Chapter 11: A day in rehab
Two chapters in one day! A special treat for making you guys wait so long. XD
Almost every day was the same. I wasn't so much bored as I was anxious, I really wanted to get out of here so I can rejoin the band and be with the others again, but I knew I wasn't ready. There was still this weird feeling in the back of my mind I couldn't get rid of and couldn't describe. During free time I would just sit and play my guitar and try and come up with some lyrics. I was having a harder time coming up with them than usual.
I didn't talk much in group therapy because I didn't feel like telling a bunch of strangers my story or the reason why I'm here. I liked talking to people I knew. I was able to talk to my personal therapist, Iruka, after getting to know him better. I like that he didn't try to pressure me into talking about things he just let me say what I want and didn't make me answer questions I didn't want to answer.
When I went to my session with him I told him about the feeling and that I was having trouble coming up with lyrics.
"I just wanna be normal again." I told him.
"What makes you think you aren't normal Naruto-kun?"
I put my head down, ashamed of how pitiful I looked. "I can't do anything right. I let my friends down, all because I had to turn to drugs to solve my problems, I couldn't face it myself, I failed." My face got hot and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, but I refused to cry.
"And now I can't even put myself back together so I can go back and try to make it up to them. I won't make it and they'll have to go on without me." I couldn't hold back the tears anymore, they poured down my face.
"I don't think your friends will leave you behind. I've seen you all together you all seem so happy when you're with each other."
"But we won't be able to be together if I can't get better."
"Naruto, It's not about you getting better It's about you being in control of your feelings. You've been hurt by others and had no one to turn to until now, you have your friends, but because of how others have treated you, you think you will just burden them. Your friends should be willing to help you if you need it just like how you help them.
What he was saying made sense. I didn't want to burden the others with my problems so I tried to fix it on my own without really knowing what to do.
"Those men who attacked you can't control you. They may have hurt you but you decide if they break you."
I looked up at Iruka, I never thought of it that way. I let what other people say and do to me affect the way I see myself without knowing it. I smiled, What I needed to do was keep going, no matter what people say or do I can make it to the top.
"I get it now. Thank you Iruka-sensei!"
I stood up and ran out of the room and to one of the workers and asked for my guitar and notebook. I still had time before dinner and I was gonna use that time to work. As I sat and played around, making up lyrics and arranging them together I didn't feel that weird feeling anymore
