"In light of recent events, it would seem that the Reds have made Duncan their new captain." said Cassandra.
"How did you find that out?" asked Cody.
"I hacked into their com-channel; it wasn't that hard since we used to be on the Red Team."
"Duncan's not exactly a tactical genius, he'll just use brute force the next time there's a challenge. Besides, they're two Spartans down."
"So were the Killer Bass when it came time for the third challenge in season one." said Sierra.
"It is likely that for the next challenge Chris will have us sit two Spartans out. I suggest you choose carefully, even if the reward isn't worth it the merge is only a few challenges away.
"I also agree with the glowing person." said Lindsay "Everyone else sees a glowing person… right?"
"Not to be rude or anything, but the glowing person has a name." said Cody.
"Thank you Cody."
Shortly afterwards Sierra pulled Cassandra aside.
"Now you listen to me half-baked lightshow, if you even think of messing with my Cody…"
"I chose Cody to be my host on the grounds that he seemed like a good candidate to win the game."
"Really? "
"Yes, with my guidance he might just be crowned King of the Canyon. You don't need to be jealous of me Sierra; I'm merely a bundle of circuits and microchips."
"Sorry… Sometimes I forget."
Heather's log
"Sierra jealous of a computer program? Come on, she doesn't even have a body."
When the day came for the next challenge they met up with Chris and Chef in the center of the canyon as usual.
"Today's challenge will take place outside the canyon, so everybody in the pelican."
Unfortunately Owen still hadn't gotten over his fear of flying and chef had to blast him with a blowdart.
"Incase you haven't noticed, we're already down two men." said Duncan.
"Don't worry, he'll be up by the time we reach our destination." said Chris.
The Spartans hadn't been outside the canyon in broad daylight before, so they were surprised to see that they were flying over what looked like savanna.
"What is that?"
Tyler looked through the scope of his rifle to see what Lindsay was pointing at.
"Lindsay's right, what the heck is that thing?"
"That's a giraffe you idiot." said Duncan "A giraffe?"
"We're in Africa?" asked Gwen.
"Where'd you think we'd be able to set up a temporary artificial canyon?" asked Chris.
"Well I guess that makes sense." said Harold "The scenes of Earth in the Halo universe mostly take place in Africa."
They landed a few miles from the canyon.
"Cool! Mongooses!" said Cody.
"Isn't the plural form mongeese?" asked Harold.
"I thought it was mongi." said Tyler.
"Okay, enough already. Let's get this show on the road."
"Today's challenge is a Cross Country Rocket Race!" said Chris "Your teams will split into groups of two so each mongoose will have a driver and passenger who will carry a rocket launcher. In this game the players are invincible and being shot will only slow you down. The first team to have all their players cross the finish line wins invincibility and this mystery box. Since Red Team is currently down by two players, the Blues have to sit two people out."
"I think we'll go with… Lindsay and Heather."
"Okay, now split up into pairs."
Naturally Sierra insisted on having Cody as her partner. Gwen was paired with Izzy, and Courtney was left with John. For Reds Duncan was paired with Geoff, Trent with Owen, and Tyler with Harold.
"I know I'm probably going to regret asking this, but are we in lion territory?" asked Courtney.
"I never really checked. So you might want to hustle."
"You drive, I'll shoot." said John.
"Spartans ready… set… go already!"
When Chris fired the starting gun a bird came falling out of the sky to his feet.
"Not again, please tell me that wasn't an endangered species."
The Spartans took off into the savanna leaving clouds of dust in their wake. Naturally the mongoose Trent and Owen were riding needed some extra horsepower.
"Why exactly would they have a racing game type in a first person shooter?" asked Courtney.
"I ask myself that question every day." replied John "But now isn't the time to reflect on it."
For about a mile the only danger the Spartans encountered was their opponents, that's when Gwen and Izzy were blown into the air.
"Landmines! Watch the road!" bellowed Duncan
"What road? We're riding cross country!" said Trent.
"Well… just watch where you're going."
As the Spartan's made their way across the landscape the gunners were trying to blast any of their enemies off their rides.
"This can't be good for the environment." said Gwen looking at the trail of paint detonated paint rockets Izzy left in their wake.
Duncan kept his eyes on the path ahead and noticed that John and Courtney were coming close to a pile of dirt.
"Geoff, take aim and fire at their right!"
"You got it bro."
Geoff took aim and fired.
"Courtney! Hard left!"
John and Courtney evaded the rocket, but they drove right into a landmine. They were blown into the air and went rolling down a hill into a shallow river.
Courtney's log
"Note to self, kill Duncan."
"Courtney, are you alright?"
"I'm not dead if that's what you mean."
Suddenly they heard a loud growl.
"Uh… was that you?"
"No…"
They both looked up and saw a lion emerging from the tall grass.
"Don't move…" whispered John.
"Why not?"
"Because turning our backs and running will only provoke it."
"How do you know that?"
"Because my little sister likes animals, and when I was in chemo I spent hours watching Animal Planet with her."
"Okay so… kill it with your swords."
"I can't do that either, he's a threatened species."
"Well right now I'm the one that feels threatened."
John was scared too, but he was more focused on finding a way out of this situation that didn't involve both him and Courtney getting mauled.
"I've got an idea… I don't know if this is going to work or not… If it doesn't just run."
"Okay…"
John grabbed hold of the rocket launcher and unsheathed one of his katana.
"What are you doing? I thought you said you weren't going to kill it."
"I'm not…"
John pulled the trigger on the rocket launcher and sent a burst of paint flying at the lion's feet, then he jumped up and yelled at the top of his lungs. He began slashing the air with his katana and fired more shots. Much to Courtney's surprise the lions actually turned and ran away.
"What the heck just happened?"
"Mountain lions can sometimes be scared away; I gambled that I might be able to do the same with one of their African cousins. It might not have worked on a fully grown lion, but from the size of that one's mane that it was probably just a young male looking to establish its own pride, which is probably why it ran off."
Courtney's log
"Oh brother… first he's an evangelistic Chuck Norris wannabe, now he's a zoologist. But I guess I better get used to it, he might be my only ticket into the finals."
John noticed there weren't any red or blue dots on his motion tracker.
"Crap! They're out of range!"
"Oh right! The challenge!"
John and Courtney got their mongoose back on the track and put the pedal to the metal, but by the time they reached the others they had already passed the finish line.
"Red team wins!" said Chef.
The Reds all cheered.
"But word of warning…" said Chris "Next time you endanger the life of the player who brings in the most viewers I'll have you eliminated."
"Can he do that?" asked Geoff.
Sierra started flying through her rulebook.
"Yes he can…"
Courtney knew from experience that it was only a matter of time before her team lost another challenge, but she had really hoped they would get more time to work on John before then. Heather and Lindsay may not have done anything, but it was because of her and John that they lost. She knew the others wouldn't boot John, so it had to be either her, Lindsay, or Heather. But it wasn't too late to try and influence John's vote… if it even mattered. Some of the eliminations this season had been pretty random. She knew for a fact that no one voted for Eva in the first round, and yet she was the one that ended up taking the first ride on the Pelican of Losers.
"It's best not to take any chances. Knowing Chris he probably takes John's opinions to heart."
"So John… In case I don't get a chance to ask you later… Are there any religious nuts in the Halo universe?"
"Absolutely, the Covenant was full of them."
"You mean the aliens?"
"Yes, and unfortunately for them their religion turned out to be one big farce."
"Who was their god?"
"It might take a while for me to accurately explain it to you."
"We've got plenty of time till the elimination ceremony."
John and Courtney were still talking by the time they returned to Blue Base.
"So... when the alien leaders found out that humans were related to their so-called gods, they declared war on us to cover it up."
"Yes, the allegiance of the Covenant races was built around their common beliefs. Finding that a race they had never known before was descended from the forerunners would be like the Pope coming out and saying it's all been a total cock-up. But at least my religion isn't based on enigmatic technology left behind by a mysterious ancient race."
After their conversation a few nights ago Courtney didn't dare question John's faith; that would be like a truck without wheels.
"So… any prominent religious humans in the Halo universe?"
"Well… There's Dutch from ODST… kinda."
That night the blues had gathered in the briefing room.
"If I'm not mistaken John, this is the first official elimination ceremony that you've been to." said Chris.
"That's correct."
"Well if I were you I wouldn't worry about a thing. You're probably the only Spartan here who's actually safe."
Heather's log
"I wonder why… and yes I am being sarcastic."
"Anyway… I'm sure you all know the drill. The Spartan who does not receive a medal will be given a last class ticket to Loserville, population five."
"Five? Haven't there been six eliminations?" asked Gwen.
"Yes, but Eva is currently in police custody and is awaiting a trial."
"Really? What did she do?" asked Sierra.
"Well… After she was eliminated she proceeded to break into my house and destroyed my favorite car… WHY!"
Gwen's log
"I can think of three good reasons."
"Also, I forgot to mention that she put five cops in the hospital."
Courtney's log
"Breaking and entering, destruction of property, resisting arrest, and five counts of assault? Even if it was at Chris' expense, Eva's going away for a long time."
"Okay let's get this show on the road. The first medal goes to… John."
Sierra's log
"Survey… anyone surprised?"
"The next medal goes to… Courtney… Gwen… Izzy… Cody… and… Sierra… Ladies, this is the final medal of the evening."
Chris gave a dramatic pause as Heather looked intently at Lindsay.
"The final medal goes to… Lindsay!"
"What? You guys voted for me?" exclaimed Heather.
"Chef…"
Chef loaded his blowgun.
"Okay, I'm going… this shit sucks anyway."
As the Pelican of Losers disappeared into the night with Heather, Chef started playing the piano and singing in a squeaky high pitched voice.
"Ding dong! The witch is dead! Which old witch, the dirty bitch!"
Everyone in the briefing room started laughing.
(To be continued)
