Bella POV
I sat at the table pushing the food that Esme made me around on my plate. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that she had actually cooked this meal for me and that I should be grateful for her kindness and eat it, but somehow I couldn't quite bring myself to listen to that voice in the back of my head. I couldn't really help it if the very thought of food repulsed me in every way could I?
"Bella, you should at least attempt to eat something," Edward said to me with nothing but love and concern in his eyes. It pissed me off a little that he was trying so hard. Everyone was just trying too hard. I'M STILL BELLA I wanted to jump up and say, but then I realized that if I did say it they would all just look at me with more pity and probably get me professional help. Well, maybe if you'd start acting like a normal person, people would treat you like a normal person. I thought in my head.
"How are you doing sweetie?" Esme asked me.
"I'm fine," I whispered, trying to keep my crazy temper in check and the annoyance out of my voice. I swear if one more person asks me if I'm ok I will crack. How many times do I have to say it? I'M FINE!! I'M FINE I'M FINE I'M FINE!!!!
"Ok dear. Just as long as you know we are all here for you," Esme said to me. I nodded my head and took a big bite of the food from my plate without tasting it, just so that I would be able to keep my mouth occupied with something other than insulting the Cullen family.
I saw amusement flash across Edward's face, probably at my reaction. I knew he saw my emotions as if they were painted in big black bold letters across my forehead. He definitely didn't need Jasper's power to tell that I was getting annoyed.
"Hello Bella," I heard Carlisle say from behind me. I'm pretty sure that Carlisle has me on suicide watch, especially since he hasn't gone to work since I 'came out of my head,' which, by the way, was 3 days ago. The funeral is in 2 days. I haven't been alone for any decent amount of time, except for when I'm in the shower. It seems to be the only place I can find solace from all of the pity that constantly surrounds me, well there and in the presence of Emmett. He still treats me like an actual human being instead of fragile china. Which is funny, because I guess to him there wouldn't be much difference between the two. But you get the idea.
"Hi," I answered shortly and quietly. I was starting to feel this strange tingly sensation flowing through my arms and in the pit of my stomach. It felt weird and I'd been getting the feeling a lot. It was a feeling that I couldn't get rid of unless I got up and did something, and I only got the feeling when I was getting thoroughly annoyed with all of these questions about my feelings. I am not a basket case ok? My father just died. Is it not normal for me to have a huge freak out?
"Bella, your hands are shaking. Are you alright?" Carlisle asked. Bite your tongue Bella. Bite your tongue. I thought to myself.
"I'm fine, Carlisle," I said, enunciating each syllable. I'm sure to them I sounded a little harsh, but I'm sure they'd all be grateful if they knew just how hard I was trying to keep myself in check. I remembered reading somewhere that this was a normal reaction to loss: displaced anger.
I took another huge bite of the food to keep my mouth full and rendering me unable to talk. Edward, Carlisle, and Esme looked at me as if I had just gone completely insane but looked slightly pleased that I was finally eating. As soon as I swallowed the food, someone would ask me a question, trying to get me to speak and what not. Of course, they were always walking on eggshells around me and it was very, VERY irritating. So instead of answering the questions I would take ginormous bites of food to keep from talking.
Once I was done I hurried to wash the dish and I ran upstairs to Edward and mine's room. I knew that if they really wanted to, they could catch me and force me to talk about what I was going through, but, quite frankly, they knew I didn't want to so I guess the all just left me alone.
It was beginning to get fairly hot outside, so I stopped sleeping in sweats, opting for the more comfortable shorts and a tank top. Just as I pulled on my tank top there was a knock on the door.
"Come in," I whispered, knowing that whoever it was would here me.
"Hey Bells," Emmett said. I looked at him and felt very relieved. I didn't smile. Smiling was something that I've attempted to do, but it just comes out looking like a contorted wince.
"What brings you here Emmett?" I asked him as I sat down on the couch. Emmett came and sat down next to me. We had become infinitely closer this passed week. He really was getting to be more like my awesome older brother.
"I figure you'd be up to some real conversation after being watched all day. Plus, I just wanted to see my favorite little human," Emmett teased as he mussed my hair. I sighed and became lost in the silence that always seemed to elude me when I wasn't in my room.
"I'm getting really pissed off Em." I said.
"I know."
"It's just that… everyone treats me as if I'm going to break down and freak out at any given moment. You're the only person who doesn't treat me any different."
"Don't you think you should talk to Edward about this. You know he's worried about you, so is the rest of the family."
"I know, I know. I just don't want Edward to have to suffer through this with me. He can't do anything about it, and all he'll do is blame himself. I can't do that to him."
"Bella, Edward is going to be your husband soon. He'll suffer with you whether you want him to or not, whether he knows why your suffering or not." Emmett said before excusing himself to go downstairs, not before giving me a tight hug first. Apparently someone was calling him. I soon got bored sitting on the couch all by myself. I got up and started for the stairs when I heard the arguing.
"Why is she confiding in you Emmett? I'm her fiancé. She should be confiding in me," I heard Edward say.
"Or me!" I heard Alice whine.
"Because you guys are pissing her off!" I heard Emmett quietly exclaim.
"What? Why?" I heard Esme gasp.
"Because you all are trying too hard. She's sick and tired of all of you walking on eggshells around her. She needs people to be there for her and talk to her, not talk at her." Emmett said calmly.
"That still doesn't explain why she can't just talk to me," Edward grumbled, annoyed.
"Or me," Alice whined, again. I bit my tongue so that I wouldn't laugh. What is Alice supposed to be anyway? Comic relief?
"Ok, first of all, Alice, no offense, but you can be a little annoying at times and right now is not the right time for retail therapy. Bella hates, no, loathes shopping. As for you Edward, you have a tendency to be slightly masochistic and she doesn't want you blaming yourself for something you couldn't control. Yes, Charlie is dead. Yes, Victoria killed her. No, there was nothing we could have done. If you want to blame anyone, blame that fucking dog." Emmett said. I was relieved that Emmett had talked to them. It would save me a lot of trouble and tears. I decided that it was time for me to speak up, but just as I was I felt someone behind me.
"Rose!" I gasped as I looked behind me, terrified that she had just snuck up on me like that.
"Can we talk, Bella?" Rosalie asked me.
"Sure, why not," I replied.
A/n This chapter and part of the next chapter will be fillers. Just until I get to the really good parts.
