Dude Looks Like a Lady!

This a cracky AU inspired by the song "Dude Looks Like a Lady" by Aerosmith. Hints of Slash and Het. Intended to be silly. Please don't take any of this seriously.

I don't own Transformers or the song!

:~*~:

Sunstreaker huffed. He didn't want to be here. The music was too loud, the room was too hot, there were too many mechs here, the lighting was awful, the color on the walls was hideous, and the…

"Sunny, if you don't stop that internal bitchfest of yours, I'm going to smack you!"

Sunstreaker's helm snapped up to glare at his brother. His brother, one Sideswipe by name, was giving him the most unamused of unamused looks. Sunstreaker returned it.

"I want to go back to the hotel."

Sideswipe's flat look got flatter. "Duly noted, and subsequently disregarded. You need to get out more! This is our first time out of Iacon in 12 vorn and you want to spend it in the hotel room?"

"This isn't my idea of a good time, Sides!"

"Hey, it was your idea to come to Vos on this little inspiration jaunt of yours! Don't tell me that you're going to be like this in Praxus too!"

"I wanted to come to Vos, not some nightclub on the upper-east side! That brilliant idea was all yours!"

"Well, forgive me for trying to ensure that you actually get out of your art hovel once in a while! Primus! One would think that I was forcing you to trudge through the tar fields of Indus-7 with how much you're moping! Lighten up!"

"I'm starting to think that the tar fields would be preferable to this place…"

"That hurts, Sunny. Really stings. Is it so much to ask that you just get your pointy head out of your aft for fragging cycle?"

Sunstreaker's icy optics narrowed in a glare.

"You know what, on second thought, don't answer that," Sideswipe amended as he looked out over the room. He wished that Sunstreaker would see what an awesome opportunity this was. They were in Vos. City of the Fliers. It had taken a whole lot of heckling and plenty of processor aches just to get the clearance to get through the gates. The Seekers didn't normally like common Grounders like them in their beautiful city. Only Sunstreaker's reputation as a renowned artist and designer had gotten them the clearance that they needed.

Now they were inside the infamous Flier's City and had the chance to observe what the denizens were really like… And Sunstreaker was being a dip-stick in the mud. Go figure.

Sideswipe took a drink of his Premium grade Energon cube, humming in the back of his throat. Perhaps there was a way to snap Sunny out of his mood…

Sideswipe's optics suddenly brightened in excitement. Idea forming! Making a quick scan of the room, he found a group of figures that could just maybe be the snap he was looking for.

"Sunny. Hey, Sunny," Sideswipe crooned, grin spreading across his faceplates. "What do you say to sampling a few local delicacies?"

Sunstreaker looked over at him questioningly. Seeing that he now had his brother's attention, Sideswipe gestured across the room to a trio of fliers standing against the far wall. All three of them were leaning in close and speaking to one another with what looked to be fond familiarity. The Seekers were all long legs, tall thrusters, and sleek curves. And all of them were ripe for the picking.

Looking his brother in the optics, Sideswipe waggled his optic ridge, hinting. Sunstreaker scowled.

"C'mon Sunny! You can't tell me that you haven't wondered what it's like to be with a Seeker! I heard Seeker femmes have a tendency to be kinky."

"No, I've never wondered. Why should I care?"

"I think you're lying, Sunny. I can detect a hint of intrigue!"

Sunstreaker growled and pushed Sideswipe away from him. Huffing again, he folded his arms and stared resolutely at the floor before him.

"If you're so eager to get turned down, go ahead and talk to them. I'll be waiting here to tell you 'I told you so' when you get back. I'm sure it won't be long."

"Is Sunstreaker afraid of getting turned down?" Sideswipe asked in a mock teasing tone. The yellow mech's optics flared dangerously and Sideswipe smirked. Sore spot: found!

"I don't get turned down."

Sunstreaker's tone spoke of absolute assurance in that fact. The red twin smirked and leaned close to his brother's audio.

"Why don't you prove it?"

Sunstreaker's smoldering optics slid over to him. A growl was starting low in the yellow mech's chest, and Sideswipe was close enough that he could feel it. He felt his smirk spread a bit more.

Challenge accepted.

:~*~:

Sideswipe did not walk across the club floor, no, he strut. He felt every bit as confident as he looked that they could score with these fliers. They just had to play their cards right. That was where the challenge came from. And Sideswipe loved a good challenge.

As he and his brother approached the table, one of the fliers, boasting a shiny black paintjob, noticed them, perking up and fanning her wings. Sideswipe was almost mesmerized by the slow, instinctive movement. Everything about these Seekers radiated grace and poise; it was so totally different from the mechs that they interacted with back home.

Nudging her companions, the black Seeker nodded her head toward the brothers. Sideswipe could feel it when the other two Seekers turned to fix their gaze on him. He then observed that while the Seekers looked quite a bit alike, the way that they looked at them was completely different. The black one had a certain air of innocent curiosity about her, while the blue one on the right had almost bored feel coming from her and was totally polar to the calculating gaze from the red one on the left. This would be interesting.

Sideswipe approached the table and leaned in to place his elbow on the surface, taking up a stance of casual nonchalance.

"Mind if we join you?" he asked smoothly. The red Seeker answered first.

"Frag off, ground pounder," she hissed. Sideswipe was almost taken aback by the sound of her voice. It was high and raspy; almost sounding like there was damage there that had never been repaired properly. He let it slide and braced himself to trudge through the dismissal.

"Oh, come on. Don't be like that. We just wanted to come over and introduce ourselves."

"You're not from around here, are you?" the black one asked, drawing Sideswipe's attention. Now that he looked more closely, he could see the purple on the flier's forearms and wings, and he watched it shine under the flashing lights.

"Whatever gave you that notion, Sky? Was it the fact that they're grounders? Or their glaring lack of Vosnian etiquette?" the red Seeker snarked. Sideswipe watched the black flier's wings wilt as she turned her attention to the table in front of her.

"Hey, there's no need to be like that," Sideswipe tried to soothe. This red femme was a firecracker, alright. He turned his gaze back to the black Seeker, the one called 'Sky'. "You're right; we're not from around here. We're here on an artistic leave of sorts. My brother is an artist and we decided to roam the city looking for a few cool hangouts. And maybe a few cool fliers to hang out with. Know any?" Sideswipe plastered on his most charming smile for the Seekers and waited.

The blue flier just continued to regard them with a kind of bored, half- invested interest. The red Seeker had planted her elbow on the table and was using the upraised hand to support her head, optic ridge raised and optics disbelieving. Sideswipe pulled back off the table, standing with his weight on one leg and a fist planted on his cocked hip. His other hand came up and rested against his hood, forming a stance he called 'haughty innocence'.

"Oh, don't give me that look! What's so wrong with wanting to spend time with a few beautiful femmes while away from home?"

He expected the question to be met with flustered blushing, or even, more sass from the red spitfire. That was not what Sideswipe got.

Instead, his question was met with round surprised optics and stunned silence… Followed by loud ringing laughter.

The black flier dropped her helm down onto the table, occasionally bringing a fist down on the surface in mirth. The blue Seeker had a hand clapped over her mouth as she tried to control her laughter. The red Seeker positively cackled. She had her upraised hand over her optics and the other wrapped around her middle.

Sideswipe was confused.

"Uh… maybe I missed the joke, but… could someone please tell me what's so funny?"

The blue Seeker recovered first and looked up at the brothers, still trying to stifle the small chuckles escaping.

"Because you obviously can't tell the difference between a Seeker femme and a Seeker mech."

Sideswipe felt his optics widen in surprise. The blue Seeker's voice was deep, rumbling, and distinctly NOT feminine! He glanced at the other two Seekers who were finally getting a hold over their mirth. The black Seeker sat up, only to fall back over onto his blue companion.

"Oh, Primus! That's hilarious! You guys came over here thinking that we were femmes?!"

"I'm not really sure whether to feel flattered or insulted," the red Seeker said, optics dancing with humor.

Sideswipe was stupefied. He was totally out of his element here! Glancing behind him at Sunstreaker, he hoped to find some kind of reassurance, or perhaps some help. He was disappointed to find that Sunstreaker had a smirk on his face and his shoulders were shaking faintly with his chuckles. The yellow slagger was finding this funnyI!

Finding no help from his brother, and seeing as the Seekers were still laughing at him, Sideswipe turned on his heel and prepared to make a swift exit.

"Hey, hold on!" he heard one of the fliers call out to him. He spared a hesitant glance over his shoulder. The Seekers were all smiling now, a certain red flier a little more maliciously than his companions, but there was a certain companionable air around them now.

"I haven't seen Star or TC laugh that hard in a long time. Anyone who can manage that is alright in my opinion," the black Seeker said.

"If maybe a little gender confused," the blue Seeker added. The red Seeker called over his shoulder for another round of drinks and the Seekers scooted closer together to make room for the twins in their booth. Sunstreaker had already taken the invitation and sat down next to the blue Seeker, and seemed to be engaging in a quiet conversation.

Sideswipe hesitated, gazing at the seat vacated for him next to the red Seeker. The black Seeker smiled charmingly.

"Don't worry, Star doesn't bite. And even if she did, she's had her antivirus updates for the vorn," he laughed, going along with the joke. The aforementioned 'Star' cuffed his black companion over the helm, spurring a round of laughter around the table. Sideswipe relaxed minutely and settled down into the booth.

"As long as we're not troubling you ladies," he said with a smirk.

:~*~:

This is silly. All kinds of silly. And short… I had this idea on my way home from class today while listening to a classic rock radio station. Guess what song came on?

I thought that this would totally be something Sideswipe would do, and… this resulted. I've been told that I tend to draw Seekers that look like femmes anyway, so this isn't all that far-fetched for me.

I've also discovered that I have fallen in love with the Lambo twins. They are adorable! There will likely be a lot of them in chapters to come.

Anyway: Read, Review, and Enjoy!