Sigh... so much for my to-do list for the week, Jack and Kam wouldn't leave me alone. Henry either. Or Kai and Lach.
Ok, seriously, I have to get *some* of that list done... I'm headed out of town in just a week and a half (I'll be gone for a week, and no, I don't expect to get any writing in while I'm away, so... sorry in advance.)
As always, I am grateful for the wonderful reviews and kind words, for all those who have fave/listed this (and me! Thank you, thank you, thank you!)
Enjoy... there's probably at least one more chapter coming before I pack it in for my trip.
Chapter Eleven
"Each moment of a happy lover's hour
is worth an age of dull and common life"
Aphra Behn
…
Henry looked up from his book when Kam came into the main passenger section of his ship. "I hope you don't mind," the younger man ducked his head apologetically. "The hatch wasn't locked. Anna told me you'd come back to your own vessel," he explained.
"You're always welcome, Kam," Henry set down his novel and got to his feet. He gave the young man a warm hug and kiss on each cheek. "Where's Jack?"
"I think I tired him out."
The other chuckled. "He missed you," he told him.
"I missed him too."
"So what can I do for you?"
Kam bit his lower lip so hard it bled. He didn't mean to… he realized belatedly…
"It's all right," Henry seemed to understand the look that crossed his face.
"How have you been… I mean, the trip and all…"
"I came prepared," he explained simply.
Kam didn't press the issue. However, "If you… if you need anything…"
The immortal pressed a kiss to his forehead almost the same way Jack did. "That is a generous offer, but I'm fine, thank you. Now…?" he gave over a questioning look.
"I… I had a feeling things might not go so good, with An and... she told me about Kase, and what she did," he endeavoured to keep his explanations as simple as possible and not just because he knew that of all people, Henry would know a lie when he heard it. He hated lying to anyone, really, but he especially hated being dishonest with the people he loved, people who had been so good to him. "When I checked in with Anna…" he shrugged. All Dr Raynor would—could—tell him was that by the time she and Henry got back from the mess, Kase looked like he wanted to be anywhere but on the Welshman, so Henry suggested they go back to his ship.
"I thought maybe I could help" he offered up tentatively. He only hoped Henry wouldn't pick up on the lie… partial lie. Mostly-lie. He would have wanted to help—he did want to help—but mostly wanted to know why Kase had acted the way he had, not wanting to be acknowledged as someone Kam knew.
If Henry was aware of any of the thousand and one thoughts and conflicting emotions Kam was feeling, however, it didn't show on his face. "I'm not sure he's up to company… but it's kind of you to want to try."
"I was where he is once," he could at least be honest about that much.
But Henry shook his head—yet when a cloud of fear at having been caught in a lie covered Kam's face, Henry took his hand and gave it a little tug, coaxing the young man to meet his gaze again before he spoke. "You had a reason to get out of that life, Kam. You had the courage to leave the House."
"I didn't have courage. I just had… I had Jack. Even before I met him, I always had Jack." He remembered his conversation with Avi, from earlier. He'd had Jack, in his dreams, always there, always holding him, giving him a reason to hang on, to escape. Giving him something to hope for.
Kase didn't have any more reason than Avi to believe in anything better. At least Avi hadn't had a reason before he signed onto the Welshman, thought Kam. Before Liza…
"Do you think it would be ok if I talked to Kase?" Kam asked with more sincerity than he'd felt when he walked in the door. Maybe he really could help him. It was the very least that he owed the older boy.
"He's lying down. The dorm cabin's just below this deck. I erm… I'll go talk a walk, give you two some privacy. I've been meaning to catch up with a couple of members of the Welshman's crew, anyway."
"Thanks, Henry," Kam told him. He'd been wondering where he could take Kase so they could talk privately without arousing suspicion; Henry had told him once exactly how good his hearing was.
The immortal pressed another kiss to his temple. "Jack isn't the only person who missed you," he confided softly before taking his leave. "He was a walking husk without you," he explained to the quizzical look the young man gave him. "You balance him."
Kam grinned. "You mean I clean up after his messes," he said in a flat tone.
Henry chuckled, "That too."
"Henry… he balances me, as well. And… I'm glad he's got you as a friend. You… you're going to look after him again? You know… when I'm gone?"
"Always. But let's make sure that day is long way off."
Kam nodded his agreement. He waited until Henry was gone to find the dormitory cabin… it wasn't hard to find.
Kase rolled over when Kam walked into the darkened room (he'd remembered to dry his cheeks before turning this time)—he appeared startled when he realized who it was. More than startled, he looked scared; he swallowed hard and though he straightened, he didn't say anything.
"Henry's gone out, we're alone," Kam assured him.
"You still shouldn't be here." He got to his feet, but lingered back and sounded as tense and afraid as he looked. It was impossible for either to clearly see the other in the dark, but he hesitated in turning on the light.
Kam chewed at his lower lip for longer than he wanted to before finally telling Kase that they needed to talk.
"Where's your Captain?"
"Sleeping. He'll be out for a while. Kase, nobody's going to come looking for me. We're alone, it's all right."
Kase gave over what looked like a very uncertain-seeming nod. He wavered another few seconds before finally hitting the button behind him to bring the lights up. He swallowed hard. "Are… are you all right?" he asked when he could finally see Kam in full light.
The younger man didn't understand why he was looking at him the way that he was, didn't realize how seriously he'd taken Jack's tone earlier. He didn't know that Kase expected to see several choice bruises—didn't know that when the other didn't see them, he simply presumed that they were in places that wouldn't mar his beauty. "I'm better than I've ever been," he answered his question honestly.
The other just nodded, though Kam could see he didn't believe him. He didn't understand why… or maybe he did, he reckoned. He didn't know exactly what he'd been through the last six years, but he doubted it had been especially good. He could see the heavy ink lines that had been tattooed over the House Markings and understood: Whoever had owned his contract wanted to mark Kase as their property. They wanted to erase the House's ownership marks, but they didn't want Kase or anyone else to ever forget that he belonged to someone.
Kam reached out and took his hand. "It's going to be all right," he promised.
"How… how long have you been here?" the other's tone remained uncertain. "With Captain Harkness?"
"A little over a year."
He nodded. Looked at him again. Studied him… "I…I never stopped thinking about you," he rubbed his thumb over the younger man's hand. "Leaving you like that was so hard but I… I always knew you'd do all right for yourself." His smile looked forced… pained. They both knew that neither of them had had any choice… people like them didn't get asked what they wanted because what they wanted didn't matter. "It's good to see you again, Kam. You… you're so grown up." He smiled for real that time.
Heat rose in the younger man's cheeks. "It's good to see you, too. How… have you been all right?"
The older man broke eye contact, but he nodded. "I've been good."
Kam saw him wince at his own words and tugged him gently towards the bunk so they could, albeit a little awkwardly. Still, Kase settled in closely next to him.
"Are you sure we're alone?" he asked.
"Henry went out. He won't be back for a while. We're safe, honestly."
Kase nodded, sagged in a little closer; Kam let him. He understood that 'safe' wasn't a feeling the other had much experience with. It wasn't a feeling he'd understood before he met Jack.
Finally, he asked the question he'd gone there to ask. "Why didn't you want me to act like I knew you?"
"I didn't want to give them one more way to hurt either of us."
…
Lach rolled over in his bunk… the other side of the bed was empty. Cold. His felt a flutter of panic and sought out the clock's digital readout in the dark, fearing he'd overslept… but no, if anything, he was up early. Which mean that Kai should still be sound asleep next to him; his lover didn't have to be up for another few hours to start his shift. (Lach, on the other hand, needed to get both breakfast and dinner going for the crew; in a couple of hours one shift would be coming off duty while the other was starting their day.)
Just then, the cabin door slid open; Kai came in carrying two cups of coffee. "Morning, Handsome," he smiled.
The other returned his smil. "Good morning to you too. What's this, then?"
"I thought I'd bring you your coffee, maybe give us a few extra minutes in bed together," he toed off his boots and slid back into the bunk next to the Welshman's cook. "Got a problem with that, Mister?" he teased.
Lach chuckled, accepting the mug from his lover's hand. "I'd never argue with a man who brings me coffee in bed."
Kai smiled and leant in for kiss. "Did you see the Captain last night?" he asked after he'd had it.
"For about ten minutes, anyway, before him and Kam went off to have a 'proper reunion'." He didn't bother mentioning the young man who had been with Jack and Fitzroy; if Kai was in the mess, he'd heard about it already. As much as he was dying to know if there was any more information about the young man or why he was on the Welshman, Lach was in equal measures content to enjoy his moment of quiet with his lover before he started his day. He'd hear the scuttlebutt soon enough from the night shift.
Kai smiled some more, drank his coffee. He turned to face the other man. "So… I was thinking…"
"I knew coffee in bed was too good to be true."
Kai shot him a playfully sour look and went on, "We had our official one year anniversary as a crew while the Captain was off the ship… so… I don't know… it seems kinda like we should celebrate again, now that he's back. We could call it a welcome home party or something."
"And all this means more work for me," the other teased—really, he didn't mind. He loved to cook, especially for people who genuinely appreciated him for it. He loved to be part of a crew, a right proper family. But most of all, I love you, he thought at Kai.
"I was thinking I could help," the other offered tentatively. "If… if you want."
"I will never chase you out of my kitchen, Babe-or anywhere else you think you want to be," he took Kai's cup out of his hand and set both mugs down on the bedside table before leaning in for another kiss, a deeper kiss.
Kai returned it… then, "Lach… I… I was thinking something else, too," he began hesitantly, as they drew apart; he wasn't quite making eye contact.
The cook straightened. "Is something the matter, Babe?" Even without asking, he knew there was.
"Not exactly… not at all," he said quickly.
Lach handed him his coffee back, but Kai only cradled it in his hands. He made the Welshman's cook wait a good long while before he found his voice again. "It's just… I know we're stuck out here at the edge of everything… I don't know when we're ever gonna get back to Empire territory—I don't mind that bit," Kai added hastily. "Good riddance, I say."
The other man nodded and took a long draw off his own coffee cup. The Captain had explained the situation to them long before he left, told them that if anyone wanted to leave, to go back, he wouldn't hold it against them any more than he expected the Empire would. They weren't responsible for their Captain's actions, especially since most of them hadn't even been signed onto the Welshman when it happened—and he told them straight out that he had killed that man, Fletcher. Nobody faulted him for that, especially the men and women who had served with Fletcher. They all said the Captain did the galaxy a service, taking out trash like that… but Jack said that in hindsight he regretted it. Taking a life was never an answer, it hadn't solved anything or made anything better, it was just at the time… he hadn't quite finished the statement, but they all understood, even Doc Raynor who seemed down right incapable of any kind of violence herself. There was nothing the Captain wouldn't do to protect any member of his crew; that held doubly true when it came to Kam Anders.
But what it came down to was that the Captain had offered anyone who wanted it a fair severance if they chose to leave, to go back to the Empire, back to human territory. No one took him up on it.
"Better the Devil you know," Tom told the Captain when the mess hall meeting broke up. Jack laughed…
Lach waited patiently for Kai to go on with whatever it was he was having such a hard time saying, trying not to jump to conclusions. The last thing he wanted to hear was the dreaded 'F' word. Friends. As in 'let's just be…' He wouldn't necessarily blame the attractive younger man if that was what he wanted—or if he at least wanted to be able to sleep with other people if the opportunity came up. There was Julian Kyle after all; he'd expressed an interest in… well, in everybody, really. But it's not like my schedule is exactly convenient for Kai. Half the time, Lach was too tired to do more than crawl into bed next to him and sleep. He supposed it wasn't fair. He didn't even get days off… Kai was finally talking:
"Lach, I… you know I don't want to… to… it's like I told you before, the last guy I was with dumped me for wanting too much, for being clingy all the time. I don't ever want to lose somebody over something like that again."
"And it's like I told you," he reminded him, "I'll tell you if you ever act that way with me. I like the attention."
Kai smiled. "Me too. I like you. I love you. I ... I want…" he stopped midsentence and stared into his cup.
"What is it? Baby, come on, talk to me. If there's a problem, we can work it through, Kai."
The other man looked up at him then, moisture gathering behind his eyes. "I can't imagine my life without you in, Lachlan McClain," he told him past the lump in his throat. "I don't ever want to. I… I know we're out here on the edge of everything," he said again, fidgeting nervously with his coffee cup. "But I… I want… I want to be with you for the rest of my life. If...if you want me to," he added in a quiet tone; he peered into his cup again. The coffee had gone cold in his hands.
"Are… you asking me to marry you?"
Sheepishly, Kai nodded; he looked like he expected to be ridiculed for what he was sure Lach would think was the stupidest idea he'd ever heard. "I know it's silly," he admitted aloud. "Stuff like that doesn't matter out here anyway."
"It does matter and it's not silly. And if you're really asking, the answer is yes."
Kai blinked up at him. "Really?"
"Yes, really," he confirmed in a voice that left no room for doubt in the other's mind. (He knew Kai's ex had done a number on his head… on his heart. If he ever saw the man he'd be tempted to give him a solid piece of his mind over it.) However... he took the mug out of his lover's hand and leant in close. "Now, what do you say we consummate the agreement?" he suggested in a sultry tone.
"What about breakfast… dinner…? The crew…?"
"There's left over quiche for dinner… and today seems like a good day for oatmeal… unless you'd rather I go cook…"
"No, Sir," he pulled him close. "I want you right here for as long as I can have you."
"How about the rest of our lives?" he leant in closer.
Kai met his kiss with warmth and ardour and answered his question without words…
