Meredith didn't come out of her room for the rest of the night other than to dart down to the kitchen and grab a plate of food. Tracy wanted to ask what was wrong, but she got the feeling she wouldn't get a real answer. Truth be told, she wasn't very good at talking to people; she had no idea what she could say to Meredith. Hopefully whatever was bothering her wasn't too serious. Maybe she was just embarrassed over having caught fire again. Tracy could hardly blame her for that, though-seeing her completely naked like that must have been quite a shock. It was Tracy's fault, really, for not locking the bathroom door. She'd gotten sick used to living alone that taking measures to secure privacy often slipped her mind. After all, for years now she'd had nothing but privacy. Still, she figured she owed Meredith an apology, and she intended to give it the next morning.
"So, about last night…" Tracy began as they stood next to each other in the kitchen making their respective breakfasts.
Meredith shuddered. "Please, don't use that phrase," she said. "Sure, there was a bit of a commotion, but it's not like anything happened."
"Something did happen, though," Tracy said. "And I think it warrants discussion. So-"
"Look, I don't want to talk about this right now," Meredith cut her off. Her toast popped up from the toaster and she snatched it, not even flinching when her hand brushed against the heated metal. "I don't know how you interpreted that whole thing, but trust me, it was a very different experience on my end."
Tracy sighed, opening the fridge to put away a carton of blueberries and get out the milk. She poured the milk over her cereal, then went back to the fridge for a cup of yogurt and spooned a dollop of that on as well. She sat down with her bowl just as Meredith screwed the lid back on the jar of peanut butter. Tracy glanced at Meredith expectantly, but rather than sitting down with her, she simply turned away and leaned against the counter to eat. She could understand not wanting to talk about it (it had been a pretty embarrassing encounter, after all) but she figured she had to say something.
"I just wanted to let you know that it wasn't your fault."
Meredith paused, a piece of toast raised halfway to her mouth. She put it back down on her plate and stared intently at Tracy for a moment, opening her mouth as though to say something but then closing it again. Tracy squirmed under her gaze, wishing she was better at reading expressions. She had no idea how Meredith was feeling right now, and that kind of scared her.
"I guess you're right," she said after a long moment. Then she bit down on her toast, signaling that the conversation was over.
Not many people were at the pool that day, which left Tracy with not much to do and a lot of time to sit and think. If only Meredith would be more open with her… but Tracy couldn't hold her nature against her. In fact, maybe she was the one who should have been more honest and open. It wasn't like she was keeping any secrets, exactly, but she'd hardly poured her heart out to Meredith about her own problems and insecurities. On the other hand, there were parts of Tracy that she didn't feel comfortable sharing with a person who refused to talk about their feelings. It was all well and good to laugh about the people she'd killed-people who she didn't know or who'd had it coming or both-but if she told Meredith about the sick twisting in her gut as she'd watched a man turn to ice at her touch for the first time, it was hard to say what Meredith would think of her. Maybe that would be all the proof she needed that they were just too different to be compatible. And Tracy wanted to be compatible with Meredith, she really did. She wanted more friends in general, yes, and a closer bond with the ones she had, but there was something about Meredith specifically. There was something Tracy loved about her, about being with her. She just couldn't quite put her finger on it.
When Tracy's shift ended, she went outside to get some fresh air. A person could only stand the pervasive scent of chlorine clogging their nostrils for so long, after all. It was a pretty warm day, so Tracy sat in the shade of the building and idly observed a couple of kids playing grounders on the playground across the street. It was a game she had never played in her youth-not that she hadn't had peers to play it with (the authenticity of those childhood friendships notwithstanding) but her family had discouraged her from engaging in such "boisterous activities". Maybe Meredith had played it as a kid. Tracy leaned back against the concrete wall of the pool building, picturing a young Meredith fumbling her way around play equipment with her eyes closed. Tracy shut her own eyes against the glare of the sun, harsh even from her position in the shade. She could see it now: Meredith nearly stumbling but catching her balance against a guardrail, clambering up onto one of the equipment's support poles to reach somebody who was just a little fast for her, a wicked grin spreading over her face and a tiny flame flickering in her open palm (had her powers manifested at that point?) Flint probably would have been there too, she supposed, either looking out to make sure she didn't topple off the equipment or hanging up with the other kids to give her an extra hard time.
Guilt wormed in Tracy's gut as she realized the scenario she was now imagining could easily have been completely inaccurate. It occurred to her then, with the concrete wall rough against her back and the sun beating down on her brow, just how little she still knew about Meredith-how little they both knew about each other. She doubted Meredith could have accurately guessed what kind of upbringing Tracy had had, either. Hell, of course Meredith was acting weird! How were you supposed to act when you were living with a person you hardly knew? Maybe asking her to move in had been a bad decision after all-not because Meredith didn't deserve it-she absolutely deserved it-but because they just weren't close enough to make it work.
How can I get close to you? Tracy wondered. When she reopened her eyes, the children had abandoned the playground, leaving one swing slowly creaking back and forth. Sighing, Tracy reached into her purse and dug out her phone.
-From the Superpowered Individuals group chat-
tracy_the_ice_queen: ok dumb question but. How do I make friends?
companyman_hrg: why, are we not good enough for you anymore? /s
p_petrelli: this may seem pretty obvious, but I'd recommend you start with being friendly! :) obviously not everyone is going to like you, but if you do your best to get along with people and get to know them, I'm sure you'll make friends in no time!
tracy_the_ice_queen: that does sound like good advice, but I'm actually talking more about one specific person…
p_petrelli: oh ok! What are they like? You could try connecting through shared interests!
clairebear: where do you know them from? That might give you something to talk about
tracy_the_ice_queen: I don't know, we just kind of ran into each other
profsuresh_official: well, sometimes people just cross paths, you know… like two ships passing in the night… not everyone is meant to form a lasting connection, but those little moments of interaction really say so much about ourselves, and each other, and humanity as a whole
tracy_the_ice_queen: ok clarification #2 (or is this clarification #3?): I've kept running into this person, over and over again
officerparkman: do they live near you?
Tracy lowered her phone for a moment and stared blankly ahead. What the hell was she supposed to say? That this person she barely knew had been living in her house for weeks now? She'd sound like an idiot. Maybe she was an idiot. More to the point, maybe it was selfish of her to force a relationship onto Meredith just because she wanted to be close to someone.
Damn, Tracy had a lot of issues. All of them did, obviously. In fact, just about everyone in the chat had it off way worse than her, so whining about her own problems to them would be even more selfish. She'd be better off just keeping them to herself.
tracy_the_ice_queen: haha yeah they're in my area
companyman_hrg: the next time I go for coffee with you, you should introduce me to this mystery friend of yours ;)
clairebear: uh dad? Why'd you put a winky face?
companyman_hrg: why not?
superhiro101: OwO what's going on in this thread?
p_petrelli: Tracy wants help making friends with someone she met a while back
superhiro101: ohhhh. Well I'm not so good at that :( the only reason Ando and I got so close was because we lived near each other growing up
profsuresh_official: I'm sorry we can't be of much more help, Tracy. Evolution has made every being an individual, so there really is no universal method for establishing a connection
tracy_the_ice_queen: it's fine, guys, thanks for your help anyway
Meredith paced the tiled floors of Tracy's house, hands folded behind her back. The way she saw it, she had two options, and she wasn't sure which was the right one (was there ever a right option?)
Option one: she could stay here like she had planned, pretending to ignore her feelings even though breakfast today had proved that wouldn't be so easy after all. Meredith wasn't in love-she couldn't be; it felt so different from when she'd been with Nathan-but she was definitely attracted to Tracy. You might call it a crush, as childish a term as that was. Dancing around those feelings would be difficult, and Meredith wasn't sure if it would be worth it in the long run. Those feelings might fade in time, but if they didn't, how long could she keep living with a person she harbored unrequited feelings for?
Option two, and the one which would probably be easier in the short term: leave this place behind and get back on the streets. It'd break Tracy's heart, of course, but that woman had gotten her heart broken before. She could handle it. Meredith reckoned she could handle it, too-if she swiped some clothes and money and other supplies from the house before she left, she could buy a bus pass and get away from LA altogether. Maybe she could go back to Texas, buy a new trailer, and see if she could get her old job back. As long as she could keep her powers under control and not burn the whole place down, that seemed like a pretty good option. The problem was, it wasn't a viable option, and she knew that full well. No way she was getting her old job back, for one thing. They'd had a no-smoking policy, and the manager had only made Meredith and exception because she'd done him favours every now and then. When the manager had been replaced, Meredith had gotten laid off. And besides, she didn't really want that job back anyway. She just wanted… well, she supposed she wanted to be normal, but that probably wasn't going to happen.
Wasn't there some sort of disease or formula or something that had taken people's powers away? Maybe that was what Meredith needed. A bit of heat stirred in her hands, which she clenched into fists and then unclenched in a futile effort to relax. If she could get rid of her fire powers, she wouldn't have to hide away like this. She could see her daughter, even. Wouldn't that be something-to show up at Claire's door, just as Claire had shown up at hers years ago, and announce that she'd been alive all this time! Her heart ached just thinking about it.
Meredith's fingers began to tremble and she bit her lip, trying to remember where she'd put her pack of cigarettes. Tracy didn't like her smoking in the house, but that was fine; she could just go outside and ignore the people walking by on the sidewalk sending her disdainful looks. She headed into the kitchen and opened the junk drawer. There, nestled amongst some batteries and screws and dried-up erasers, was her cigarette pack. There were only two left; Meredith made a mental note to restock her supply as she took one out, headed outside to the back porch, and lit it up. After a couple of drags and soaking up a bit of the afternoon sun, her nerves subsided a bit.
Right then, from around the front of the house came the sound of a car pulling up the driveway, followed by the muffled but distinctive click of a key sliding into a lock. Meredith extinguished her cigarette, stamping it out beneath her shoe, and walked inside to greet Tracy.
"Hey, Trace, how was work?"
"Oh, it was fairly quiet," Tracy said as she reached behind her head to untie her ponytail. "Not too many people at the pool-odd for such a hot day." There was a beat as she shook her hair down, then she turned to Meredith and asked, "How about you?"
"Oh, y'know, not much going on with me."
Tracy nodded with a thoughtful expression as she glanced Meredith up and down. A tentative smile appeared on her face, and if Meredith didn't know better, she would have sworn Tracy was blushing.
"Would you like to do something with me, maybe?" she asked. "There's a new gelato place downtown, and on a hot day like today, I could really use a cool-down."
Meredith raised her eyebrows. "Now, where's all this coming from?"
"Oh, nowhere," Tracy said quickly. "I just thought, uh, it might be nice just to hang out somewhere, that's all. Maybe we could try to get to know each other better."
Meredith considered that statement for a moment. She observed the way Tracy fidgeted with a strand of her hair as she spoke, and the way her eyes danced between Meredith and her own nervous hands. A pleasant blush rose in Meredith's cheeks as it occurred to her that maybe her feelings weren't so unrequited after all. Even if they were, Tracy obviously really liked her, which was damn flattering. How could she run from a woman like that?
"Sure, sweetie," Meredith said with a smile. "That'd be lovely."
