Chapter 11: It's All My Fault

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy.

So here's for all the Dimitri lovers out there. Adrian lovers sorry Charlie You're SOL!

RPOV

Of course I would run into the bain of my existence as I was leaving Adrian's. Part of me wanted to run into Dimitri's arms and cry my eyes out. Although I couldn't see what I saw in him romantically he suddenly seemed very safe, like he would always be there no matter what. I don't know why I didn't just let him take me home, but a part of me still couldn't figure out what was going on so I ran again. Probably not the smartest idea, but then again I've never been very bright.

I ended up in front of the Guardian dorms. I scanned the list of occupants and noticed Eddie Castile was on it. I knew him from the Academy. He was a really nice guy. More importantly he knew Mason. Mason was a good friend to me and I hadn't seen him since we'd lost our minds. I had hoped he was staying here at Court, but maybe he'd been assigned elsewhere. If anyone would know where Mason was it would be Eddie. I buzzed his apartment and waited.

He came down looking sleepy and so much older than the last time I'd seen him.

"Eddie? Oh my God you grew up real good." I said throwing myself into his arms.

"Hey Rose. What's going on? Did you go to a costume party?" he asked leading me inside.

"No why?" I asked.

"Cause you look like a hooker" He said.

I looked down at my attire. He was right I did look like a prostitute. I shrugged and allowed him to lead me inside.

"Hey you've been crying. Want to tell me about it?"

"I wouldn't even know where to start. Everything is just so fucked up right now. Lissa and I apparently got hexed or something and I've just been so confused about everything." I spilled out.

"Hexed?" he asked as we sat down in his small kitchenette. He poured me a glass of water and sat down next to me.

"Did you and Belikov have a fight?" he asked.

" I don't' know sort of, I guess you could say that." I said blowing my nose into a paper towel.

"It'll all work out. I know you two and there's nothing you can't get through. I've never seen two people more in love." He said smiling at me reassuringly.

"Really?" I asked. "How so? I mean we're so different."

"Yes you are, but I really feel that your differences complement each other nicely. It's a good balance."

"So we're really happy with each other? I mean he's so stoic and I'm so reckless." I countered.

"Yes, but you've been much less reckless since he trained you and he's lightened up a lot when he's around you. Plus I mean your family and his family get along well and seriously I've never met two people who you know have such a strong physical attraction I mean talk about doing it like rabbits." He said blushing a little.

"I mean Mia and I enjoy each other, but not like you two." He said stifling a laugh.

I didn't really know who this Mia he was talking about was, but I assumed it was his girlfriend.

Some of the things he was saying actually made a little bit of sense which just made me feel worse for treating Dimitri like such crap. He'd only been trying to help me this whole time and I'd been acting like a selfish bitch only thinking about how this was affecting me.

"Hey I almost forgot. I was wondering if you knew where Mason was? I mean do you know who he's assigned to? Is it here at Court I mean?" I asked.

His face went pale and then turned to confusion and then anger.

"Rose that isn't even funny. I know you've been drinking, but seriously I don't appreciate your bringing that up." He snapped coldly.

"Wait what? Did you guys have a fight or something? I didn't mean to make you mad. It's just that I missed him and all."

He just looked at me like I had three heads.

"When you said you and Lissa had a hex put on you what did you mean by that?" he questioned narrowing his eyes at me.

"We don't remember anything for the past six years. It was like hey we're fifteen and on the run and then bam, we're twenty-one, graduated, living at Court and waking up next to people we don't know." I said sighing.

His eyes registered understanding. "Wow do they think it has something to do with Spirit?" he asked.

"Not sure. I haven't thought too much about it. I don't really understand all this Spirit stuff. I've only heard a little about it from Dimitri."

"Oh." He replied. "So that's what you meant by you sort of had a fight."

"Yea, it's hard to fight with someone you don't know." I sniffed realizing he never answered my question about Mason.

"So why did you get all weird when I mentioned Mason?" I asked quietly.

He got a strange look on his face and looked away.

"What? Just tell me?" I pleaded.

"Rose I think you should just get some sleep." He tried coaxing me out of my line of questioning.

"Come on Eddie what did he do run off to be a blood whore or something?"

"Rose Mason's dead." He whispered a tear escaping his eyes.

My heart stopped beating in my chest at his words. Mason was dead? How could he be dead? He was so young.

"How?" I stammered tears pricking my eyes.

He looked down. "Rose it's really not a good story. Maybe you can just take my word for it." He said.

"No please tell me I have to know." I begged.

"Here it goes, but don't say I didn't warn you." He stated.

"Right after Belikov brought you and Lissa back to the Academy there were a rash of Strigoi attacks so for the holidays everyone was sent to the Ski Lodge for safety so they could see their families. While we were there another attack occurred and Mia's mother was killed. Mason, Mia and I got a stupid idea in our heads to get revenge on the Strigoi so we took off to Spokane to find them.

Sometime later you and Christian followed us to talk some sense into us. We were about to leave when we were all captured by two Strigoi a male and a female. They kept us in the basement. They fed from me and then starved Mia and Christian to see who would turn first. Christian used his fire magic to break you out of your cuffs and then you and Mason took down the humans that were guarding us. We all made it out of the house except for you. They were about to kill you when Mason came back and distracted them. They snapped his neck." He said tears flowing from his eyes.

My breathing was ragged and I was close to vomiting all over the table. If what he said was true then Mason's death had been my fault.

"How did I get out?" I asked shakily.

"You decapitated both Strigoi with a dull sword." He choked out.

"By myself?"

"Yes." When Belikov and your mom found you they didn't think you'd ever recover from the shock of seeing Mason die and from killing the Strigoi." He told me.

I gasped for air. I had not only seen, but fought Strigoi by myself and taken their lives before I even graduated. The sobs were now coming uncontrollably.

"Rose I'm so sorry." Said Eddie putting his arms around me.

"It's my fault. It's all my fault." I sobbed breaking free from his grasp and rushing into his bathroom. I slammed the door shut and made it to the toilet just in time to heave the entire contents of my stomach into the bowl.

When I was finished I curled up in the corner of the room and lay my head against my knees wrapping my arms around myself to hold my body together. How could these awful things have happened to me and I didn't remember them?

I got my best friend killed and I couldn't even remember it. I was a horrible person. I just stayed there on the cold tile rocking back and forth thinking about what an awful thing I'd done.

I could hear Eddie pounding on the door. "Rose please come out. Are you okay in there?" he called. I didn't answer him. I couldn't. I just felt so lost.

DPOV

My phone ringing startled me out of bed.

"Belikov." I answered groggily.

"Dimitiri it's Eddie. Look I don't know what's going on with you and Rose, but you need to get over to my place right away." He said in a panicked tone.

"Why what's happened?" I asked already jumping out of bed and pulling on my pants.

"She's locked herself in the bathroom and she's hysterical." He said.

"I'll be there in five." I told him pulling a sweat shirt over my head, shoved my feet into my boots, grabbed my stake and my keys and rushed out the door in the direction of the Guardian dorms.

I didn't even bother buzzing I just used my master key and ran up the three flights of stairs to Eddies' apartment.

"What happened?" I asked as he led me over to the closed and locked bathroom door. I could hear Rose sobbing loudly.

He looked at the ground.

"What happened?" I repeated grabbing his shoulders.

"I didn't know." He said.

"You didn't know what?" I growled.

"She asked me where Mason was and I told her he was dead." He blurted out guiltily.

"Oh for the love of God!" I cried.

"Did you tell her the details?" I rasped seriously hoping he hadn't told her how it had happened.

He nodded sheepishly. "I swear I didn't know she would freak out like this." He apologized.

"She's been through so much. She doesn't need this." I was livid. Not at Eddie who was he to know, but at whoever did this to her. If I ever found out who it was I would rip them limb from limb.

"Roza it's Dimitri. Please open the door." I called to her. Not that I expected her to answer.

She didn't move to open it. It became very quiet in there and when it had been another fifteen minutes and I hadn't heard anything I took measures into my own hands and grabbed a screw driver and Eddie and I took the door off its hinges.

I found her huddled up in the corner of the room. I could tell she'd been ill. She was pale and her teeth were chattering from the chill of the tile against her scantily clad body. She was just staring blankly at the wall not moving.

I crouched down in front of her. "Roza? Can you hear me?" I asked.

She didn't respond verbally, but her eyes began to focus a little and she looked at me. She looked like she had when she'd been holding the sword over Mason's corpse years ago. She looked pleadingly into my eyes and my heart thumped loudly in my chest hoping she was not too damaged this time.

"Take me home?" she said simply.

I nodded and lifted her into my arms. She put her head against my chest and sobbed into my sweatshirt. My heart broke for her. She shouldn't have had to relive this memory. It was too horrific. I was surprised she'd survived it the first time.

Eddie nodded to me as I carried her out of his apartment and all the way back to our house. Poor guy was confused, but I'd fill him in later.

When we were home I carried her up to our bedroom and sat her on the bed. I helped her into one of my shirts and used a wet washcloth to wipe away her tear stains and make up. I pulled back the covers to the bed and lay her beneath them. All the while she remained quiet. Her eyes were vacant. I put my hand on her forehead and bent down to kiss her softly.

"It's my fault." She squeaked tears flooding her eyes again.

"No Rose it wasn't your fault. You were very brave and it couldn't be helped. There was nothing you could have done. He made the choice to come back for you. You did the best you could." I tried soothing her like the last time. I could tell she hadn't believed me the first time around and that this would be no different and the guilt would eat at her inside. When I thought she'd calmed a bit I decided to let her sleep.

"Goodnight Roza." I whispered. I moved to the other side of the room, shut off the lights and was about to close the door when I heard her small scared voice call out to me.

"Dimitri please don't leave me alone." She begged.

My heart leapt a little in my chest at her words. I knew we had a long way to go, but hopefully this was the first step towards getting her to trust me.

Tonight had been difficult and I knew that it was far from over and things wouldn't be perfect overnight, but just now I'd seen a glimpse of the woman I'd fallen in love with, the one who loved me back. It gave me hope that all was not lost and that maybe she was on her way to coming back to me.

I pulled off my shoes and my sweatshirt and climbed into bed with her. I took a chance and pulled her into my arms with her body nestled against mine. She tensed at first and then slowly relaxed into my arms. I thanked God for small mercies and held her closely whispering words of comfort to her in Russian. Before long she was fast asleep in my arms. I drifted off shortly after her.

Aww now wasn't that nice of me? There you go so stop your whining about her not being with Dimitri. I told you it was coming and no one believed me. Please review because this is the last chapter I have written right now and I need inspiration to write more. Also Lissa still does not remember Christian, but she was too drunk to argue with him when he took her home. I think she also realized she wasn't into making out with random royals at bars. Only time will tell. Keep reading and reviewing and I'll keep writing.