So... I'm all excited about some personal stuff and couldn't stand to wait until tomorrow to update. My gain equals... err, your gain.
As always, thanks so much for reviews, adds, pimps, and everything else you all do for me. I keep wishing I could do something lame like invade your personal space with a hug or something :)
Thanks to Stratan for being my super dude, and thanks to stephk0525 and claireoth for prereading.
I've been told that this chapter should come with a tissue warning. So there it is.
Chapter 11
Bella
10 months ago – Transplant Day
"Dad?"
My voice was barely a whisper, and I wondered if he'd managed to hear it. He stood so still in front of the window, watching the bustle outside the hospital walls, something I hadn't really been a part of in months. When he turned, I knew he'd heard me, but was just giving himself a moment to regroup before facing me.
I was so sorry for that.
"We need to talk… before…" I glanced over at the door pointedly.
"Yeah? What about?"
I waited until he was beside me and sitting in the chair he'd claimed as his own in these last few months. I shifted in the bed some, but even that was hard to do these days. I was so weak, lifeless.
But I wouldn't be for much longer. A girl had died early this morning in a car accident. A girl whose heart would soon replace my own. I wondered what she looked like, how old she was… What it was that made her decide to be a donor in the first place. I wondered how long I'd be cooped up inside these walls before I could go back home, how long it would take before I could run again... how long my new heart would last.
But that was only if I made it through the surgery, or if the donor heart wasn't deemed unfit for transplant. There was a huge chance that my parents would be out the money they'd had set aside in a mutual fund for so long, along with all of the hospital expenses I'd accrued and would still accrue, because I could die of rejection in the weeks that followed. So many risks… and I was tired of hearing them.
A squeeze to my arm brought Charlie back into focus. I stared over at my IV, watching the blood thinner drip into the line. "Oh, um…" I took a steadying breath. Never in a million years did I think I'd need to have this conversation with my father, yet here I was about to say what few nineteen year olds had to. "Don't let Mom have some big, over the top funeral for me."
"Bella," he snapped, "you'll be fine. Stop talking like that. You'll wake up and be better than ever."
I continued like I hadn't heard him. "She can do whatever she wants for the wake; she can have a parade downtown for all I care. But I don't want to look like some morbid circus freak lying there in that casket."
"Damn it," he growled.
"Dad." I let my eyes finally latch on to his. They were wide with terror, brimming with tears. I'd never seen my father cry before. Not when I was diagnosed. Not when I was wheeled into the OR for my first surgery. Not when I had exhausted all treatment options and was put on the transplant list.
My breathing stopped and the words caught in my throat.
I would not cry.
So I pulled in another steadying breath. "There's this green satin dress Alice bought for me in the closet at Mom's. I've never gotten a chance to wear it. Have them put me in it?"
He stared at me for a second, seeing how unwavering I was, and nodded. "I think Alice would like that."
"Me too." Being buried in some specific dress seemed ridiculous and inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, but I knew Alice would get it. She always did. "And no funny makeup. That kind of goes with the whole circus freak in a casket thing I'm trying to avoid."
He let out a brittle laugh. "Okay."
"I want bright colored flowers. Everywhere. I don't want that room to smell like death."
A tear slipped down his cheek, and I nearly stopped the conversation. Only, realistically, I couldn't. I may never have a chance to speak to him again.
"I don't want a white casket. Everyone knows how much of a child I still am. No need for another reminder."
He nodded again.
"I don't want any kind of music about where I'm going and that we'll see each other again. Classical, maybe. But none of that cliché crap."
"I don't really think you need to worry with this, but all right. I'll make sure your mom knows."
"And I want my hair down. I think that's it." I pursed my lips as I thought about it some more. "No, I want you to be happy. Please."
"I am happy."
"You're a liar," I argued weakly. "When was the last time you went out on a date? Mom?"
"No…" He shook his head and moved his hand down to mine. "But it might as well have been. I think you were five the last time someone was interested me."
"That's pretty pathetic," I joked.
His lips quirked behind his mustache.
The click of the door opening broke up the moment, and we both glanced over to see a nurse pop her head in the room. "Bella, you have five minutes. No more."
"Can you find my mom and Alice?"
She smiled. "Sure, honey."
I turned back to my father and gripped his hand tighter, memorizing the feel of it on top of mine. "I love you, you know."
"What am I going to do if you don't make it?" he asked gruffly. "I still think of you as that baby your mother and I brought home with no idea of how to take care of. I can't imagine-"
He cut himself off and ducked his head down so I couldn't see his face.
I used my other hand to swipe away the tears that had fallen, and answered him the only way I could. "Daddy, you'll live. For me."
xxxxx
Present Day
Pacing was soothing; it was a way to burn off all of this excess energy I seemed to have. It helped me to think, kept my head clear. It kept my heart rate down and my head from pounding with stress. It kept me from having a panic attack. It kept me from crying...
So I kept telling myself. Along with the reminder that I was going to have to stop thinking in terms of the word "kept", because I was beginning to sound like a broken record.
Again.
Reality was a stark contrast. I was nauseated, literally sick with worry, and pacing was only a distraction from the ache in my head. Panic swam inside me, and the oddest things would make my chin tremble with those tears I refused to cry. They'd routed Charlie straight to surgery as soon as his condition had been properly assessed, which included dozens of wires and tests, x-rays and...
And all I could do was wait.
If one good thing came out of Charlie's heart attack it was this: I had to tell Edward why I came to Forks in the first place now, before it was too late. Something could happen to either of us in a blink, and then this wonderful man would never know how equally wonderful his sister was. He'd never know of her existence, and that would be my fault. As much as I wanted to watch every scrap of information about Maggie go up in flames and pretend that I knew nothing of his connection to her, I just couldn't. I couldn't keep living this lie. My resolve was steady, unwavering. This was why I was here. Pretending otherwise was childish, selfish, mean… and it was cheating Edward out of knowing his sister.
I paced some more and chanced a look over at Edward. He was calm, cool, the mask firmly in place again, only it was for me. I couldn't tell what he was thinking as he was bent over the magazine he'd picked up, and that was okay because he was being solid... for me.
Edward's gaze found mine, and I gripped the journal in my arms a little tighter, trying to hold myself together... for just a little while longer. I memorized the warmth his eyes held for me, knowing I'd probably never seem them like that again. And then I had to glance away, unable to bear that green gaze boring into me for a single second longer.
"Will you sit the fuck down," Edward said stoically. "You're driving me nuts."
I shook my head once. "Can't. Might cry."
Over Charlie, even though I knew Carlisle was working to make him better. Over the man likely staring at me in confusion. Over the friends I'd made since I got here. Over… everything.
"You cry a lot," he said casually. There was no hatred in the comment. It just was. I wanted to fall apart with that. We'd come such a long way from our beginning.
"I didn't always use to," I replied. "Just since..."
"Your surgery?"
I still couldn't look at him, because I was going to lie to him again. I'd cried some after the surgery, but not like I had since I'd come to live with Charlie. Guilt manifested itself in so many different ways.
"Yeah."
"Hmm."
I had a feeling that he wanted to say something more, but was interrupted by his family bursting through the doors. They rushed over to me, each one of them talking a mile a minute and reaching out to touch me... hug me... something.
Oh, God.
My heart broke a little right then and there.
I stared up at Edward questioningly, prompting him to drag a hand through his hair with a sheepish expression. Then he shrugged. "I called them when you were looking for a vending machine earlier."
And there it was again. The guilt wrapped up in the urge to cry. These people had no idea who I really was, how... awful I was.
But I couldn't really expect myself to have any other kind of reaction, given the circumstances. Deceit, in any form, was not in my blood. I'd naively thought I would just come to Forks, drop the information on Maggie's brother, and be done. I never once thought that this was waiting for me.
And I was going to ruin it all.
"Thank you," I mouthed.
I wasn't sure what my face looked like, maybe sincere and absolute gratitude since that's what I felt toward him at that very second, but it made Edward blink a few times before he was finally able to nod back.
"What is it with you Swans and hearts?" Jasper murmured.
My head whipped around just in time to catch the smirk on his face, instantly breaking up my somber mood.
I put my hand up to my mouth in an effort to stifle my giggles. It didn't necessarily go as planned.
"Not sure, really," I managed in between laughs, not having the wits to come back with anything better.
Esme shot Jasper a look, and I grazed my hand over her forearm, smiling at her. Her brown eyes searched my face before she nodded, silently understanding that I'd needed that ridiculous comment to remind myself that it wasn't all really as bleak as my mind was trying to make it out to be. This was nothing compared to what my family had already been through.
We gathered in the corner of the room, all of the Cullens wanting to know exactly what had happened to Charlie... and how Edward ended up being at my house in the first place. I watched Edward tense in his seat, his jaw clenched anxiously, and searched for a lie. I had a feeling his family didn't know anything about his sleeping habits.
"I um... I called and asked him to come back." I blushed with the insinuation that would cause them to have.
Edward made a strangled sound next to me and shook his head forcefully. "Not like that. Jesus, Bella, give everyone the wrong fucking impression."
"Well, I didn't know what to say..." I trailed off with a meaningful look.
The entire family looked bewildered.
"I fell asleep," he said to them. "It was just one of those things."
"Right place, right time," I murmured in agreement.
"I don't know about that," he objected.
"I do. You saved-"
His hand coming up to cover my mouth muffled the rest of the sentence I'd been trying to say. His green eyes were hard, filled with anger. "If you know what's good for you, you'll shut up, Bella. I'm not telling you again: I didn't do anything you wouldn't have already done without me there."
I blinked once and tried to figure out why he was adamant about it all. I hadn't been able to think straight when Charlie came stumbling through the door. My ability to act quickly without Edward around seemed... nonexistent. I wasn't sure that I would have been able to do anything except flap my arms around and cry, so I sat there defiantly, thinking very seriously about licking the palm of his hand so he'd let me go. Might as well keep up with this childish behavior and all.
Esme cleared her throat, prompting Edward to drop his hand. "So how long does your father say the surgery will take?"
I turned around to focus on something else. I'd already heard everything from Carlisle earlier, and wasn't interested in repeating the torture of listening to all the things going on inside Charlie's body right now, the torture of knowing exactly how my parents felt each and every time I went under the knife. I was anxious and scared with something Carlisle swore was mild and easily taken care of. I couldn't imagine how Charlie, Renee, Phil, and Alice all felt when I'd gone into the OR for my transplant, unsure if Maggie's heart would take or not and wondering if the last time I'd spoken to them before I was put under would truly be the last time ever.
I suddenly needed to call my mother.
I quietly excused myself, ignoring Edward's curious eyes and made my way to a little conference room down the hall to talk in private... break down in private.
And idly wondered how many people had been told they'd lost someone in this room. If Maggie's parents had been dragged into a place like this or just told right in the hall for everyone to see...
"Bella!" Renee exclaimed, yanking me from that horrible train of thought. "How are you, baby?"
I nearly choked on hot, thick tears with the sound of her voice. My mother may have driven me crazy at times, but there was no denying how much I missed her now. I'd been so busy with Edward and this insane plan of mine that I had barely spoken a word to her since I'd left Phoenix, giving her just a vague description of my life through e-mails with the thought that it was sufficient contact. Only it wasn't. Not in the least.
Add horrible daughter to the list of things Bella Swan was these days.
"Dad had a heart attack," I said through my sobs.
Silence.
"Mom?"
And then a sniffle. "Is he...? Is he...?"
"He's in surgery," I said, wiping at my face. "Dr. Cullen-"
"Your Dr. Cullen?"
"Yeah. He's operating on him now. He says he'll be fine."
"What... How did this happen?"
"Single life? Diner food? I don't know," I answered meekly. The truth was that Charlie was young and still in decent shape. There was no heart disease in the Swan family, other than my fluke of genetics. He might have eaten out a lot, but there was no specific reason that we could blame this on.
Except maybe as a way for fate to punish my lying ass. Karma's a bitch, as they say.
"No, I mean, what happened?" she clarified. "And what are they going to do to fix it?"
"Oh. Um... stints. Two." There was no need to explain further. Not with my family's cardio wing experience. "And he's going to have to start living like me... But I was already trying to get him to."
"How was that going?"
"With martyrdom," I replied, letting a wry smile curve my lips.
She let out a laugh with that. "Do you need Phil and me there for anything? I know you have this big idea of finding independence up there and everything, but..."
I almost laughed. She thought I came here to find independence. If only she knew of Edward and Maggie's connection... Or how he made me feel.
She'd never understand.
"No, I think I can handle it," I answered. "I want to."
She sighed. "Well, the offer still stands. I miss you, Bella. It's so quiet around here."
"Like I was ever there to make noise in the first place," I shot back teasingly.
"That's not what I mean. I literally have nothing to do anymore."
"Go travel with Phil," I suggested, abruptly thinking of a way to tie my mother's love for travel in with my stepfather's love for baseball. "Take him to as many different baseball games in as many different stadiums as possible. You guys would have fun."
"Actually, that's not a bad idea," she mused.
I let her think on it for a little bit before speaking again. "I need to go... wait. I'll keep you posted, though."
"Call me when he wakes up."
"Okay. And Mom? Tell Phil I now know why he likes that sport so much."
"What, baseball?"
"Yeah. The owner of the garage I work for and his family took me out to some batting cages last night. It was awesome."
"Did you manage to hit one?"
"Multiple balls, Mom. I hit multiple ones."
"Oh, I wish I could have seen that," she said wistfully.
"Me too." Her overenthusiasm would have been... hilarious, at best.
I told her goodbye and slipped the phone into my pocket. I ran my hands over my cheeks to get rid of the lingering dampness there, but I knew my puffy eyes would still give away what happened inside this room. I did it regardless.
I opened the door, staring down at the floor and nearly running into Edward in the process. He fumbled with his hands for a moment, and then dropped them down to his side, like he didn't know what to do with me.
I took one of his hands and stared at it, seeing the grease buried under his nails and in his cuticles, and traced over the calluses on his palm. I loved his hands. They'd seen so much. I tucked the journal against me and, one arm at a time, brought them up to wrap around my waist. He gripped onto the fabric of my shirt as I pressed my ear against his chest, and with a sigh, I closed my eyes when I heard the erratic beat of his heart.
"Why are you nervous?" I mumbled.
"This is… I mean… Fuck, I don't know what to do for you."
"I know," I said, comforted by his stumbled words. It meant he was trying. "This is enough."
We were quiet for a while.
"Your family is amazing," I told him, moving so that I could stare up at him.
He swallowed hard. "Yeah."
You're amazing, I thought to myself. But I didn't dare speak the words.
He held me tighter against him.
We went back out to the waiting room to sit with Edward's family again. It was late enough in the morning now that I could start calling some of Charlie's friends and let them know what happened, although, waiting for the appropriate hour had just been an excuse. I'd been dreading these conversations.
Billy was first, and with it came a promise that he and Jake would be up as soon as possible to see him. Charlie's fishing buddy, Harry Clearwater, was next, followed by the other families on the reservation I knew my father was close with. Then came the station and the diner, and with those I decided I was done. News traveled fast in small towns, and it was just a matter of hours before everyone knew of the chief's surgery.
I wanted to climb back in bed and close my eyes, escape in the darkness of sleep. But that wasn't happening any time soon. I was all Charlie had here in this town. If I hadn't been there, Edward wouldn't have been there. And then…
I rubbed at my chest, trying to push away the pain. Fate brought me here. For reasons that were so much bigger than just Maggie's existence.
A warm hand came up to cover my own. I glanced up to see Rosalie's concerned face.
"You okay?" she asked softly.
"No, I…" I trailed off, not knowing where to begin. "Rosalie, I…"
I was so close to telling her about Edward's connection to Maggie, if for nothing more than to have it out there in the open and not imprisoned inside me anymore, but Carlisle came sweeping into the room, pulling his cap off of his head and running his hand through his hair to tame it slightly. He scanned the room for us and let a wide smile cross his face as soon as he found us all hovered together.
Edward was at my side immediately, and so was a wave of guilt to go with it.
I was so tired of feeling guilty.
"Charlie did great," Carlisle said, walking over to where Esme stood and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "He'll be awake in no time."
My breath came out in a rush of relief. "Oh, thank God. When can I see him?"
"You can go in now, if you'd like. I just want to run over everything with you first."
"Okay."
I didn't tune out any part of what Carlisle told me like I did when it came to my own health. I wanted to know everything that happened with Charlie and what we could do to prevent it from happening again, especially after I went to school in the fall. I planned to come back as frequently as possible, but I was realistic enough to know that "as possible" did not always mean anything other than during holiday breaks.
But that was just the concern I let rise to the surface. The truth was that it went deeper than that. I was probably going to lose one person I cared about soon.
And I couldn't afford to lose any more.
"You need to get out."
I blinked up at Rosalie in confusion, wondering when she'd gotten here. I'd been so engrossed in my book that I hadn't realized anyone else walked in the room. Then again, I was kind of blocking everyone out…
"What?"
"Out. Of here. This room. This hospital," she elaborated. "Come on. We're doing that whole softball thing in an hour. Let's get you changed and head over there."
"I don't think I should…"
She put her hands on her hips and glared at me. "Oh, really? You think Charlie will miss you for a few hours when he has all of these other people to keep him company?"
I glanced around the room, realizing I'd kind of been shoved in the corner as the visitors swarmed in. I couldn't even see Charlie with all the people hovered around him.
"Probably not," I muttered.
"Edward's already there with Emmett." She grinned as if she knew this would entice me.
I rolled my eyes. "Let me just tell my dad where I'll be."
She nodded and slipped out into the hall.
I explained what was going on to Charlie and was met with a very satisfied grin. Apparently, getting involved in some kind of sport was just another way that proved Charlie right; my life was better after the transplant. Getting on a ball field and attempting to even stand in the outfield wouldn't have been an option before. Now I could play.
I hoped I could, anyway.
I didn't say much to Rosalie on the way to my house, mostly because I was just too tired to really come up with any kind of icebreaker. Not that we really needed it. It was nice to have someone other than Alice to simply sit with. Another friend.
One who'd also probably hate me in the near future, but I'd take what I could get now. Not like I really had a choice…
"You look like you're thinking awfully hard there, Bella," she laughed as she pulled into the driveway.
"Oh, um, yeah. Just realizing that I have friends here," I said with a blush.
She gave me an odd look. "Of course you do. Why the hell wouldn't you?"
"Uh… I never really did before." The blush got hotter.
"Really? I'm shocked. You're… you're really easy to get along with."
"Thanks. You too. But yeah, no friends back in Phoenix except for Alice. With everything going on, I never really got a chance to have a social life."
"No boyfriends?"
"Nope. None."
"Not even some lame prom date?"
"Alice was my prom date," I answered. "In the hospital."
She looked horrified. "I'm so sorry."
I giggled, oddly reassured by her reaction. Maybe I hadn't been such a freak. More like a victim of circumstance. "It's okay. Really. Alice made the night fun."
"I think I'd like to meet Alice."
"I'm sure you will. She's coming to school up here." Rosalie's brow quirked. "She didn't want me to be alone."
"Except you're not anymore, are you?"
"No… I guess I'm not," I said awkwardly.
I hurried to get out of the car so that I didn't have to say any more on the subject. I unlocked the door and let Rosalie inside, following just behind her. It was the first time I'd been home since Charlie's attack, and everything was incredibly silent. No noise coming from the television. No clattering in the kitchen. No whistling from Charlie as he cleaned his gun or worked on a few fishing lures.
I'd grown accustomed to seeing all of Charlie's little idiosyncrasies. And couldn't wait to have him back home doing them again.
I threw on a pair of black yoga pants, a tank top, and my Nikes, and then grabbed a long sleeved shirt out of my closet just as I rushed back down to where Rosalie was waiting for me. Just in case. I wasn't exactly used to the mild weather in Forks yet.
"I don't have a glove," I muttered.
She smiled. "It's okay. We have extras. Edward says you bat left-handed?"
"Yeah. I don't know about catching or throwing, though."
"Well, we'll let you practice both. See what feels better."
I nodded once.
Sam Uley and the three Cullen boys were already out on the field by the time Rosalie and I got there, throwing a ball between the four of them in some sort of well-rehearsed pattern. Jasper threw the ball at Edward, waving his glove at us in greeting as the ball was thrown over to Emmett.
Edward turned to face me, his jaw dropping slightly before he snapped his teeth together and glanced away. I had no idea what to think of that.
"Bella," Emmett called out. "Catch!"
He hurled a glove at me, fully expecting me to be able to catch it without a second thought, like everyone else around here. I took a few steps and put out my hands, fumbling with it before finally grasping it against my chest.
"A little warning would be nice," I yelled at him.
He grinned widely. "Then we wouldn't know what you're made of."
"Yeah, yeah."
"Get over here, you two," Jasper drawled. "We're losing daylight."
I waited for Rosalie's cue, and then followed her out to the outfield where the guys were all gathered. They silently paired up, leaving Edward to stand there with me on the outskirts of the group.
"Yoga pants," he growled. "How the hell am I going to concentrate when she's wearing yoga pants?"
I barked out a dubious laugh. "You like yoga pants?"
He practically glowered at me. "Yeah. I like them. Thank fuck you didn't wear the blue ones again."
My eyes widened comically. "Are you… Are you being serious right now?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" he returned.
"You just… The last time I wore those you were an asshole," I said. "I assumed…"
"What?"
"I assumed you thought I was ugly."
He tensed. "Never. Not in a million years. I'm pretty sure I've already covered all of this with you, Bella, and I'm not interested in repeating it."
I knew better than to assume anything from Edward's actions now. So it was a moot point. "All right, I hear you. I'm being stupid. Now throw. Let's see how shitty I am at this."
I pulled the glove up my hand a little further, and then flexed, unsure if I had the damned thing on right or not.
"Wait, is this right?"
Edward chuckled a little, and it made me want to keep acting like a total moron just to hear it again. "Yeah. It's right. Ready?"
"No."
More laughter. Without even trying. I felt like preening right there in front of everyone. I made Edward Cullen laugh. Again.
"I'm throwing it anyway," he warned.
"Okay…"
It wasn't exactly a throw at all, more like a toss. It was slow and arced up into the air gracefully. I kept my eyes trained on it, really not interested in looking like the klutz I'd always been known to be in front of this man. And miraculously, it landed right in the center of my glove…
I narrowed my eyes. "You did that on purpose."
He gave me an innocent look, one I found entirely too adorable. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't bullshit me," I snapped. "Throw it like you mean it."
His lips twitched a little, and he relented. "All right, all right. Throw it here. I won't baby you again."
"I can't believe you did that," I complained as I launched the ball at him.
"Neither can I," he admitted. He seemed a little perplexed with himself.
He caught the ball effortlessly, and with a quick snap of his wrist, threw it right back at me. I missed it and cursed as I chased after it. I returned it to him, this time making sure I was ready for the fast ball that was bound to come back to me. It hit my glove, and then bounced right out onto the ground.
"Shit," I muttered, feeling a blush creep up into my face.
"Bella," Edward taunted, opening and shutting his gloved hand. "You're supposed to hold onto it."
"Fuck you."
His brow arched up with that.
"You're in a really good mood," I stated, throwing the ball at him again.
He shrugged. "I like to play."
"So anytime I want to see a smile on your face, I just bring you out here to play?"
"No… not really." He shot the ball back at me. This time I caught it.
"Ha!" I cried triumphantly.
"I think it's just you," he said, watching me wriggle my ass around in glee. I immediately stilled when his eyes darkened, every inch of me longing for his touch. They shot up to mine, and it was like no one else was around.
I was pretty sure a little whimper came out of me.
He swallowed thickly before continuing. "I like being here with you. Watching you learn is… fascinating."
I inhaled. Tried to get my bearings. Wiped the sweat from my palm onto my thigh. "Oh."
"I don't mean in a bad way. It's just… I don't know. Being a part of some new experience for you is… I can't fucking explain it. But I felt it at the waterfall, too."
So I didn't try to make him.
We were quiet for a while, the ball being thrown between us the only sound coming from our area. The others were laughing and talking while they warmed up, but Edward and I were content to simply be.
He cleared his throat and chewed on his cheek, a habit I was learning to mean he was nervous about something. So I continued to watch him, waiting for him to finally say what was on his mind.
"I think… I mean, this is where I'm supposed to ask you how you and your dad are doing."
Not a question, a statement. I smiled. "You're being coached?"
"No. Well, yes. Esme wanted to make sure that I didn't fuck up, I guess," he mumbled.
"Trust me. You're not fucking up."
He glanced up from his hands, surprise written all over his features. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. You were… perfect at the hospital."
He scoffed.
"I'm serious. Having you there was an excellent distraction." Not to mention completely sobering. I'd come as far I as I could with him, at least, until I told Edward about Maggie. After that, it was left to chance.
My heart hurt thinking about it again.
He froze and gave me a strange look. "What the fuck just happened?"
I cleared my throat and tried to rearrange my expression into a smile. He relaxed a little, so obviously it was soothing enough. "I'm just tired."
"I can…" He ran his hand through his hair. "I can take you to the chief if you're worried…"
"No, no. It's nothing like that." More smiling. "Just throw. I'm fine"
He continued to give me a skeptical look, but relented. He shot the ball at me, and even in my distracted state, I managed to catch it.
Score for Bella.
As I paid closer attention to the way we interacted with each other now, I knew he'd listen to me when I told him. He'd hate me, but he'd hear me out. I just needed to figure out the best way to do it.
I cast a look over at Rosalie's car, where my journal sat inside the bag in the front seat, and thought that maybe I already knew how. Talking had never really been my strong point.
But writing about everything...
Well, it might be my best shot at keeping him in my life.
