Wild Is The Wind, Part 11

After having restlessly walked the ranch grounds for several hours, J.R. now stood at the paddock fence in front of the house, facing the road, his good arm folded across the top rail, his chin resting on his hand. Deep in thought, the only thing that brought him back was a soft touch that brushed against his shoulder.

"Can't you sleep, J.R.?"

He turned to see Miss Ellie looking up at him. "No ma'am. What are you doin' out here?"

She smiled. "Just looking over the ranch. Even with the damage from the tornado, this time of day still makes it all look so beautiful."

J.R. looked out and finally noticed the Southfork sky was displaying the colors of dawn, the dark night fading into shades of purple and blue. He stretched then winced and rubbed his shoulder.

"This night sure has flown by."

Miss Ellie's smile melted into a look of concern. "Is your shoulder bothering you?"

"Yes … some."

"Then let's get you into the house. The cool breeze out here can't be helping it any."

"No, ma'am, I'm alright. It actually feels kinda good bein' out here." He looked out across the land again. "How bad off did the tornado leave the ranch, Mamma?"

There was no way to sugarcoat it. Within a few minutes, the sun would reveal all the damage, anyway. "It's pretty bad, J.R. In some places, it will never be the same again." She smiled and patted his arm. "But we are all safe. And lady luck was smiling down on you and Sue Ellen that day. That's all that matters."

"Yes." J.R. nodded then motioned with his thumb to the house behind them. "Plus the house is still standin'. I don't know how it survived but it surely was a beautiful sight to see, comin' up the driveway yesterday."

"I've been wondering if maybe your Daddy had something to do with that. It's nice to think of him as our guardian angel."

They both laughed. As Ellie turned back to the land she loved, J.R. took the opportunity to look at her, really look at her, for the first time in years. She was still such a beautiful lady. Strong … independent … gracious … tough as steel at times. It was no wonder she had inspired such undying love and loyalty in his father.

"It's funny you should mention Daddy, Mamma." He said. "I've been standin' here thinkin' about him myself. Do you ever think about him anymore?"

Miss Ellie looked up at her oldest son, surprised by the question. "Of course, I do. He's never far from my thoughts."

"Even with Clayton bein' around?"

The question was an honest one and hadn't come from J.R.'s usually combative attitude about his stepfather. Ellie acknowledged that with a smile.

"What I feel about Clayton and your daddy are two different things."

"Yes, ma'am." J.R. nodded, reminded of the two women that had filled his thoughts for the past few hours. "I can understand that."

"What made you ask about Jock, J.R.?"

He sheepishly grinned and looked away. "You'll probably think it's silly."

"Try me," she said, amused by the reminder of the shy little boy he used to be, the one who would cling to her skirts.

"I had a dream about him while I was in the hospital, Mamma," J.R. quietly replied. "It was so real … like I was really talkin' to him again."

"Considering what happened to you, perhaps you were. Heaven might be a lot closer than we think."

J.R. simply nodded. "Maybe so. It sure was a wake-up call. Made me think I need to start takin' an inventory of my life and make some changes."

"Hmmm," Ellie murmured thoughtfully, knowing what he had been through was bound to make him reflective. "And what have you decided so far?"

"That I have made one hell of a mess!" He said with a chuckle then became reflective again. "I don't know. Guess maybe I'm just overwhelmed at bein' home … seein' Southfork all torn up. That tornado twisted everything all around."

"Yes, it did. For you more than anyone." Ellie was unaccustomed to the uncertainty in her son's demeanor but she welcomed it just the same and once again patted his arm reassuringly. "I was so scared when they pulled you out of that storm cellar. Wasn't sure you were going to pull through. But look at you … you're on the mend. And we'll make Southfork right again, J.R. We've survived worse than this."

J.R. half-heartedly smiled at her. "I've always loved your optimism, Mamma."

A few moments of comfortable silence passed between them before Ellie sensed there was more J.R. wanted to tell her. Plus she found herself still curious about his dream about Jock.

"Would you mind telling me what else your daddy had to say in the dream?"

After hesitating, J.R. started talking again. "He said that losin' Ewing Oil wasn't as bad as I thought it was." J.R. then looked over at her with an intensity that was slightly startling. "Daddy isn't in Ewing Oil anymore, Mamma. He's livin' in what he taught me … what I'll teach John Ross. But why couldn't I see that instead of wastin' so much time tryin' to keep it goin' for his sake? Then I lost it anyway. And my family."

"Do you mean Sue Ellen?" Ellie asked gently.

J.R. paused for a moment then nodded. "Yes. Sacrificin' her for West Star was one of the dumbest things I've ever done."

Ellie was both amazed and overjoyed by what she was hearing. Perhaps her oldest son was finally growing up, becoming the man his father had always wanted him to be. She gently squeezed J.R.'s arm and smiled up at him.

"It pleases me to hear you talk like that. And I know it would please your daddy, too." She smiled. "You're even sounding a little like him."

J.R. closed his eyes, grateful for the words he had longed to hear all his life even though they now scared the hell out of him. "Oh, Mamma … those are awful big boots to fill."

The apprehension in his voice was not lost on Ellie. "I know. But living his legacy is much better than living in his shadow. And you just took one hell of a big step towards doing just that."

J.R. looked down at his mother again, knowing what he had to say next would be difficult but it had to be done.

"And I've gotta keep goin', Mamma. There are some things I gotta do now and the only way to get them done is to set out on my own."

"Set out on your own? What do you mean?"

"I mean that I'm thinkin' about startin' my own company again. And maybe tryin' to be what Daddy was for my own family." He paused, trying to find the right words. "But the only way I know how to do that is to move off Southfork." Ellie swallowed hard and looked away, obviously hurt, and J.R. attempted to finish his explanation before he lost his nerve. "This house … it's yours and Clayton's now, Mamma. Him bein' here has been eatin' at me since the day he moved in. But one thing I won't deny any more is that he makes you happy. Daddy would surely understand that 'cause I know he wouldn't want you to be alone. Besides, I know Clayton loves you."

That made Ellie look back up at J.R. She was touched by her son's honest statement and the pain in her eyes was now replaced by understanding. As much as she wanted to cling to her son and keep him at Southfork, she knew she had to let him go.

"Where will you go, J.R.?"

He chuckled and pointed out across the front paddock to the ranch just beyond. "Ol' Jackson Stratton across the road has been makin' noise about sellin' out. With the tornado tearin' up his property, this just might be the time to make him an offer."

Ellie thought about it then giggled. "That old coot. Your daddy had his eye on that property for years ... wanted to turn it into a stud farm. But he never could get Jackson to budge."

"Then its high time it became Ewing property, don'cha think?"

She grinned at him. "Yes, I do. What a lovely idea!" They both stood in silence for a moment, looking out across the property once more. Then Ellie gently added, "I hate to see you go, J.R. … but I respect your decision."

That had been easier than he thought and J.R. smiled down at her. "Thank you, Mamma."

"I'm just glad you'll only be across the road." Ellie added.

"I don't think I could ever be too far off Southfork land. I don't want John Ross to be, either." J.R. looked out across the property once more and for the first time, experienced a bolt of pride at the thought of owning his own land. Now he just needed the lady to share it with. "There was somethin' else Daddy told me in that dream. He told me I needed to find one lady to settle down with, like he did with you."

Ellie hesitated before asking the question she already knew the answer to. "Think that lady might be Cally?"

"No. I don't love her, Mamma … don't think I ever will. But I'll take care of her and the baby she's carryin'. There is no other way around that."

Ellie gripped his arm tightly. "Junior," she gently continued, using the name Jock had so often called him, "even though it might be difficult, when you start making choices like that, things always have a way of working out for the best." Ellie thought back to her conversation with Sue Ellen at the hospital the night of the tornado. "Whether things work out with Cally or not, Sue Ellen just might appreciate this change in you, too."

J.R. looked down at his mother, realizing she understood as well as he did that the lady he needed was Sue Ellen. "Until the day the tornado hit, Mamma, things had been so awful between Sue Ellen and me. Maybe gettin' hit upside the head the way I was …" He paused then quietly continued. "Maybe comin' so close to losin' her was the best thing that ever happened to me. 'Cause now I know I have so much to make up to that woman. Even if she isn't my wife, I hope someday I'll get the chance to do just that."

"I think you will. Your daddy and I always found a way."

"That man really loved you, Mamma."

Tears welled up in Ellie's eyes. "And I loved him, J.R. ... I still do. Your time will come." There was nothing more to be said about it. Ellie simply looked up at her son and smiled. "Say, when you go to talk to Jackson about the property, may I come with you?"

J.R. grinned. "Yes, ma'am, I'd love your company. Besides, I always did figure he was sweet on you. Maybe you can charm him into sellin' at a lower price."