Tucker blinked her eyes and rolled over. She moaned when she felt the place beside her was empty. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and sat up in the bed. She turned and looked at the alarm clock by the bed and saw that it was five in the morning. She looked around the room but didn't see Reid anywhere. She climbed out of bed and grabbed the shirt from the floor. She pulled it on and did up the buttons and started rolling up the sleeves. She walked out of the room and down the hall. She looked into the living room but it was empty. She walked into the kitchen and smiled when she saw Reid sitting at the table eating cold Chinese food with a fork while reading a file. He wore a pair of track pants and a FBI sweatshirt. She had to smile at the fact that at the moment he didn't look anything like the Spencer Reid she was use to seeing. The only thing that still remained was his vintage black framed glasses that looked like he had grabbed them straight from a 60s detective movie. She loved them but vowed never to admit it out loud; especially not to him. She stepped closer and saw pictures scattered on the table. She stopped when she saw a picture of a body she recognized.
"Are you reading my father's file?" she asked watching as Reid jumped a little.
"I thought you were sleeping," Reid said turning to look at her.
"I was but it got kind of lonely in bed. Spence, are you reading my father's file?"
"Yes."
Reid quickly grabbed the pictures shoving them back in the file as he closed it. He turned as Tucker walked towards him. She sat on his lap and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. She kissed him on the lips softly and he kissed her back. He pulled away and brushed the hair from her face. He wrapped an arm around her waist and smiled thinking about how he enjoyed having her sitting there in his lap. He looked down and saw that she was wearing his dress shirt. She looked sexy wearing his clothes and he wanted to carry her back to the bedroom and stay there with her for the rest of the day. Unfortunately for them both, he needed to try and figure out where the Inquisitor was and how to catch him. Reid also wanted to do without having Tucker bearing her soul and reliving all the horrible things that had happened to her. He wanted to protect her and he didn't think either of them could live through another day of her sitting in the conference room and detailing every horrible act she had seen her father inflict upon women. He turned and kissed her on the neck softly holding her closer.
"Can I see the file?" Tucker asked taking the container of Chinese food and looking around for the chopsticks.
"No," Reid said flatly.
"Spence, I have the right to see it."
"You have seen enough to last you a lifetime. What are you looking for?"
"Chopsticks. You do not eat Chinese food with a fork, Spencer. You gotta use chopsticks."
"According to whom, if I may ask?"
"Me, the woman you love. And that also means that you will show me the file on my father."
"I love you, Tucker and that is why I am not going to show you the file."
Tucker turned to protest more but Reid kissed her again silencing her for the moment. She placed the container of food on the table and wrapped her arms around Reid's neck. She smiled against his lips as Reid ran his hand along her thigh pushing the shirt up along the way. She kissed him deeply and reached out her hand on the table. She grabbed the file and then bolted from Reid's lap. She ran into the living room standing behind an arm chair as she heard Reid's chair scrap against the tile floor. She opened the file and stood still. She saw staring back at her a picture of the bloody body of the first woman her father had killed after she had been taken from him. She corrected herself seeing how young the woman was; she was twenty at the most. She stood there rooted to the spot the memories of her father torturing floating back to her.
Reid stepped into the living room and saw Tucker standing there staring at the file. He cursed himself for even taking it out of his bag. He had trouble sleeping at night and even laying beside Tucker didn't help much. His usual routine was to get up and read old files or the current one they were working on. If that didn't appeal to him he would pick up one of his technical manuals or a government report. He wished he had grabbed the latest report on spending instead of the Inquisitor file.
He hobbled over to Tucker and gently took the file from her hands. She grabbed the picture though and kept staring at it. Reid grabbed her shoulders and rubbed them trying to get her attention. After a few minutes she finally looked up and met his eyes. He reached out and stroked her hair and saw the tears silently roll down her cheeks. She handed the picture to Reid and he placed it on the coffee table behind him. He then pulled her in his arms and held her close. She rested her head on his shoulder and grabbed a hold of his sweatshirt.
"What was her name?" she asked softly.
"Sophia Kendall. She was twenty-two and worked at a bookstore. She was engaged to be married to her high school sweetheart and they had a four year daughter," Reid recited everything the file had said on the woman in the picture. He knew that Tucker would want to know everything about the victim.
"I'm one year older then she was when she died. And she had so much more to live for then I do."
"Hey," Reid pulled away and looked in her eyes, "don't talk like that. Her death was not your fault. Clayton Worthington is killer. He was probably killing before you were born and he can't help himself. None of this is your fault."
"Her little girl grew up without her. I know what that is like, Spence. You grow up not knowing who you are. I know it was ten times worse for me because I knew what I could become if I didn't watch myself but that little girl..." Tucker shook her head, "She lost her mother because of me. You can't just wipe away my part in this."
"Yes, I can. You were a child yourself. You could not control what your father was doing."
"I could have. I could have found a way. You don't understand, Spencer. You just... Can't," she whispered pulling away from him.
Tucker walked over to her backpack which she had left resting against the couch. She grabbed it and placed it on the couch. She opened it and dug around in it searching for what was the only pair of clean panties she had packed. She grabbed them and pulled them on. She then grabbed the jeans that she had been wearing when Reid had found her. They were dirty from her stay on the streets but it was all she had at the moment. She closed her bag and swung it on her shoulder. She turned but Reid was in front of her blocking her way. She went to walk past him but he grabbed her bag and tossed it on the floor. She glared at him.
"I can't stay here," she said.
"I know why you always run away," Reid said standing there wondering if he really wanted to do this. He knew people outside of the BAU did not appreciate being profiled but he needed to get though to Tucker.
"Really, Dr. Reid? You know why I always run, huh. Well, then please do share it with me since I don't have your brilliant IQ."
"It's how you survive. You move from place to place being whoever you want to be never letting anyone close to know the real you. You fear if they did know the real you, they would walk away. This stems from your childhood. You think that there must be something wrong with you since your father was a killer and no matter how many times you begged he wouldn't listen to you and he didn't stop."
"Stop. You are so far off base right now."
"Am I, because I think I am pretty close. You love to read because you can hide in the book and become a character. Someone who is loved and cherished and who never had to deal with cleaning up blood. You keep running because your biggest fear is that if you stay in one place long enough you'll become like your father. Those memories you have of the blood and the screaming of the women haunt you now but you are scared that one day they will stop scaring you at night and in the moments of silence that you will find a victim and take their life like your father did. You never let anyone close because you think you'll end up killing them," Reid finished looking at Tucker.
Tucker slapped Reid across the face. She watched as he stood there and took it. She turned her back on him and hugged herself. She felt exposed down to her deepest core. She closed her eyes and bit her lip to not cry. She felt Reid's hands on her hips but she pulled away from him. She turned to face him her back against the wall.
"Are you happy now? You profiled me and you were right. Now you can tell everyone on your team. I am scared of becoming my father. Big surprise, there I mean the guy is only a serial killer who likes to torture his victims! Of course I am afraid of being him not that is any different from any other kid. We all fear becoming our parents. Now move."
"I am not letting you leave."
"Alright, then how about I profile you. I spent a lot of time studying human behaviour. Of course I don't have the benefit of having the degree to back up my findings."
"Go, ahead and profile me. If it keeps you here where I can protect you then do it."
Reid crossed his arms on his chest. He understood Tucker's anger and her lashing out. She was tired and angry at her father for what he was doing. Unfortunately, Clayton was not there for her to lash out at so it was Reid who was going to have to bear her anger. He couldn't come out and tell her that he understood her anger and feelings of guilt. He still felt them after what Tobias had done to him. He knew that Tucker knew nothing about that and he wanted to keep it that way. He watched as Tucker crossed her arms on her chest and looked around the room.
"I'm not the only one who hides in books. You do a pretty good job yourself. Of course I read fiction and dream of the perfect family while you read technical manuals. Everyone assumes you read them because you're a genius and you have your quarks. The truth is though; you read them because when you read them you can lose yourself in the lingo and they don't remind you of your job or your childhood," Tucker started.
"What about my childhood? Was it happy, normal?" Reid pushed hating how she was partially right about his reasons for reading his reports and technical books.
"Normal until your father left. You don't have any picture of him displayed or pictures of you and your parents as a family. The only picture of your mother is in your bedroom where no one can see it. You are ashamed of her but yet here on the coffee table," Tucker pointed to the pile of mail that was on the corner, "You don't hide the letter from her which is post marked from the mental hospital she is at. You love her though because she was all you had. You also use your intelligence as a shield. When you get nervous in a situation you start talking about all the facts you know and usually this keeps people away from you. They get imitated by your intelligence and then you are alone. And you feel safer when you are alone."
"No, I don't."
Tucker closed her eyes, "Does it even matter, Spence? We both know that I am not really mad at you and that you aren't going to let me leave here."
"Then why fight me?"
"Because it's easier to blame someone else then yourself. And it's kind of hard to have a screaming match with yourself."
Reid looked at Tucker and saw the look of defeat on her face. He knew she was running hot and cold because of all the stress of what was happening. He just wished that she would let him help her. He reached out and placed his hand on her elbow. She opened her eyes and looked at him. He waited wondering if she would slap him again. Instead she stepped closer to him and rested her head on his chest. He held her close again.
"I'm sorry," she whispered to him.
"I understand."
"I don't want you to understand, Spence; I want you to tell me that I was out of line and that I am an idiot."
"I can't. My mother taught me never to call women idiots. Morgan also told me that any name calling will result in me not getting nookie."
"Spence?"
"Yes?"
"Never, ever say nookie again."
"I think I can do that," Reid kissed her on the head, "I'm sorry I profiled you. None of what I said was true."
"Yes, it was but that doesn't matter. I just... I want this to be over."
"I know. Is there anything I can do to help?"
Tucker pulled away and looked at Reid, "Read to me."
"I read 20,000 words a minute."
"Okay... read a little slower to me, please?"
Reid nodded. He leaned in and kissed her on the lips. He would help her anyway he could, "Go pick a book. Anything but a technical manual."
"Spence, I didn't-."
"I know. It's okay. People have said more hurtful things to me. And probably will again."
Tucker nodded. She turned away and went on the search for a book. She tried to forget the things they had said to each other but she knew that she never would. She had been trying to push Reid away and he didn't take the bait. She smiled softly and thought that maybe she had finally found someone worth taking the risk for.
