A/N: Thanks to everyone reading and reviewing and alerting! You rock!


Coming Back Home

Chapter eleven – Confusion reigns

Stunned silence occupied every corner of the conference room. JJ scanned the surprised faces around the table. Morgan, Garcia and even Reid, notorious for being completely oblivious to things happening around him, were all staring at Hotch with wide eyes and mouths hanging ajar. Rossi, she noticed, seemed to be the only one in the room not completely taken aback by Hotch's words. Somehow that didn't surprise her.

"You're what!" Morgan was the first to regain control of his vocal cords.

"I'm her father," Hotch stated calmly, turning his gaze on Morgan. "Emily's daughter," he said, his eyes dropping to Emily, "Grace, is also my daughter."

"Wow!" Garcia exclaimed. "You two are good, sneaky, but good! How in the whole wide world have you been able to keep this a secret?" She grinned, looking expectantly between Hotch and Emily. Before she could say anything else JJ carefully caught her eye across the table and shook her head a little. Garcia's smile faltered and she looked questioningly at JJ.

"I... I don't understand," Reid said, scrunching his eyebrows tightly together as he took in Hotch's uncomfortable glare and Emily's slightly distraught features. "You have a child together," he said, trying to grip all the facts and line them up in neat rows, "but Emily, you've been living in New York the last five years...and Hotch, you've been here."

"Yeah," Morgan chimed in, an eyebrow raised in clear irritation as he stared Hotch down. "I don't get that part either," he snarled. "I didn't take you as someone who would walk away from your responsibilities, man. Why would you let her go?"

Hotch froze, his glare aiming daggers at Morgan. "That wasn't exactly what happened." He told him, his lips forming a taut line across his face, as he looked down at Emily.

Morgan's eyes changed, softened, as he followed his eyes. "Em?" he said, his worry evident in his deep voice.

Emily looked down at her hands, unconsciously picking at her nails. Clearing her throat uneasily she looked up again, first at Garcia, then Reid and finally stopping at Morgan. "Hotch never stepped away from any responsibility," she told them. "He didn't know. I never told him that I was pregnant." She sighed, guilt rising up inside her again.

"I'm even more befuddled now," Garcia said, looking at Emily and Hotch, her eyebrows knotted in bemusement behind her purple frames.

"Hotch and I had a... thing," Emily said, cringing a little, "I found out I was pregnant after I moved to New York and I decided not to tell him," she continued, "yesterday was the first time he ever met Grace, he missed the first four years of her life and it'd no one's fault but mine."

No one said anything as Emily fell silent again looking away from the others, her eyes lingering at the windows. Awkward glances crossed the table, five pairs of eyes not knowing where to look, none of them daring to meet Hotch's eyes.

Suddenly the silence was broken by a loud crash, making JJ jump in her seat. The chair Morgan had been sitting in tumbled over as he pushed his way out of it. Without a word he stormed through the door and down the stairs.

Garcia moved to follow him, but Emily got up placing her hand on Garcia's shoulder. "I'll talk to him," she whispered as she turned and followed him out the door.

JJ sighed as she looked at the others. She could tell that Garcia was holding back tears as she stared at the closed door, that Morgan and then Emily had disappeared through seconds earlier. Garcia then turned towards Hotch, shaking her head, making her violently red hair dance around her face, she whispered. "Boss man?" eying him carefully. "What's going on?"

Hotch sighed heavily, sinking down in the chair next to her, the one that Emily had vacated only a minute earlier. "It's complicated," he said "I'm not even sure of everything yet."

"But..." Garcia persisted, "Why didn't she tell you?" Her voice was shaking, the tears she was holding in was obviously very close to spilling over.

"Penelope," Hotch sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I can't really say, Emily and I haven't really talked that much about it."

"But didn't she tell anyone?" Garcia sniffled looking between the others sitting around the table.

"Not me," Reid said, shrugging, he was still trying to process every bit of information that had been thrown at him.

"She didn't tell me either," Rossi said "I did find out though, but that was from Aaron just a few days ago."

"Jayje?" Garcia looked pleadingly at JJ.

"I did know," JJ said, looking down at the shiny tabletop. "She told me when she found out she was pregnant." She looked at Hotch, a small tear glistening in the corner of her eye. "I am so sorry, Hotch. I told her that she should tell you, but she was so determined not to. So determined that she would mess up your life. Nothing I said could change her mind."

December 2010

Emily sat on her sofa, one hand gliding protectively across the soft stretchy cotton covering her six month bump, trying to soothe her little girl after a long day. JJ sat down next to her, placing two glasses of sparkling water in front of them. She knew that look on Emily's face, that little wrinkle above her upper lip. She was tired, and tired pregnant Emily easily got emotional. JJ knew that feeling that way made Emily frustrated. She didn't like coming off as weak and she hated that her unpredictable hormones impaired her ability to compartmentalize.

JJ took a deep breath, there was something she had been toeing around all day. Never finding the perfect time to bring it up. Emily had been happy all day. It was the first time in over four months that they had seen each other and they had spent the day shopping for baby supplies, that Emily had been putting off getting. They'd had such a good time, gossiping about the people of the BAU, although carefully avoiding the one person she knew both of them needed to be talking about. She just didn't want to upset Emily and every time they had talked over the phone, during the last five months, bringing up Hotch had ended in tears.

She gave Emily a small smile. "You okay?" she said, reaching out a hand to rub over Emily's. "Our little shopping spree didn't wear out our mommy-to-be completely, did it?"

"I'm fine, Jayje," Emily smiled a weak smile back. "A little tired, but glad that I finally got this done, I've been needing to get this stuff for weeks." She arched an eyebrow at the bags lined up on the floor next to her. "Glad I finally had someone to help me carry." She smiled, glancing down at her belly "I'm starting to get huge."

"Glad to be of service." JJ chuckled a little. "And take it from someone who's been there, Em, you're gonna get huger."

Emily groaned, slapping JJ's arm. "Please, you were never huge, you were petite even when you were nine months pregnant. I, on the other hand, am on my way to becoming a whale." She laughed quietly. It took a few seconds for JJ to notice that the laugh had turned into quiet sobs.

"Emily, honey, what's the matter?"

Emily hesitated a little, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "How is he?"

"Honestly, not great," JJ said, after a few seconds of contemplating what words to use, "he misses you Em. We can all see that something is bothering him. The others haven't figured out what's wrong though. Reid did ask him about it a few months ago and he nearly took the poor boy's head off. Since then we avoid the subject."

"I'm so sorry," Emily said. "I knew that this would just cause problems."

"Emily, you being pregnant isn't causing any problems," JJ tried. Emily shook her head and was about to speak, but JJ cut her off. "No, Em. It's you being away that's causing the problems. Come back home. Come back to the BAU and tell Hotch."

"That wouldn't solve anything, JJ," Emily said, "that would only complicate things even more. I can't come back and just expect him to welcome me back with open arms. I love him too much to be the one to screw up his life again. I won't do that. It's better that he just forgets about me and moves on."

JJ sighed. Nothing she said was ever going make a difference. They'd had this conversation several times before. Always with the same outcome. Emily would always stubbornly insist that she was doing the only thing that she could do. For some inexplicable reason she had convinced herself that she would screw up Hotch's life if she went back.

July 2015

JJ shook her head to rid herself of the image of crying pregnant Emily. She did not, and never had, agreed with how Emily had dealt with the situation. But she was certain that she was the only one who knew how sad Emily had been throughout her pregnancy.

"Don't apologies, JJ." Hotch's voice pulled her back. "I know that this must have been hard on you and that you were only trying to help a friend."

"I just can't believe that our little Em would do that." Garcia said to no one in particular.

Hotch shifted uncomfortably in his seat, JJ could tell that he didn't want to have this conversation. "Uhm... maybe we should talk to Emily about that," she said, turning to Garcia who gave a tiny bob of her head.

"That's probably for the best," Hotch said, getting up from his seat, clearly intent on leaving the room. But as he got to the door he stopped and turned around facing them again. Taking a breath, a slight frown descended on his brow. "Just... just don't be too hard on her, she's your friend and she loves you." With that he opened the door and left them sitting by the round table, feeling sad, confused and angry.


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