Chapter 11
"Drink." Bobby said sitting a glass with a shot of whiskey in it in front of Dean. "I think ya need it."
Dean had slept for nearly twelve hours straight until he struggled from the bed to use the bathroom, guzzle down a bottle of water and returned to sleep for another five hours. Sam slept through it all and Cas took care of his needs as he monitored his consciousness. He kept the nightmares at bay so Sam could actually rest and let his body continue to heal. Dean finally roused himself enough to make it downstairs where Bobby decided a shot wouldn't hurt him.
"Thanks..." Dean said his voice rough and raw. He accepted the glass and swirled the amber liquid for a moment before gulping it down. His split lip stung from the alcohol and it burned his throat as it settled into his stomach, slowly spreading warmth throughout his body.
"You alright son?"
"I'll get back to you on that." he sighed, feeling exhausted, drained and worn down. He didn't know dream walking was going to take this much out of him. His body felt achy and stiff as he shifted in his chair trying to get comfortable. "I need to get back to Sammy..." Dean mumbled as he rubbed his eyes that felt like they had grit in them.
"Cas is with him, you need a break." Bobby told him. "Besides he's sleeping right now anyway. Gotta take care of yerself if you plan on taking care of yer brother. I'll heat ya some soup up and ya need to eat it."
"I don't..."
"Yer gonna eat, iffin I gotta feed it to ya." Bobby stated in no uncertain terms. He got up and went to the fridge to get the last of the soup out to heat up. "I got some cracker around here somewhere. Don't know how ya expect to stay on yer feet iffin ya don't eat..." he mumbled sticking the soup in the microwave to heat. He started looking through the cabinets until he found the crackers and sat them by Dean. Dinging alerted him that the soup was ready and got it out, carefully stirring to distribute the heat before sitting it in front of Dean. "Now eat up, it'll make ya feel better. You haven't ate in nearly two days. You're gonna end up in bed 'side yer brother if you don't think of yourself once and a while."
Dean looked down at the soup and knew he'd better try to eat some or face Bobby's wrath. He slipped the spoon in and stirred it before taking a tentative sip. He pulled a couple of crackers from the sleeve and crumbled them into the soup and forced himself to eat some more. Dean stopped for a moment and sipped on the Gatorade Bobby sat at his hand to be sure his stomach was going to tolerate it before eating more. He rubbed his temples for a moment hoping the headache that wanted to start would go away.
"Headache, need some Tylenol?" Bobby asked watching him closely and noticing from his body language that he was hurting.
"Maybe, its not bad yet." Dean nodded.
Bobby turned around and opened a cabinet to pull a bottle out. He sat it on the table within Dean's reach and sat back down. Dean reached for the bottle and popped the lid to shake two pills into his palm. He put them in his mouth and sipped some Gatorade to wash them down.
"How bad was it?" Bobby asked carefully not sure Dean was ready to talk about what he saw yet or not.
"I didn't know how much I hurt him Bobby..." Dean started letting his sentence trail off. "It was like watching a stranger and wanting to kick the shit out of him for treating his brother that way. It was like Sam couldn't see anything but his mistakes he made. How could I have been so blind Bobby? I'm surprised he stayed with me as long as he did..."
"It's in the past son, nothing ya can do to change it now. Ya need to let it go; ya need to deal with the present and decide on the future. You got him back, you just need to work on keeping him back."
"I've had all I want. I'm gonna head back upstairs to Sammy." Dean said pushing away from the table and sitting his bowl in the sink. He had managed to eat half of it and didn't want to tempt fate with more. He picked up the bottle of Gatorade and took it with him knowing he needed to hydrate after what he had been through. His body felt like it was weighted down as he trudged up the steps to the bedroom where Sam was resting. "How's he doing Cas?" Dean asked stepping to the bed to look down at Sam.
"He's stirred a couple of times, but dozed back off." Cas answered.
"Why don't ya go downstairs and see if Bobby needs any help?" Dean asked wanting to be alone with Sam.
"Alright, I'll see what he's doing." Cas said getting up to head downstairs sensing Dean needed some time alone with his brother. He was getting a better sense of when Dean wanted him to leave without coming right out and asking it.
spn
"Hey Sammy, you awake?" Dean asked him moving the chair closer to the bed. He reached out and took Sam's hand in his thinking it still felt too cold and watched as he struggled to open his eyes. Dean had removed his IV now that he was awake and could eat. He looked at his bruised arm where the needle had been and couldn't help but think it matched the rest of his multicolored body, but at least the others were fading now leaving patches on his skin an ugly shade of pale yellow.
"De..." Sam mumbled softly as he tried to focus on his brother.
"There you are bro." Dean cooed to him. "How ya feeling?"
"Weak..." he replied running his tongue over his lips and looking to his water.
"Hold on..." Dean said moving to reach for Sam's water and holding it where he could drink some.
Sam sighed as he drank the water, trying to quench his thirst. He began to move his body a little, thinking something didn't feel right. He tried to push himself up some and looked down at his legs in puzzlement when they didn't obey him. Sam tried again to shift his legs and nothing happened. "Dee..." he said as panic started to build inside him and his body stiffened. "I-I can't...Legs..." he finally got out staring at him with terror in his eyes.
"What?" Dean asked looking down where Sam was looking at his legs as his breathing quickened and he started wheezing. He pulled the blanket off his body and looked at his legs and feet. "Hey, hey you need to slow your breathing Sammy." Dean cautioned him as he moved to sit beside him, laying a hand on his shoulder and chest. After a few minutes when his breathing got better, he asked him. "Try to wiggle your toes for me."
"Tr-Tr-ing." he grunted, concentrating on his toes and willing them move. He gritted his teeth and tried again but still couldn't make them even twitch. "Can't." he huffed looking to Dean as tears filled his eyes that looked so scared and lost.
"It's alright Sammy...The doctor said there might be some problems once you woke, but they would probably be only temporary. You just gotta let yourself finish healing bro. You've been out for nearly a week." Dean assured him. "Why don't you let me exercise them some." he said. "I read in the release papers this needs to be done twice daily." Dean positioned himself at his brother's left leg and carefully bent it at the knee so he could push it slowly toward his chest. He did this a total of five times and moved to the other leg to do the same. He watched Sam's facial expression to see if he was in pain or felt anything. Dean started at the thigh and began to massage his muscles working slowly down to his calf and finally his foot. He moved to the other side again and worked on the left leg. When he got down to his left foot, Dean massaged the bottom of his foot and stopped when a couple of his toes moved. "Did you see that?" he said excitedly. "Your toes moved, Sammy can you wiggle your toes?"
Sam watched his foot and saw the movement too and stared hopefully at his foot as chanted in his head, 'Move my toes, move my toes,' until his big toe on the left foot twitched.
"See! I told you, just gotta give yourself a little time." Dean smiled happily when he did it again. It wasn't much but it was a start. He was trying not to panic as Sam tried to speak and it seemed harder each time. He knew he had to be patient and let him do it on his own.
"Dean, need...Need..." Sam said knowing what he wanted to say but couldn't get it to come out. "Bathroom." he forced out shyly, embarrassed at having to ask.
"Let me get Cas, he can take care of it." Dean said going to the top of the stairs and calling down for him. "Cas, got a minute?"
"Yes Dean?" Cas asked appearing behind him and almost making him fall down the stairs. "Cas, we talked about this."
"Oh, right, sorry." he said stepping back from him to give him personal space.
"Sammy needs to use the bathroom. Can you zap him or something and take care of it. Right now he can't walk."
"Of course. Should we be concerned about this? Does he need to see the doctor again?" Cas asked looking into the bedroom.
"Give it a little time, he just woke up, but if it doesn't get better I'll see about taking him to see a doctor." Dean told him.
Cas walked over to Sam and positioned his hand on his abdomen for a moment and then removed it. "Is that better Sam?"
Sam nodded his head as he fought to make sense of what was happening. He knew he could talk but it was like there was a loose connection and the words didn't want to pass over his lips. It was like he couldn't form the sentences he wanted and have them make sense.
"Sammy, how 'bout a sponge bath and maybe you'll wanna sit up for a bit and I can change the sheets on the bed?"
"Gu-Guess." he said getting bummed that he was so helpless and not feeling himself. He felt like a child not being able to do anything for himself and it didn't help that what he wanted to say wouldn't form right in his brain and come out of his mouth. Things were fuzzy and out of sync but the one thing he did remember was he had split with his brother and Dean didn't want him around.
"I know that face, so stop it." Dean chastised him. "I don't want ya getting into one of those bitchy moods, you're gonna get better. Cas while I bathe him, why don't you go fix him something to eat, maybe some soup and crackers. Bobby'll show you where things are."
"I can do that." he said firmly, happy to be asked to help and heading back downstairs to do as requested.
"You're struggling to talk Sammy; I can see it. Don't try so hard, it'll come back, the docs said this could happen with the head injury you sustained. You're still healing, just let yourself do that. It'll get better. You hear me Sammy?" he asked tilting his chin so he could see into his tortured eyes.
Sam listened to what he was saying wanting so bad to contradict him but was afraid of what would come out of his mouth. He pressed his lips together and looked down away from Dean's gaze and nodded his head yes.
"Alright then, I'll go get the stuff and we'll get this done."
spn
Dean went to the bathroom and filled a plastic tub with hot water and stopped by the linen closet to grab towels and washcloth. He knew Sammy needed his hair washed, but that would have to wait. He would have whoever went on a supply run pick up some dry shampoo. He came back and set the things in a chair before going back for some soap, tooth brush and toothpaste.
"Okay Sammy, let's get ya cleaned up and some clean clothes. Maybe it'll make you feel better." Dean said looking down at him. He pursed his lips and looked around studying the bed and the chair for a moment. "We're gonna move to the chair to do this." Dean decided moving the tub from the chair. He moved to the bed and got Sam sitting up and swung his legs off the bed. "Let me do the work here bro. I'm just gonna shift you to the chair..." he grunted grabbing Sam under the arms and moving him to the chair. "Okay, let's get your tee shirt off and wash you down." Dean caught the hem of Sam's tee shirt and pulled it upward and over his head.
"Mmm-Me.." Sam said holding out his hand for the washcloth. He knew you took the cloth and ran it over your skin. At least he remembered how to do this and could do it for himself.
Dean wet the washcloth and soaped it, handing it to Sam and waited as he began to clean his upper body. Sam leaned forward and let Dean wash his back before rinsing the cloth and letting Sam go over his body again. He took a towel and dried him off. With Sam's help, Dean worked his sweats off and down Sam's limp legs. He sat the tub of water closer and kneeled beside him to wash his legs and feet and dry them.
"I'll be right back with some clean clothes." Dean said stepping from the room to the other bedroom to rummage in Sam's dresser for clothes. He came back and laid them on the bed before turning back to Sam.
"I'll put the towel over you so I can get your briefs off and new ones on." Dean told him dropping the towel over his lap to give him a little privacy. He reached under and slipped his fingers into the waistband of Sam's brief and pulled downward until he had them at his ankles and off. "Now for the clean ones." he said working backwards and getting them up his legs and letting Sam hold himself up enough to get them over his butt and settle at his waist. He let Sam put on his tee shirt and lifted each leg to work the sweats over them and up his legs. "Almost done here Sammy. How 'bout you brush your teeth before I get rid of the water." he said squeezing paste onto his brush and handing it to him. He watched Sam look at it for a moment like he was deciding what he should do with it and finally put it in his mouth and brushed them. "Spit in the tub." Dean instructed him as he held the tub in front of him. He passed him his water to rinse his mouth. "I'll let you sit here while I change the sheets. Oh, you wanna brush your hair while you sit there?"
"Yes." Sam said trying to adjust his position in the chair slightly before taking the wide toothed comb from Dean. He watched Dean strip the bed and gather up the towels and sheets to drop outside the door and took the dirty water back to the bathroom to dispose of it in the tub. Dean noticed Sam was staring at the comb and hadn't offered to comb his hair. He took Sam's hand and lifted it to his head and ran it through his hair twice showing him how to use it. Sam worked out a few tangles from the back of his head, wincing when he hit a tender spot. He used his fingers to gently probe the area and found a small lump there. He guess it came from what happened to him. Dean came back with clean sheets and quickly made the bed and fluffed the pillows.
"How ya doing over there Sammy?"
"Weak, how..." Sam answered honestly and tried to ask more but couldn't find the right words. He wanted to talk to Dean, but really didn't have the strength for the confrontation right now. He looked down at his bare feet and willed his toes to move. Sam concentrated hard and finally saw two of his toes move up and down. He let out the breath he was holding with a huff and slumping back in the chair. Just trying to do that seemed to zap the strength out of him.
"Almost done here Sammy and we'll get ya back in bed. Cas should be bringing food shortly and after you eat you need to rest." he rattled on before moving to Sam to shift him back to sit on the side of the bed. "Let's move ya to the headboard so you can sit up." Dean said moving the pillows behind his back. He adjusted his legs, making sure they looked comfortable before leaning up. "You want some socks on?" he questioned thinking his feet might get cold.
Sam didn't answer only shrugged he didn't care as his mind raced with so much jumbled information that didn't make sense at the moment. Things were messed up and he couldn't make things fit. It was like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle scattered out on a table and you couldn't find the pieces that fit together. Dean came back with socks and slipped them onto his feet and stood back surveying his work.
spn
"I have the soup and crackers for Sam." Cas said coming in carrying a tray with food and drink on it.
"Right on time." Dean said taking a clean towel to drape over Sam's chest and cover his lap before allowing Cas to sit the tray on it. "Eat up, you need to get your strength back."
"Bobby showed me how to make it. He had me bring some Gatorade for you to drink." Cas said proudly at being able to help.
"Thanks." Sam told him awarding him with a twitch of a smile. He looked down at the food for a moment before making his fingers pick up a cracker to take a small bite. He looked at the bowl of soup and frowned when no memory of how he was to eat it came to him. Sam looked up slowly not sure what to say and saw Dean watching him and he opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.
"What's wrong Sammy?" Dean asked cautiously when he saw Sam's expression of puzzlement and confusion.
"I-I...Don't...Don't know..." Sam stuttered as he tried to put the words together in his head. He looked at the tray and back up at Dean as tears filled his eyes with his frustration as his face reddened. He didn't know what was wrong with him and this just made it that much harder to cope with.
"Hey, what if I help you?" Dean asked sitting down by his side and picking up the spoon to fill it with soup before bringing it to Sam's mouth. He tried to not freak out any more than he already was and wondered what else Sam was going to have to relearn. "Why don't ya go on downstairs Cas? I got this." Dean said trying to get across to him to leave.
"Alright, maybe Bobby needs some help." he said turning to leave when he read Dean's mind that Sam was upset by not remembering how to do simple things, like feed himself. "If you need me you can pray and I'll hear you." he said looking to Sam as he said it. He wanted him to know how to contact him since Cas didn't know if he remembered. He saw Sam nod his understanding and left.
"Don't let this get you down Sammy, you're still recovering and you need to take things one step at a time. It will get better, I know it will." Dean assured him giving him another spoon of soup. "You were pretty badly injured so it might take a bit to get back to normal. We'll talk about it later when you're feeling better so don't freak out about things."
A/N: So Sam's going to have some relearning to do and what will he think when he does remember? I hope you are enjoying the read. Thank you to everyone who has decided to read my story. To any guest who left reviews, thank you. I do like to know your thoughts, please review. NC
