A/N: So, I'm updating kind of late, but I couldn't stop writing. This is by far the longest chapter I've done so far (and it will probably be the longest). This chapter was actually hard to write in a few places, lots of emotions. I hope that you guys can feel the emotions like I want you to. I don't like to ask for reviews, but I actually would appreciate a little bit of feedback on this chapter in particular. This fic is becoming my baby and this chapter feels like its shining moment for me, honestly. (Please excuse my lameness.) Thanks for reading!
PS- This chapter has sex in it. Like, real sex, pretty graphic if I were to describe it in one word. Just thought I would let you know before you read.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or any of its characters.
Antonio pulled the thick, heavy curtain back in front of the window in the tiny living room and made sure it was securely placed, preventing anyone from looking inside. Then he moved back to the front door to reassure himself that it was securely locked and bolted before heading back into Lovino's little, one window room. He peered through that window as well, making sure that he had a clear view of the police car stationed on that side of the apartment building, around the corner from the entrance. He locked the window, replaced the bulletproof cover over it, and pulled the curtain shut. Upon turning around, he glanced over at Lovino, who sat under the covers on his full size bed, staring blankly at the TV, which Antonio had moved to his room since Lovino refused to come out.
The Italian looked exhausted; he had dark circles under his olive green eyes that lacked any of the sarcastic spark they normally did. Antonio was sincerely shocked – it had only been twenty-four hours since Ivan had sent his little henchman to terrify Lovino. Alfred and his team had rushed over and tried to find any evidence they could, but nothing came up. Alfred had insisted that Lovino go somewhere safer, possibly out of the state, but Lovino didn't have anywhere to go and refused to endanger his grandfather or Francis. While Antonio had agreed with Alfred, he understood Lovino's desire not to run. However, Arthur had forbid Lovino from coming to work and Alfred had set up a rotation for police officers to keep a watch on the building all day and night. Luckily, Berwald and Tino had jumped on the opportunity to help, and were taking up the night watch. However, Lovino hadn't slept since the encounter, and Antonio was already seeing the disastrous effects of the stress.
"The police car is stationed right outside, I can see them. We're safe in here, Lovino," Antonio said quietly, a promise he had been making to him for hours now. Lovino only grunted in reply and changed the channel on the TV.
Antonio frowned and left the room, heading into the kitchen to make some lunch. He was nervous about being stuck in the apartment. Lovino shouldn't step foot outside, but someone had to go get groceries for them. He supposed he could call Alfred or Arthur, or even ask Berwald to help out, but he decided to just leave it be until it was absolutely necessary to get food. He knew that his partner and the police station were working furiously to track Ivan and his puppets down, and Antonio wished with all of his heart that he could be out there doing it. But he was also glad that he could keep Lovino safe. He was happy to know that Lovino trusted him enough to leave his well-being in Antonio's hands, and Antonio wouldn't let him down.
Upon returning back to the bedroom, he set a bowl of soup down in front of Lovino and shut off the TV.
"Lovino, eat please?" Antonio asked softly. "It's awfully cold in here, and I don't want you to get sick. Can I turn up the heat?"
"It probably won't work," Lovino whispered. He dipped the spoon in and out of the steaming chicken noodle soup, touching it to his tongue gently. "The heat usually comes and goes in the winter, just like the air in the summer."
Antonio sighed, frustrated. How could Arthur have put Lovino in such a crummy place like this one? Why not set him up in some uptown Manhattan suite? He knew the Brit had the means to do so. Then again, Lovino paid all of the expenses of the apartment, and bought his own food and clothing. Arthur wasn't supporting him. Still, the man could have at least bought the kid some space heaters.
Instead of dwelling on the subject, Antonio smiled for small miracles when Lovino took a bite of the soup he'd brought him. It was the only food the Italian had accepted in twenty-four hours, and Antonio was happy to see some color back in his cheeks as he took small spoonfuls. He went to the little hall closet and pulled out the extra blankets Lovino kept in there, dragging them back to the bedroom and draping another throw blanket around Lovino's shoulders. Lovino tensed slightly when Antonio tucked it around him, watching his hands with wide eyes.
"What's wrong?" Antonio asked, pulling his hands away slightly.
Lovino shook his head, stirring his soup. "Nothing, thank you."
Antonio nodded, shutting the bedroom door and sitting back down with his own bowl of soup. They sat in comfortable silence for a while, working on filling their stomachs, until Lovino sat his empty bowl on the floor next to the bed, scooted against the wall, and leaned his head against Antonio's shoulder.
"Thank you for staying with me," he whispered, barely audible.
Antonio reached up to stroke Lovino's messy brown hair gently, tucking the blanket around him again. "You're welcome, Lovino."
Lovino pulled his knees up to his chest and flipped the TV back on.
"Tino, stop breathing so heavily," Berwald grumbled, biting into his cheeseburger and staring out of the windshield at Lovino's apartment building's entrance.
"I'm creating fog so I can draw on the windows," Tino replied, doodling a puppy dog in his breath's residue.
Berwald's eyes shifted over to the blonde boy and he sighed, watching him. "That will stay on the inside of my car now. I'll have to wash it."
"I'll wash it for you, Berwald," Tino said with a chuckle, doodling his version of Berwald next to the puppy.
Berwald shook his head and returned his gaze to the building. "Eat your dinner."
"You sound like my mother."
"I hope your mother doesn't have such a deep voice."
Tino chirped out a small giggle and began to eat, watching the entrance as well.
"What are we looking for, Berwald?"
"Anything suspicious."
"How will we know if it's suspicious?"
"We just will."
"I don't understand this undercover stuff."
"It's not undercover."
"Then what is it?"
"Surveillance."
"Oh."
Berwald grinned and leaned back in his seat. He felt like the boy had so much to learn, and sometimes felt annoyed that he was in charge of him, but then he remembered that Tino was actually really cute and didn't mind at all. Tino glanced up at him and smiled, flipping on the radio and singing along to whatever song came on. Berwald listened for a while, shaking his head when Tino tried too hard to hit the high notes or the really low notes.
After a while of that, Tino turned the radio back off and sighed deeply.
"Bored?" Berwald asked.
"Yes. We have to do this all night?"
Berwald nodded slowly, meeting Tino's violet eyes. "It's a tiresome job, but it's worth it for Antonio."
Tino frowned. "I feel bad for his friend, the Italian boy. He's really shaken up over this whole thing, isn't he?"
Berwald nodded again and Tino began to chew on his bottom lip. Berwald was always more silent than talkative, and that unnerved him sometimes. The Swede was a lot bigger than he was, and much more intimidating when he didn't talk. Sometimes Tino worried that he was annoying him with all of his questions. He sat silently for ten long minutes, sweating despite it being quite cold in the car. However, after thinking about it, he began to shiver slightly.
Noticing his partner's actions, Berwald turned the heat up and pulled a blanket out of the backseat. He placed it on Tino's lap and looked away, out the window, avoiding any eye contact. Tino blushed slightly and wrapped it around his shoulders, grinning in Berwald's direction.
"Thank you, Berwald," Tino said softly, earning an awkward cough and nod from the introverted Swede. Tino curled up under his blanket and turned the radio back on, letting the hours pass slowly.
The clock read 4:22 in the morning when Tino felt his eyelids begin to grow heavy. His head nodded forward slightly, and he jerked himself awake quickly, reaching for his water to splash a little on his face.
"I can walk down the block quickly and get us some coffee, if you want," Berwald said softly.
"At this time in the Bronx? I don't think so. I'll just have to distract myself," Tino replied, wiggling in his seat to keep his blood circulating. "Let's play a game."
Berwald chuckled. "I'd rather just watch the door."
"Please Berwald?" Tino looked up at him with big, puppy-dog eyes.
"What kind of game?"
"Hmm…" Tino tapped a finger to his chin, and then his eyes lit up. "Truth or dare!"
With a roll of his eyes, Berwald hesitantly agreed. The bantered truths back and forth with each other like they were a pair of girls at a slumber party, until Tino coaxed Berwald into choosing dare.
Suddenly, without any warning, Tino fluttered his eyelids and grinned mischievously. "I dare you to kiss me."
Berwald stared at the boy with wide eyes. "Wh- what?"
Tino chuckled low. "Scared?"
Berwald's eyebrows knitted together at Tino's teasing, and he pushed his body forward to plant his lips firmly on the blonde's, silencing his silly banter. Tino grinned into the kiss and pulled Berwald closer to him, deepening the connection. Berwald pulled away slightly after a few moments, blushing crimson and stuttering. Tino was pleasantly surprised; this was the first time he had actually witnessed Berwald totally at a loss for words.
"I dare you to keep going," Tino whispered, and Berwald did.
Antonio's eyes opened slowly to the still dim room, despite the clock on Lovino's nightstand reading almost eleven in the morning. He sat up in the bed and looked around, his clouded green eyes landing on Lovino, who sat curled up at the foot of the bed watching the TV. He appeared to be watching some early morning movie that looked too cheesy to even be real. Antonio shook his head as he sat up, placing a hand on Lovino's shoulder gently. Lovino's body jerked slightly, falling out of his trance and looking up at his Spanish friend.
"Did you sleep at all, Lovino?" Antonio asked softly. Lovino shook his head, his eyes glossy from the stress and exhaustion evident under his heavy green eyes. Antonio's heart fell at the sight of the broken boy, and he slid onto the floor and pulled Lovino into a tight embrace. Lovino surrendered quickly, which honestly hurt Antonio more than it would have if Lovino had pushed away. It seemed as if Lovino had just given up any will to fight.
Lovino leaned his head on Antonio's shoulder, breathing shallow breaths and closing his eyes. He was beyond tired, but every time he tried to find sleep, nightmares flashed before his eyes. Blood and darkness, fear and the cold sweat that breaks out on the back of the neck when terrified was all that he could register, and he was too afraid to try to brave it. Instead, he allowed his mind to go numb, to let Antonio worry and for him to just shut down from the world. Just like before…
"I'll go make you some breakfast," Antonio said softly, pulling away from Lovino and standing. Lovino wished he would stay and hold him like that forever, but he didn't voice that desire. That would be creepy. Antonio would run away and leave him here to die at the hands of Ivan. He couldn't risk losing him, so he just stayed quiet.
The rest of the day passed on just like that. Antonio made phone calls, talked to Alfred; Arthur called to check in on Lovino. A hint of sincere concern lingered in the Brit's tone that Lovino had never heard before. For that, he was touched. Antonio cooked all of their meals, and despite the knot that sat bundled in Lovino's gut, he ate to see Antonio happy. He despised the worry that was so apparent on the Spaniard's face. He hated it because he knew he had caused it. Just like the hurt he put on Grandpa Roma's face. It killed him to know that he made the people he cared about feel that way. It killed him to know that he could never take the actions back that put those looks on their faces.
When evening fell, Antonio decided to take a shower. He took his time, needing some relaxation. He needed to let all the anxiety that had wound its way up in his shoulders and neck to be released. Lovino had him on edge with his blank stares and empty, dark eyes. He wanted to shake the boy, fight with him. He wanted him to scream, throw a fit, stomp around, anything but this empty shell that Antonio was caring for. He wanted to see life in Lovino. Ivan was already winning and he hadn't even touched Lovino. That put a seed of rage in Antonio that he couldn't conquer. He felt the irrepressible need to strangle the Russian, choke the life out of him, and destroy him for all of the terror that he had caused Lovino.
And it scared him that he felt that way. He had never felt such a strong desire for anyone before. Not like that. It frightened him that Antonio could see and feel his attachment to Lovino in his own thoughts and heart. He wanted to shake them away, but he just couldn't. In such a short time he had fallen for the feisty Italian, but already he was losing him to that Russian maniac. He hated himself for it, and he hated Ivan.
In his bedroom, Lovino waited and waited for Antonio to come back. The shower had ceased, the apartment was quiet. The minutes ticked by, his clock glowed almost mockingly at him. Panic began to rise in his throat; had Antonio snuck out? Did he get tired of babysitting him and decide to leave? Was he alone? Was he left here to fend for himself? Lovino stood quickly – too quickly. He stumbled back onto the bed when his head rushed with blood. Splitting pain sounded from behind his eyes, and he grabbed his temples, tears rolling down his cheeks.
He didn't want to be alone.
Not again.
He couldn't handle this again.
Antonio walked back into the bedroom to see Lovino sobbing on the bed. He darted over to the boy, lifting Lovino up and pulling him to his chest.
"Lovino! Lovino, it's okay," he said urgently, stroking his hair.
Lovino hiccupped and wiped at his eyes, but he continued to sob. "I thought… you left… I thought you didn't want to be around me… anymore…" he choked out.
Antonio shook his head and sighed. "No, no, Lovino. I'll never leave you, not unless you want me to. It will be okay, Lovino. I'm protecting you. Ivan will never hurt you."
A sob tore its way through Lovino again and his whole body shook against Antonio's chest. It broke Antonio's heart that Lovino was so broken, and he began to rock him back and forth in an attempt to comfort him. It was then that he noticed the picture frame next to Lovino's bed. He had never noticed it before; it was a picture similar to the one in the living room. Of the younger, lighter haired boy that resembled Lovino. He was smiling widely, laughing almost, and his eyes sparkled brightly.
Antonio reached over and picked it up, running his thumb over the glass. The face looked familiar, but he couldn't place it. He stared and stared until he was brought back to reality when Lovino's hands were over his, pulling the picture to his chest, crying softly now.
"He's my brother," Lovino whispered through his tears. "He's my baby brother, Feliciano. Feli. My little Feli."
Antonio stared at Lovino's hair, shock the only emotion on his face. Lovino whispered those words so desperately, like he was trying to will the picture to life. It was then that it all clicked. The familiarity, Lovino's tone, the secrecy between everyone that he had asked about the mystery boy.
Lovino spoke with heartbreak in his voice. Heartbreak that only comes from utter despair and brokenness.
"Lovino," Antonio said softly, pulling him up to look at him. "I remember seeing his face. Lovino, what happened?"
Lovino stared at Antonio wide-eyed. Tears continued to fall, and suddenly his face scrunched up as more tears leaked from his eyes, and he pressed the frame to his chest even more tightly.
"My baby brother," Lovino began, his voice shaking, "you've seen his face on the news…"
Lovino glared out the kitchen window of his little Brooklyn home, glancing between the dark streets, illuminated only by streetlights, and the clock on the stove that was reading later and later every time he looked. Further and further past Feliciano's curfew.
"Damn it, Feli," Lovino growled. If he got yelled at by Grandpa Roma again, Lovino swore he wasn't going to defend him this time. He wouldn't stick up for him. He was blatantly breaking the rules and Lovino wasn't going to deal with it anymore.
He started to pace as the minutes ticked by. If Grandpa Roma came downstairs he would ask where Feliciano was. Lovino couldn't tell him, of course. He'd promised he wouldn't tell Grandpa Roma about his dates. Feli had trusted him with those secrets, and Lovino wouldn't betray them. But how was he supposed to explain why he was anxiously pacing by the back door to their little house? That didn't look suspicious at all, oh no.
Deciding that it would be better to make it look like they had been out together, Lovino walked outside, shutting the door almost silently behind him. This way if Grandpa Roma happened to be downstairs, it would look like Lovino and Feli had been together and were just getting in. As long as Feli was with Lovino, he could stay out as long as he wanted, no matter how late past curfew it was.
Lovino paced by the bottom of the stone steps that led up to their kitchen door. Was Feli really serious? Lovino had told him that he had to be home in time. He was pushing fifteen minutes late, and the clock was still ticking.
That was when he heard the terrified squeak from around the corner. Curious, Lovino tiptoed over, peering into the dark alleyway to see what had caused such a strange noise.
His eyes widened in return. Lovino was standing almost directly behind a man in a black hoodie, holding two people at gunpoint at the other end. The man was shaking from rage, demanding that one of the two come toward him. The couple stood cowering in the dark, one positioned slightly in front of the other, the smaller one, in a protective stance. Lovino stood, he stared, and as his eyes adjusted, he swallowed the terror that rose in his throat. Ludwig was standing in front of his precious Feliciano, protecting him from this insane man in the black outfit. Lovino stood, shocked, unable to move.
"Move!" the man with the gun screamed, waving his weapon around maniacally.
Ludwig had his hands held out in front of him defensively. "Listen, just let him go home. He lives right around the corner. I'll come with you as long as you let him go without hurting him. Please…"
The man screamed something else, and Lovino wondered how he hadn't heard the scene playing out. He wondered how his grandfather hadn't noticed anything, how the neighbors hadn't called the police. He wondered, and in his wondering, his eyes met his brother's.
"Lovi!"
"Feli, no!"
It all happened so fast. Feliciano darted from behind Ludwig, racing to the safety of his big brother's arms. His quick movements startled the man with the gun, and before Lovino or Ludwig could react, the gun went off. Feliciano fell to the ground in a heap, and Lovino screamed.
He screamed for his brother. He screamed for Ludwig. He screamed for himself. He screamed out of rage and terror.
Running forward, he fell to his knees and took his baby brother in his arms. Feliciano whimpered, dark red blood pouring out of the hole in his chest. Lovino sobbed, held the boy in his arms, rocked him back and forth. He whispered to him, stroked his light brown hair, promised him that the pain would stop and he would be okay. But Feliciano didn't hear it. He just stared at him with empty brown eyes, wide open but glassy and distant. The light faded before Lovino could tell him that he loved him. His brother lay in his arms, body limp and empty of the loving soul that called it home.
Rage replaced grief, and Lovino acted before he could think. The man in the black hoodie still stood there, staring dumb at his hand, like he couldn't believe he had actually used the weapon. Lovino snarled and punched the man, taking the gun and throwing the man's body to the ground. Before he could think, before the adrenaline stopped pumping and he starting feeling, Lovino struck the man with his gun. He hit him in the head, feeling the impact in his bones. Again.
And again.
And again. Again. Again.
Something hot and wet splattered across his face and his arms, staining his jacket.
Again.
Until the rage died, until the grief took over again. Until the man stopped screaming under him. Until Lovino couldn't feel anything anymore. Until Lovino didn't care anymore.
Ludwig knelt next to his dead lover's body, silent tears rolling down his cheeks, feeling his mind snap with Lovino's as he watched the life pour out of Feliciano's murderer.
Antonio stared in shock as Lovino recounted the story to him, sobbing the whole way. His body was trembling and his voice shook with grief. He held the picture frame containing a picture of his precious baby brother to his chest so tightly that Antonio was afraid it would crack and cut him. He reached forward to pull Lovino closer to him but Lovino gently pushed his hands back, shaking his head.
"It's not Ludwig's fault…" Lovino choked. "Gilbert…"
Antonio nodded. "Gilbert is an ex-police officer. He had a close encounter with Ivan himself." They spoke in hushed voices, like someone would overhear. "I knew that."
Lovino nodded slowly. "He had taken down Ivan's lover… that's why Ivan was targeting Ludwig…"
"To hurt Gilbert," Antonio finished, nodding. He was beginning to understand. He had remembered seeing Feliciano's smiling face on the news, remembered hearing that Ludwig was placed in a psychiatric facility and Gilbert had left the police force, but he had never put two and two together. He hadn't ever had a reason to. Until now…
"Feli was just in the wrong place at the wrong time…" Lovino sobbed, rocking back and forth, trying to dull the pain. "I murdered that man, Antonio… I beat his brains out with that gun… I was covered in his blood…"
"Lovino, you held your baby brother while he died…" Antonio said softly, caressing Lovino's tear soaked cheek softly. "I would have done the same in your position."
Lovino shook his head desperately. "Feliciano was so innocent… he loved Ludwig with all of his heart and just wanted to be happy… Grandpa wouldn't let him be with him, he didn't like Ludwig because of Gilbert…"
Antonio understood that. Gilbert was known everywhere when he was an officer – he was the snarkiest around. Proud and foolish.
"Feli just wanted to be happy and I wanted to let him be happy… he didn't deserve to die that way and he -…" Lovino's voice caught in his throat and he sobbed again. Antonio's face twisted in pain; he couldn't stand seeing Lovino so broken.
"Lovino, I'm so sorry…" Antonio whispered.
"He was running to me, Antonio," Lovino whimpered. He looked up, his eyes meeting Antonio's, brimming over with pain. "He wanted me to hold him, like I always did after his nightmares... he was in a nightmare and I was supposed to fix it… I let him die… I could have tackled that man, I could have taken him down… he didn't know I was there…"
Antonio shook his head sternly. "Lovino, he could have shot you instead –"
"Better me than Feli!" Lovino screamed. "I had nothing to live for – I still don't! I'm a pathetic piece of trash that deserves to rot for what I've done! I should just let Ivan kill me!" He doubled over and broke into a heavy sob again, his entire body quaking from the force of the emotions rolling through him. "Why not me, Antonio? Why couldn't he have shot me?!"
Antonio grabbed Lovino and pulled him forcefully into his chest, holding him there tightly.
"No!" he yelled, the word biting through the heaviness in the room. "Lovino, I can't imagine the pain you must feel, and I can't imagine what that was like, but you are alive because you are supposed to be! You cannot let Ivan win this game! He murdered your brother, whether by his own hand or not, and I will not let him break you down like this!" He pulled Lovino away with a jerk, forcing him to look at him. Lovino's eyes were wide, tears still pouring out. Antonio was crying too, which shocked him.
"I will not let him take you from me!" Antonio declared, his voice shaking heavily. He pulled Lovino close again, his shoulders shaking from the grief he felt for Lovino's heart. Lovino laid against his body, still broken but shocked too. No one had ever shown that kind of emotion for him, and he didn't know how to respond. Antonio was stroking his hair, but he wasn't sure if it was to comfort him or himself.
"Antonio…" Lovino pushed up slightly, his tears considerably slower now. He looked up into Antonio's terrified eyes, feeling something warm stir inside of him. He didn't understand it, but he didn't fight it either. "Antonio… help me."
"What?" Antonio breathed, confusion filling his eyes.
Lovino pressed his forehead into Antonio's shoulder as a tear rolled down the bridge of his nose and onto Antonio's cotton shirt. "I've been running for so long and I'm scared…" he breathed back, placing Feliciano's picture down and taking Antonio's hand in his own two instead. He pulled it up to his cheek and nuzzled it softly. He had been fighting his feelings for far too long, and he just wanted to give in. He wanted what he was sure Antonio could offer him.
"I'm tired Antonio," he whispered shakily. "I just want to catch my breath."
Antonio was still for a few agonizing seconds, leaving Lovino to fear he was making the wrong move, but then he shifted and pulled Lovino into his lap, cradling him to his chest tightly. Lovino didn't object, settling into his arms without complaint, welcoming the embrace of someone that he loved. And he did love Antonio. He wouldn't deny it anymore.
Antonio pressed his lips to Lovino's temple, more than happy to comfort him. He was delighted that Lovino had accepted his embrace, and he felt warmth blossom in his heart like he had never experienced before. Lovino leaned in to his lips, snuggling closer to him, seemingly trying to mold his body against Antonio's. He felt the desperation in Lovino's touch, and he understood that Lovino was starved for love and gentleness. He needed to be reassured that he mattered to the world. That he mattered to Antonio.
Lovino had never felt so close to anyone before, and his heart was singing from being set free. He didn't care what his grandpa would think anymore, or what he was afraid of. Lovino wanted to love someone again, and Antonio had shown him kindness and love that no one else had ever bothered to give to him. He wanted more. So when Antonio's lips left his temple and instead moved to brush across his own lips, he didn't object. Nor did he object when Antonio placed his hand under his chin, moving his face toward him so he could press their lips together.
He allowed Antonio to kiss him, holding him close to his body, sharing his warmth and love. He allowed his own mind to surrender to his heart, his body to his desires. Shifting his hips, he moved to that he was straddling Antonio, wrapping his arms around his neck. He parted his lips readily when Antonio's tongue brushed them gently, allowing him to explore the wet caverns of his mouth. Lovino relished in his touch, pressing himself closer to Antonio, desiring to be as close as he could possibly be.
Antonio wondered if this was really what Lovino felt, or if he was just desperate for love. But any doubts he had were washed away when Lovino pulled away from their kiss to tuck his face into the crook of Antonio's neck and kiss his skin softly.
"Antonio, I'm sorry that I've pushed you away," Lovino whispered into his skin. "I hate myself for it…"
"Lovino," Antonio ran his fingers through the Italian's messy hair softly, "do not hate yourself for something like that. I never felt rejected."
Lovino nuzzled deeper into his neck and sighed sweetly. "I can't believe that you could actually care about someone like me… How did I get so lucky?" He kissed his tender skin again and lifted his head to press his lips back to Antonio's, this time deepening it by entangling his fingers in the Spaniard's hair. Antonio moaned into his mouth deeply, his hands wandering up Lovino's sweater, trailing his fingertips along the Italian's smooth skin lightly. Lovino shivered at the touch and pulled his lips away to breathe.
"Antonio," he whispered huskily, placing his forehead against Antonio's and closing his eyes. "I've never loved anyone before. Not like this. Not like you."
Antonio kissed Lovino softy, nuzzling his cheek and nibbling on his ear softly. "That's okay," he whispered, "neither have I."
Lovino let Antonio slide his sweater over his head, revealing his pale bare skin to the chilly apartment. Goosebumps ran up Lovino's arms, from both the cold and Antonio's touch. Lovino pushed Antonio's soft cotton shirt up as Antonio licked and nibbled his collarbone, pulling away just slightly to pull the shirt over his head before trailing more hot kisses up and down Lovino's neck.
Lovino could feel warmth pooling in his stomach, moving lower, blood rushing below his waistband. His heart raced in his chest as Antonio gently laid him down on the pillows at the head of the bed, and he moaned softly when Antonio swirled his tongue around one of his nipples, sending another wave of heat down his body. Antonio kissed his way down his pale stomach, his fingers hooked just under the elastic of his sweatpants. Lovino arched his hips slightly, an invitation for Antonio to slide them down, to which Antonio obliged readily.
Antonio could feel himself hardening, the throbbing increasing more and more with every touch and kiss to and from Lovino. He slid the Italian's heavy sweatpants over his thin hips, leaving him almost entirely exposed. He crawled back up to Lovino, planting his lips on his while he massaged the growing bulge in his boxers, drawing a sweet moan from Lovino.
Lovino's breath hitched in his throat when Antonio touched him, and he began to suck on Antonio's bottom lip and run his hands over Antonio's half naked body in an attempt to keep himself calm. Antonio continued his assault through the thin cloth of his boxers, encouraging Lovino's heart rate to increase and his mind to become increasingly muddled. His hands found Antonio's waistline, and he pushed at the Spaniard's pants until they came down too, leaving Antonio to kick them off onto the floor.
Before Lovino could manage to catch his breath, Antonio slid the thin boxers off to reunite them with their pants, leaving him fully exposed. Lovino's hips bucked when Antonio took his length in his mouth, pulling back to suck on the tip of the Italian's hard cock, leaving Lovino writhing and moaning. He swirled his tongue around the head gently, poking and prodding, one hand holding him at the base while the other massaged his sack gently. Lovino squirmed in arched his back, pushing his cock deeper into Antonio's mouth, craving more warmth and wetness. Antonio continued to suck and lick, pumping his hand up and down Lovino's shaft to increase the friction. Lovino's moans and cries of pleasure kept him satisfied for the moment, but he could feel the tightness in his own boxers growing.
Lovino's back arched and he gripped Antonio's hair in his fingers tightly as he released forcefully into the Spaniard's mouth. Antonio swallowed readily, still sucking, drawing out the orgasm a little longer. When Lovino finally came down, he panted heavily, his cheeks flushed red. Antonio grinned and made his way back to the Italian's lips, pressing them together, eliciting another moan from Lovino.
Lovino's body felt weak and drained, but he knew that it wasn't over. And he didn't want it to be. His hand reached out to his nightstand, dragging the drawer open and pulling out a bottle of lubricant and a condom. He pushed them into Antonio's hand and kissed him forcefully, his way of encouraging him to go on. He knew it would be painful, especially since he was a virgin, but he wanted Antonio. Besides, he was convinced that Antonio would be as gentle as possible.
And he was right. The first finger that Antonio slid in left Lovino squirming uncomfortably at first, but the second one drew a whimper from him. He tried hard to bite it back, but he still told Antonio to go on. He didn't want to stop. The third finger made him cry out softly, but Antonio was slow and gentle. Lovino adjusted, and when Antonio poked and pushed a little, he felt the blood begin to rush lower again. He moaned loudly and began to grind his hips into Antonio's fingers, but before he could come close to a second release, Antonio slid his fingers back out.
Lovino whimpered again and stared up at Antonio with heavy lidded eyes. Antonio had never seen anything sexier, and he struggled to slide the condom on. Pouring more lubricant into his hand, he coated his cock before positioning himself at Lovino's entrance. Their eyes met for a second, and Antonio felt a pang of guilt at the pain he was about to cause him, but when Lovino lifted his hips slightly, Antonio took his legs and pushed them back towards his chest, fully exposing him.
It hurt more than anything he had ever experienced before, and Lovino cried out harshly upon Antonio pushing himself in. He balled the sheets in his fists and tipped his head back into the pillows, biting his bottom lip, trying to hold back tears.
"Oh Lovino," Antonio choked out, "I am so sorry…"
"It's okay, it's okay," Lovino replied quickly. He looked back at Antonio and forced a smile. "I want this."
Antonio held still, letting Lovino adjust. When he nodded, Antonio knew that he could move. He started slow, letting Lovino's body adjust completely. Soon, however, Lovino's whimpers of discomfort turned to moans of pleasure and heavy panting. He began to thrust his hips in time with Antonio, and he cried out in bliss when Antonio found his sweet spot.
Angling himself just right, Antonio continued to thrust into Lovino, hitting him just right almost every time. Lovino's moans got louder and louder, his breath quickening and his hands clutching the sheets below him. He begged for Antonio to go faster, to thrust harder, and Antonio obliged happily. Lovino bucked and writhed underneath him, his eyes rolling back into his head. His hand slid between their bodies to grip his own cock, pumping it in time with Antonio's thrusts.
Lovino climaxed again, spilling between their bodies. Antonio followed quickly after, sliding out and collapsing onto the bed next to Lovino. Their breathing remained erratic for a few minutes, but slowly became slower and more relaxed. Antonio drug himself up to hover just slightly over Lovino's parted lips, ghosting his lips along Lovino's like feather. Lovino grinned in the darkness, and Antonio's heart leapt at the Italian's smile.
Lovino snaked his hands around Antonio's neck as Antonio pulled the covers around them.
"Cuddle me, you bastard."
