

"He said that?"

"At first he said he hated him and I told I didn't believe him and then he said I was right I thought he was going to say he loved him still but he said he loathed him and that look he had in his eyes I don't really doubt it right now."

"Can you watch them? I'm gonna go talk to him."

"He'd most likely punch you in the face as well."

"Unlike you, I don't push him to talk and i'm a girl Logan is a gentleman."

I was waiting for the elevator to come so I could try and talk some sense into Logan and tell him that things would get better but I had a feeling this was going to go about as well as Liam's try. "Hey…" Someone said I turned around and Spencer was coming up to me.

"Hey, stranger," I said, my heart use to flutter whenever I was around him and I always wondered if it still would whenever I saw him again but I didn't feel anything. "Ready for the concert?"

"I'm always ready to jam i'm more excited for the after party though. Are you going?" He asked giving me a hopeful smile.

"Oh uh no… Kayla's having the girls over tonight we're gonna play games, drink, chat, that sort of stuff."

"Sounds lame." He said playfully I punched his shoulder lightly.

"Kayla's pregnant it's not like she can go out and get drunk off her ass."

"Are you going to get drunk of your ass?"

"God no, Henry would kill me." He lost his smile when I said Henry's name and suddenly it felt awkward between us.

"How… Uh… How are you two doing?"

"We're good, we're great."

"That's good… You deserve to be treated like a queen." He said and the elevator finally arrived. "If things don't work out between you two-"

"Spence…" I said softly his eyes shot to mine I didn't have to say the words he could see it in my eyes.

"He's very lucky to have you, Jess." He kissed my cheek and turned to leave. "Tell Henry and the twins I'll see them at the party."

I knocked on Logan's door and waited. "Liam I will kick you in the dick this time go the fuck away!" Logan yelled.

"It's me, Logie." The door opened a little and he stuck his head out.

"What do you want?" His voice was cold in a way I've never heard before.

"Just checking-"

"I'm fine." He slammed the door.

"Logan open the door."

"No."

"Logan Christopher Herondale!"

"I'm fine just leave me alone please I want to be alone."

"No, you don't."

"It's Ryland's weekend." He said softly.

"Little Bear you know Ryland doesn't care that this is his weekend you're hurting please just open up."

"I don't want to talk to you."

"Logan-"

"Please just leave me alone… I just want to be alone." His voice was barely audible.

"I love you LogieBear and if I ever see Damien i'm gonna kick his ass for hurting you." The door opened and Logan came out.

"Where's Henry?" He looked around as if he was hiding waiting to pop out and scare him, actually that would be something Henry would do.

"He's with Zach and Jem I think." He stopped searching for him and slumped back down again.

"Oh…" My poor baby…

"Logan-" He turned around to go back to his room but I put myself in the middle and he glared at me. "You know I'm not leaving you until you smile." He just stared at me and walked back to bed picking up a book.

"I don't want to hang out…"

"What are you reading?" I tried to take a peek but he crossed his legs and put his book in the center.

"Adventures of Huckleberry Finn." He looked down at the booked and sighed. "It's one of my favorites… Mom use to read it to me as a kid and it… It made me...happy…" He shrugged and then sighed. "But don't tell Henry."

"Why not? Does he have something against that book?"

"I told him I only brought books over a thousand pages and he already started his nonsense because I was reading Bleak House." If I wasn't paying attention to him I wouldn't have seen that tiny smile play on his lips.

"Still confused."

"Of course you are all you read is porn books." He mumbled.

"They're not porn and you know it!" He finally looked me in eyes. "It's okay if you don't want to hang out I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Thanks, Jess I appreciate it a lot." He smiled but it mostly seemed forced. "Anyway, this book only has three hundred sixty sixty pages he won't let me live it down if he sees me reading this when I said I didn't bring anything other then Bleak house so he would laugh at me."

"I still don't get why."

"I brought an even amount of books so he took half and now we're racing to read to see who can read all of them first." He laughed. "Jokes on him though I gave him a few of over three thousand pages."

"You're evil." I smiled because this was my Logan and I missed him.

"An evil genius!" He saluted me.

"Nerd." He sat back against the headboard and sighed glanced back at his book.

"I'm almost done with this one I was thinking about reading A Tale of Two Cities next but that's only when I-" He stopped because the front door opened.

"I'm home Princess!" Henry yelled and Logan threw his book halfway across the room jumped up and got a different book before running and jumping back on the bed.

"You saw nothing!" He whispered yelled.

Henry came in and Logan shut his book that was halfway open. "Whatcha reading LogieWogie?"

"A Dance With Dragons." Henry held up his book.

"Lord of The Rings." Logan glared at him and then checked his books. "You took the A Song of Ice and Fire books so I took Lord of The Rings you can't have them both." Logan rolled his eyes.

"This is why I said you couldn't pick what books you wanted."

"I got you something." He threw a plastic bag to him that Logan tried to catch and missed he sighed then picked it up.

"Thank you I actually really needed this." He ripped the bag open and pulled out rubber bands and put them on.

"None of that other shit Logan." He said seriously, my eyes darted to Logan's.

"What does he mean by other shit? What did you do Logan?"

"Nothing! I'm a big boy and I know how to take care of myself."

"Henry?" He smiled at me.

"Hey baby, I have it under control it's nothing major so stop going mama bear on him, please? I thought you were with the kids." He kissed my cheek.

"I was but Logan decided to punch Liam in the face so I wanted to check on him." He looked at Logan with his eyebrow raised.

"You punched Liam?"

"He wouldn't leave me alone and he kept talking and my brain is on full blast right now and-" He stopped and took a deep breath Henry pulled away from me and went to him.

"I get it." Logan seemed to calm down a bit he pushed the book aside and laid on his bed staring at the ceiling. "I got drinks with Ryland he's worried about you."

"Of course he is… everyone is." Logan groaned and shook his head he was quiet for a few seconds lost in deep thought before he muttered quietly. "I hate him."

"You hate Ryland?"

"Huh?" Logan looked up and blinked at Henry. "Why would I hate Ryland?"

"You said you hated him…" Henry looked at him confused and then Logan sighed.

"I was thinking, I didn't know I said that aloud sorry…" Someone knocked on the door and then a second later Ryland and Kayla came in.

"Liam said you punched him in the face I wish I could've been here to see that one," Ryland smirked Kayla smacked his arm.

"Ryland don't be a dick." He stuck his tongue out at her.

"Anyway I wanted to-" Logan rolled out of bed and grabbed Henry's arm and just stared at him for awhile he finally sighed.

"Logan really appreciates what you guys are doing and that you care about him but this weekend isn't about him it's about you two and he already feels like shit with everything that's going on and then he feels even more shitter because everyone's more focused on him and not you guys it's your weekend," Henry said and Logan sighed like he just said all that.

"Fuck the attention," Ryland said and then gave a nervous look to Kayla. "I'm about to get a shit ton of tonight at my show and tomorrow at the wedding, Kayla is already being harassed by everyone about stupid wedding crap."

"Hey! I actually like talking about wedding crap mister I don't know whatever you like baby." She said in a whiny voice.

"I do not sound like that."

"Well, that's what I hear most of the time." She said and then smiled at him Logan groaned. "Sorry…"

"It's okay he's just cranky, he's gonna take a nap before the concert," Henry said and pushed Logan away from us and started whispering to him.

"Is he alright?"

"I don't know… He seems better when Henry's around but when he's left alone he's really quiet… I don't know what he's thinking."

"At least he's talking to someone…" Ryland looked over at the two of them talking.

"Come on guys." Henry grabbed my hand and started pulling me out. "Night Logan, I'll come get you before we have to leave." Ryland and Kayla left first right after Ryland said goodbye and whispered something to him causing Logan to roll his eyes. Right when we were about to leave Logan shot up.

"W-Wait…" Logan said softly, he looked like he regretted saying when Henry stopped and looked back, Logan scanned the room for an excuse. "Your book." He picked it up and handed it to him.

"Thanks."

Harlan and Willow were climbing all over me and trying to jump off me Henry thought it was the funniest thing ever but only because they couldn't climb on him. But Willow kept crawling back over to him trying to do it anyway. "Hey, sweet girl," Henry said softly and picked her up. "You are so cute and i'm pretty sure you get that from your mom cause your daddy is ugly." He joked and Ryland threw a stuffed animal at the back of his head.

"You're ugly." Henry rolled his eyes.

"Willow, can you say daddy is a loser?"

"I'm gonna kick your boyfriend's ass Pumpkin."

"Nah you won't I got beer in the fridge and I have a few questions about your newest album." Ryland opened the fridge and smiled.

"It's awesome right?" The boys went into one of the many rooms I honestly didn't understand why Ry got this big a room when they were barely in it.

Watching Henry walk away with Willow on his hip made my mind immediately go to our kids… I hoped they would look like him and not have my bright ass hair. "You okay?" Kayla asked I turned my attention to her, she was brushing out Harlan's hair.

"Yeah… I'm fine." She smiled and looked towards the room Ryland was in. "Are you okay is the real question." She laughed softly.

"I can't wait for tomorrow but I'm also kinda scared."

"Why you think Ry's gonna dumb you before the wedding?" She rolled her eyes.

"No, I just don't like being the center of attention."

"Why not? You are gonna look drop-dead gorgeous tomorrow and everyone will be drooling over you well manly Ryland but it's gonna be perfect and then your night together! It's gonna be so romantic."

"I'm already pregnant so…" Kayla shrugged and patted her little bump. "How's Henry?" Kayla asked switching her focus back to Harlan and continued to brush his hair.

"Getting better, you know he tried to tell me that he was going back to work on Monday, I wanted to beat him with a hanger."

"He must be sad that he's going back home soon I mean who will change his bandages and treat him like a baby now." Jenna. I cringed internally with jealousy and tried to push that away because jealous was never cute.

"I've actually been thinking about going home." Kayla stopped brushing Harlan's hair again.

"Mommy! Can I go now?" He was watching YouTube videos but now he was just looking annoyed. "I want to play with daddy and uncle Henry."

"Hold on baby." She went back to brushing his hair again and looked at me. "I thought you loved it here and aren't you going to be in that fashion show?"

"Fashion show isn't for three months, I already talked to my uncle he doesn't care if I take some time off and I'd still be in the loop just via Facetime instead of actually being there."

"Are you sure?"

"Henry always puts me first, he tries to give me the world, he never asks for help and he always makes me feel like a princess… I never really take care of him it's always been the other way around and I want him to know how much I love him and appreciate him." Kayla smiled and put the brush down.

"Sounds like I hear wedding bells in your future." I couldn't stop the blushing even if I wanted to.

"I want it all… Marriage, babies, a house…" I sighed happily thinking about it but I came back down to reality. "I don't think Henry's ready for any of that yet and my dad would probably have a heart attack."

"Am I done now, mommy?" Harlan whined looking up at her."

"Yeah, your done Har." He stood up and then sat down next to her grabbing her hand.

"Love you, mommy."

"I love you too baby." Henry and Ryland came out of the room a little while before we had to leave Willow was asleep in Henry's arms and my heart melted at the sight of him rocking her and kissing her head.

Logan's Pov

Why did Jessie have to say that word? Why did that word have to remind me so much of him. Nerd. It's like the pain filled my body up all over again and I didn't understand it I couldn't wrap my mind around the pain, why does it hurt? Am I dying? I'm probably dying… I'm pathetic… I didn't sleep at all just stared at the walls, the window, the fan. I wish I could just understand so it wouldn't hurt anymore, I want to be happy I miss being happy… None of my favorite books helped. I forced myself out of bed and into the shower I knew Henry would barge in soon and I'd have to leave my sanctuary and act like I was okay that I was all whole and not a pathetic heartbroken mess. My head hurt from thinking so much, everything hurt, my heart hasn't been at a normal speed since the breakup and I wanted this pain to end.

Nerd.

I wanted to punch my head trying to get my brain to stop thinking about that stupid word. The door opened and I knew Henry was here. "Are you just standing in the shower thinking? Or are you actually washing up?" I hated that he knew me so well.

"Leave me alone."

"You can fool everyone else but you can't fool me Log." Henry was the only one that hasn't treated me differently he still makes fun of me just like before maybe that's why I felt better when he was around everyone else just wants to treat me like a baby. "Is there anything you want to talk about?" If I said no he wouldn't push me to talk but everything hurt and I didn't know how to deal with this the only person other then mom who could help me control my emotions and understand them was Damien and he was the cause for all this misery.

"Everything hurts…" I said softly I knew I only said it because he couldn't see me, I don't want everyone to see me like this because then they'll baby me more. "I can't understand why it hurts so much and then I don't feel anything but my feelings go on full blast and I feel too much it makes me uncomfortable and I have panic attacks and I have to try and contain my feelings on my own but I've never done that before I have no idea what i'm doing!" My heart was racing and I tried not think because when I think the emotions come up and they suffocate me.

"Logan-"

"I don't want any advice or anything I just wanted someone to listen… I'll be out in a few minutes." He didn't say anything as he left.

Liam didn't talk to me the entire car ride to the concert I felt like a dick for punching him and I knew I needed to apologize to him but I kept my distance for now. Everyone kept giving me glances with sad eyes it irritated me but I knew they were all just worried about me. When we finally got backstage Ryland and dad disappeared and Liam and Benji went after them I didn't go even though mom tried to make me, I sat alone in silence while my brain started to go full speed. "No!" Willow yelled and ran away from Kayla.

"I'll get her." Harlan ran after her holding her pink unicorn out with his prosthetic. "Lo look what I got!" He said in a baby voice and Willow stopped running.

"Mine!" She tried to snatch it from him.

"Don't be a bad baby!" He yelled.

"Mine." She sat down and started to cry Harlan just stared at her for a minute before he hugged her and patted her back.

"Don't cry Willow…"

I turned my attention away from them and looked down at the ground and my mind started to wander… Where is he now? Does he miss me? Why didn't he call and apologize? My heart knew why though because he still hasn't told anyone that he's gay he's still putting on his straight face every day and pretending that girls were hot. I mentally slapped myself for thinking about him. His eyes were what I missed most though I missed the twinkle in his eyes when I said something nerdy or how he use to smile so bright when I made my unfunny jokes. Now who would laugh at my chemistry pick up lines? No one…

Mom and dad walked by laughing dad leaned in and kissed mom's cheek, I wanted to gag, it was an automatic reflex for me to bang my head against the wall. I hate everything. They stopped walking and looked at me mom gave dad a glance and she took a few steps towards me before dad grabbed her by the elbow. "I got this baby." He said softly.

Great…

I usually liked talking with dad but the numbness started to take over and usually when this happened I'd just let my feelings go out of control and cry in the dark in bed but I don't think I can do that right now. "I haven't seen you much today."

"I've been busy…"

"What'd you do?" Laid in bed all day crying over a boy, yeah I know i'm super pathetic.

"Hung out with Henry…" I shrugged and dad raised his eyebrow.

"Are you not gonna tell me why you punched your brother?" I slammed my head back against the wall again. "Stop that."

"It was an accident," I mumbled.

"Logan-"

"Aren't you supposed to be on stage or something?"

"Ryland's band plays first."

"Oh…"

"So? Are you gonna tell me why?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean?"

"I was angry."

"And?"

"And I don't know… I don't usually ever feel angry so I didn't know what to do and he kept talking and talking my head was hurting- everything was hurting- so I punched him but it didn't make anything stop so I had to punch myself because at least then I know why it's hurting and I can wrap my brain around that you know?"

"What's hurting?" I already said too much to him this weekend has constantly been about me and everyone making sure I was alright and it was getting old really fast, I didn't want the attention, Ryland probably hates me for stealing his spotlight but it's not like I asked Damien to stomp on my heart.

"Nothing… I'm sorry I punched Liam and I'll say sorry to him."

"Logan-"

"I'm fine dad really." He didn't buy that for one second.

"When you're ready I'll be here."

I didn't want to think anymore so I scrolled through stuff on my Instagram mostly anime related stuff but a picture of Damien popped up I forgot I never unfollowed him and my heart wished I had because he had his arms wrapped around some dude and he was kissing his cheek and a new feeling washed over me I couldn't explain it even if I tried I just kept staring at the picture and tears burned my eyes. "Jessie and I almost got it on in the bathroom." I had no idea Henry even sat down beside me I didn't speak though he looked over my shoulder and down at the picture. "Logan-"

"He moved on pretty fast…" Tears threatened to fall.

"You don't kn-" I wiped my face before any of the tears could fall and I started walking over to everyone who was watching the show I couldn't think right now if I tried to think and understand the emotion that had just taken control of my body I'd go into panic and break down right here and I can't do that I'll have to wait until I get back to my room before I can allow myself to completely break down.

Right when we got back to the hotel I made a run for my room I went so fast no one even seen me leave I ran up twelve flights of stairs and down the hallway and straight to my room. Liam was sitting on my bed messing around with something. "Don't worry I'm not gonna ask about your feelings or anything wouldn't want to get punched in the face again." He said coldly, I couldn't handle this right now I was on the verge of tears already and fighting with him again was the last thing I needed.

Liam wasn't paying attention to me so when I rested my head on his shoulder he looked back at me. "I'm sorry." Tears fell and the emotions I was keeping down were starting to bubble over and my head already hurt. "I'm sorry." My heart hurt and blood was pounding in my ears everything was on fire it was like someone was repeatedly stabbing me and I couldn't get a grip. Liam wrapped his arms around me and started to rub my back just him being nice to me after what I did to him made me feel even worse so I started to cry even more.

"It's okay Logan I'm pretty sure I deserved to get punched and I'm proud of you."

"Proud? Why?"

"Because it actually hurt." He smiled.

"I don't get it…"

"You don't hit like a bitch." I laughed even though I felt horrible. "I'm not good at these sort of things Log so I don't know what to say to make you feel better I'm not even sure anything can make you feel better but I'll always be here for you no matter how many times we fight no matter what little brother." He ruffled my hair.

"Are you going to Ryland's party?"

"Fuck yeah i'm going and I'm gonna have the greatest experience ever."

"What kind of experience?" He looked at me and then shrugged.

"Nothing…" My eyes narrowed.

"What are you going to do?"

"I saw Spencer earlier and he said that there is only one way to party."

"Okay? And?" Liam stood up and pulled a small bag with two pills. "What is that?"

"I'm not saying because you'll go all boy wonder on me and yell."

"Liam-"

"I just wanna try this once everyone has a wild party story and it makes you feel-"

"H-Happy?" I haven't felt happiness in… Don't go there, Logan.

"Yeah it makes you feel great or at least Spence said it does."

"Can I have one?" I asked and Liam looked at me like I lost my mind.

"Funny."

"I'm being serious." I wanted to be happy I didn't want to sit here alone in the dark and cry because Damien moved on I just wanted to be happy and I wanted to be happy right now.

"You don't do drugs…"

"Neither do you." I shot back and Liam smirked.

"First time for everything huh?"

"I want to be happy…" I said softly looking down at the ground. "Everything with Damien… I can't explain it because I don't understand what's happening in my mind right now and it's all too much I just want to feel happy I don't care how."

"Mom would kill me if she-"

"It will be our secret like you said everyone has a wild party story…"

"No."

"Why?"

"Mom and dad are already mad that I had sex with a married woman and if they found out I gave you ecstasy mom will chop my head off."

"When are you taking yours?"

"Right before I get to Ryland's party."

"Then that's when i'll take the other one."

"Logan-"

"Haven't you always wanted to do something like this with me? Twins are supposed to have each others back and get into trouble together mom can't get mad at you for a decision I made by myself."

"But-"

"Stop trying to be the sensible one for once and just agree to party with me?"

"I never in a million years thought those words would have ever been uttered from your lips." He looked genuinely surprised and so was I but I was tired of feeling sad and pathetic.

"Well, I'm only ever offering this once so if you walk away now it's you losing this opportunity forever." I knew Ryland had no idea about this and if he found out that Spencer gave Liam drugs he'd most likely kill Spencer and us too.

"Let's fuck shit up." He fist bumped me and I briefly thought about what I was about to do but when I think my mind only goes back to one place and I wasn't about to go there not right now.