Start the Machine
- all I can see is you -
chapter ten; personal demons
Sasuke's POV
About a week and a half had passed since the news of the war, and I wasn't exactly dealing well.
I was constantly nervous, irritated and anxious, which wasn't like me other than the irritation. It was normal for me to be easily irritated, but anxiety wasn't typically a thing I had to deal with.
I wasn't nervous about the war; I was excited about that. I longed for it, actually, imagining the feeling of flesh breaking around my blade made my skin crawl every time. But being trapped in that shack for all my days with little to no freedom was fucking with my head; it almost felt like I was going stir crazy or something. It was treacherous.
To make matters much worse, over the course of a few short days certain dark thoughts began to slither their way from the cavern of my mind to the open plains where I thought clearly.
Something ignited within myself that I'd never felt before... I think that these thoughts had been there for some time, but they were not apparent; they were locked away, only to be triggered the more I got used to her presence.
It's not like I actually liked her or anything... She was just a silly girl... But despite that, there was something about her that was intriguing me.
It was mid-day when she offered to make food for me, and I quietly accepted. As she stood in the kitchen taking things out of the fridge, my eyes lingered on her small frame, tracing each slim contour and occasionally stopping at her waist or chest. There was something very enticing about her figure, something that made me want to violently grab her and do things unmentionable.
I was haunted by this.
inappropriate thoughts that I'd never thought of any woman before were consuming my mind, tormenting me at night. And every time I was around her, I couldn't stop myself from looking. I'd never been attracted to a girl like that before; it afflicted me, for there was no way in hell I could ever act upon it.
So I remained dormant, trying to speak to her as little as possible in an attempt to pry myself away from these feelings, but even just not speaking to her was hard. For whatever sick twisted reason I wanted to talk to her. Part of me felt guilty and disgusted for looking at her like that... But a larger part of my mind screamed at me to just satisfy what I craved.
There is no fucking way. I told myself. There is no fucking way I am doing that. Absolutely not.
... Maybe just...
NO.
I rested my head on the table and sighed longingly, despising the pent up frustration inside of me. I was anxious about the war, I was anxious to get out of there, and now I was anxious about Hinata...
This is wrong. I thought. I'm not supposed to be anxious about anything. Since when do I get anxious?
"What is it you wanted again?" Her voice chimed in my ear, snapping me out of my train of thought. I met with her soft eyes and averted them quickly.
"Um, just anything... Sushi... Or even just rice... I don't care." I nonchalantly replied, keeping my eyes shut so I didn't have to look at her.
Hinata's POV
I think he hates me... I thought as I rolled him sushi rolls to the best of my ability. Sasuke had been acting weird lately, even more distant that he was before. I figured that it could have been because of the war, but my own insecurities couldn't help but make me think that I was the problem.
This upset me... I didn't want Sasuke to hate me. As much as I hated myself for that, I couldn't deny the truth of how I felt. My attraction for him had not lessened... Quite the opposite, really. I always tried to please him by doing whatever he asked, but it seemed that no matter what he was always irritated by me. I sighed sadly as I brought him his food and set it down. I suppose I wasn't exactly hiding my depression, for the next thing Sasuke said made my face go beet red.
"Is something wrong?" He inquired, catching me completely off guard.
I jumped a bit at his words and looked away. "N-No, nothings wrong." I stammered nervously. He swallowed a bite of sushi before putting his chop sticks down.
"You look upset." He commented.
"No, I'm fine." I insisted, but I could feel his eyes drilling into me. Was I that easy to read?
"Why don't you eat something?" He asked with a surprisingly soft tone.
"I'm not very hungry." I answered truthfully and he shrugged, picking up his chop sticks.
"Suit yourself." He said before he continued eating.
I sat back and tried to relax a bit, losing myself in my thoughts. I wondered what was going to happen when the war began; what would happen to me? I imagined that Sasuke would be sent off to fight and I would probably be locked in a cell somewhere... But I didn't want that to happen. I pondered what may happen to Sasuke and I; would we ever see each other again? He probably didn't care, but I certainly did.
I wasn't positive if the war was a good thing... At first it seemed that it may be, because there was a chance that Konoha could win, but what if they didn't? That would only mean more pointless demise.
But if they were to win, then what would happen? I suppose that I would be freed; I could live among the remaining survivors of the massacre in the village and rebuild. The thought of freedom did sound quite lovely, but then again...
What would happen to Sasuke?
Would he die?
And most importantly... Why did I care so much?
A/N: Hey guys, thanks for reading! Am I rushing this too much!? Please let me know, constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. But anyways I hope you enjoyed it, I tried :D please review!
