I own nothing Twilight

Authors Note: Hey guys, I'm posting right on schedule :) You almost got a double posting this week but I unfortunately caught a stomach bug...and well the last few days have been no fun! This chapter is in Edward's POV. These are few and far between, but I felt that we needed to see things from his perspective this time. Next time we will be back to Bella's POV. I hope you all enjoy this-and in case you don't read the bottom note, thank you so so much for reading. I so appreciate it! Enjoy!

Chapter 11: Choices Choices

EPOV

You know that feeling of happiness, where everything just seems brighter? That feeling of when you wake up in the morning, and you can't help but smile? That was how I was feeling every day since Bella and I had finally realized our attraction to one another. And when we kissed, I felt like nothing could touch me. It was all because of Bella. She kept my mind sane, when my situation was anything but. Just as Isaac Newton stated, "what goes up must come down." When I received a letter from Jessica, the feelings of happiness dissolved around me. Emmett had retrieved the mail and given me the letter with a quirked eyebrow. The way he said, "It's from Jessica" reminded me of mocking tones of a young child, chiding another child about liking someone. I rolled my eyes, something I'd picked up from Bella, and ripped open the letter.

As I read the letter, my hands gripped the paper tightly, as if it were the only way to keep them from ripping it to shreds. The things Jessica had said disgusted me. She made it seem like I owed her something, that I promised her things. "My life is on hold here." It was all lies. I knew that she was still canoodling around with Riley, not that I cared. As to why she would write a letter like that, I had my suspicions. It was as if someone asked her to say those things.

Jessica was a manipulative person, but I would be shocked if she really cared when I came home. The only person I could think of that would have convinced her to write such a letter would be my father. I internally cursed him. It had to have been him. "I won't elaborate on how I managed to get a hold of your address." Curious indeed.

My father was insane if he thought Jessica's petty manipulative abilities would sway me. In fact, the little stunt pushed me closer to the choice I'd already made inside. And I decided to tell my father this. I rushed up to my room, and sat for an hour, contemplating everything I wanted to say. And when I began to write it all down, I spewed for two hours, telling my father how I felt. My chest felt lighter than it had in years.

A couple of days later I found myself on my way to dinner with Emmett and Carlisle. I was looking forward to seeing my uncle, but in all honesty I couldn't wait for the dinner to be over. I wanted to see Bella very badly. I hadn't seen her since the afternoon before, and I was feeling antsy. I wanted to kiss her and hold her close, very manly I know.

Carlisle, Emmett and I, all sat at one of the high standing tables at a nearby sports bar and grill. They casually discussed the scores of their favorite sports teams, while I zoned out thinking of Bella. Emmett excused himself to the restroom, leaving Carlisle and I alone. It was silent between us at first, until my Uncle decided to ask some questions.

"Edward how are you doing these days? Are you getting more comfortable with your surroundings?" He asked, genuinely caring about my answer.

"Things are very well. I'm happier than I thought I would be here." I said honestly.

"Have you…you know have you made any decisions yet?" Carlisle asked, scrunching a napkin between his fingers. I looked down at my plate, poking around at the leftover fries. It was something I didn't like to discuss, but this was Carlisle. He understood.

"I'm thinking that I'd like to…stay." I said hesitantly.

Carlisle's face broke into a wide grin."That's wonderful son. But you know we will support you in whatever you decide." He said.

And that right there was the difference between Carlisle and my father. They were brothers, yet they not only looked different, but acted completely different as well. Carlisle was eternally supportive, no matter what it was that I wanted. My father however, thought I was only to do what was set out in front of me by the Amish tradition. He wanted nothing to do with any alternative choices. If anything else was chosen, disownment was necessary in his eyes.

"Have you told Bella yet? I'm sure she'd be thrilled." Carlisle asked happily.

"I haven't yet. I'm afraid to." I said quietly.

"Why are you afraid son? Bella is a wonderful girl. I can see that you mean the world to her." He said.

"Because if I tell Bella that I'm staying, then that makes it real. And that means that I have to accept the fact that I'm going to hurt my mother very badly." I admitted while swallowing the huge lump in my throat.

"You don't have to do that Edward. Elizabeth is a good woman, and she loves you. I don't think she could disown you."

"My father can make it happen. He's had practice." I looked at him, trying to get across the meaning without saying it.

Carlisle sighed and nodded. At that point Emmett returned from the restroom, and the conversation was over. All I had to do was tell Bella and that would be it, although it was going to hurt me badly, I had to tell her. I drove quickly back to the house, knowing that Bella would be there waiting for me. I ran inside and up the stairs to my room. The door was closed, and it was quiet. I carefully opened the door to find a sleeping Bella in my bed. I noticed that her cheeks were flushed, and the area around her eyes was splotchy and pink. It looked as if she'd been crying.

I walked around the bed, confused as to why she was upset. But then I saw it, the letter was laying on the floor beside the bed. She'd read it. Oh no.

I picked up the letter and crushed it into my hand. Bella's eyes fluttered open, and when she looked at me, hurt and anger filled her face. I didn't know what to say to her or what she wanted me to say. She shook her head, and hot tears began pouring down her face.

"You…you are a liar Edward. You never planned on st-staying." She spluttered. Her pink lips formed into a pout, and I could visibly see how hurt she was. There was disappointment there too.

"Bella, you mustn't believe what you read, I…"

"No Edward! You didn't even have the balls to tell me about the damned letter. So how am I supposed to believe anything you say? Jessica seems pretty convinced that you made her promises!" Bella said with anger lacing her voice.

In that moment I hated Jessica and my father. They were ruining my happiness because of their selfishness. For the first time in my life, I felt like I would explode with anger.

"I don't give a rats ass what Jessica is convinced of!" I shouted, shocking Bella with my cursing. Her eyes widened and her mouth opened and closed several times before she spoke.

"B-but why would she say those things if they weren't true Edward? I don't understand?" The hurt was back on her face. I sighed as I sat down on the bed, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Bella, I'm pretty sure that my father is behind most of that letter. I never said any of that to Jessica. That is just her way of manipulating me to come back. Which honestly I don't think she cares much. Someone else had to be prompting her to write it. And the only person I can think of doing that is my father." I said through gritted teeth.

Bella bit her lip in thought, and I tried to keep the inappropriate thoughts from invading my mind. It was hard with her though. She was so beautiful and I couldn't help imagining what her body would feel like against mine. Focus Edward.

"Why would your Dad do that? Doesn't he want you to be happy?" She asked innocently.

I shook my head, "Bella he only wants me to do what he thinks is right. I've told you about his relationship with Carlisle. It's no different."

Bella's big brown eyes seemed to melt as I spoke. I could see the compassion in her eyes. So caring.

"Edward I want you to know that…whatever you choose, well I'll accept it. Even if it doesn't involve me. I will be happy if you're happy." She said shakily.

And I could tell it was one of the hardest things she'd ever said. It gave me the courage to do what I had to do.

"Bella I've made my decision." I said with a slight shake of my head.

Her eyes widened, and I could see the fear and curiosity in them. It hurt to see her look that way.

"Okay…" Bella said in a high pitched voice.

"It's going to kill my mother. When she realizes that I'm not coming back, it's going to hurt her. But I choose you Bella. I can't be away from you, that hurts more than anything." I said quickly. She stared at me, not saying a word. At the moment I wished I could read minds.

"Bella?" I called to her.

Suddenly she launched herself at me and wrapped her arms around my body. I could feel the silent sobs wracking her body. I pulled her tightly to me and laid us down on the bed. Just as Bella had done for me before, I ran my fingers through her hair soothingly.

"Sh sh sh baby. I'm here." I said in her ear. Bella looked up at me with tear filled eyes and gave me the most magnificent smile that I'd ever seen on her face. Then I found myself kissing her, hard. She pulled my hair gently at the roots, and my body responded accordingly. I wanted so badly to go to the next level, but I knew that I couldn't do it yet.

"Bella. Bella we have to stop now." I said, unable to hide the lust in my voice.

"Edward." She breathed. It almost made me change my mind.

"I'm sorry Bella. I just can't, yet." I said.

"We can though sometime?" She asked shyly.

"We can try…soon." I stated, but I knew that I'd have to disregard the feelings of guilt about doing it. It was something that I'd been taught to feel ashamed of. It would be hard to get over it. She leaned into me, and kissed me softly before her tongue poked out, searching for permission to enter mine. I opened up to her and took her in, reveling in her taste. Our kisses became passionate, and I pulled apart breathing deeply.

"I love you Bella forever."

"And I love you Edward Cullen. Whether you like it or not." She grinned.

oOoOoOoOo

It was two days before Jasper and Alice's wedding. Emmett said that we were going out to celebrate. Apparently it was what was called a bachelor party. I'd never been to one obviously, and had never heard of one. I had no idea what to expect. And I was more than nervous about the evening ahead, especially since Bella wouldn't be there.

Emmett, Jasper and I left the house around seven thirty in the evening to go eat. We pulled up to the establishment, and I immediately noticed the big orange letters stating its name. We walked inside and at first glance it looked like a regular restaurant. Then the hostess approached us and I couldn't help but drop my jaw. All around the restaurant, the women were dressed in tiny orange shorts and revealing white tops. I couldn't help but be appalled. It wasn't something that I was used to.

"So what do ya think Eddie man?" Emmett asked excitedly as he rubbed his hands together. Jasper smirked at my shocked face.

"Actually I…" I started to reply, but the hostess interrupted.

"Alright boys. Follow me, we've got a special table for you over here." She flipped her black hair and motioned for us to follow her. When we were seated I quickly grabbed a menu and buried my nose into it. Our waitress then came to the table and took our drink orders. I muttered that I wanted water without looking up.

She brought out our drinks and began asking for our orders. Even though my face had been shoved into the menu since sitting down, I hadn't looked at any of the food items available.

"So what can I get you boys?" The waitress asked.

"Well Tasha, I'll have the 20 piece plate of wings, make the sauce samurai." Emmett said with a wink.

"And I'll have the Western Barbecue Burger, everything on it." Jasper stated.

All eyes were now on me, and I began to sweat."What can I get you honey?" The waitress purred.

"Uh I'll have…I'll have the uh…hot wings." I said quickly, and looked up at her. She licked her lips and smiled.

"How hot?" She asked.

"Er hot?" I said like a question. She finally walked away and I blew out a breath. Jasper clapped me on the back lightly.

"C'mon man relax. Have a good time." He said.

"Yeah man what's the deal?" Emmett asked.

"Look at how they're dressed! It's degrading." I hissed.

"Ah it's all in good fun Eddie man. Hot chicks, beer, wings, sports. I mean what more can you ask for in a restaurant?" Emmett said leaning back looking relaxed.

"I'd be disrespecting Bella if I ogled any of them." I said with the wave of my hand.

"I wouldn't call it that. But if it bothers you that much, pretend it's Bella wearing the outfit." Jasper said with a shrug.

I shook my head, but when the waitress came back with our order, I couldn't help but picture Bella in the tiny outfit. She would look magnificent. Suddenly I found myself getting a little too excited, and realized that I'd been looking at the waitress for too long. Images of Bella kept bombarding my mind and would not stop. I was a pervert.

Jasper nudged me and whispered, "Hey man you might want to cover that up. Just saying." He gestured towards my crotch.

I looked down at my lap and my cheeks flamed red. I quickly threw my napkin down over my problem and dug into the hot wings. I was more than relieved when we paid and left. I never wanted to return to that place of torture and humiliation ever again.

Unfortunately, the night wasn't over. Half an hour after leaving the restaurant, we pulled up outside of a business called Spanxxx. I had no idea what it was so I asked Jasper and Emmett.

"Guys? What is this place?" I asked nervously.

They both looked at each other and grinned like naughty children.

"It's a dance club. Where girls dance." Jasper shrugged. I narrowed my eyes at them.

"Then why are we here?" I asked.

"We are going to watch the girls dance. And occasionally you tip them for their gratuitous dancing." Emmett said wiggling his eyebrows.

We all got out of the car, and I trailed along behind them feeling suspicious. We walked in and I was immediately assaulted by bright colored lights flashing in an other wise dimly lit room. The music was fast and upbeat. All around there were men sitting at tables, some smoking, others drinking. I looked closer and noticed a woman dancing provocatively on a pole-like structure. She was barely wearing any clothes. It was basically undergarments.

With a frustrated growl I turned around and walked back out of the club.

"Wait Edward!" Jasper grabbed my arm and turned me around. "Are you okay man?" He asked genuinely concerned.

I sighed and ran my hands through my already untamed hair.

"Yes, it's just too much. I can't do this." I said in a panicky voice.

"Look man, I know you're a prude…" Jasper started. I glared at him but he continued.

"I know you're a prude, and I know it's not your fault. It's just what you know. But you've got to loosen up okay? I mean how are you ever going to be close to Bella if you can't handle seeing a little skin?" He asked.

understood what he was telling me, but I couldn't agree with him. It would be different with Bella. She wouldn't be exposing herself in a vulgar manner. It would be for me, and only me. But I knew Jasper was right to an extent.

"I hear what you're saying Jasper. I really do and I do need to lighten up. But this is too much too soon." I said trying to sound calm. He sighed and gave me a half smile.

"Okay, I'm sorry Edward. Do you want us to leave?" He asked.

"No, it's your party. Go.. enjoy yourself. I'll just call Bella to come get me." I answered.

Jasper went back inside and I leaned up against the building, breathing in the cold air. I wanted to call Bella but my voice still felt shaky. So I opted for texting instead.

"Hello love. Would you mind coming to pick me up?" -E

"Of course Edward. Where are you guys at?" -B

"A place called Spanxxx. Do you know where it is?" -E

"I've heard of it. I'll have Alice take me to get the Volvo. Be there soon." -B

"Thank you. See you soon." -E

I put my phone inside of my jacket pocket and sighed. Now that I had spare time, my brain began processing all of the events that had just transpired. Shame crept inside of me and it frustrated me. No matter where I went or the life I lived, I felt ashamed of who I was. Thoughts of these things swirled around in my heading, leaving me dizzy.

In the distance I heard a faint click and then followed by another and another. The sound confused me. Where was it coming from?

"Hello?" I called out. No answer. I thought I heard the crunch of gravel underneath a shoe, but it stopped as soon as it started. "That's strange." I mumbled.

Just then headlights flashed in front of me, and Bella pulled up in the Volvo beside the entrance. I walked to the passenger side and quickly got entry of the car, Bella's scent hit me. Strawberries and something else that I couldn't name. She looked beautiful, hair pulled back and a sweatshirt on, my sweatshirt. My Bella.

"My Edward." She grinned. Shoot did I say that out loud? I leaned forward and gently brushed her lips with mine.

"Thank you for coming. I hope I didn't interrupt any plans."

"Not at all. I was just relaxing before my night out with the girls tomorrow. Luckily Alice had come over to drop off my outfit so I was able to hitch a ride to your place." She smiled.

"Will you girls be doing something similar?" I asked as we drove along the highway.

"A strip joint? No way. We're going to the spa and then to a really fancy restaurant. Keeping it classy." She said.

I sighed, feeling relieved that Bella wouldn't be exposing herself to half naked men all night.

"Edward are you okay? You seem really sad." Bella said.

"I just…no matter where I go Bella I don't fit in. I…" I shook my head, trying to erase the confusion and hurt from my mind. We pulled into the driveway at my house. She put the car into park, and then turned it off. Bella turned to me and took my hands.

"Edward. You fit in here. Just because you're not out enjoying what Em and Jazz like to do doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. A lot of guys feel uncomfortable with that sort of thing." She sighed and then caressed my cheek before continuing.

"You haven't been around this sort of thing very long Edward. It's okay to be overwhelmed and to be freaked out." Bella said.

I stared into her deep brown eyes and searched for the right words to say. I felt too many different things in that moment to choose the right thing to say.

"Bella I'm ashamed. Back home…back where I'm from I'm thought of as the bad guy now. The things I'm doing would disgust them. But here I'm this prude freak that can't even touch his girlfriend without feeling guilt. I can't even enjoy a restaurant with half naked women like most men in this world do. It's maddening!" I exclaimed.

To my surprise, Bella giggled. I looked at her questioningly.

"I'm sorry Edward I don't mean to laugh it's just…you're the perfect boyfriend really. Here you are freaking out because you don't want to look at other women in that way. You want to spend time with your girlfriend. And then you don't even pressure her into doing anything. You're a woman's dream!" She said with a smile and a shake of her head.

Again, I was at a loss for words. No matter what I did she failed to see my flaws. She only ever saw the best in me. Right then and there I knew she was it. The guilt about what I knew was coming soon between her and I lessened considerably. I loved Bella with all my heart, and the next step was to show her just how much.

It was only a matter of time.

A/N: So how was it? I won't beg for reviews because that's just annoying, but I do enjoy them oh so much. It really inspires me to do better for you all! Next up, the wedding! I look forward to posting soon! Probably next Wednesday :) See ya then!