Chapter 11

Julian Sark was a criminal. And as far as I was concerned he always would be. My life was about getting home, and finding my way in this hell that was my life.

I wanted to know why I was here, why I wasn't back with Vaughn, loving him I could remember the last thing he said to me, and the ring on his finger. At first I thought it was a joke, nothing more. But then, as the moments began to come back I knew that it was all true... and I couldn't remember any of it. Oh, but how I wanted it to be a joke. I knew Vaughn, my Vaughn, was married, and I was the forgotten ex-girlfriend.

I sat on my bed and for the first time since this crazy roller-coaster ride began I cried. I cried for everything and everyone that I missed, that I loved, and the pain that I was hiding under my guise of the ever serious, ever content Sydney Bristow.

It started as a tear dripping down my cheek, brushed quickly away, but for every tear I swept away three more seemed to take its place. Soon, I was sobbing. My shoulders were shaking; I couldn't even sit up straight.

I hated myself at that moment. I wanted nothing more than to stop acting like a little girl, stop the tears, and act like the strong woman I was. But, I couldn't.

I looked up at the mirror and my mind filled with another memory; the scent of expensive cologne, the sound of Sark's voice in my ears, his hands wiping tears from my eyes.

As I inhaled the cologne, my mind returned to my hotel room. I knew my face would be swollen and red. I looked over at the clock hung neatly on the gray-green wall, and stood from my bed and walked into the bathroom.

Sark had asked me to dinner with him, and requested that I dress for the occasion.

I sighed as I twisted my hair up into a simple bun, with small curls of hair hanging from my hairline. I secured the style with ivory hair chopsticks, and put on my makeup. I looked at the clock once again and realized I had just under fifteen minutes to dress.

I walked over to my newly stocked closet and glanced over the garments Sark had bought for me. Arms crossed over my chest, I browsed the dresses, and selected a formfitting knee length blue dress with long sleeves that belled at the end. It was a beautiful dress, and when I wore it I felt like a princess. I slipped into a pair of strappy shoes, and looked at myself in the full-length mirror. I looked lovely.

A soft knock sounded on my door, and I smiled as Sark said, "Sydney? Are you ready yet? We are going to be late if you don't hurry." I opened the door and smiled at him.

"How do I look?"

"Sydney, I've never seen you look more beautiful."

I smiled at him, and brushed past him into the sitting area of our suite. I stood there waiting for him. He looked amazing. He was wearing a silk suit, shirt, and tie set in royal blue, almost the same color as my dress.

"Shall we?" I nodded, and he took my arm gently and walked me out to the underground parking lot.

I looked at Sark, "What's going on?"

At that moment, a Jaguar pulled up, and the driver go out of the car and handed Sark the keys. He thanked the man, and opened the passenger door for me.

Hands clasped with his chin resting on them, Julian Sark gazed at me over the small table, and started to ask something, but stopped before the words even left his mouth. In the dim light of the small, elegant restaurant he looked like a movie star.

The server brought us our meals, refilled the wine glasses, and left us.

"Sark," I started to ask, "I have to know something."

"What is it?" He sat up straight and started to poke at the food on his plate. Since the time we entered the restaurant he hadn't looked me once in the eyes.

"For as long as I have known you…" My voice trailed off slowly. I couldn't form the question because I didn't fully understand it. "…we have never gotten along. Our brief partnership at SD-6 was formal, and impersonal. But, when you look at me, Sark, you seem almost too really know me. I don't understand…"

He tried to hold his face steady and unemotional, but his eyes betrayed his feelings. He looked into my eyes, then down at the table. He opened his mouth a few times as if trying to speak to me, but each time he gave up before he could start his statement. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, "Before you found yourself here, what is that last thing you remember?"

"I woke up in Hong Kong, um, I was instructed to go to the safe house and wait for my contact, which I did."

"What do you remember before that?"

"Will Tippin had told me about Allison Dorren, and we started fighting… I shot her." I stopped. The memories that seemed like just yesterday were still too hard to talk about. And why did Sark want to know? "The next thing I remember was Hong Kong."

Sark nodded slowly, and sighed heavily. He looked at me and smiled sadly. "I'm sorry. I was out of line yelling at you the other night."

I knew he had more he wanted to say, but I wasn't sure how far I could or should push him. I finally spoke again, quietly, almost inaudibly.

"I remember pieces." He looked up at me, his eyes begging me to continue, "I'm not even sure if it's all real… if any of it's real."

"What is it?"

"Mostly you, smells, sounds, brief images." My mind was racing, begging for the time to all come back. I wanted to know what happened to me. "Sark, were you and I… working together?"

"We were friends, Sydney. Nothing more." He answered nodding. "Yes, we were partners as well."

There was a sadness in his eyes. But it was more than that; it was an almost angry sadness that I couldn't explain. Like he was keeping something from me. Something important. But, of course, that was crazy. He had asked me to dinner to explain everything to me, to help me.

"Sark, the other night, at the hotel, what happened? Something you are still dealing with… what was it? Was it something important?"

"Nothing. I was overreacting, and I apologize."

"Of course. What I said was uncalled for." I reached across the table and took his hand, "If we were friends once, I'd like to try that again."

"Ah, well, you two were out longer than I expected!" James greeted us as we entered the suite.

"Sydney and I had a lovely evening, James." He smiled, "I'm going to bed for the night. I'll see you two later." He gave me a friendly hug, and walked into his room.

I sat on the couch next to James. His laptop was closed on his lap, and he put an arm on the back of the sofa with a smile. "Have fun?"

"I really did, James."

"I see the two of you are working out your problems nicely."

"Sark is a nice guy. I just needed to give him a chance, I guess." I looked at the television in the center of the wall, "I'm going to change. I'll see you in the morning."

"Alright."

I walked back into my room, and sighed. He wouldn't lie to me. If Sark said we had only been friends and business partners then that must be the truth. So why, then, did I keep seeing us like I did? Showering, him holding me in tears? It was something I would have to deal with on my own…