Reimu took a hit from her pipe as she strode through the 150-foot bronzed doors to the Himalayan headquarters-monastery of the U.N.
"Daaaaaaamn, that's some gank-ass dank," she exclaimed as she passed the power-armored guards, each of whom had to call upon his entire reserve of forbearance so as not to drop his boltgun and begin spontaneous masturbation.
"Yeah, dawge," said the Force-spirit of Snoop Dawg from beyond the grave. Reimu bumped fists with him, and then entered the audience chamber.
"The great and terrible Miko of Hakurei, representative of the Anarcho-Pagan Republic of Gensokyo!" cried the heralds flanking the chamber's entrance.
"Wewcowm," called the representative of the United States, his greasy fists and mouth full of deep-fried, chocolate-dipped, bacon-wrapped turducken. As he ate, he dripped a wad of batter onto his pager and thus launched about $65 million worth of men and ordnance at several oil-rich, democracy-poor countries.
"public static void main(String[] args) {
if (mikoPresence == 1)
{
String s = "Welcome, Representative Hakurei.";
print(s);
}}"
said the representative from Japan.
"oi m8 nobbut nowt" said the Prime Minister of the Caliphate of Britbongistan.
Reimu, now thoroughly baked, returned the friendly greetings with a mellow "'Hey guys. What's shakin'." She took her seat.
After she did so, a heavenly voice echoed from the rooms shadowed ceiling. "We are all present. Let the conclavery commence." Action Bronson descended from the ceiling on a pillar made of Jeeps, thick bitches, and weed. He took his place at the podium, ceremonial gold chains and eight-pointed stars rattling.
"...or the Emperor..." The voice echoed through the massive room, nearly inaudible.
"printf("%s", "Theru itu izzu againu. Diddu yuu hearu thattu?")" the Japanese representative said.
"The Gensokyese representative has the floor," Action Bronson boomed.
"...urn the hereti..." It was louder now.
"Whaff ih the namhh ofh XXXX-L t-shhirffs ih dat?" the American rep exclaimed.
"Action Bronson! What do you see?" giggled Reimu as she toked some more.
Something crashed through the ceiling and slammed into the middle of the floor. "Chaos-bewitched scum! Repent and die, in the name of the Holy Ordos!" Inquisitor Yukari Yakumo stood up in the center of the shallow crater her impact had made. She was flanked by two gun-servitors each bearing a set of twin-linked autocannons and nameplates reading "Ran" and "Chen."
Action Bronson put on his protective rap-battling goggles. "How dare you interrupt our ritual! In the name of the Four Immortal Powers, DIE!" Before he could begin to spit mad beats, however, Inquisitor Yakumo stomped forward and back-handed him across the face with a ceramite gauntlet.
"Ze goggles! They do-BLAM!" Inquisitor Yakumo ended his miserable existence with a bolt round to the face before he could finish reciting the played-out meme.
"Ran, Chen." Her servitors perked up at the sound of their names. "Pattern Ontos Deii. Purge them all."
The autocannon shells tore everyone in the room to bits.
