"So, Maggie didn't find out, and she had a good time," finished Luna.
Sam nodded, her exuberant grin growing ever wider. She finally pulled Luna into a tight hug.
"I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU TWO!" she exclaimed.
"Can't... breathe..." Luna mumbled.
Sam let go of her best friend. Luna gasped for air.
Tall Kate began a slow clap. Once Luna had refilled her lungs, Tall Kate clapped her on the shoulder, saying, "Congrats, pal. Now this table isn't full of single ladies."
Mia replied, "It still is, for the most part."
"Oh, you're just jealous that you've never even had a boyfriend."
"No, I'm not! I like being single!"
"Sure you do. Or you'll realise you don't when - IF you ever get one."
"Hey!"
Tall Kate smirked. "Yeah; I know when I started dating Henry, I thought to myself. 'Why'd I ever want to be single? This is GREAT! I don't have to pay for all my own meals, AND I get lots of love and attention!'" She furrowed her brow. "That last part went wrong, though."
Mia glared at Tall Kate indignantly. "I'll prove I can get a boyfriend!"
"Sure you can," replied Tall Kate in a tone well-suited for a patronising teenager to use to tell their younger sibling, "Oh, that's cute."
Short Kate looked up from her sketchpad and spoke. "I propose a way to settle this."
Tall Kate and Mia looked at her, eager for clarification.
Short Kate didn't respond.
Luna asked, "Kate?"
Both Kates simultaneously replied, "What?"
Luna said, "No, other Kate."
The two girls looked at each other in confusion.
"Short Kate."
The Kate in question turned towards Luna.
"Could you explain?"
"Oh, was that why everyone was looking at me?"
Tall Kate frowned. "Yes it was, dumb***."
"Uh, put your water bottle on its side and spin it. The guy it's pointing towards, you have to ask out."
Mia objected, "Wait! I didn't mean now!"
Sam set her water bottle on its side.
Tall Kate told Mia, "You said you'd prove it. You never said how you'd prove it, so we decided for you."
Mia glared at Tall Kate, then, not wanting to be shown up, spun the water bottle.
The cap pointed towards a table on the other side of the cafeteria.
Tall Kate commanded, "Other Kate! See who it's pointing to!"
Short Kate got up and looked down the length of the water bottle. "It's pointing at Greg."
Everybody but Mia cracked up.
Mia groaned. "Oh, good God, not Greg! Spin it again!"
Tall Kate told her, "Nope. The bottle has chosen."
Mia spun the water bottle just before Sam could pick it up. Short Kate looked at it again and began to chuckle.
Mia asked in dread, "Who's it pointing to now?"
"The poser girl, Kara."
"I think you mean Carol," corrected Luna.
All the girls broke out in laughter yet again, except for Mia, who rested her head on the table in defeat.
Tall Kate said, "Okay, you've gotta ask Greg out, and if he turns you down, you ask out Carol."
Luna raised her hand. "I'll make sure she does it."
She grabbed Mia by the shoulders and marched her over to Greg's table. She then walked over to the wall, surreptitiously pulled out her phone, turned on the video recording, and placed her phone in the pocket of her skirt such that the camera was left uncovered.
Mia awkwardly stood about fifteen feet away from the table for a minute, thinking hard. She finally exhaled, walked over to Greg, and leaned on the table near him.
"Hey Greg," she began in what Luna hoped was her best impression of a flirtatious voice.
I'm so glad I'm recording this.
"Uh, hi. How's it going?" replied Greg.
Mia looked around and finally saw Luna staring at her. Luna gave her a thumbs-up.
Mia turned back to Greg and said, "It's going pretty well."
Mia exhaled and took out her phone.
I sure hope she knows what she's doing.
Mia said, "Dang it. There's something wrong with my phone."
Greg asked, "What's wrong with it?"
"Your number's not in it."
It took Luna all the willpower she had to not burst out laughing.
Greg gave Mia a confused look. "What?"
"I, um, uh..." Mia thought hard.
"Uh, you're so handsome you made me forget my pickup line."
Luna clapped her hand over her mouth to conceal a giggle.
How does she know all these?
Mia turned and glared at Luna for a second. Luna quickly turned away and studied a poster on the wall next to her.
Huh. "Drama Club Performance for Royal Woods Middle School"... that's today's date.
Oh cool. They're doing Shrek.
Luna turned back.
Greg was frozen in place with the flabbergasted look on his face. He suddenly burst out in laughter.
"Are you trying to flirt with me or something?"
"Uh, yeah. What makes that so funny?"
"Because... oh wait. Here she comes now."
A girl with long dark brown hair tied back in a ponytail who was carrying a lunch tray sat down next to Greg and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Hey Greg," she greeted him.
"Hey Abby. How's it going?"
Luna's eyes widened.
OOOOOOOOOOOH
"Pretty well. Who's the Asian girl?"
Greg looked back and forth between Abby and Mia.
Mia said, blushing, "Uh, I can explain..."
Luna lost it. She fell to her knees in a fit of hysterics.
Oh God this is PRICELESS
She looked up and saw Mia savagely stalking towards her.
Oh ****, Mia growls like a friggin' TIGER
...
Luna walked back from the nurse's office, holding an ice pack over her right eye. She sat down at her lunch table and began to eat.
Mia said, "Thanks for not ratting me out to the nurse."
"No prob, dude." Luna turned to Sam. "How'd the Carol thing go?"
Sam merely smiled and pulled up a video on her phone.
Mia walked over to Carol's table nervously.
She tapped Carol on the shoulder, who turned around quickly.
"Uh, Carol? Do... do you wanna go out with me?"
Sam whispered from behind the camera, "Trying the direct approach, I see."
Carol simply stared at Mia.
She kept staring.
Sam muttered, "This is getting weird."
Mia started to back away slowly.
Carol stood up and called to her, "Wait!"
Mia turned tail and tried to run but crashed into some girl with curly blond hair who was carrying a lunch tray. They both fell to the floor, the girl's tray dumping its contents all over.
Sam chuckled.
Carol yelled, "Whitney! Are you okay?" She ran over to the girl and slipped in a puddle of spilled milk, landing on top of Mia.
Sam started laughing hard.
Carol pushed herself up to her hands and knees, still atop Mia. She heard the laughter, turned to the camera, and then looked back down at Mia, who appeared very uncomfortable.
Carol stood up and started to rant: "You... stupid... STUPID ****ING SOPHOMORE *****ES AND THEIR STUPID ****ING PRACTICAL JOKES! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I COULD LITERALLY RUIN YOUR ENTIRE ****ING HIGH SCHOOL TRANSCRIPT FOR THIS! WAIT UNTIL MY FATHER HEARS ABOUT THIS! YOU RETARD *** STUPID SAPPHIC *****ES! I WISH YOUR-"
Before she could finish her thought, the lunch monitor ran over to her and yelled at her to stand down. Realising that she had lost it for once in her life, Carol immediately clammed up.
Sam was laughing so hard that none of the other audio was distinguishable. The camera kept shaking.
Mia had gotten up and was stomping over to Sam, mouthing something along the lines of "TURN THAT THING OFF OR-".
Luna didn't even try to conceal her laughter.
Holy ****, that's ****ing AMAZING!
It's too bad I missed this!
Stupid Mia slugging me in the ****ing eye...
"Please tell me you're gonna save that and use it as blackmail!" Luna managed between giggles. "Actually, send it to me right now! Lori would love to have this!"
Short Kate spoke up. "I doubt it would be proper to hold the video against her. We all know what Carol is capable of; remember what happened to Jimmy."
The girls all placed their hands over their hearts and closed their eyes for a brief moment of silence.
Luna's phone buzzed.
"Yeah, bro, I guess you're right. Let's get rid of the footage and just keep it in our memories."
Well, I still have it, and they don't need to know about that.
Hee hee hee!
…
Luna walked to her locker after the bell rang. She opened up her backpack and put the books which she didn't need for homework inside her locker.
Gotta get going Lori's picking us all up today
Luna zipped up her backpack and shut her locker. She turned and saw all of the middle-schoolers walking out of the auditorium to the door.
Maggie was among them.
Out of habit, Luna called out, "Yo Maggie! What's up?"
Maggie turned towards Luna. She stopped and stared.
"Luke? What the **** are you wearing?"
Luna looked down at herself, at her purple turtleneck and lavender skirt and black boots.
OH ****
Luna stammered, "I... I-I, uh... I can explain."
OH****OH****OH****OH****OH...
Maggie continued to stare in disbelief.
"Maggie, luv... I... I'm actually a girl. My name's Luna. Luna Elizabeth Loud. I-I-I can prove it. I'll show you my learner's permit." Luna reached for her wallet.
Maggie shook her head, still flabbergasted. "Why?"
"... I didn't... I didn't feel comfortable just... going up to you at that party and being like, 'Hey, I'm a chick, how 'bout a date' or something." Luna sighed, thoroughly ashamed of herself.
Maggie continued to shake her head.
"I... You're... You are a girl."
Luna snapped, "Uh, we've already kinda established that."
Upon realising her misplaced sarcasm, Luna quickly followed up: "Listen, Maggie... I'm so sorry for lying to you about... about who I am. I promise not to lie to you again. Can... can you forgive me? Please?"
Maggie didn't respond.
Luna's voice quavered. "Maggie?"
"I... I need some time. And I have to catch my bus."
Maggie walked away quickly. Her mascara was starting to run.
Luna stood at her locker for a while longer, staring into the distance, unmoving.
The reality of what had just happened finally fell on her in the same way that a grand piano falls on top of a cartoon character.
She fell to the floor and sobbed.
No
Why me?
Why today?
Why?
Why did I have to make such a STUPID *** CHOICE AND FRIKKIN' CROSS-DRESS BECAUSE I'M A COMPLETE ***** AND-
There's nothing you can do about it now.
You've made your choice. Now, it's up to Maggie.
Luna stood back up, grabbed a tissue, and blew her nose. She dried her eyes.
Her phone buzzed.
Lori: We g2g hurry up!
Luna grabbed her backpack and ran to the door.
'Tis a shame what happened to Jimmy and how Carol blackmailed him for his fanfiction about twins and a beauty pageant...
Luna's Cry Count for This Story = 3
I'm a horrible person.
See you soon!
