SD: Sorry about the long wait, I got bored of writing fics. But not today! Chapter 11 is here, and man did it take me a long time to write! This is the longest chapter yet! So you better enjoy it! Oh yeah, and to keep things interesting, we've decided to start a new program we call "Review Review"! In the intro of each upcoming chapter, me and another character will answer one of your reviews! Today, me and everyone's favorite star Don Patch will answer this comment by Chicookie:
Chicookie: "YAY DON PATCH!! Clap if you believe! claps really hard I BELIEVE IN YOU DON PATCH! FLY AWAY! flys away
Once again I tell you I feel that you have captured the essence of the randomness of bo-bo-bobo. Which is what makes it so great!!"
Don: Aah...I love my fans. And I love it when they cheer me on in ways like this! I order everybody to start clapping NOW!!! (heavy applause)
SD: (finishes clapping) Hehe, I had no idea I captured the essence of randomness perfectly! Thanks for the high-spirited comment! I'm going to write my next few chapters with 23.5 percent more random thanks to you!
Don: Huzzah! Now read the chapter!
Chapter 11: King of France Vs. An Innocent Little Girl
"I just know this will be easy!" said Don Patch. "I mean, look at her, she's so cute and innocent."
"Looks can be decieving," said Ghosty Gus in a spooky voice.
"You're not the enemy here, Gus," said Phantom Sword, "and stop pretending to be one!"
"Seriously, if she's a Wiggin Trainer, she's gotta be tough," said Alex.
"I really need more lines!" said Santa.
"So, are you sure you want to challenge me?" said Samantha.
"You bet!" said Don. "This match will take about...5 minutes."
"Don't underestimate my abilities," said Samantha. "I'm not the fourth Trainer for nothing!"
"Yeah yeah," said Don. "Stop bragging and let's get this show on the road!"
"Fine, if you insist." The various rocks and rubble surrounding the area flew backward and formed a large circular wall, thus forming a battle arena. Samantha stood on one side, while Don and co. stood on the other.
"Hey, Sword," whispered Santa, "why is it that we get to fight if this is really Don's quest? Shouldn't he be alone?"
"Shh!" said Sword. "If you let the narrator know, he's going to seperate us from the battle! Just be glad we get to help. He probably wouldn't of gotten this far without our help."
"Hmm, you're right," said Santa.
Jelly Jiggler walked into the middle of the arena with a large bell that had the Nu symbol on it. He struck it. "Fight!" Suddenly, a large amount of various sharp objects and bombs came flying towards him. "Aaah! Not me!" They chased him out of the arena. Samantha stared.
"RAWR!!" Don said as he took advantage of her distraction. "Feel the wrath of my Don Patch Hammer...2.0!!"
He had his green onion out again, but this time it had a large hammerhead on it and he was rapidly swinging it up and down, with old-school music playing, just like in Donkey Kong. Samantha just jumped out of the way. Don chased her around, but she caught up from behind and pounded him in the back. The hammerhead fell off. Don was now weilding his normal green onion and flailing it uselessly. "Hmm," he said, "I'll just whack her with the sword." He turned around to attack with the Don Patch Sword right as the hammerhead was thrown and he was sent flying off the top of the screen.
"Waaaaaah!!" he shouted as he was spotted in the distance falling, then turned into a star. Don came back down on a revival-type platform. "Grr...is that the best you got?"
"That was only defense," said Samantha. "Now watch what I can do with offense! Fist of the Innocent Youth, Endless Jump Rope!!" Herself and a boy about her age grabbed the ends of a jump rope. The rope suddenly became charged with electricity! They began to swing it around Don, who had no choice but to jump. Faster and faster the duo went, causing Don to jump up and down faster until they were going so fast it looked like a blur. Eventually, the kids stopped, and Don passed out, exhausted.
"All right, I call second dibs!" said Santa, stepping forward. "I haven't had any decent action since last Christmas! Now it's time to find out if this little girl's naughty or nice!"
"SANTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" shouted the two kids. They immediately jumped into Santa's lap and started rapidly naming various random objects they wanted for Christmas. When they finally let up, it left Santa in a daze.
"It may take up to 24 hours to process your request," he said, stumbling. "Please contact your web administrator for more information." He fainted.
"Wait a minute," said Sword. "Who is that other kid?"
"This is my brother, Jimmy," said Samantha. "He almost always helps out in a fight."
"Hi," said Jimmy, waving shyly.
"That's not fair!" said Sword.
"What?" said Samantha. "If you can have a group of five, surely I can have a group of two."
"You've made your point," said Sword, "but mine is sharper!" He approached the pair. "Don't play with sharp objects, kiddies!" he said, preparing to swing. But when he did, the youngsters simply jumped over him. "Eh...?" He continued to slash, but they easily dodged the attacks. Finally, Sword tried a forward vertical slash with all his might, but the kids went to either side, grabbed Sword by the handle, and threw him into the rock wall, where he got stuck. "Ow..."
"I'll handle this," said Gus. "I can scare little kids like these easily!" He disappeared. Samantha and Jimmy were standing and waiting. Suddenly, Gus appeared right in front of them and made the scariest face possible while saying "Boo!!" Neither of them were scared. But then Jimmy stepped forward. He cleared his throat. Then all of a sudden, he grew twice the size of Gus, making a strange demonic face and in a deep and menacing voice booed back. This probably would've scared a grown man out of his skin. As for gus, it sent him flying back into the wall. He bounced off and ended up unconcious.
"Well I guess it's up to me," said Alex. First off, she created a giant wave of water. It crashed down on the foes, but they ended up suddenly in bathing suits and surfing the waves. Then, she attacked with a strong gust of wind, but they were now hanging onto lamp posts that were suddenly there. Next, she tried an earthquake attack, but the children sprouted wings and flew above the cracks. Furious, Alex summoned a wave of fire. The enemies pulled out a couple of mirror shields that looked a lot like Link's, and deflected the attack back at her. She fell down, again, unconcious.
"Hmm, looks like that took about five minutes," said Samantha, looking at a watch. "I guess he just wasn't worthy of being the King of Wiggin Specialists."
"Well guess again!"
This voice belonged to none other than Don Patch, who was standing up again, in a fighting pose, hardly beat up. "I don't lose that easily! In fact, there's no way I can lose because I am the almighty Sun King and cannot be defeated!"
"What, does that mean you're King Louis the XIV?" said Sword from his new rocky home.
"Actually, I am!" said Don, suddenly in a royal French outfit from the 1600's. "You are now witnessing one of my strongest attacks! Now tremble before your conquerer!"
"What can you do to me like that?" said Samantha.
"I'll show you!" said Don. "Slaves!" He summoned Alex, Gus, and Santa who were all waking up. "Build me a versatile palace!"
"Don't you mean 'Versailles'?" said Sword.
"No, I mean 'versatile'! Now get to it!"
The three, without question, immediately began building a massive palace that looked just like the palace of Versailles...except with wheels!
"You weren't kidding!!" said Sword.
Don immediately jumped into the palace and forced it to run over Samantha and Jimmy. They were nearly crushed by the immense weight of the palace, but remained fairly unharmed. The two prepared for a counterattack. "Fist of the Innocent-"
"JIMMY!!!!" shouted a womanly voice from out of the arena. "You're late for your bath!"
"Aw, but mom!" he said. "I'm helping my sister fight an orange sun-thing, a witch, a ghost, a sword, and Santa Claus!"
His mother, a menacing-looking overweight housewife, rushed into the circle. "I don't care if you're fighting the Devil, if you need to get clean you better get clean!" She grabbed Jimmy by the ear and dragged him out of the arena, flailing like a fish out of water.
"Awwww," said his sister, "I guess I'm alone again..." She ignored the previous turn of events (and Don Patch's histerical laughter) and assumed the pose from earlier. "Fist of the Innocent Youth, Marble Shooting Marathon!" She began to launch huge marbles of various colors at Don and his party. They were coming too fast for the others to dodge, but Don was now dressed like a ballarina and avoiding the marbles with his ballet moves.
"Ol' Louis was quite the ballet dancer," said Don as the last few marbles whizzed past him. Immediately, he danced up to Samantha and high-kicked her in the face.
"Argh...You're quite the fighter," said Samantha, "but I still have a few more tricks!" She got back up. "Fist of the Innocent Youth, Bouncy Ball Bonanza!" A ton of huge bouncy balls appeared and began to bounce at Don.
"Again with the normally small round objects," he said. "Tsk tsk tsk. I'll take care of them easily! French Three Estates Attack! Third Estate!" Many, many, many poor people, beggars, etc. appeared around Don and took most of the hits from the bouncy balls. But most of the balls re-oriented themselves to hit Don in the middle of the crowd. This made the rest of the poor people disappear. And the balls kept on coming. "Ow..." he mumbled, rubbing his head, where a large bruise had appeared. "I guess the Third Estate was not good enough. Typical. Time for the Second Estate!" He suddenly had on a suit of armor and a sword (not Phantom Sword this time, or Jelly Jiggler) and charged at Samantha while deflecting balls with his sword, which in turn bounced all around the arena, many of them hitting his teammates. "And finally..." said Don as he knocked the last ball out of the way and approached the girl, "The First Estate!"
Don stopped charging. A large church building suddenly erupted from the ground directly underneath Samantha, who got kabobbed by the pointy top and flung into the sky. She fell down, but got back up. "Ugh...is that...the best you got?" she said. She looked severely weakened.
"Not quite," said Don. "But here comes something almost as good! 72-Year Reign!!"
A lot of giant number 7's and 2's started falling from the sky and falling at Samantha. She easily dodged them by moving left and right. Eventually, the "reign" stopped for a few seconds, and after the moment of silence, a huge number 5 fell down and crushed her. She barely rolled the 5 off of her, and was wobbling as she stood.
"And now for the final attack!" said Don. "L'etat, c'est moi!"
"That translates to 'I am the state' for those of you who don't know French," said Santa.
A shadow appeared under Samantha, getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and...well, you get the point. Finally, whatever object was falling crushed her. It turned out to be Don Patch, in the shape of the country of France!
"Wait a minute, France is a country, not a state!" said Sword.
"Yes it is, it's a state of matter!" said Santa.
"Oh yeah, well I state that you don't matter!" said Sword as he swung at Santa, who moved out of the way, thus starting a cartoony fight-cloud-scene.
"Guys, stop fighting," said Don, who had returned to normal. "I defeated Samantha." He pointed to the little girl, who was apparently unconcious. A random 1-up mushroom fell from nowhere and revived her.
"Wow," she said, "You are pretty good! Here's your prize:" She handed Don Patch a wig. "Put this on, and you'll look just like me!"
"How is THAT helpful?" said Sword.
"Oh, you'll find out when the time comes," said Samantha.
Don accepted the wig and put it on. With a POOF, he suddenly had the exact appearance of Samantha. "Neato!" he said in the fourth Wiggin Trainer's voice. He took it off again and poofed to normal. "I can already see the use of this!"
Suddenly, (Dang, I use that word too often! Anyone know any synonyms?) the cave began to shake. Rocks fell from the ceiling. Slimes were panicking and running around in circles. Cracks appeared in the floors.
"Uh oh," said Samantha, "Looks like the cave is collapsing again. You guys better skidaddle!"
Well, I don't want to go into the whole story of how they escaped from the castle, so I'll just summarize. The hole to the top floor had been plugged up, so they took an alternate route through a passageway of lava where Don nearly burned his brows off, and they encountered a dead end with a small panel, on which the heroes stepped and were teleported out of the cave.
"Yeah! We made it!" said Don. Immediately, he collapsed. "Argh... My King Louis XIV transformation really took a lot out of me... plus the lava..."
"Looks like you barely made it out of that battle," said Alex. "I don't think you can beat the next Wiggin Trainer like that without a true Fist technique. I mean, even Jelly Jiggler has one! You can't go without it forever! Luckily, I know of a place where you can probably learn a technique just for poprocks like you. We just have to go down that path over there and--hey, are you sleeping?!?"
Don was sound asleep. He slowly woke up. "...Eh? Did I miss something?"
"...Just never mind and come with me," said Alex. "We need to get you some training!"
SD: Oh yeah, and one more thing I realized... I got absolutely no reviews since I returned with chapter 9. In fact, pretty much the whole reason I came back was because I got a few e-mails notifying me of some new reviews... Reviews are what give me incentive to write my fics. And with a lack of reviews, it makes me think that everyone lost interest in my fic and went away. Well, if that's not true, shouldn't I have gotten a review on my updates? I feel so unloved...(overdramatic crying)
Alex: Aw, don't cry SD, I'm sure someone will review soon. Then you can write all you want!
SD: Let's hope so...
