The Worm Moon
Year Five, Chapter Eleven
Decisions, Decisions
Renesmee's Point of View
As I walked out of the house and into the woods to where my Jacob was waiting for me, more of my dreams from the night before started coming back to me. I had indeed been replaying the events from yesterday. They had mostly focused on the fight training that took place between Jacob and myself. But at some point in the night it seemed that my imagination had gotten a bit carried away. My dream version was a bit more intimate than reality had been, and that was just the starting point. No wonder my father had gotten the wrong idea. But what was Jacob thinking about? He just told me that he was thinking about "Yesterday". Had he been thinking of more as well?
"So, that was... interesting," I said, once I sat down on a log next to him.
"Yeah. What is going on with Edward? How many times do I have to go over this with him? I would never do anything like that with you Nessie." I guess not. "Doesn't he know me by now. He should know I still think you're too young." Really! Eighteen is still too young for him? "And besides, I would never just... Argh," he growled, ripping his hands through his hair. Then his face softened. "I need to apologize again to you for hitting him, even if he did have it coming," he said, added the last part under his breath.
"Jacob, it's okay, I understand… I guess. Just don't do it again, please. We all know how he can get sometimes. That's partially why we're in this mess. And I think you both owe each other an apology, not just me."
"Sure, sure. If that's what you want," he agreed reluctantly, as he tried to relax before speaking again. "So you wanted to talk? Was it about some of the things that were brought up? Cause I have a few questions too."
"Err... okay. I'll try to answer any questions you have as best as I can." I was afraid of this. I thought he would start and ask me something. When he didn't, I prodded. "You first."
He sighed, but didn't object. "Would you mind telling me what happened between you and Nahuel? It seemed like quite a lot from what Edward implied."
That wasn't what I was expecting him to ask. "Jacob you already heard pretty much everything that took place. Nahuel came here last September in order to see if I was willing to become his mate but I obviously turned him down. You were there that day in the woods. Remember?"
He seemed shocked. "That was it?"
Wasn't that enough? Maybe he was hoping I would have completely rejected him and told him I never wanted him. But I couldn't do that. Yet.
"No, not really. That was the second time he asked me. The first was in front of my parents. It was a couple weeks prior to you chasing him off in the woods. You can imagine my father's reaction."
"Ha," he snorted. "I'm surprised Nahuel's still alive. But there wasn't more - that whole no marriage talk?"
"Well, yes, I guess. He did first ask me to marry him, but only to be like the rest of the family. It wasn't like it was a real proposal."
I could tell Jacob was forcing himself to not growl again. Instead he got up and started pacing around, trying to burn off some of the excessive stress that was radiating off of him. Eventually he stopped and turned to me. "Is that why you don't want to get married? Do you think you'd have to marry him?"
He was so intense, I couldn't look at him. Instead I stared at my hands. "No, I know I'd have a choice about who I marry, if I chose to. I just don't want to get married. To anyone."
He squatted in front of me, making sure I looked in his eyes now. "Are you sure you never want to?"
"I have my reasons."
"I'm sure you do. Would you care to tell me why?" His voice was rough. Was he mad? No, I didn't think so. Disappointed? Maybe.
"Jacob it's like I said, I don't see the point of marriage. The two wedding ceremonies I've seen just seemed like a waste of time. After it is over you still end up with the person you would have been with if you hadn't had the ceremony in the first place. Only now you also have a legal document. But all of my paperwork, some of yours, and almost everything for the rest of my family, are all fake anyway." I looked away. I wasn't ashamed of my reasons, just that my decision would hurt him.
"Then there is the religious aspect of weddings, I continued. "There has never really been a religious... anything in the family, during my lifetime, anyway. You know how I feel about Christmas. And put that together with the entire lack of souls for a Vampire and where does that leave me?"
"Nessie, you know you have a soul right?" Out of the corner of my eye I could see the skepticism written all over his face.
"No, I don't. I'm the child of a Vampire, a real life monster, after all."
"Hey, look at me," he said as he gently turned my head back to him with his finger. His voice was equally as gentle now. "Of course you have a soul. I would never have been able to Imprint on you if you didn't, Renesmee. Imprints are Wolves SOULMATES. The first word is Soul. Your soul is the other half of mine."
"Yeah, and what about the second part of the word?" I smirked at him. I was curious about his reaction to the possibility of being my mate. But he just raised his eyebrows and gave me a look like I should know better than to say that after this morning's events. I guess he was right, so I dropped it, for now. "Jacob," I patted the seat next to me, inviting him to sit down instead of continuing to squat, which he did, "you're the kindest, most loving person I know. Someone as good as you probably just has a soul big enough for the both of us."
"You're joking, right?" He knew I was and I even smirked at my stab at humor now, while he only attempted a weak grin.
"Okay, so I guess I have a soul, but I'm not giving in on my other points. It doesn't change anything."
He looked disappointed but there was nothing I could do about that. I didn't see us resolving this issue anytime soon, so after a minute of neither one of us talking I decided to change the subject. Time for my questions.
"Jacob, what did you promise my dad?"
"What?" He seemed puzzled.
"I know I was still half asleep but when he first, um... entered our bedroom, he was screaming something like 'How could you? You promised'."
"Yeah, that... well, it was a long time ago, Nessie. And I didn't exactly promise him anything. But we did talk about... well if at some point in the future... and I was lucky enough that you chose me, that I would marry you... you know... um, first. Before certain things happened. If you wanted to, that is."
"Oh."
"I guess that's not going to happen though." He got quiet again. Now he was the one to look away. "Maybe it's time I left." What? Leave? No! "I should just go and get my own place."
"Jacob you can't leave me!" I cried.
"No honey, I'm not leaving you," he turned his head back now, "just this house. And I wouldn't go that far. I can get a place nearby. It's only going to get worse around here with Edward and you know it."
"Well your leaving would make things ten times worse."
"How do you figure that?"
"Because I'd be coming with you and if you think he's upset now he'd be livid with us living alone together."
"Nessie, you wouldn't be coming with me."
"How could I live without you in the same house as me? Jacob, I can't even sleep without you next to me."
"Isn't that what the fight training was for? So you could take some control of your life, so you wouldn't need me to sleep with you every night?"
"Okay, so maybe I don't want to sleep without you," I admitted. Why was he making this so difficult? "Jacob, if you leave I'm coming with you. I look like I'm eighteen now, and I already have the IDs to prove it. We could find a place together. You stay, or I go too. End of discussion. You were right. The fight training was me beginning to take control of my life and this is me starting it."
"Sure, sure, so I guess I'm staying then. I might need you to protect me from your father though, since I'm not allowed to hit him ever again," Jacob added with a slight chuckle.
"Yeah, that was scary. I didn't like seeing the two of you fighting. Even a little bit."
"I'm sorry Nessie. None of that should have happened. I never want to see you upset. It killed me back there seeing you cry." Now he was the one upset.
"Jacob you can't protect me from everything. I need to experience life. And that includes the upsides and the downsides. What kind of a life would it be if I never had anything bad happen? How would I know what was good. You're not helping me by protecting me from everything."
"I guess you're right honey. I just hate seeing you upset."
"Hey, I don't want you to be upset either."
Jacob's Point of View
"So... breakfast?" I asked Nessie. This was one weird morning. So much had happened, so much was said.
I can't believe I actually punched Edward. It felt good, really good, until I saw how hurt Nessie looked. I can never lose my temper like that again. And Edward had been so good to me over the years, and we had sorta become friends. Of course he was choking me and (possibly) trying to kill me at the time, so he did have it coming.
But I guess I could see where he was coming from. Kinda. I know I had dreamt of yesterday, how I spent it teaching Nessie to fight. I just don't understand how Edward had misconstrued that so much, that he thought we had been doing something else. Not to mention the fact that I still didn't see Nessie like that, but I guess the last time she tried turning our relationship romantic, it had caught Edward off guard also.
"May I have a word with you, Jacob, before you return inside." Edward had appeared out of nowhere and was now standing in front of us, blocking the door back into the house. Great, what did he want now?
Nessie was giving him a skeptical look but he assured her that he just wanted to talk to me.
"I'll meet you inside in a few minutes sweetheart." I said as I gave her a kiss on the top of her head.
As soon as she entered the house, I kept my promise to Nessie, and apologized to Edward for hitting him, even if the punch had been more than justified. I thought my mental comment would get at least a growl from him, but I was surprised that he actually looked ashamed of himself.
"Let's take a walk," he said leading my into the woods. Once we were out of earshot he stopped. "Jacob, I feel I need to formally apologize to you as well. I jumped to conclusions without obtaining the facts. You have been nothing but honorable with Renesmee. There's no excuse for what I did. I'm sorry for my actions as well as what I said to you."
"You know I feel the same way about your daughter as you do. I only want to protect her, care for her, love her, make sure she is happy and safe. Nessie is special... not that Bella wasn't," l began backtracking, after seeing the look on Edward's face, not wanting to insult my friend, and his wife. "But I'm not some stupid teenager anymore. I wouldn't do anything that might jeopardize my future with Nessie, however she may want it to be."
I wanted to make one other thing clear to Edward, but I knew he would not like hearing it. Of course I also knew he could read it in my mind, but I thought hearing it out loud would be helpful, if not possibly painful... well maybe not for me at least, then again... "But keep in mind... if she wants me, and we're together... what we do, and when, is her call. Not mine. And certainly not yours."
"Jacob, you would have a say in things too." Did he really think he could get his way by making me be the one to insist on getting married first?
"If Nessie wants... certain things when she's older, and it's... safe and it will make her happy, then why would I say no? You heard her today. She doesn't want to get married. It's not like you can force her to. You must have heard her think about the subject before this. It couldn't have come as such a complete surprise as you made it out to be."
"Yes, you're right, I have heard her think of the matter before. But until today she was unsure. It was always a question that she was still considering. I'm afraid my actions and comments this morning may have pushed her over the edge."
"Great, thanks a lot."
"Don't lose faith, Jacob. She could always change her mind."
"I hope so." I said out loud, but more to myself than to him.
"As do I. And who knows what may happen over the next few years."
When we got back to the house Alice and Jasper were already in our bedroom plastering the cracked drywall that Edward had shoved me into.
While I appreciated it, it meant that I was going to have to air the room out once they left.
