Thank you all for sticking with me during this not so nice time... remember, you trust me though!

Thanks also to Prettyflour and Kitty for their help with this chapter. All mistakes are mine!

Chapter 11

Seconds, minutes, hours… I had no idea how long I had been sitting on the porch and I didn't care. The crushing pain I felt in his absence was crippling and I found the only way to deal with it was to hide inside my own mind; imagining none of it was real and I was back in the woods kissing him before the beast appeared.

I imagined that he had made an appearance at the Royal and had managed to charm Phil and gain his blessing. The scenes that unfolded in my mind were beautiful, perfect, dream-like scenarios that evaporated the second I allowed reality to creep back inside my head.

I rocked back and forth, my arms wrapped tightly around my chest trying to somehow ease the pain… the agony I felt. It wasn't anything I could begin to describe—it was like part of me had died, like my heart had been ripped from my body. I had no tears left to cry, but still I was sobbing; and it was in this state that my parents found me.

I heard the crunch of the tyres on the gravel driveway and for the briefest moment I was filled with a hope that he had come back for me, that Quil Artera had been wrong. I looked up expectantly and the second I saw the familiar car of my parents, the pain came back with such a force it almost took my breath away.

My mother was out of the car before it had even stopped and she ran to my side, a look of hysteria on her face.

"Isabella, oh thank goodness, I've been beside myself with worry." She knelt down on the porch beside me and held me tightly against her body. "When Ms. Cope told us you weren't in your room this morning I thought you'd snuck out to the beach… but then you didn't come home and no one had seen or heard from you."

She pulled away and held my face, studying me and shook her head. "Please tell me what happened, please, Isabella. Why are you so upset?"

"He left," I croaked, my throat ached and my entire body was shaking as I tried not to think about what had happened. "He left."

"Who?" she asked.

"The Cullen's," Phil told her. "They packed up and left in the early hours—no one knows why. I told you they were not to be trusted, I told Isabella to stay away, but clearly she disregarded that and now look at her."

"Not now," my mother said sharply. "She's distraught and we need to get her home. I have no idea how long she's been here, but we need to get a doctor to see her."

Phil agreed and he and my mother helped me to my feet and towards the car. As I took each step further away from the house the pain and emptiness only intensified further, as though my body was screaming at me to stay… to be somewhere I knew he had been. Somewhere that I had been with him without any interruption or fear of discovery.

"No!" I cried, trying to pull myself free of my mother's hold and back to the house. "No, please, I can't leave… I can't leave him."

"Isabella, please darling come with us. He's gone, they're all gone. Please, come with me. You need to see a doctor, I'm worried about you. Whatever happened is done now, staying here will only make it worse. You need to go home and be somewhere safe and warm." She refused to let me go and all but dragged me to the car. "Don't do this."

I grew more and more hysterical and began kicking and screaming, I couldn't leave. I had to stay; leaving meant leaving him behind and dealing with the realisation this was the truth and I had lost him. "No! Get off me!" I felt my foot strike her knee and then I heard her cry out in pain. As soon as she let go of me I made a run back to the house, but Phil wrapped his arms around my waist and stopped me.

All the kicking and fighting had little impact on him and he wrestled me into the car. My mother climbed into the back, trying desperately to console me as Phil turned the car around and drove away. I cried and cried tearless sobs as the Cullen house grew smaller and smaller until eventually it disappeared, somehow taking with it every last ounce of hope I had.

"Please, please, let me go back. I need to go back… I need to be near him, please, Mother, I'm begging you. What if he comes back? Please, please, please," I begged, holding onto her arms.

She said nothing, but her eyes were filled with tears and had I been more composed I would have seen a side to her that had never made itself known before. She looked heartbroken, frightened, and haunted all rolled into one.

"Sssh," she said over and over again, pulling me against her once more. She stroked my face and hair trying to soothe me. "Ssh, Isabella. I'm so sorry, so, so sorry."

Her tears ran onto my hair and I could feel her body shaking as she cried silently. Phil remained quiet, his eyes fixed solely on the road ahead, only turning to face me after the car stopped at home.

"Go on inside," my mother told him. "Call the doctor and ask him to come quickly. She needs something to calm her. I'll stay here with her for now, just until she stops crying. The last thing we need is for the neighbours to ask questions… seeing her like this will only make it much worse for her when she's feeling better."

He nodded and slipped out of the car, leaving my mother and me alone.

"Isabella, how long was it going on?" she asked me. "Did you stop seeing the boy at all after Phil told you otherwise?" I shook my head and I heard her sigh. "Oh, Isabella, what has he done to you?"

I didn't speak, not a word. Besides the fact, I doubted I had any voice left after the hours spent crying and screaming, but there was no possible way I could tell her anything. Remembering him was painful enough, talking about him was something I simply couldn't do.

After a long time alone with my mother in the car, she wiped my face with a handkerchief and helped me out of the car. She kept her arm around me, keeping me on my feet and slowly we walked into the house. Ms. Cope was standing in the doorway, looking as worried and panic-stricken as my mother had been. The two women escorted me upstairs and into my bedroom.

"The doctor is on his way, Mrs. Dwyer," she told my mother. "Shall I draw her a bath? She's trembling—maybe it's shock?"

"Yes, I think that's wise." My mother sat me down on the bed, and stood watching me carefully. "I shudder to think what happened to her. When we arrived she was curled up in a ball on the floor crying… Phil said the Cullen's just left without word. Did you know she'd been seeing the Edward boy?"

Hearing his name cut right through me and I cried out, covering my ears with my hands begging her to stop. "Please don't say it, please don't say it again," I cried.

My mother held out her hands, trying again to soothe me but I rebuffed her advances and clambered across the bed and sat in the corner of the room, gripping onto my chest as though that would somehow ease the pain of losing him. Ms. Cope and my mother stood watching me silently until the doctor arrived. I knew he would have something to numb the pain, to numb the thoughts inside my head, so I let him check me over. I heard him say things like, "Shock and trauma," and then I felt a sharp pain in my leg before a black cloud rolled over me, taking the pain and fear with it.

Even before I was asleep, I prayed that I wouldn't wake up and remember what happened, yet at the same time the thought terrified me. I was too scared to remember yet terrified to the point of insanity to forget.

*SIFY*

I had no idea if I was waking up after one medically induced fog or if Dr. Gerandy had administered more medication, but when I opened my eyes I enjoyed a blissful few seconds of nothingness before I remembered why I was here… how my mother had found me and once again the pain took over. Ms. Cope and my mother were sitting by my bedside, looking nervous at how I would act when I fully gathered my bearings.

I could see they were waiting for another hysterical outburst, so I did my best to remain as calm as I could on the outside even though inside I was screaming… crumbling… dying.

"Isabella? Oh, thank goodness." My mother visibly relaxed when I smiled and squeezed my hand tightly. "What on earth happened to you?"

"I don't want to talk about it," I whispered. "Please, I can't talk about… it."

She nodded and then stood up quickly. "Now you're awake I want the doctor to check you again and make sure you're okay."

I nodded once and watched her leave the room, feeling a strange sense of relief when she closed the door and left me alone with Ms. Cope. She had been the one person in the house who I didn't need to hide my feelings for Edward from. She knew how much he had consumed me and I hoped she knew me well enough to leave it alone and sense that I simply couldn't talk about him.

She reached over and took my hand, shaking her head sadly. "Isabella, I can see you're hurting so badly. Please know I can be here to listen and not judge; whenever you want to talk about it. Trust me when I say keeping it inside only hurts you further down the line… it's taken me years to talk about my husband. The pain of losing him was too much to bear so I can understand what you're going through, sweetheart, really I can."

I closed my eyes and warm tears ran down my cheeks. Ms. Cope instantly wiped them away with a handkerchief before dabbing at her own eyes.

"You poor thing. You poor, poor thing." She didn't say anything else, but remained at my side until the doctor arrived with my mother and Phil.

"Ms. Cope, would you prepare Isabella some lunch?" my mother asked softly. "She hasn't eaten for two days now and she needs to keep her strength somehow."

Ms. Cope nodded once and then scurried from the room. I let the doctor do his checks again and told him the answers I thought he would want to hear.

"She's recovered nicely," he told my parents. "The stress of whatever occurred must have just been too much for her mind to deal with."

"She is highly strung," Phil told him. "You know how teenage girls can be, Doctor—a tendency to overreact and create an issue out of nothing."

"Yes I remember my daughter's teenage years only too well," the doctor said with a smile. "Give her a day or two and she'll be back to her best, won't you, Isabella?"

I forced a smile, almost laughing at the absurdity of the suggestion. I would never be back to my best because my best belonged to one person alone. The one person I had lost.

"It was an infatuation that got out of hand. She ignored my warning to stay away from the Cullens and now look where it has gotten her. Did you have any dealings with them?" Phil asked the doctor and I felt my breaths become rapid and shallow at the mere mention of the name. "I knew they were trouble from the very second they appeared in Winnetka. I tried to discover what they were trying to hide but they covered their tracks well—that's probably why they left; knew I was onto them."

I laughed darkly at his self-assurance. "You are deluded," I sneered and heard my mother gasp. "You know nothing about any of the… any of the… they were kind and generous and you were threatened by their wealth and status."

"Isabella!" my mother hissed but I ignored her, as much as it hurt to talk about them, I knew in my heart whatever their reasons for leaving they had not deserved the hatred aimed at them by Philip Dwyer.

"Your envy was embarrassing and like a petulant child you sought to try and destroy any chance they had of fitting in with the people here. You think what you will, but the only reason people around here pretend to show you respect is just out of fear. You, your father, your entire family command respect and have done for so many years that people know nothing else. Without your money or your businesses you would have nothing… nobody." I glared at him as I spoke and he looked at me in astonishment.

"That's enough, Isabella," my mother said harshly, looking between Phil and me anxiously.

"It's enough when I say it's enough." I sat up and pointed my finger at him. "Had anyone given that family a chance they would have realized that respect should be earned not commanded and you would have lost your alpha male role in this town. You hated that prospect and that is why you made it your intent to discredit everything about them. So they had a secret? Doesn't everybody? You know that to be true better than most, Philip Dwyer. Imagine the scandal if everyone was to discover who Charles Swan was? Does that make you realize no one is infallible? I truly hope so."

Dr. Gerandy looked embarrassed, my mother pretty much terrified, and Phil? Well, for the first time in as long as I could remember Philip Dwyer was speechless; livid but speechless.

"Dr. Gerandy, please forgive my daughter. You can understand she's just not herself right now. Perhaps you should leave and we can let her recuperate." My mother put her hand on the doctor's shoulder and escorted him from the room.

Phil didn't move, he stared at me, his eyes full of rage and my heart thumped in my chest as I wondered what he might do to me in retaliation. After he was sure we were alone, he took one step forward and said in a tone which was dark and intent. "How dare you? For seventeen years I've treated you as my own daughter. You have wanted for nothing and yet still I have to be subjected to an outburst like that. I do imagine the gossip in town would be fierce if people were to discover you are not my daughter, but one of a criminal killed in a botched attempt at a bank robbery. Yes, I suspect my reputation would be tarnished, but, Isabella, the reputation of your mother's would be destroyed. You should consider her before threatening me."

"You don't scare me," I told him.

"I should," he seethed. "You really should fear me and the power I have over your future."

He took another step forward and I honestly thought he might strike me, but Ms. Cope flung open the door and ran to my side. "Mr. Dwyer, Sir, perhaps you should leave and cool off. Nothing good can come of this conversation when you are so angry. I will talk to Isabella and remind her of her manners."

He turned his look of fury onto Ms. Cope, but then without saying anything he nodded once and strode from the room.

"What were you thinking, aggravating him like that?" She took a deep breath and shook her head. "You have a penchant for trouble, Isabella."

"I was simply speaking the truth," I said nonchalantly. "I have no tolerance for him anymore; not after everything that has happened."

"Will you please talk to me about that?" she asked, but I shook my head.

"There is nothing to say." I looked at my bracelet and the diamond heart still hanging on the leather cuff. "All that was good in my life has gone, but I have realized that I have had enough of being agreeable Isabella Dwyer. I have had enough of listening to people tell me what I should do, say, and think. I may have lost the one thing that I was certain of above all else, but I will not give up on trying to find peace in a place that I control."

Ms. Cope chuckled. "Seventeen years of keeping the real you hidden away and this is who you choose to reveal. I have no idea what plan you are concocting in that head of yours, but please be safe and think carefully before you do anything."

I lay back on the bed and smiled. The pain was still there, as agonizing and consuming as ever and I assumed it would be there for a long time to come, but I gained a sense of relief—albeit just slightly—when I thought about what I could do now. Thanks to that one person; that one irreplaceable boy, I knew I could be more than this, more than an unbound slave to a life I had no desire to live. I could be the real Isabella… I could be a version of his Bella and I knew in order to be her I had to leave. Where I would go, I truly had no idea but that was the best part. I craved the unknown, the spontaneity and the chance to live without the eyes of overbearing parents.

"I hate to ask this of you," I said and Ms. Cope sighed. "But, I could really do with your help one more time."

"You plan to leave?" she asked, already knowing my answer. "When?"

"As soon as possible."

"It isn't going to be easy," she told me, sitting on my bed and resting her hand on my leg. "Your mother will be reluctant to leave your side after recent events and I dare say your outburst today will only make Phil more determined to control your movements."

I nodded, thinking of a reason to draw my parents away. I would need at least a full day; perhaps even a night too, otherwise I would barely have the time to leave Winnetka before my parents would raise the alarm.

"I do believe there is a special evening planned at your grandfather's house to celebrate his birthday," Ms. Cope said, before adding, "But I suppose you would be expected there."

"I doubt very much Phil will want me to attend if I continue to act like this." I grinned. "Maybe a few more confrontations might prompt him to enforce another punishment to remain in the house helping you with your chores?"

Ms. Cope didn't like the plan, but then again I doubt she would have liked any plan which resulted in my running away, but she also knew better than to try and convince me otherwise. Instead, I knew that she would do all she could to help me stay safe in whatever I chose to do.

"You would need to get to Chicago quickly and then straight onto a bus elsewhere. The city will be the first place your parents would look when they find you missing." Her hands were shaking slightly, and her voice was trembling. "Please, Isabella, I could go with you."

"No," I told her. "I need to do this by myself and I cannot take you away from here. Whatever I may think of Phil, his family have always been good to you. I think you will be able to offer my mother some degree of comfort, too."

She reluctantly agreed and we spent the next hour or so discussing the finer details of my plan. I sensed that her own history was fundamental in her decision to help rather than try and stop me. She, more than most, understood what it was like to be controlled and to fight for what you wanted. The only difference in our situation was I had to do this alone, but still I knew without a trace of doubt that this was what I had to do. I wanted this; I craved this, and whatever happened I would achieve it .


Hope you liked it!

More to come soon.

Thanks,

Katy

xxx