…
Chapter Eleven.
He was getting tired and more and more pissed off. This deer was smart and seemed to know he was coming for it, making itself constantly ahead of him and his crossbow. They had been tracking it for most of the afternoon and evening and still, nothing. Beth was quiet behind him, not asking him anything – how far they were from the deer or when they would stop and set up camp and get some rest. And he was grateful for that because right now, he was too far into hunter mode to think about anything else.
He knew she was falling behind – could hear her footsteps lagging a bit – and he knew she was tired. Hell, he was tired, too, and soon, it would be dark and he wouldn't be able to track anything anyway.
With a sigh, he finally stopped. He looked back at Beth and she looked at him but neither said anything. He felt like an idiot. There were things to hunt all over this mountain. He knew. He had been seeing their tracks all day. But he had been so set on getting this deer and now, he had wasted an entire day chasing after it.
Beth reached into her pack and fishing around for something, she pulled out a flashlight and flipping it on, she held it out for him. "Wanna keep going?" She asked.
He sighed again and shook his head. "No." He looked around at where he had stopped them in the fading sunlight. "Let's jus' camp here for the night."
Beth nodded and didn't say or ask anything as she slowly removed her pack and set it down. He didn't say anything either as he took the duffel bag and removed the tent, beginning to set it up without asking her to help him. Once it was, he didn't go inside. He sat down on the ground and remained silent. He watched as Beth gathered a few twigs and then kneeling beside him, she pulled out some of the money bills they had gathered and a pack of matches.
"Just for a little bit," she said as she started a small fire and Daryl nodded, not arguing. She settled beside him. "You want something to eat?"
He shook his head and still didn't say anything. He watched as she reached into her pack and pulled out the jar of peanut butter. She unscrewed the lid and looking into the fire, she began to scoop some out with her fingers, eating her dinner and being as quiet as he was.
He glanced over at her and the way the flames danced across her face and he thought of all of those other nights they sat by a fire like this – just the two of them in complete silence. But back then, the silence had mostly been heavy and tension-filled, both of them pissed off at the other.
This silence was different. It was the kind of silence that came from being with the other person long enough to know that words weren't necessary. He was pissed off and frustrated and Beth knew that and didn't try to coax him into feeling better. Right now, he wanted to stay pissed off and Beth was letting him. He tried to remember ever having something like that with someone else before this.
She could feel his eyes on her and she turned her head to meet him. She silently held the jar of peanut butter out to him and he nodded slightly, taking it from her. She smiled a little, obviously pleased that he was going to be eating something.
"Sing somethin'," he then said as he scooped some peanut butter out from the jar.
"The fire and me singing? Why don't we just shout for the walkers to come find us?" She asked but there was a slight smile across her lips.
"I'll take care of 'em if any come. Sing," he said again.
She was quiet for a moment, probably flipping through the thousands of songs in her mind that she knew. She then looked at him as if she was making sure that he really wanted this and when he just looked at her and said nothing, she sat up a little straighter.
"The last time I saw Richard was Detroit in '68/And he told me all romantics meet the same fate someday/Cynical and drunk and boring someone in some dark café/"You laugh," he said, "You think you're immune/Go look at your eyes, they're full of moon/You like roses and kisses and pretty men to tell you/All those pretty lies, pretty lies/When you gonna realize they're only pretty lies/Only pretty lies, just pretty lies."
He didn't know the song but he didn't most of the songs Beth sang. Her voice was soft and light and he sat there, staring in the fire, eating peanut butter and listening to her. Despite what he had shouted at her that one drunken afternoon, he had always liked her singing. The night in the grass after they had taken the prison yard and that night in the cell block when the threat of the Governor was looming over their heads and at nights when she walked back and forth, singing softly to Judith to try and coax the baby to sleep. That night in the funeral home…
He always listened to every song she sung and in a world of shit, her voice was one good thing he felt himself drawn to no matter what was happening around them. She grabbed hold of him and pulled him in and he supposed she hadn't let him go yet. Not that he was looking to be let go.
It felt good to be out in the woods like this again. Just him and her and the prize of an animal at the end of their trail. He had always felt more comfortable in the woods than any other place in the world. The fresh air and the dirt and the solitude. Being out here like this, he could almost forget everything else and he could pretend that it was just him and Beth getting some alone time. Just like other couples had done before the world ended.
The song ended and her voice faded and the silence returned.
He finished the peanut butter he wanted and handed her back the jar, watching as she screwed the red cap securely back on. She looked at him and gave him a soft smile and he didn't smile in return but his pissed off feeling had almost completely disappeared.
"What are you doin' out here with me?" He suddenly asked, needing to know.
"Nowhere else I'd rather be," she said and both her words and smile were soft.
And it was a simple answer but it was more than enough for him. It was probably the best damn answer he had ever gotten to any question he had ever asked.
And somehow, as if she knew that, she leaned closer to him. She was going to kiss him, he knew that, and he wanted her, too.
He had initiated one kiss between them – yesterday when he had been feeling angry over the words she was saying – but he hadn't since. He wasn't sure why not. He was never sure whether Beth wanted him to kiss her or not though she seemed to have no problem kissing him. He had never been around a girl like Beth before and had never done any of these sorts of things. He found himself just following her lead, hoping he wasn't screwing it up somehow.
And when Beth did kiss him, when her lips pressed to his gently, he shifted and lifted his hands to either side of her head and he pulled her in a little closer. She shifted as well and he felt her arms slowly slip around his shoulders and he pressed his lips a bit harder to hers. A soft moan escaped her and Daryl felt the blood pumping in his body spike in temperature as soon as he heard it.
He didn't know what to do but all he knew was he didn't want to stop kissing her. He kissed her again and again, each time harder than the last and he told himself to be gentle with her but he couldn't stop himself. And he realized that Beth wasn't acting like she was wanting him to stop. Her fingers were gripping his hair and her mouth was moving against his, meeting each of his kisses with eager ones of her own.
He was stunned when he felt her tongue tracing his bottom lip, making the first move, and he was the one to hesitate. He squeezed his fingers gently and pulled his head back from hers, tearing his lips slowly from hers. Beth's eyes fluttered open and they stared at one another, both of their chests heaving up and down. He saw it in her eyes, she wondering why he had pulled away and he wasn't too sure what to tell her.
He looked at her, the fire throwing them half in light, the other half in shadows, and it cracked and snapped as it burned through its kindle. The night around them was quiet. Daryl hardly noticed though as he stared at her. The longer he stared without saying anything, the deeper the blush on Beth's cheeks got darker.
"I'm sorry," he grunted for no reason whatsoever. Beth lowered her eyes for him. "Shouldn' of kissed you liked that."
She shook her head slightly, still keeping her eyes from his. "Don't apologize, Daryl. I liked it. And besides, I'm the one who kissed you first."
"Yeah," he said softly, still not knowing what to say.
His hands slowly fell from her head and he looked away, clearing his throat. He didn't know what the hell was going on between him and Beth and the more they kissed, the more he felt himself getting confused. Kissing her like that was wrong, wasn't it? He wanted her and he had had felt this pull towards her since their moonshine night but it was still wrong. It had to be. He thought of Hershel and it didn't matter what Beth said. There was no way that the man would have been alright with Daryl putting his hands or lips anywhere on Beth.
He looked at Beth and thought of everything she had gone through – both with and without him – and she was still standing and at the end of it all, she had wanted to be standing with him. That meant something. That meant a hell of a lot actually. That a girl like Beth would want to kiss a guy like him, it meant everything.
"Beth," he said her name then and she lifted her head immediately, looking at him, and he could see the hope clear in her eyes. He still had no idea what to say. "I don't mind when you kiss me," he told her and maybe it wasn't exactly the right thing to say but she melted into a smile at it nonetheless. A real Beth Greene smile and he smiled a little, too.
His hand lifted again to her head and his thumb brushed back and forth across her scar. He wasn't too sure why he never seemed able to stop touching her like this. He wasn't even sure when it had happened. The porch? Or the funeral home or when she was taken? Or was it even before all of that? The need to protect her had always been there. Even when they went days without exchanging words with one another, going from place to place during that winter after the farm fell and then in the prison, he always knew he had to keep her – and the others – safe. She was part of his family; his to protect.
"It still sometimes hurts," she admitted quietly.
"Yeah," he nodded and swallowed. "That happens."
He didn't elaborate, not necessarily ready to. He knew if he could tell anyone about the scars, it would be Beth. At the farm, when he had fallen down the ravine and when Herschel had patched him up again, both he and Rick had seen the scars all on his back but they had never asked him about it. No one else knew they were there. Not even Carol. He knew that if things like this kept going with Beth, she would be the one to see them next but he wasn't ready to tell her yet. What would he tell her? That his old man would get drunk and beat him for sport? Hell, he doubted Herschel ever threatened to even spank her.
"Does it always?" She asked as his thumb continued tracing it back and forth.
He shrugged. "Depends," he answered but again, he didn't elaborate on what he meant. And Beth knew him well enough to know he wasn't going to. "Tomorrow, we'll get that deer and then we'll head back to the station," he said and she nodded. "Rick told me we're gonna be stayin' there for a while."
She gasped at that as her face burst with light. "Really?"
Daryl felt his lips tugging upwards. "Yeah. This mountain's good. Probably won't last forever but for now, it's good enough."
And there was the second Beth Greene smile of the night and it punched him in the stomach. He wondered how he had never noticed her smiles before and then when she was gone, it was all he could think about. When now, with her back, they were still too few and far in between but sometimes, she would do this. She would smile and look so pretty and happy and he felt like the old Beth was trying to get back to the surface.
"Get some sleep. I'll wake you in a few hours," he said and she nodded.
She gave him one more soft smile before slipping away from him and crawling into the tent. She didn't zip the flap shut though and he could see her lay down, covering herself with the blanket. He felt a sudden urge to go and lay down with her but he couldn't. He had to stay up and keep watch and keep her safe. He still had to show her that he could do that.
…
"Was beginning to worry about you two," Rick admitted as he met them in the road, having seen them step from the trees.
The fawn was slung over Daryl's shoulders and Rick helped take the crossbow and Daryl's bag that Beth was carrying in addition to her own things.
"Get the stove workin'?" Daryl asked, ignoring Rick's concern.
Rick nodded. "We get that deer clean, we could have a good dinner tonight," he said. "Everything go good out there?" He asked, looking between the both of them and Daryl nodded, glancing to Beth, who also nodded her head. "We'll be glad to have you both back."
Daryl noticed how Beth lowered her eyes at that, pretending to be busy, fiddling with the hatchet she held in her hands.
"Any trouble here?" Daryl asked, looking past Rick to the station before back to him.
"No," Rick shook his head. "Mentioned to Michonne though. Maybe you and her could take the car and go on a run. See what's around here. Since we're gonna be staying for a while, it's not a bad idea to stock up on things we'll need to get through the winter."
"Tomorrow," Daryl agreed.
"Excuse me," Beth said softly to them both and Daryl's eyes followed her as she moved away from them both and began heading towards the gas station. Rick turned his head and watched her, too, for a moment before looking back to Daryl.
"Everything alright?" Rick raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah," Daryl shifted the deer on his shoulders and began walking, Rick beside him. "She's just quieter nowadays," he then shrugged, hoping that explained it.
She had been quiet all morning. Since he tracked the deer down and they began heading back towards the station. He had almost suggested to her that he drop the deer off with the others and they head back into the woods for a few more days. In the woods, she had been smiling and relaxed and they had been able to be together without everyone watching them with curiosity, all of them wondering what was going on between the two of them.
Rick sat with him as he cleaned the deer, neither of them talking. Daryl was able to gut a deer without thinking about it but he still gave it all his concentration. He looked to Rick and the man was in deep thought but at the same time, Daryl could tell he wanted to say something. He seemed to be debating with himself though rather or not to.
The back door of the station squeaked open and they both turned to see Michonne coming out, coming towards them. Daryl didn't stop, his hands deep in the deer now. She came to stand near them but she didn't say anything either and the three of them remained silent. Judith was crying inside and they could hear Tyreese trying to coax her down. And then Carol was taking her, trying to rock her and shush her with gentle words but Lil' Asskicker was still crying up a storm, wailing from her little lungs.
Rick stood up, brushing his hands on his thighs, ready to go inside to see if he could calm his daughter down.
But he stopped when they all heard Beth.
"One evening as the sun went down and the jungle fire was burning/down the track came a hobo hiking and he said boys I'm not turning/I'm heading for a land that's far away/beside the crystal fountains/so come with me/we'll go and see the Big Rock Candy Mountains."
Daryl heard her soft voice as she sang and he felt his lips twitching in a smile as he worked at the intestines. He hadn't heard that song in so long – not since the prison and he would hear Beth to sing to Lil' Asskicker to try and get her to settle down at night. She had learned that this was one of the few songs that worked on the baby and it still seemed to have the same power, Judith's crying growing fainter now until disappearing completely as Beth continued singing the song to her.
Rick stood there, listening for a moment, and then a smile of his own passed over his lips before he went back inside, the door slapping shut behind him.
The song continued as Daryl pulled his hands out from the deer. He took off his gloves and dug the pack of cigarettes he had stuffed in his back pocket. He popped one into his mouth, lit it, and balancing it on his lower lip, he put his gloves back on and dove his hands back into the deer.
Michonne let out something of a laugh. "That's a redneck postcard right there."
Daryl smirked a little but didn't say anything as he continued gutting the deer and Beth's voice softly filtered from inside.
"What are you going to do with all of that?" Michonne asked, tilting her head towards the bloody mess in a pile near him.
"Burn it," he said. "Used to just gut 'em and leave it in the woods for the animals. Can't do that anymore obviously."
She nodded but didn't say anything else. She seemed to be keeping watch and Daryl wanted to tell her that there was no reason for her to be doing that but he didn't. He and Michonne were alike in so many ways and he understood, more than anyone probably, that she just needed to be outside and away from everyone for a little bit sometimes.
He finished cleaning the deer and stood up, grunting as he stretched out his stiff back and taking one last drag of his cigarette before flicking it away. Without exchanging words, Michonne helped him start a fire. As they tossed the parts of the deer into the flames, he felt Michonne looking at him and when he turned his head to look at her, she didn't move her eyes away like most people who had just been caught staring. Instead, Michonne kept on staring at him and Daryl couldn't help but frown.
"What?" He asked.
"We're going on a run tomorrow," she told him. "Is Beth going to be coming with us?"
Daryl's frown remained. He hadn't really thought of that. "Why? You don't want her to?"
"Didn't say that," she shook her head. "Just wondering. Can't imagine you going somewhere without her."
He wasn't sure what to say to that. Going somewhere without Beth honestly hadn't occurred to him. He wasn't comfortable with her out of his sight. And it wasn't as if he didn't trust the rest of the group to keep an eye on her but he knew, deep down, he didn't completely trust them to care if something did happen to her.
They had gotten too attached to one another and maybe his current, still growing, feelings towards Beth weren't right. Maybe the group didn't approve and this was Michonne's way of telling him that but he looked at her now and he didn't really care. Maybe later, he would, but right now, Beth had just gotten back. After everything they had been through, he had gotten her back and he wasn't just going to push her aside. He couldn't.
It was like Rick said. Something had happened when it was just the two of them and Daryl knew he couldn't pretend it didn't. He couldn't ignore it. Couldn't ignore her soft skin or the way she moaned softly when he cupped the back of her head or moved his lips against hers. Or the way she smiled faintly at him and gave him real Beth Greene smiles or knew what he wanted or what he was thinking without having to exchange a word. Or the way she could say one thing to him that was always exactly what he needed to hear in that moment. He couldn't ignore all of that and he admitted to himself that didn't want to.
Carol cooked the deer on the stove upstairs with cans of carrots and the group was happy as they ate their filling dinner. Carl was even acting like the teenager he was – something they all sometimes forgot – and refused to eat his vegetable until Rick told him that if he did, he could go out with Daryl, Michonne and Beth tomorrow. Everyone laughed as he shoveled the carrots into his mouth as quickly as he could.
Beth sat apart from the others – still a part of the group but still with distance between herself and the others and Daryl had plopped himself next to her.
"Others have been talkin'," he said and she turned her head towards him curiously. "Some of them are goin' to start sleepin' upstairs." He looked at her to find her eyes resting on him. "I didn' know if you wanted to go find a bed for yourself. Can imagine you're tired of the hard floor."
Beth didn't say anything. She just simply looked at him for a few minutes, quietly, and he almost shifted uncomfortably because he had always thought her eyes were too damn big and knowing and he felt like sometimes, when she looked at him, no one was able to read his mind better than her.
"I like our space behind the counter," Beth then said and shook her head. "Unless you wanted to move upstairs and find yourself a bed?" She posed it as a question.
Daryl shook his head and took a strip of the meat with his fingers. "Ain't gonna be sleepin' somewhere without you," he grunted, not looking at her, but he could sense her smile.
…
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