Author's Note: Last chapter was pretty intense, huh? With Edward's suicide and such. Well, here's the next chapter! Another big thanks to my readers. (:
Bella lay in bed motionless, as she did for the past two weeks. There were times when she felt Edward caressing her side or pecking her cheek, but she knew he wasn't really there. She didn't expect herself to miss him as much as she did. When Alice would come to her aid every afternoon, they'd go through the same routine. Alice would try to make her eat, and Bella would refuse. Alice was exhausted from working her own shifts, plus Bella's, but she felt that she owed it to her best friend.
Alice couldn't deny the fact that Bella was losing her mind, though. She knew that Bella could feel it too. She'd always overhear Bella whispering things to "Edward", and Bella would never fail to mention something that "Edward" had told her that day. She had never believed in ghosts until now. Alice walked into the bedroom and handed Bella the phone. She stared at it questionably before Alice sighed heavily.
"It's Jacob," she said, pushing it toward her. Bella eyes widened a bit as she slowly took hold of Alice's cellphone. How did Jacob even get Alice's number? She pressed the phone to her ear.
"Hello?" she croaked, hearing her own voice for the first time that day.
"Hey, Bella," Jacob said, sounding more tired than ever. "I tried calling your phone for days but I think it's off or something..."
"I still haven't gotten a new one. I dropped my old one somewhere at the hospital," Bella told him. There was a brief silence before she heard Jacob yawn on the other end.
"Oh, okay. How are you?" he asked worriedly. Bella eyed Alice and tugged at her lip sadly.
"Never better," she lied. Jacob sensed it as well.
"Bella," he argued.
"Listen, Jake. I'm really tired. I'll talk to you later, okay?" she told him, refusing to let herself confess how truly depressed and manic she was.
"Wait!" he shouted before she could press end.
"Yes?" she asked impatiently.
"I was wondering if... you wanted to take a walk or something this afternoon. Just to talk," he said. She narrowed her eyes in confusion, waiting for him to continue. "I know things have been rough lately, but I think we could both use a friend. Rose left me. She went to go stay with her sister as soon as she got out of the hospital. She told me she needed some time to rethink her relationship with me. I can't help but blame myself for...you know."
Bella sighed and swallowed the thick lump in her throat. She half-expected Rosalie to leave him after the death of their baby, but a part of her was hoping that she'd stay with him throughout this difficult time.
"Jake, I don't know," Bella responded.
"Come on, Bells. When's the last time you left the house?" he asked. That was a good point. It was probably sometime around the day Edward jumped off of the bridge. She cringed at the memory.
"I guess I can meet you somewhere," she finally said, giving in. Alice raised her eyebrows, but Bella ignored it. She could feel Jacob smiling on the other end.
"Thanks. I'm glad we can be friends after everything. I'll meet you at Coven park in an hour?" he asked. Bella mouthed a quick "sure" before ending the call.
"You guys going out or something?" Alice asked. Bella handed her the phone and shook her head.
"Not really. Just taking a walk around Coven park to talk. We're...friends. Absolutely nothing more, I'll tell ya that," Bella said honestly. Alice sat at the foot of Bella's bed and began massaging Bella's foot.
"Okay. Want me to drive you over there?" she asked. Bella shook her head and sat up slowly, her bones tight and sore. She winced from the pain.
"I can drive," Bella reassured, struggling to get to her feet. Alice helped her up, pouting at Bella's condition.
"Are you sure?" she asked again. Bella stared at her for a second before heading for the bathroom.
"Alice, I appreciate everything you've done for me, and I can't thank you enough, but I am capable of taking care of myself," Bella snapped. Alice was taken back, taking a while to formulate her next words.
"Excuse me?" Alice asked. Bella turned to face her, clearly weak.
"I said I can take care of myself! I don't need you babying me and treating me as if I'm incapable of surviving. I'm doing just fine on my own, okay?" she shouted.
"Oh, really? If it weren't for me, you would have starved to death, or you would have lay in that bed for weeks without as much as brushing your teeth. If it weren't for me, you'd be fired from your job and left to pay the bills with no money. If it weren't for me-
"I just said that I appreciate all of that," Bella argued, cutting her off. It was too late, Alice was already set off.
"No, Bella! I'm just trying to show you that for the past two weeks, you couldn't take care of yourself. It's not like anyone was expecting you to, which is why I was here! I'm your best friend and I'll do anything to help you but it would feel nice to hear a thank you at some point," Alice said, finally expressing how she's felt for the longest. All she heard from Bella recently were low grunts of disapproval and, if she were lucky, a blink or two. Bella stared at her sadly, her eyes falling to her feet. Alice instantly felt horrible for going off.
"I'm sorry," Bella said after a minute. Alice shook her head, wrapping Bella into an apologetic hug.
"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things. I can't imagine what you're going through right now and it's not right of me to be selfish," she responded. Bella fought back her tears and nodded into Alice's neck. She pulled away after what felt like forever and kissed Bella's cheek.
"I love you so much, okay?" Alice reassured.
"Love you too," Bella whispered back. Alice exited the bathroom as Bella began to run a shower. As the steam began to invade the bathroom, another familiar heat began to creep down Bella's spine. She felt Edward. Her eyes welled with a fresh batch of tears.
"You have to stop," she mumbled, leaning on the wall for balance. She felt Edward nipping at her ear and released a few wet tears. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. Edward was nowhere to be found. She sighed heavily, slumping down the wall. At first, her hallucinations calmed her. Now, they were starting to scare the hell out of her.
…
The sight of Jacob's face warmed her. He looked in desperate need of a shave, and a few hours of sleep, but just being around someone who could fully understand what she was going through was a relief. They stayed in their embrace for endless minutes before Bella pulled away.
"You don't look so well," she said, watching as he smiled sadly.
"You don't either," he told her. She nodded in agreement as they began to stroll down the empty park. It was a bit chilly out, so they were both bundled up in heavy jackets and Bella had on her slipper boots. There were a few minutes of awkward silence, so Bella decided to speak up.
"Jacob, I think I'm loosing it," she admitted, finally stating the words out loud. Jacob turned to her confusedly.
"Loosing it?" he asked. She nodded and stuffed her hands into her pockets.
"I keep seeing him. I keep feeling him. I even talk to him sometimes," she said, her voice barely a whisper.
"I think you just miss him, that's all," Jacob argued.
"No," she stated firmly. "I mean, I do, but, call it what you want! It's not normal. What I'm experiencing isn't normal."
"When you say you can feel him..." Jacob began, using his hands for gestures. Bella nodded.
"I can really feel him. I can feel him breathing on my neck, and touching me, and-" Bella's voice broke as the painful memories hit her. Jacob halted their walking and looked at her with deep worry.
"Have you ever thought of...talking to someone about it?" he asked.
"I'm talking to you," she retorted.
"I'm not good with this stuff. Marriage advice? I'm your man. But this... this seems like a completely different field of therapy," he admitted. She took a deep breath as her lips quivered.
"What if I'm going crazy?" she whispered painfully. "What if I end up on medication, or even worse, the people come and take me to a manic ward?" Bella asked, her mind wandering to movies and articles that she had read about people who lost their minds.
"I can't see that happening," he told her truthfully. "The medicine is a possibility. But, I can't see them locking you up. You've just experienced something traumatic. I wouldn't expect you to be completely sane, anyway."
"Okay. I'll find out more about what's going on with me," Bella said. She looked up at him and frowned. "How are you managing? With Rosalie gone?"
"Not so well. It's so empty in the house without her. I just hate everything that's happened," he said sorrowfully. His eyes looked full of hurt and discomfort, like a piece of him was missing.
"And everything happened so fast," she whispered back. He nodded in agreement. "When do you think she's going to come back?" she asked, out of wonder. He looked at her long and hard before she noticed a tear easing its way down his tan cheek.
"Honestly, Bells? I don't think she is."
…
Bella toyed with her fingers as she waited for her name to be called. She had scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist and she was anxious to see what was wrong with her.
"Isabella Cullen?" a deep voice asked. She shot her head up and locked eyes with a man with blonde hair and pale skin. He looked to be about 30 years old, and had the face of an angel. He seemed warm and genuine, which eased Bella's tension. She stood to her feet and entered his office.
His office didn't look much different from Jacob's. There was a desk where he sat, and a big couch where the patients sat. Bella was beginning to grow tired of her many visits with counselors.
"Take a seat," the man gestured. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and walked over to the orange couch, sitting on it hesitantly. He took his time walking over to his desk before taking a seat across from her.
"Hello, Isabella. I'm Dr. Carlisle. I'm here to help you in every way that I can," he greeted. She gave him a sad smile and looked at the notepad in his hands. That reminded her of her first visit with Jacob. It was only a matter of time before he'd begin to jot things down, just like Jacob did.
"I just... I'm scared. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I can't think of any way to get it under control," Bella said hysterically. She didn't waste any time getting to the point.
"Get what under control, exactly?" he asked, and sure enough, he was jotting things down.
"Well... my mind, I guess," she said, her chest heaving in and out.
"Let's start with the beginning. Tell me what's been happening to you in the most specific way possible," he said softly. She told him all about the first time that she felt Edward breathing down her neck. She told him about the times that she'd be laying in bed, and she'd feel fingers itching to get to her core. She told him that she could actually see him, as if he were really there. He nodded and wrote on his notepad, listening patiently as she finished.
"How often do you see him?" he asked curiously. She sighed and looked down.
"Every day. It could be at random times, but he never fails to show up. It's mainly when I'm in the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror. That's when I feel him the most," she told him.
"Did something happen in that bathroom?" he asked, scribbling down notes. She thought long and hard. Plenty of things happened in that bathroom. From sex to fights, that bathroom was a trademark to the Cullens. After a second, it finally clicked.
"Yes," she said breathlessly. "The bathroom was the last place that I saw him alive while we were still in our house. The bathroom was the place when I divorced him for good," she said, tears welling in her eyes. Carlisle nodded and handed her a tissue. She took it gratefully and wiped her eyes.
He continued to ask her questions, and did the routinely tests. After a few hours, he was finally done. He told her to come back early tomorrow morning to give her a diagnosis. She felt her heart heavy with memories as she thought of her wrecked life, and hoped that she wouldn't wake up to expect horrible news.
Author's Note: Sorry that this chapter was so short! Review anyway? What do you guys think is going on with Bella?
