Thanks to all for reading...this story began some time ago as a "filler" while I struggled with other stories. Now, some years later, I can laugh at some of the POV shifts I would now likely catch and amend if I were writing this fresh.
Epilogue
"Master Windu!" Surprise was evident in the young knight's face. The cold mask of indifference he had worn just days before had settled into mild impassivity. The barely restrained humor and lively interest that usually lurked behind his eyes was not yet visible, but the lack of taut muscles were signs that the young man – that Obi-Wan – might be emerging from his emotional shell.
"'Mace,' and no tea, Obi-Wan," Mace almost smiled as he stepped inside. "Your padawan is still in classes?"
"He is. Are you here to discuss him?" An eyebrow rose.
Now that he was a knight, Kenobi seemed to be feeling a bit more free to express himself with gestures, rather than restraining himself to the ever-obedient and compliant padawan always two steps behind his master.
"No, and I am remembering a certain Padawan who seemed rather free with the formalities – in certain situations."
The smile disappeared behind thin, taut lips.
"Qui-Gon was willing to allow a certain – familiarity – at times." The hurt still ran deep, Mace saw, when the jaw clenched before allowing out a few curt words.
So, Obi-Wan wasn't going to voice the rest of his thought, that which was readily apparent to Mace: "He came to regret this." He hoped he was doing the right thing.
"He also allowed himself a deep affection. He didn't regret that." Only another raised eyebrow and silence met this comment. "I think you should listen to the rest of what's on here, Obi-Wan."
The chill suddenly turned to fire, as Obi-Wan's eyes flared. He remained silent, though; breathed in heavily, out.
He's much quicker to release his emotions and center himself since all this, Mace noted idly.
"I have no wish –" he froze as Mace touched the button and Qui-Gon's voice filled the room. The older Jedi settled back and kept his eyes on the younger, gauging his reaction.
"I was neither kind nor considerate in Council yesterday. No matter my utter frustration with the Council, I cannot forgive myself for my treatment of my Obi-Wan. I cannot speak to him – my hurt runs too deep, as does his, and I fear he will not listen to any words of mine. He is stubborn, like me, and I am sure we will both sulk for some time before making up." A chuckle interrupted the words.
"I said Obi-Wan is ready for the trials, and I believe he is. He still has anger within him, but he has learned to call it back. He will call it back, though I wish he could be free of it. He has probably already released it, though his old master hasn't yet. I can't apologize to him. Not yet, and no doubt, he'll be apologizing to me first. I should be the one to apologize, but I can't. Not because he was right, or wrong, but because he is such a convenient target at the moment. Unfair to him, of course, but we will make it up."
A sigh. "I have hurt Obi-Wan. Deeply. He deserves so much better. I must be sure to let him know he has been a joy to guide and I have never regretted for one moment taking him as my apprentice. Not one, Obi-Wan.
"Padawan, mine. What would I say to you, could I say anything right now? You are ready to take the trials in all respects save one: I have not prepared you to step forward on your own this soon. You have sought independence even as you have relished the comfort of being a part of a team.
"The Force tells me to train Anakin. My heart tells me I hurt you, one of the most generous and gentle souls I have been privileged to know; broke both a vow and a commitment of my heart. I admit it.
"You are worthy, Obi-Wan. Of the next step, of independence, and my love. I can't tell you yet, and you can't hear me for the pain I so cruelly caused.
"Have I cast you loose? Yes. Have I cast you off? Never. I have cast you into your own life. You will be a great Jedi. You have only one thing between you and greatness: forgiveness of my impulsive, heedless words born of my own anger. I need you to forgive me, not for the peace it will bring me, but for the peace it will bring you.
"My apprentice…your braid will soon be severed and I shall hold it in my hand, my dearest possession. I shall be proud to say he is the one I helped shape, but you are, ultimately, beyond my shaping. You will always be who you are, my Obi-Wan. My dearest companion, my dear padawan.
"I vow to mend the barriers between us soon, to mend the pain I caused and regain the friendship that blossomed so long. You mended my broken heart once; I hope to mend yours.
"May the Force be with you all your days, padawan mine…."
There was silence as Mace switched off the device. Obi-Wan was sitting still and posture perfect, but his eyes were blinking back tears.
"He loved you, Obi-Wan," Mace said, patting the knight on the knee. "Let it go, Obi-Wan. Forgive him."
He watched as Obi-Wan stood, shaking his head and clenching his hands into fists at his side. After a long moment, Obi-Wan spoke in a low whisper. "I already have."
Just as Mace started to relax, Obi-Wan continued, "It's myself I can't forgive. Am I so blind – blind to another's heart? To the man who raised me from a boy to be a Jedi – and I am instead, this?"
"No, Obi-Wan. Not blind…just shadowed by pain and hurt, and words you were not meant to hear. You're exactly the knight Qui-Gon raised you to be – one who feels, who is much a man as a Jedi. Let that man heal, but don't push him away. Don't be just Jedi. Be Obi-Wan Kenobi, and you'll be fine." As he spoke, Mace rose and laid a hand on the young knight's shoulder and squeezed.
"I'm Anakin's master, Master Windu. That's who I am now." The young knight's voice was quiet and bleak. "That's who Anakin needs me to be. Thank you for coming."
Mace nodded in quiet resignation. It would take some time. Obi-Wan would do his duty, and do it well. He just hoped he would learn to forgive himself before long.
As he left, he couldn't help looking back. Obi-Wan's face was serene and quiet, filled with purpose.
The young knight would be okay.
Wouldn't he?
