The last thing she wanted was to stick around in a room with Little Mac, Pittoo, and that bitch WiiFu. Name dumped the questionable steak she had pilfered on a nearby table and ducked out of the cafeteria before things got any worse, letting her feet take her wherever.

They landed her at the entryway of the library, a cozy little hideaway with something for everyone. Marth was over in the Boring Section (unofficial name) reading nonfiction on military strategy, while Peach and Rosalina gushed over their romance novels and Lucina pored over classic literature. There was an old rocking chair by the fire place with a carpet where Ganondorf read nursery rhymes aloud to a bored looking Ness, Toon Link and Lemmy Koopa, who appeared as though he had never been told anything so thrilling in his life.

"This little piggy had roast beef," Ganon was saying. Ness stared at him like a 13-year-old being told the daily routines of anthropomorphic pigs.

Seemed like as good a way to unwind as any. Name plopped herself down seductively on that carpet behind the kids. (It was important to multitask, Name knew. Someone could be scouting for a girlfriend this very second, and she had to be at the ready.)

"And this little piggy took over Hyrule and everyone became his slave," Ganon read, pointing to a page that had been inserted with sloppy colored pencil illustrations of people on fire.

"You suck!" said Toon Link. Ganondorf lobbed the book at him and stood in a rage.

"Fine! But one day I'll be a famous author and you'll all be sorry!" He growled and stormed off, Name quickly standing up to follow. He threw himself down in the chair next to Marth, who looked annoyed at the unexpected company, and began to complain.

"Can't a man be appreciated for his efforts?!" said Ganon. Name appeared in the third seat.

"I agree with whatever you just said!" said Name.

Lucina arrived in the fourth, not liking the idea of other women around Marth.

"M-Me too!" she cried. Marth slammed his book on the table in exasperation. Name studied the Demon King from across the table. He had eyes like two unicode bullet points, a line she would have to remember to share with Extra Pit later. Above them were two handsome traffic cone eyebrows which went straight into his cornrows. Nope, Name just couldn't find one good trait about him. Might as well just throw this one away.

"Are your pants from space?!" she botched, "Because it hurt when you fell down from heaven in my mind all day!" Ganon blinked at her, one eye at a time. Marth got up and left.