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-Sailor

But as I calmed down I knew I had to go back up and get my bag because my passport and tickets were sitting in the front pocket. I walked back into the hotel but avoided the bar heading to elevator and pressing the button. This was the last thing I wanted to do, but I had to. I went to the door and knocked three times. In the heat of the moment I left the key card on the table. No one answered so I knocked again.

"Who is it?" I heard Tommy grumble from the other side of the door.

"It's me, let me in or throw my bag out to me" I snapped.

"Why should I?" he snapped back.

I growled loudly, took a few steps back and kicked the door. I was in no mood for this. The lock snapped instantly and the door swung open. Tommy was sitting on the couch looking beyond me like I had just quietly stepped in. I saw my bag on the ground under his legs that were resting on the coffee table. I stormed over and went to grab it but he sprung up and pulled it behind his back.

"Give me my fucking bag" I growled.

"No! We…we have to talk" he said staring at the ground.

"Oh now you want to talk?! Ok talk" I shouted feeling my gamy lung starting to hurt.

Except he just stood there, like he always does with that stupid look of total disinterest as if he was waiting for me to say something. But I wasn't about to be the first to talk, I already said my piece.

"Erika…you have to understand…"

He took in a deep breath and I heard it catch in his throat like he was about to say something but stopped.

"Well?" I snapped crossing my arms.

"You have to understand…I find it quite hard to explain my feelings…"

"No, are you serious?" I snipped.

"Will you just shut up and let me talk?!" he sighed angrily.

"Oh I'm sorry, am I acting like a total prick?"

"Yes you are" he sneered through gritted teeth.

"Well you would know"

His nostrils flared and he threw down my bag, stormed over and grabbed my shoulders, pushing me against the wall.

"If I didn't love you so much, I would have thrown you and your shit out on the street long time ago!" he growled.

My whole face dropped and what he had just said registered with him.

"What?" I wheezed.

"What?" he responded in a tone that was just as shocked as mine.

"What did you just say?"

His eyes looked down at the ground, then back up to mine, then every which way except at me.

"Tommy…"

But his lips cut me off mid-sentence, forceful and focused. I grabbed his face clutching him closer to me as I kissed him just as forcefully. He broke away, his eyes still clenched, tears forming in the corners. He bit his lip slightly before kissing me again, lightly this time, his lips just brushing off mine.

"So what are you gonna seize up on me now?" I whispered, running my fingers through his hair.

"I'm trying not to…but it's hard. It's my natural instinct…I've been like this for years"

I nodded and didn't say anything. Now was not the time for a sarcastic comment. It was like hunting deer, you have to be quiet and take your time, no sudden movements or you'll spook him and he'll run, never to return.

"Tommy I understand, but you have to let someone in, you can't push everyone away as much as you want to… I only recently learned that lesson myself"

Tommy's eyes met mine and I saw that look, the look that went with his voice that night on the phone. He looked lost.

"My poor Tommy" I whispered as my fingers ran down the back of his head to his neck. I watched as a tear escaped his eye and ran down his cheek.

I pulled him into a rough hug, holding him close as if I was trying to stop him from shattering into a million pieces.

"Erika, are you gonna stay for the fight?" he whispered.

"Do you want me to stay?"

He didn't say anything, all I could feel was his body moving up and down as he took in a deep breath. I brought my hands up rubbing his back before resting on his traps. I needed him to say it. Call it selfish or whatever, but I needed to hear him tell me he needed me. That would be the breakthrough…and I could admit that I needed him just as much. I wasn't about to say it first, it's a sign of weakness. But that right there, that was our problem…we couldn't even admit that to ourselves. His breath shakily snaked past my ear, but nothing came after it. I pushed him off me and looked into his eyes. His stare looked up from the ground and met mine but he still remained quiet.

"Do you need me to stay?"

"No…I don't need anyone" he whispered.

"Well then I'm not going to stay then"

"Why?"

"Because there's no point in me being here if you don't need me" I snipped.

"Erika…"

"No, you've given me the cold shoulder for too long…and I know if I stay I'm gonna be in for it again. It's who you are and until you can admit that you want me here…I should go home. I'm not the kind of girl who will just take shit 99% of the time for that 1% of love and happiness" I said taking my bag off the floor.

"Where are you going?" he mumbled.

"Home"

"But what about what you said…that I mean a lot to you"

"You do Tommy…but I'm not willing to put myself through all this. I've got enough shit going on in my life"

"You're not going back" he said grabbing my bag.

"Why not?"

"Because…because what about Peter?"

"Well that's a chance I'm gonna have to take…bye Tommy" I said opening the door.

But then he pulled my arm back and pulled me into him kissing me deeply but I pushed him away.

"No, Tommy that isn't going to make everything better all the time!"

He backed away slightly looking at the ground, his hand against his lip.

"So what, you gonna just up and leave?" he said, his usual 'I don't give a fuck' tone returning and I knew he was going back into himself.

"Yes"

"But…"

"Bye Tommy"

"Erika!"

I turned around looking straight at him. "What Tommy?"

Except he didn't say anything, he just stood there looking straight threw me.

"I'm fucking leaving" I said taking a step out.

But I heard a loud thud causing me to turn around and saw Tommy remove his fist from the plaster in the wall.

"I hate you Erika!" he screamed.

"Well you're lucky aren't you?! Coz I'm leaving now and I don't intend to come back!"

"I hate you! I hate…I hate what you do to me!"

"What?" I screamed scrunching up my nose.

"And I hate that I don't want you to go!" he roared, before punching another hole in the wall.

"You're fucked up in the head Tommy Riordan!"

"And so are you!"

"Fuck you!" I screamed kicking the door.

"And that's why…I know…I know that we…are meant for each other!"

"You can't be serious…"

"See! That right there! You say I can't open up and then I do and you just throw it back in my face!" he shouted striding over, spitting in my face.

"I didn't! You're not the only one with problems Tommy! Are you the only one who is allowed to have emotional problems?"

"No but don't throw everything back at me all the time!"

"I didn't! I didn't fucking say anything!" but then my gamy lung started acting up, causing a searing pain to pulse through my torso. "Tommy…just go, just go and fight" I said stepping out of the room and walking down the corridor, feeling more upset with Tommy than ever. I glanced behind me as I headed for the stairs and saw him staring at me from the doorframe.

I hopped in a taxi and headed to the airport.


"You've got to have something…anything leaving as soon as possible" I begged with the woman behind the airline desk.

"No, I'm afraid we don't and everything is booked up…your ticket is non-transferable as well. You're booked on a flight back to Pittsburgh on Tuesday"

"But you have to have something!"

"I'm sorry but you have to understand it's the Fourth of July weekend…it's one of our busiest times of the year…I'm sorry but I'm afraid you're stuck in Atlantic City" he said and I saw her nose twitch smelling the alcohol off my breath.

"I can't be stuck here…" I said burying my face in my hands.

"Well it's one of the best weekends to be in Atlantic City" she smiled. "Plus that big fight thing is happening so there are plenty of guys around, very good looking ones as well" she winked. But her smile died seeing I was in no mood for this.

I shrugged my shoulders and waited for her to offer me a lifeline but she didn't.

"I'm sorry Miss…I can put you on standby but all the flights are full"

I sighed loudly and grabbed my bag heading over to the seats. What was I gonna do now? I threw my head back and saw a television over in the corner. Shockingly, Sparta was on. I turned away and closed my eyes.


Three hours later, I was still on standby. I was still sitting the same spot. I was still ignoring the Sparta coverage. I was still trying to ignore Tommy who was swimming around in my mind. I looked up and saw there was a flight leaving in an hour. I prayed someone got sick and had to pull out.

"Anything?" I called over to the woman.

"I'll call down now and see but I highly doubt it" she said with that sad smirk.

"We have some breaking news here about the enigma that is Tommy Riordan…we have learned that Tommy Riordan is actually Thomas Conlon who went AWOL from his company after his brother in arms was killed in Iraq…that was why his service records couldn't be found"

I looked up and saw a team of military police marching into the stadium and into the dressing room. I jumped out of the metal chair and ran over to the TV. A solider appeared on the screen looking teary eyed.

"Tommy Conlon saved my life…the water was coming in from everywhere…the pressure was too much for us to push the door…we were just about to give up but then we saw the back door open up and Tommy dragged us out. Tell Tommy thanks from me. You saved my life brother" he said before wiping his eyes. I felt something deep within my chest ache.

"Tommy Riordan, actually Thomas Conlon is fighting in Sparta this weekend and is due to be arrested for deserting his unit after the final fight tonight" said one presenter.

"So wait…does that mean that the final tonight is between two brothers?" said the other presenter.

My whole body went numb.

"O wow, I think you're right…yes Tommy Conlon verses Brendan Conlon. Watch out mom! Lock up your china the boys are at it again!" they both laughed, like the fucking tools they were. This was anything but funny. And Tommy was going to have to deal with it on his own. He already had all this shit going on in his head and then me arriving like a tool and putting more unnecessary pressure on him. What was wrong with me…if I was Tommy I would have told me to fuck off a long time ago…even if nothing happens with Tommy and me, I knew we had too much history now for me to leave him. Also, I was one of the few people that knew the problems between the Conlon brothers. Look at me considering other people's feelings…I was slightly shocked at myself.

"Miss…there is a seat available!" she called over. "Miss!"

"What?" I said not really listening.

"There is a seat available…there will be a last minute fare on it though"

Then something clicked in my head. I raced over, grabbed my bag and headed for the door.

"Miss…do you not want the seat?!"

"No thank you! I have to stop being a selfish bitch!" I yelled back as I ran back out to the taxi rank, looking at her bewildered expression.