Notes & Responses
I don't know if I've said it here but Sayori is my favorite Doki despite me being an All Dokis Best Doki kind of person. Part of why I relate to her so much is because depression is a bitch and I know her all too well. I think summer and winter also do me in more powerfully than more middling seasons, but I can't be sure of that. I know y'all will say nothing but positive reassurances in my direction for taking a month to get another chapter out, but I will nonetheless apologize. To solidify my All Dokis Best Doki position, I've cried over stuff relating to all of them so far from various sources (base game, mods, my own thoughts) for varying reasons, including MC. You'll come to understand why as the story goes on.
Next chapter will probably be quite short. Short and sweet. Theoretically, that means getting it out sooner. I know what I'm doing with it. Originally it was going to be the last part of this chapter, but I came up with something else and also wanted to get this chapter finished and out while I was doing well.
TarrasqueSorcerer (AO3) – Yuri may be shy, but as with other introverts she can act almost like a different person when she's comfortable with someone. I had more "fun" writing Natsuki's breakdown than you might think, especially knowing that the comfort was going to come almost immediately and it was something she desperately needed to get out of her system. As far as Dadsuki is concerned, I wanted to do something less usual with him because I mean of course. The usual has been done too many times. And yeah, I cut down on all of those pairing tags.
Kuro (AO3) – No worries about not necessarily commenting in the future. I know you're invested, and I know based on what pairings you like that you will greatly enjoy some of the things in this fic. Lol, yes F for MC. Earlier conflicts are easier to get happier resolutions to because they tend to be less complex. As for as Dadsuki, as I said in the above comment, I'm doing something different with him than most fics do. It's certainly less straightforward.
Natan R. (FF) – Glad you enjoyed it so much! Natsuki does have some things simpler comparatively, but this is not where that simplicity is displayed. I haven't commented on MC's biological responses to certain things yet, or rather his inner narration has avoided being explicit, but I mean just take a wild guess lmao.
RandomIdiot1816 (FF) – I lol'd quite heartily. And about that hiatusi writers thing WHOOPS a MONTH went by.
O'Diver (FF) – MC not having a name was something I wanted to do for a good while. Unfortunately, the further in I get the less feasible it will be to keep things up, especially once I decided that the story will include sections that take place from points of view that aren't his. I'd like to have been able to do it the whole way through and even tossed around some ideas as to how it would work in those third-person POV segments, but it will become glaringly unbelievable for no one to refer to him by name at some point. I'm glad I was able to do it for this long without it coming off too awkward (and hell, with some people enjoying it!). It was a pleasant exercise. Thank you for the kind words! As I keep saying, this story will reach its completion at some point.
The Beyond Unstable Crew (FF)
A Starlit Drive, content creators receiving constructive criticism and having a fit is the mark of someone young, immature, both, or off their rocker. But this ain't most people. This is AS. AND I TOLD Y'ALL CHAPTER 10 WAS GOING TO BE THE NEXT "BEST CHAPTER." I think I mentioned it, anyhow. Encountering people with such low standards and self-respect to harass their commenters elsewhere is all kinds of messed up. For it to be THAT BAD though, Christ. Fucking stalkerish shit. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
As for how much is improv, I've got most scenarios simply scripted out and even had Natsuki's breakdown mostly scripted out months ago. Then, when it came time to do the scenario, I used the previous script as a springboard to improv something along the lines but much more in-depth. Chapter 9 is and will continue to be awkward, I think, but I felt like dropping the foreshadowing seeds I did would have come off as more awkward if I put them in the beginning of a chapter in which MC's issues were touched upon and he even recovered a bit of his memory, circumventing the issue as soon as it arrived. Unless I changed how things were rather than where they went, no one was going to be satisfied with that Monika scenario anyhow, but as I said, I knew I wasn't going to keep everyone in the dark for long. Chapter 10 was also not going to be where Natsuki's breakdown happened, but the response to Chapter 9 as well as what I came up with mid-chapter allowed me to fit it in seamlessly and make it work even better than my previous plan.
I'm glad Natsuki is growing on ya, and I'm glad you dig all the fluff with Yuri and such. As for Monika, well she's the resident enigma, but all in due time. I will give some new questions but also give… The Goods ™. Cheers for the feedback!
MrsMistyEyes, yeah Chapter 9 is going to have been my weakest chapter by far. With any luck I don't make new weakest chapters. Only new strongest ones. I'm glad Talking and Melancholy had my back, ahaha! I'm glad you are enjoying the Dokis as well. You know, I always kind of worried about writing someone else's characters in the past, but I think I'm over that now with how much people seem to love their personalities and interactions. The phone idea was inspired by the fact that some people go non-verbal when they have attacks and the like, and Natsuki is a highly emotional person. That is also something I came up with on the fly as I was writing it. Improv! Cheers for the compliments. I'm glad I am badass enough to un-fuck what I fucked lmao.
IHateMyselfAndIWantToDie, yeah, I ain't no egotistical dipshit when it comes to criticism. Cheers for the kind words! And Starlit commented on such. Disgusting! People suck. I should be more worried that I almost lost the majority of my commenting userbase with one bad chapter, but I decided I'm not going to worry too much about it. Bless Talking, and I'm glad everyone enjoyed it and was turned back on to the story. Even if I am bad for a minute, if I am good enough for an hour then I will keep people interested. Monika's screen time will be ballin'. Hell, I'll say upfront that this entire chapter is also improv. A decent amount of fluff is going to wind up being like that. It's the big plot points that have the most thought put into them long before I start on them. And, as I mentioned somewhat in my response to Starlit, there's plenty of improv and differences to the breakdown that I changed from what I had originally planned. I have this uncanny ability to just… do that. Get used to it lmao. Thankfully I hit more often than I miss. I go from pretty detailed (for a summary) first draft and then do the final when I'm making what I intend to publish. Even Natsuki going non-verbal was something I came up with on the spot, and I'm glad I did because of how well people seem to have enjoyed it. Glad to hear you are excited for the future!
MelancholyFactory, cheers for those kind words! Also, thank you for helping get the crew to read this chapter and get them back into the story. Ahaha, and thank you about my screenname! I initially came up with Aimless Shenanigans as a username for a friend group Let's Play channel, but we went with something else. I was like, "I'm keeping this one though lmao." It's too good, so I was like, I'll just rebrand my solo LP channel with this name (and then proceed to do nothing with it for years). I've even got the tagline, "You are now engaging in Aimless Shenanigans."
Anyhow, never mind that shit ahaha! I have more relevant things to say, namely I appreciate the kind words! I'm glad Natsuki seems to have been beloved. As I mentioned above to Misty, I felt like Natsuki going non-verbal after such an emotional episode just made sense. I'm also glad you're enjoying Yuri. As I've said, I'm an All Dokis Best Doki kind of guy, but my order of favorites goes Sayori, Natsuki, Yuri, and Monika (coincidentally it's also the order of the Dokis when MC thinks about them at the end of Day 1 in the base game). This also happens to be the order in which the major character arcs go from simplest to most complicated/weird. I'm sure some people have questioned how Yuri has been able to be almost a completely different person when they aren't fawning over how brave she is being and, well, that's part of the point.
This chapter in particular had such a title because I'm sometimes good at coming up with symbolic relevance to what's going on, this one in particular. Ironically, I'm TERRIBLE at coming up with original character names, both first and last, but titles are much easier to deal with. Sometimes I search up things specifically for relevant symbolism ("Limbic" was named "Something is Different" for the first number of chapters until I decided that was lame as shit). Sometimes my own imagination and creativity come up with it without needing external help. Sometimes there's also a tiny wrestling reference in there (From The Heart) that simply happens to also be very relevant to the content of the chapter. Thank you for the kind words my dude!
TalkingsForFunctioningPeople, I owe you thanks for being the biggest aid in getting the others to come back. Yeah Chapter 9 sucks. First fic meme, Chapter 9 worst Doki lmao. Goodness, the praise you are giving me regarding the characters, especially Natsuki, is, like, big big thanks for such words! As for Dadsuki, I've stated in other comments that I'm doing things a little different with him. Considering I keep saying "Oh this was improv," his small offscreen appearance was also something I came up with on the fly. The Act 2 stuff about Natsuki being neglected, malnourished, and all that hit hard and are a different kind of horror because it's a very real sort of horror as opposed to, well, the rest of the game. Plus the way both things are casually brought up without any other context is, like, yeah.
Hell yeah, All Dokis deserve love. I'm glad you were entertained by yet another fragment of my dumb sense of humor with the restarting puberty thing lmao. Again, thank you for the kind words about my portrayal of these characters. Many blessings, my dude. I need to put together a more organized file of all my big plot points, medium scenarios, and smaller things so that I can more readily plan things out. I am confident that things will never come down to Chapter 9 levels of bad. As for a revision, I'm not sure, but I'm also not focused on it. I'd almost contemplate taking it out entirely lmao, but I doubt it. We will see, though. The problem is that I think I wrote it well, but the issue of postponing Monika's first big scene as well as Cee and Em being too much of a focus to help get MC realizing that something's wrong with him are going to continue to be weak. I'd have to cut the whole ream twins section out for it to be better, but then again chopping the chapter in half so people can get to Chapter 10 quicker might be the exact improvement it needs lmao. Shrug though. In any case, I'm glad you enjoyed it so much, and again, thank you for reigning the others back in!
Chapter 11: The Vexing Vixen
"Ahaha~ Oh my gosh, you are just the most adorable thing, aren't you?"
"Uuuhhh… N-No?"
Damnit, I should have answered yes. Or should I have? If we are talking about the most adorable, that has to go to Sayori or Natsuki. Does Monika want me to be modest or forward? She's definitely the latter…
"Somehow, I don't think you're entirely sure. If only you could see your face right now. Oh!"
Please don't bring out your phone, please don't bring out your phone, pleasedon'tbringouty-ACK!
"Sayori, would you mind assisting me?"
"My pleasure!"
My attempts to hide my face are in vain; Sayori's hands suddenly take my wrists and yank them above my head. I'm not this much of a weakling, but I also can't gather enough energy and focus to fight off the shenanigans and hide my face. Not to mention, I can't break away from Monika's gaze. Her smile takes me prisoner, and her phone camera going off steals a piece of my soul.
"Perfect! Messing with a good boy is so fun~"
"Ehehe~ Monika, I didn't know you could be this flirty!"
"Well, I'm after far more now than I am when it comes to anyone else. The pursuit is mine for once, rather than me being the pursued."
"Okay… It wouldn't have hurt to toss a few words my way, you know!"
"I'm sorry, Sayori! I suppose my mind was in other places at the time."
"Weeeeell, I'll forgive you. That's what friends are for, right?"
"Ahaha, yes. Friends. That's what we are at this point."
"Eh? Are you saying I'm not a friend?"
"Of course I'm not saying that! But, well, usually there are more specific terms in place for when people do what we did."
"… Best friends?"
"No, Sayori. That's not… Ahaha, maybe we should talk about that next time we are in private."
"Super best friends!"
"Sayori, I'm afraid you—"
"Besties at our behesties!"
"… Ahaha, have you always been this… Ah, who am I kidding? You've always been even sillier than this. You're precious, Doll Face."
"Ehehe~"
"So, I think an apology is in order. We may have broken your sweet little toy!"
"Buh?! He's not my toy!"
"You play with him, isn't that correct?"
"I… Maybe you're right, but he plays with me, too! Sometimes we even play with each other at the same time!"
"Oh my, Sayori! How… dirty~"
"Tha-That's not what I mean and you know it!"
"Ahaha! I'm only teasing! If we went solely based on how easy you two are to fluster, you would still be a perfect fit for each other."
"Meanie…"
"Hey now, isn't that a unique nickname for only one person?"
"Ehehe, I've got a bunch of other ones for him. He will always know how special he is to me."
"Urk!"
Sayori's arms being thrown around me yank me out of the stupor I was just in.
"Ahaha~ Fifteen years you said you've known each other, is that right? I must be looking at soulmates right now, huh?"
"I sure hope so!"
"Heh, heh-heh… M-Must be, right?"
"Hey, you spoke! So I didn't break you after all, ahaha!"
"N-Nope!"
"Eeeee~ You said we must be soulmates! I love you so much!"
"Ack! Sayori I need to breathe!"
"Oopsie! Sorry!"
"Hah, hah, hah… It's okay."
"Recovered from your little episode there, have you?"
"Huh? Uh, yeah! I guess when you said the, uh… that thing… I kind of—"
"I said many things, Mister! You'll have to be more specific!"
"Um… All of it…"
"Is he always this easy to mess with?"
"I think he's just intimidated!"
"I guess I just have that effect on people!"
"Yep! Not even I'm immune!"
"Curiously enough, I thought you would have been! I guess I can't be right about everything, now can I?"
"Guess not!"
"Girls, am I missing something?"
"Don't you worry your pretty little head about it! And we're ladies, buster!"
"Hmm… Ladies… I like the sound of that, ehehe! I wanna be your lady!"
"S-Sweetie, you already… uh… am."
"Yay! Wait… 'You already am'? Did you forget how to talk or something?"
"Huh? Oh… Uh, I guess…"
"What?! You're not supposed to agree to having forgotten how to talk. You're supposed to play if off like a joke…"
"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were distracted. Isn't that right, Sayori?"
"My influence is rubbing off on him! Ehe, ehe… I hope that's what it is, anyhow… People who are close to each other start being influenced by their personality, speech patterns, stuff like that. Right?"
"Yeah, that's a side effect of socializing and developing strong bonds with others. Even you don't usually mess up simple things like that unless it's on purpose."
"In which case it wasn't a mess-up, it was a successful plan!"
"Poor guy just can't help being confounded by us!"
"You're a conniving little wench, you know that, Angel?"
"Don't call me a bench! You aren't supposed to sit on me!"
Dork…
"Ahaha! Hahaha, haha, you two are almost more than I can handle!"
"Ehehe~"
"Well, if you're getting entertainment out of me, then that's good."
"Oh, you have no idea~"
"So, I don't mean to admit how… distracted I've been, but how did this all start?"
"Well, on Thursday we went to school, and we had the big talk about our topics of choice, and—"
"Not that far back, Dummy!"
"Well, you've been acting kinda weird the past few days. I just wanted to make sure!"
"If I may ask, when did this start?"
"Umm… Friday!"
"Ahaha~ I guess that's my fault. I did request this little visit the day before."
"Aww, it's okay! Sweetie here's just a goofy goober!"
"I guess I can't deny that. Uh, anyhow! How did we get this far in the conversation? Have you two just been picking on me the whole time?"
"… Maybe!"
Gah, what the hell?! I get enough of that simultaneous speech from the twins! "Y'all suck, you know that?"
"Affirmative, captain!"
"Ahaha, I'm so glad I'm able to bear witness to you two. I can tell that being part of this relationship is going to be a blast! With all of the responsibilities I've had and needing to be the mature person wherever I go, it's nice to let loose and mess around with friends."
"So you're serious about joining us. I didn't expect you to take to this idea, honestly. You did mention that you were… Hey, wait a minute. You said you were a more traditional person not too long ago, right? This is absolutely not a traditional relationship. What gives?"
"I lied."
"PFFT! You lied. That's… That's it?"
"Yep! After all, some secrets don't need to be shared unless they involve the right people."
"Ehehe~"
"Ahaha~"
"… Riiight. Just don't put too much pressure on yourself to hide too much, Prez. That could stress you out. This is supposed to be a relaxing time for you."
"Oh, I wouldn't worry about me. I'd pay more attention to what you can handle."
"Huh? And just what is that supposed to mean?"
"Ever since I brought up how I'm interested in exploring the physical aspects of a relationship first and foremost earlier, you've been an embarrassed mess. Something tells me you can't handle what I can dish out."
"Uuuhhh… I mean, Sayori and I have been getting… more… physical… since we got together."
"Sweetie, I don't think you know what you're dealing with. We've been cuddly and snuggly and smoochy, but this girl—I mean—lady right here will blow what we do together out of the water! She'll make it seem like we haven't even held hands before!"
"How would you know, Sayori?"
"Ehehe… Monika, you wanna give him an example? I know you said you wanted to test the waters."
"You two have been planning something, haven't you?"
"Maybe~"
"Ahaha! Well, before I do anything brash, let me ask again: are you really prepared to try meeting the needs of someone like me?"
"Um… I-I mean…"
"I know you said you're just a nerdy virgin, but—"
"Whe-When did I s-sssay tha-tha-that?!"
Thud! "HEEEEEheeheehee!"
"Oh dear! Are you okay, Sayori?"
"Pehehe— Peeheeheeachy~ Ehe, ehehe! Ihi, I'll stand up in a sec, ehe…"
"Sweetie, did you really just fall over laughing?"
"I couldn't help it! I went weak in the knees!"
"You're such a klutz…"
"What a kook that girl is! Anyhow, I'm sure you said something like that of your own volition."
"Aha, n-nonsense…"
"Well, if you didn't, then maybe you're feeling more confident now?"
"…Something like that."
"Your voice tells me otherwise."
Cough cough!
"Ho-how—" COUGH! "How ab-about now?"
"That's better. The way I understand it, you feel like the Literature Club is meant to be together as something more than as simple friends. What are you after?"
"… Um…"
"Yes?"
"I, uh…"
"Uh-huh…?"
"…"
"Oh dear, you must be getting cold feet about all this, hm?"
"N-No! I'm just… thinking… Um, I kind of got myself into a bind, you know? I went ahead with all this… so early… without a plan…"
"Um…"
"Sorry! Um… I don't know the details about what I want the end to look like. All I know is I want to be with all of you. More than friends. I guess I'm not picky about what we are. If you're interested in me for God knows why, and I'm interested in you, then figuring out what we are to one-another is part of the adventure. Uh… R-Right?"
"For seeming so distracted, you managed to put that so eloquently, yet so simply. Sayori, what do you think about this, honestly?"
"As far as he's concerned? Whatever makes him happy. Maybe that sounds silly or naive, but I put my full trust in him. As long as he and I are together, I'm satisfied. Anything else just adds to the fun, right? We've all got such varying personalities. We can love and spend time with and enjoy each other's company until the cows come home!"
"And what I'm about to do isn't going to sit negatively with you, right?"
"Right!"
"Promise?"
"Abso-tively posi-lutely! Besides, you're doing me a huge favor."
"A favor? What do you mean? You two really are in on something, aren't you?"
"Ehehe~ Hey, don't forget that I said I was getting something out of all of this, too! I just came to realize lately that I'm getting more than I knew!"
"Maybe you'll find out at some point. I can assure you, it's nothing bad. Apparently, it's for the best for all involved."
"…?"
"You trust Sayori, right?"
"…Yes. I do. She won't steer me wrong."
"She's probably the most trustworthy person in the club, maybe even the whole school! You've invested your faith in the right place. I can second that she wants the best for you. It just so happens that the best for you lines up with what's best for her as well! And… well, I'm in the right place at the right time."
"What do you mean?"
"I'll sum it up for you: you two wanted me to stop putting so much pressure on myself. If I can find some of my needs fulfilled in ways they never have been before, then those positives will lighten the load on my shoulders. You get what you want in more ways than one, and I get what I need just the same."
"Where…"
"Hm?"
"Where did all this come from? I've never heard anything about you being… this way."
"It's as I said just a bit ago! When you get into the public eye, you learn to keep certain things about yourself hidden. I've built myself a metropolis compared to most, but there will always be alleyways filled with what society looks down upon. I don't intend to be irresponsible. All I aim for is to explore a different side of who I am. I'm not here just to please you. I'm not here on some weak-willed wish for love. On the contrary; you will be doing far more for me than I am for you."
"…?!"
Monika's face is incredibly close to mine…
"You'll understand in due time. After all, figuring it out is part of the adventure, right?"
"Uh… Y-Yeah…"
"And you want something from me, is that correct?"
"Y-You could sss-sssay that…"
"Well, to get what you want, I need to get what I want."
She's right there…
"It's on-only f-fa-fair…"
"And Monika always gets what she wants~"
Gulp!
"You ought to meet me halfway before the nerves catch up with us…"
She… She want a kiss?!
"I… Um… I-I…"
"Mhmhm… Good."
!
It's unfathomable that all of that happened. I honestly can't believe it. If my memory didn't get jogged when Monika connected her lips to mine just now, I'd think I made it all up.
Monika pulls away from the kiss. The tip of her tongue leaves mine. Between the kiss itself and remembering what lead up to our first one, I'm left bewildered. Thankfully, I'm more aware than I was last time.
"I guess Sayori didn't tell you to step up your game, huh?"
"It's been a week and I don't know what I'm doing!"
"Ahaha!" Monika scoots back. "I'm only teasing you."
"Gotta lighten up, Sweetie!" Sayori, seated next to me, collapses into my lap. Heh. Col-lap-ses. Holy crap I'm dumb.
"Yeah, uh, duly noted." I feel… jittery. I guess the events of yesterday are still affecting me. I hope I didn't actually get concussed. Nah, I'm fine. My memory should have gotten worse with a hard enough blow to the head, but for the second day in a row I've been recalling pieces of the weekend. I mean, sure, yesterday's were both before I got my ass beat, but still.
Up until a few minutes ago, today had been uneventful. Sayori, Natsuki, and I woke up snuggled against each other. We had breakfast and carted ourselves off to school. Classes were whatever. Club time was unusually inactive, as was Natsuki. I guess she had a lot to think about. Her silence shaped our club meeting. We all had agreed that just spending time amongst each other was more important than actually doing things or talking. Even in a quiet room with everyone doing different things, sharing the air helps bonds strengthen. Natsuki had asked Yuri if they could walk together on their ways home, and Monika had asked if she could join us at home as well. We both went for it, I especially because I want to figure out the puzzle that is Monika.
We hadn't moved the mattresses back after last night since we didn't have time before school, so the living room had plenty of comfortable space to sit that wasn't a couch. It's a bit odd sitting on what is essentially the floor, but it's easier to spread out at a moment's notice. We had laid out some disassembled trays so we could put our drinks down. Coffee for Monika, apple juice for Sayori, and I stuck with some soda. Clearly, I am the healthiest here.
You know what? Since it's on my mind, I guess there's no harm in asking… "So, Monika, when you visited last time…"
"Hm?"
"You really meant everything you said, huh?"
"Of course! Would I lie about something so important?"
"I guess there's no reason for me to suspect a thing like that." Besides the fact that she admitted to lying about the 'being a traditional girl' thing, but I guess she had her reasons. "I was just… reflecting on what happened. It came to the front of my mind during our kiss."
Sayori looked up at me and raised her eyebrows. I, looking down in thought, gave a slight nod in her direction. I guess she picked up on my insinuation that the memories of Sunday had come back to me, just as I had remembered some stuff from the weekend during yesterday afternoon. I wasn't about to blurt out my memory issues in front of Monika, hence the subtle communication in Sayori's direction. Lord help me if Monika thought I was simply being ignorant and not paying attention when she laid out so many crucial details.
"I meant every word."
"Good. I ought to be grateful. I don't consider myself anything special. Even with those brief interactions in our shared class last year, I knew that you were way out of my league."
"Mhmhm… Sayori, may I have some space?" With Monika's simple request, Sayori scrambles out of my lap. Once again, Monika brought herself closer to me. Instead of crawling over on all fours like she had when coming in for our kiss, she straddled my lap and took my face into her hands. Those enrapturing emerald-greens peered down at me, putting my own gaze to shame. I can't say I'm not anxious as all hell when faced with such an accomplished girl. Er, accomplished lady. "Popularity isn't the end-all, be-all when it comes to anything about anything, honestly. You may consider yourself just a loner, but I've gotten to know you pretty well over the past two months."
"R-Really?" My hands, shaking a little, come up and gently place themselves on hers. "We've barely spent any time together compared to the other girls and I."
"Well, you aren't wrong. However, I have those same girls telling me nothing but good things. Plus, I see the way you interact with them in club. Like a chameleon, you've been able to adapt to each of their personalities and act accordingly. Different variations of friendliness are apparent in your words, attitudes, and body language when you speak with each of them. Natsuki is rough around the edges, but you two have a strong friendship. Yuri is comparatively shy, but you've been able to talk with her and bring out her inner personality. With Sayori, well, there's so many obvious giveaways as to how much you care about her that it's exceedingly admirable."
Man, I never knew Monika paid that much attention to me. My cheeks feel warm. She surely feels that in her palms. "You really are omniscient, aren't you?"
"Ahaha! No! You really like to hold onto some jokes, don't you?" Monika pinches my cheeks. I fluster even more. "You've even recently brought up some from the first week of the club. You sure have a memory for those sorts of things."
"Heh, I guess…" I take a quick glance over at Sayori. She sips her apple juice but keeps her eyes locked on us. When she sets her drink back down, I can see she's easily smiling bright. Oddly enough, I feel like she's been something of a mystery since this whole relationship stuff started. I can't understand what's behind that smile. It doesn't seem like she's hiding anything negative. Her smile is genuine. I guess she really loves seeing me bond with her friends. She was worried about me becoming a permanent shut-in the day I joined the Literature Club, after all.
And, there's… the way she acted in the first few days I was in the club. Ugh. I was hoping I'd forget about the notion that she was setting me up with her friends for when she was… gone…
No. No, brain. Don't do this to me. To hell with you. I'm able to shove the thoughts out of my head when I focus back in on Sayori's smile. It makes me smile seeing her happy face.
Suddenly, I remember that Monika is this close to me. My attention is refocused on her and my smile is whisked away by the sudden onslaught of nervousness. Conveniently, she had followed my gaze to look at Sayori instead of continuing to speak. I didn't miss anything she had said. Super. I'd like to retain any information she relays the first time through on this and all subsequent conversations.
"In any case, the biggest thing I need to know about you is that you treat people well. You don't have much in the way of ulterior motives, or at least negative ones. I've spoken briefly about similar things in the past. You're being… real with me, with all of us." A nod to her last poem, no doubt. "You didn't give up on any of us when our problems came to light. You didn't come to just one of us seeking something. You weren't looking to take advantage of Natsuki or Yuri for being estranged from their peers. You took an interest in being our friend exceptionally quickly. You're a good person. You may still be put off some by my position among the school, but you treat me just like you do the rest of my club members."
"…" I've gone flushed. "W-Wow, uh… Thanks, Monika. It's… I gotta say, it's kind of an ego boost to hear something like that coming from you. Before the Literature Club and The Festival I was just skating by in life. I didn't even know I had it in me to be such a decent person and good friend because it had been so long since I tried."
And I've come to regret that in so many ways…
"It's as I said!" Sayori beams at us. "You're not capable of being a bad person even if you gave it your all!"
"And it shows," Monika tacked on for good measure. She hunches over so that we're eye-to-eye. "I, on the other hand, intend to take full advantage of your pleasant nature."
"Huh? Th-That sounds so… odd, to say the least…"
"Ahaha! I don't mean in a bad way!" Another pinch, this time to one cheek while she cradles my face with her other hand. "You've got a lot to offer. I simply want to make the most of the opportunities bestowed upon me. You've made the most of yours, after all."
"I guess when you put it that way, it makes sense…" I'm not irked by the way she phrased her previous statement or anything. I just didn't think of Monika to be this kind of person. Well, she saw an opening and took it. I guess I did as well. Haven't we all? More like Ultimate Opportunist Club. Except Natsuki, I guess. She's got a very different vibe from how Yuri and Monika are. "So, here's a question."
"Yes?"
I purse my lips and bring a hand up to hers. "You've been so forward with me, yet after our first kiss you seemed to do a total 180 and came off more like Yuri. What's up with that?"
Monika twirls a finger in my hair dramatically. After just a moment, she scoots back to the other side of the mattress. "Well…" A sip of her coffee occurs while she thinks of how to phrase things, perhaps. "I've mentioned before how I may appear confident even when I'm really not. It comes down to acting. On some level, I'm winging what's happened between us." Another sip. She motions to Sayori. "This lovely lady has also talked about and shown how fun it is to tease you. To be honest, it's been a breath of fresh air to be able to socialize with someone on a relaxed level, and I've been messing with you since prior to this multi-person relationship. Now, I just have more reason to screw around."
Sayori seems quite content to sip her own drink while observing the conversation. She bobs her head a little when mentioned. Monika finishes her coffee and swipes some hair away from her face. "All part of our journey through life, and so on and so forth. We've covered that. It also helps that I have a dominant personality in general and know how to get things accomplished. When all is said and done, however, I want to make sure things are good between myself and whoever I'm engaged in activities with. In this case, it means making sure you aren't being scared away. It's also a lot easier to admit a bout of anxiety to someone when they've just mentioned their own, which is what happened after that kiss. I may have dived into the deep end quite early with that kiss to see where things can start and show what you're in for, but I won't stay there until I know both of us can handle it, you know?"
"Why does everything you say make so much sense?" I sip my soda and lean forward.
"Because I'm me! Duh!"
I stifle a laugh. "Full of yourself, huh?"
"I'd rather be full of something else, if you—"
"Holy kitten-caboodle, you just referenced his noodle!"
Part of me wants to laugh at Sayori's response but I'm now curled up on the mattress hiding the hell out of my face. Monika is laughing.
"You are too easy!"
"Hey, I did the work this time!"
I feel motion. Sure enough, I'm being approached by the vexing vixen. "Ahaha… There, there. I'm not making you uncomfortable, am I?"
"What? N-No, of course not!" I don't know how to describe just how badly my voice failed to sound normal, but it was enough to get Sayori giggling. Monika tugs me back up into a seated position and pulls me into a consoling hug.
"I'm sorry for picking on you so much. Here, relax. Rest your head on Mommy's shoulder."
"ON WHAT?!" I practically throw myself away from Monika. I escape her loose grasp with ease, flopping down onto the mattress again. Bouts of hysterical laughter fill the room.
"PFFFAAAAAHAAHAAHAA! Aaaha, aahaha! I told you he'd freak!"
"Hahaha, aaahaha! Aaah~ Sayori, where do you come up with this stuff?"
"Ehehehehe~ I'm— Ehehe~ I know him too well!" While Sayori lauds her victory, I cover my face with my hands and attempt cessation of existence via sinking into the mattress. If I become one with the sleeping apparatus, I will have a more stable foundation upon which I will certainly not be teased as easily.
Nope, still corporeal. Not furniture. "Uuuaaaaaggghhh, whhyyy?!" I feel more movement and hear a soft plop. I can practically feel Monika's face inches from mine.
"Because~"
"Th-That's not an answer! Aaaaahhhhh I didn't know you-you were such a…" I fail to come up with something. "…whatever you're being right now!"
"Oh, my poor little Dear. Can't even think of something to call me, hmm? Sayori tells me you spend ample amounts of time with a controller in your hands, but I'm not impressed with your skills. Let me tell you exactly what I am." Her lips must be hovering dangerously close to my ear. I can feel the edges of her breath heat my ear.
"I am the game, and I want to play~"
"Uuuuu…" I quickly become Yuri and try to hide my entire everything. Again, I am met with relative failure.
"Ehehe, ehe… I can't believe you kept such a straight face for that! You're something else, Monika!"
"Ahaha, you don't have to tell me twice! But thank you! It's always nice to put on a good performance for my adoring fans~" I'm still curled up. I may not move for a little bit. Monika, on the other hand, doesn't remain close for long. I can feel her scooch back across the mattress. Do I hear… whispering? I am filled with dread when I feel movement approaching my side of the mattress again.
"Wuh?!" With relative ease, I'm sat up and repositioned. Monika is stronger than she looks, or at least I'm pretty sure that's Monika. Then again, so is Natsuki. Yuri probably is, too, besides the whole back pain thing. Even Sayori was carrying Natsuki relatively easily. Am I physically the weakest club member?
"And now, a moment of rezbit!"
"Doll Face, do you mean 'respite'?"
"Oops! Yeah, that!"
"Silly girl…"
It seems I'm in Monika's clutches again. She's got herself seated behind me, legs wrapped around my waist. I guess Sayori is kneeling over my outstretched legs. Almost at once, I feel four hands messing with my hair. My arms go a little weak. Another plan by Sayori, no doubt. This girl can really go the distance when it comes to teasing me. Well, by now I guess it's both of these girls. The way their fingers are gliding through my hair makes me feel limp. A slight hum of comfort escapes me.
"Oh, this is a precious scenario." Monika's words echo through my head. I can practically feel myself being lulled into ease until her fingers push a little too hard against a certain spot. My shoulders hunch and I hiss a little in pain.
"Oh! Sorry! Did I scratch you?" Monika's hands leave my head almost immediately. Sayori's pause where they are on top of me.
"N-No, I just…" It's best not to bring up private matters. Before I can come up with something of an excuse, Sayori speaks up.
"He and Natsuki were sparring yesterday when I came back from therapy!"
I can practically feel Monika's surprise emanating from behind me. "…Sparring? I didn't peg you for that kind of guy."
"Uh…" Well, I'm not, not to mention this is just a cover story. I guess I've not really thought about stuff like that, though. I also never really fathomed being a very physical or loving kind of person until recently, but you are never too late to divulge in self-discovery. As for this moment in time, I wrack my brain. Sayori's doing that thing with her fingers. Cute. I can't get distracted though.
"He isn't. Well, that's what I thought, anyhow." Sayori buys me a little more time to think. Monika not being able to see my expression helps this charade.
"Natsuki is a very… curious case, I guess. She brings out something different in me." I shrug and groan a little. After having been reminded of my aches for but a moment, my body jumped at the chance to elaborate. This morning's medicine decided to stop being effective at the wrong time. Ugh.
The time spent interacting with these two has been all kinds of embarrassing, but that's not to say I can't enjoy it. Embarrassment amongst friends and having fun with said emotions is just more proof of strong friendships. I'm just not used to being messed with by more than Sayori, who has gone into overdrive with her prankster ways. I guess I can count on her to keep things entertaining in my life, but the point is that I can count on her. "Angel, could you get me some acetaminophen?"
"Sure!" Sayori jumps to her feet and carts herself off to the bathroom. Huh. I was expecting some kind of silly joke.
"Thanks." I exhale stiffly through my nose and lean forward. Monika's hand rests gingerly on my shoulder.
"Got beat up, huh? Natsuki is a feisty girl, that's for sure."
"Yeah…" I shake my head. I haven't seen my back, but Sayori and Natsuki did after that whole thing. I wonder what it looks like now, but I'd rather no one else see it. I'd need help to set my eyes on the damage, so I think I'll just forget about it for the time being. "When Sayori said we were sparring, it was honestly more like Natsuki was constantly getting the upper hand. Part of me wants to use the excuse that I just wasn't comfortable with beating up on someone smaller than me, or hurting a girl or whatever, but like… that just isn't the case." Wait… "I'm not gonna go up to her and start slamming fists into her face, but like, I guess I don't have an issue with mutually-assured grappling and smacking each other around a bit…"
"Woop-woop-woop! Paramedics pulling in!" Sayori's back. She trots out to the living room energetically. "It's like an aquarium in your medicine cabinet!"
"…Huh?"
"I see the many fin!" Sayori deposits a single pill into my hand.
"Medicine puns, Sayori? Sometimes I wonder about you," Monika chides. She leans away from me. Her legs remain wrapped around my waist, though her grip is significantly loosened.
"I always wonder about her," I say, shaking my head. "What I wonder about more right now is that… fin? Just one? Singular? Especially after using the word 'many'?" I hold up my hand and point at the lone pill she gave me. With her face as proud as a new mother's— Whoa now. Maybe I should refrain from that line of thinking after earlier. As proud as ever, she deposits two more pills into my hand.
"Another fin, and another fin! Now it's plural!"
"Thanks, Sayori, you dork among dorks." I spot my cup of soda hovering into view, clutched by the President behind me. So that's what she was doing. "Thanks, Monika." Once I down the pills with the rest of my drink, Sayori takes back her spot straddling my legs. There's no respite from the moment of respite. She's the one taking my cup into hand now, depositing it on the nearby tray.
"As I was saying, Natsuki can't be trifled with. Feisty isn't her limit; she's absolutely fierce." Am I making this convincing enough? She absolutely did beat my ass. Even if we were fighting for real on equal terms, I am sure the result would have been the same
"Maybe I'll have to experience that ferocity myself at some point…"
"Eh?" I turn my head just a bit but can't get a good glimpse at Monika. I don't want to strain my neck too much, lest a hurting muscle get tugged too much in the wrong direction.
"Easy, Sweetie," Sayori coos, grasping my face and rotating it to face forward. Her motion is precise and deliberate, a stark contrast to how she usually is. "Don't risk hurting yourself again. Just relax~" Knowing that most of my ass-whooping had come from behind, she isn't shy about playing with my hair from the front. I ease up and lower my head a tad.
"Mmm…" I hum softly. Well, if I can't get a good look at Monika's expression, I'll just have to use my words to prod at her. "Experience Natsuki's ferocity?"
"You heard me, bucko! I might have to get physical with her at one point."
"M-Monika! Are… Are you saying what I think you're saying?"
"Mmmaybe!"
"You're…"
Sayori's voice lowers. I close my eyes and let her fingernails brush against my scalp, lulling me into a relaxed state.
"You're gonna frick Natsuki?"
It takes all of my strength to not fall back laughing. Monika's hands help me stay steady. Her reflexes are on point, something I can't say for my own. As my laughter dissipates and becomes replaced with quieted, achy grunts, I can hear that Monika had been giggling.
"Haahaha, aha! No, you goofball! But that was the joke I was presenting, yes. Thank you." As I recover, Monika helps me get steady. For someone so dominant in life as well as her new relationship, she can have an unexpectedly soft touch. "Nothing against Natsuki, but I don't think she and I are each other's types. Perhaps I could be wrong, but that's not something that would come up anytime soon."
Huh… you know, Sayori makes a good point. Well, not that anyone is about to get it on in bed with anyone else. Rather, I hadn't really thought too hard about the other girls getting… intimate with each other. Sure, Sayori seems to have a particular interest in Natsuki, but that seems a lot more innocuous, right? Or have I thought about maybe there being something more between them? The lack of certainty in my head causes it to hurt in a different way than it already does.
"In any case, I'll spell it out for you both so no one gets the wrong idea, especially the perverted mind of a barely-legal boy." Monika is teasing me again. Unfair. I blow a raspberry in the air. It isn't aimed at her or anything. In fact, I merely manage to get a bit of spittle on the hands resting in my lap doing so. At least they're my own hands. No one else would take kindly to that. "If Natsuki is looking for a good sparring buddy, then I'd be happy to… trifle with her, ahaha~" Cute. "Considering you both know just how great and amazing I am at life, it shouldn't surprise you to know that I've taken self-defense classes over the years. I'm already the athletic type but knowing how to protect yourself is valuable."
"Mmm…" I coo, something of an agreeing acknowledgement while Sayori tends to me. "Hmmnnn…" My mind gets fuzzy. Perhaps I'm enjoying this a little too much. That bout of laughter not too long ago sapped me of even more of my strength, which is already lacking due to, well, recent events. I sigh and let my head slump down.
"My poor little Sweetie's exhausted. Monika, we tuckered him out!"
"Oops! Ahaha, silly us~"
"Ehehe~"
"Ahaha~"
"Eeeheeheehee~"
"Aaahaahaahaa~"
These girls, I swear to God… You know what, though? I'm glad that for all her technical prowess and exceptional life prowess, Monika does not shy away from engaging in even the dumbest of moments with someone like Sayori.
"Eeeheeheehee~"
"Aaahaahaahaa~"
Is this Sayori's doing? Does she give off, like, a silliness aura that helps others let loose and have more fun than usual?
"Eeeheeheehee~"
"Aaahaah—ahack!"
Deep into the girls' battle of the vocal cords, Monika starts coughing. The surprise causes me to lean forward, headbutting Sayori in the chest. She lets out a small grunt and steadies herself from falling back by holding onto my head. "Sorry…" We come to a halt while Monika has a surprisingly lengthy fit.
"Aha, haaaagh… Oh Jesus, I'm so sorry! Please excuse me. That… Whew, that came out of nowhere! I'm sorry you had to witness that." Thankfully, Monika seems unfazed as soon as it leaves.
"Sorry! That's my fault. I persisted with that little thing, and… uh… ehe, I um…" Naturally, Sayori attempts to take ownership of the incident.
"Uh-uh. I'm fine! And you can't be blamed for my actions." Monika clears her throat and finally removes herself from behind me. "Excuse me for a moment. I need some water."
"Plenty of bottles in the fridge," I offer. Monika stands and makes her way into the kitchen. With a moment to ourselves, I straighten up and take a look at Sayori. "Surely she isn't sick or anything like that."
"Nah, Monika wouldn't risk doing that to someone else anyhow." The moments of our activities had finally faded, and we relax where we are. "Her immune system is probably stronger than all of ours combined."
"Huh? Oh, yeah, that makes sense." On top of Monika's physical health, physiologically she is probably pristine. She's made no bones about being a vegetarian. Her diet would straighten us all out. Greens, fruits, and vitamins galore. "That reminds me, actually. Natsuki said she was having an issue yesterday that caused her to skip out on the club. Something about medicine gone wrong, right…?"
"Yeah. We should ask about that."
"Yeah…"
"I still feel bad. I guess I shouldn't have egged her on."
"Bun," I say, short for Cinnabun, "people cough. It happens."
"But still!"
"Are you feeling bad in there, Sayori?" As expected, it doesn't take Monika long to return. It seems she'd already taken plenty of sips from her water bottle. Half of it was gone. "I'm fine! You're making too much of a big deal about this."
"But!"
"Ah-ah-ah! No buts!" With a sway of her hips, Monika perches herself next to us and leans down. "Little Missy, you can't try to take responsibility for someone else's involuntary bodily actions. Be reasonable."
"But!" The urgency at which Sayori responded kept escalating in dramatic fashion, so I get the feeling she's at least partially messing around.
"Sayori." A stern expression crosses Monika's face. "Say 'but' one more time and you'll pay for it."
I'm not sure what to make of Monika's threat. Can it be called a threat? Surely, she is joking around. Sayori must think that too, as I see her face scrunch up in deep thought. Her eyes squint.
"…But."
Monika whirls around and bumps her hip against Sayori's head. A squeal of surprise flees my girlfriend as she tumbles over. "There's your 'but', you butt!" Monika looks awfully proud of herself. Sayori simply sticks her tongue out towards the standing girl.
"So, like, are you actually okay, Monika?" I pose my question to her. "Not just about the coughing fit but about missing club yesterday." She doesn't look enthralled for it to have come up, but I guess I wouldn't if I was being asked why I may have been having issues in the bathroom.
"Yeah, don't worry about that. It wasn't urgent enough to require attention, but I felt I should take it easy. You two wanted me to, anyhow. " I think I see her trying to deflect attention away from the issue by also reassuring us and saying how she was trying to not stress herself out. "Unfortunately, I suppose I ought to get going. Home beckons this simple school star." Oy, she would follow up with something like that.
"Abominable. Awesome alliteration as always, ahaha~" Did… Did Sayori come up with that on the fly? Since when does she use language like that? Seriously, not only does she display grammatical skills that Yuri would blush at, but she herself belted out a more alliterative sentence than Monika as well as, erm, stealing our President's typical giggle for extra points. I'm stunned.
"Thanks, Doll Face!" Monika tosses her words behind her as she heads towards the door. With shoes slipped on, her bag is taken up into her arms. I'm not totally satisfied about her answer regarding the medicine thing, but I get the feeling she will just double down on her defense. Perhaps we can ask another time.
As Sayori and I get to our feet, I a little slower due to my aches, I hear Monika clear her throat. She finishes her bottle of water and tosses it at me. "Catch!"
I don't even try. It bonks off my head harmlessly. Sayori snatches it out of midair before it can fall too far. "Got it!"
"Good job!" Now equipped to leave, Monika slings her bag over her shoulder. "Thanks for having me, you two. I had fun!"
"Eee~ Glad to hear!"
"As am I. I'm still not used to having anyone besides Sayori over here, but it's nice to know that nothing but positives have been happening so far."
Sort of.
"Being beaten down counts as a positive?"
"Even if I was on the receiving end of an ass-whoopin', it's still time well-spent with another friend… partner… person…"
"Hm… You know what? I can understand and respect that stance. Good on you for looking at it that way."
"Thanks, Monika."
Monika steps into the now-open front doorway. "You must know that Natsuki appreciates you not holding back when you interact, right?"
More than you know, Monika. "Yeah, she's said as much lately."
"Others might be put off by the idea of engaging in friendly fisticuffs with someone of a fairer sex, but it just means you aren't treating us like fragile works of art or putting us on a pedestal."
Ugh… As much as we did a fine job of hiding what really happened so suddenly, I'm starting to get uncomfortable with the praise Monika is feeding me. I know this is essentially a lie, so it feels dishonest accepting the good things she's saying. I didn't expect this much out of her. Boy, would she be disappointed to learn that this has been a farce. I mean, I did put my hands on Natsuki first so in a way she's right, but it wasn't for the reasons she's thinking. "Alright, alright. I appreciate the positive words. You'll overwhelm me."
"Sorry! I guess I just— Ah, I should shut up now! Sorry sorry!" Monika leans in and grabs my face with both hands. Without warning, I'm pulled into a pretty strong lip-lock. It takes me a moment to reciprocate, but Monika hums in delight when she feels it. Our lips part and I think my face may look sunburnt. "Get better at that. You'll find it's more fun for all involved when you know what you're doing."
"Ah, r-right." Even though I'm not used to such attention, at least Monika is independent enough to not fear going after what she wants.
"Ehehe, don't worry~ I'll make sure he gets in lots of practice."
"You and I both know that you're more of a cuddle monster than a make-out artist, Doll Face."
"Shhh! That can change!"
"Aha, I guess so." Finally, Monika starts backing out of the house, giving a small wave as she does so. "Take care, you two~ See you during club time tomorrow!"
Sayori gives a silly little salute. "Later, tater!" Dork.
"Be safe," I say to conclude our interactions for the day. Once Monika is off my property, I close the door. Turning, I notice Sayori giving me a coy look.
"I know you just closed that but do me a favor and open it back up." Once she starts kicking her shoes on, I understand why. Back open the door goes.
"Yooo, long time no see!"
Monika had only gotten yards away when she heard Sayori call out from behind her. "Maybe when talking about the lifespan of insects. What's up?"
"The door was closed for maybe half a second when I realized I still had to go do my daily romp around my place." The shorter girl gave a nod to her house, which was within spitting distance by now. "Give Mr. Cow a hug, ask Mrs. Bird what is 'the word', and grab a change of clothes."
"You haven't just brought your whole wardrobe with you already?"
"I may be doing better lately, but I'm still kinda lazy."
Monika shrugs, ignoring the sound of her text tone going off in her bag. "Understandable. Glad you're doing better."
"Thanks! I won't keep you since we just said goodbye. Plus, I'm eager to get back. I wanna do some… kissing… ehehe~"
"That's my fault, isn't it?"
"Yeah, you hornball!"
"Pffaaahaha! Didn't expect something like that out of your mouth. You're just full of surprises, aren't you?"
"Always!" As they neared the front gate to Sayori's house, she turned away and started skipping towards her destination. "Take care~"
"Stay sweet, Doll Face!" Proceeding past Sayori's house, Monika reached into her bag and unlocked her phone.
Mom: [There is a rumor going around that you have a boyfriend. Is that true?]
Well, this is about to be a conversation. Monika's fingers start tap-tap-tapping away.
Monika: [A rumor going around where? I'd understand school but wouldn't expect you to know what the latest gossip there is.]
Mom: [Some of your peers may have it out for you. A social media profile with obvious fake info decided to send us messages. I know you've mentioned that the Debate Club has been irritated that you haven't returned to them even though your club hasn't been flourishing.]
Monika: [Being the star of the school is becoming tiring. I guess those disgruntled by my leaving more prestigious positions in the school to do my own thing will try to make an example out of me as a message to not cross them. I thought they were not going to surpass being just annoying. Clearly, they have no problem being spiteful, vindictive creeps as well. I'm glad I left them in the dust. I'm doing what I would prefer to. As for this boyfriend business, this is a very recent development.]
Mom: [As long as it doesn't interfere with your responsibilities.]
Monika sighed. She had always been exceptionally independent. It came naturally due to being so charismatic, talented, and putting together events for whatever educational facility she stepped into. However, she didn't appreciate her parents trying to push her more towards what they wanted her to do, as has been verbalized to others. Even in the few months before The Festival, Sayori had grown knowledgeable about Monika moving in the direction of her passions rather than accomplishment for the sake of accomplishment and offered support. It nicely counteracted her parents' skepticism. That silly girl, always trying to help. Surely, expending that much energy on others wasn't great for her mental health.
"…"
Well, as long as she was being sincere just a moment ago.
Monika: [Even if it does, I would much rather figure out my personal life while I'm still young. Having a decent partner in your youth, even if you don't go the distance, is a good feeling-out experience for all involved so you can figure out what you want and need in a relationship. I haven't exactly had the chance to ponder on these things thanks to you and Dad. Don't get me wrong; your motivation and encouragement have helped me build a wonderful resume at such a young age. On the other hand, I wonder if I come off as sincere when interacting with my peers on a more simplistic, casual level. Presenting as a consummate professional all the time has its drawbacks, and one of those is stunting my ability to relate to even my friends. I say what I feel is correct but can't be sure that they're not just humoring me when they seem to appreciate what I have to say.]
Mom: [We just don't want you to lose sight of what's important professionally.]
Monika: [I could get into any school I wanted to and probably bring prestige to it with my name alone.]
Mom: [Perhaps we didn't do a good enough job at teaching you to be humble.]
Monika: [At this point, I have to believe I'm the best, that I bring something to the table just by existing near a given establishment. It's what literally half my life has revolved around. Don't tell me you and Dad don't know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you do wonderfully in your corresponding professions and do just as much there as I am with my accomplishments so far. There's a difference between ego and knowing that you're maybe a little too good at the majority of what you put work into. I'm not going to swagger about as though I own the place, but I haven't gotten to this point in my life while merely thinking I'm just above average.]
Mom: [I wish I could better tell whether you have a complex or not. I sincerely hope you don't. You absolutely deserve accolades; avoiding blowback from others thinking you're getting too big for your britches is also ideal.]
Monika shakes her head and grows more visibly stern as she types.
Monika: [This is not megalomania. I am not perfect, but I am that damn good. I'm smug, but not to a point that is detrimental. I'm the most self-aware person in the district, if not beyond.]
Monika grimaces and hesitates as she types her last sentence.
Monika: [If I wasn't, then it's at that point I'd lose sight of how much of an asset I am. I may have to believe I'm the best but I don't let it truly get in the way of what I do. I may be getting ahead of myself trying to psychoanalyze my own brain, but the fact is that I was brought up right. Surely, I was brought up better than most. I keep a steady sense of morality and professionalism in the face of those who may look at me as though I thought I was the best thing since sliced bread. Frankly, if anyone thinks that I'm full of myself, that's their problem.]
Mom: [If you truly know what you're doing, then I suppose we can't offer much else in the way of advice.]
Monika: [I haven't led you astray yet. I think. Right?]
Mom: [You raise a good point. We are proud of you.]
Even though Monika has been a little at odds with her parents since forming the Literature Club, it was reassuring to find words like those come from them. She only wished she could trust it more. She knew that sad truth about phenomenal overachievers in the early years leads to higher expectations than even the most dedicated and selfless workhorse can fail to live up to, lest it cause them distress in the real world. She couldn't shake the feeling that they would some day stop being proud of her. Considering she was leaving out some details about her relationship and the fact that some of her former Debate Club mates may have been behind this little rumor, she wondered if the day they stop being proud is closing in. The idea of expecting increasingly invasive, spiteful, and perhaps even hostile things to circulate the school doesn't sit well with her, but she can't stand for their crap. She also is not going to back down from the chances she's been given as of late. The school faculty was not likely to care about her personal life per se, but her fellow classmates might finally decide to revolt and make it known through unsavory actions how jealous they are of her drive and accomplishments once a little push is given. Being the best was not always the best, and that leads to the best trying to actively avoid being the best. Sometimes, it's just not worth it. She doesn't look down at those who haven't accomplished as much as her, but she does look down on those who look up at others' successes and sneer.
Mom: [Are you close to home?]
Monika: [I just left my boyfriend's house. Club was quiet so we decided to spend more time at his place with his friend, my Vice President.]
Mom: [That Sayori girl, right?]
Monika: [Yes. She's doing good. Well, better is the more appropriate term.]
Mom: [That is reassuring to hear.]
Monika: [It's reassuring to experience. Her personality is infectious. To have less of her kind in the world is a travesty humanity should not have to bear.]
Mom: [I cannot agree with you more.]
Monika: [I'm not closing much distance on home standing here typing this, so I'll see you when I get there.]
Mom: [Okay. Enjoy the nice breeze. Maybe this is a little odd to hear from your mother, but days like these are perfect for wearing the kind of skirts you have to for school.]
Sounds like something Sayori might say.
With that conversation out of the way, Monika started off in the direction of her home. Even though talking with her mother had gone better than expected, she nonetheless felt stressed. Once she was safely out of sight from Sayori's house, she tossed her phone back into her bag. Keeping it open, she fumbled with something from within while she kept her eyes on the sidewalk. After a moment, her slender fingers wrapped around what she was looking for.
Hopefully that coughing fit remains a product of overexertion and doesn't become a mainstay of everyday life for a while, Monika thought as she flicked open the pack of cigarettes in her hand. It was barely a day old, much like her foray into this new habit, but the pack was already half-empty. Snagging one cig and the green lighter from within, she deposited the pack into her bag and lit the nicotine cylinder. I am not sure if I should want these to be relieving my stress or fail so I'm forced to find a healthier alternative, but oh well…
With the soft, fiery glow of potential addiction on the outskirts of Monika's vision, she set off towards home.
End Chapter 11
Next time… "If it was just us two, would you still be happy?"
Doki Doki: Proof Of Loving You can be found on:
1. AO3/Archive Of Our Own (dot org)
2. DeviantArt (dot com)
3. FanFiction (dot net)
4. WattPad (dot com)
