A/N: Here's the new chapter. Thanks to my beta's greeneyesbrandy & aecarlso you guys are amazing!
So I'm trying to update more often, but I'm trying to rid my house of the smallest mouse I've ever seen. Doesn't matter how small it is though, still gives me the heebie jeebies. I've decided to name him Mickey. Ironic, huh? Well, the only way we can get rid of it is to get a mouse trap so I'm pretty upset. I don't like killing animals or bugs. I'm the catch and release kinda chick. I'll let you know when the impending funeral is coming.
I own nothing.
I also have nothing else to say. On with the show!
Don't look at the past again
The first and last has made everything new
And you are too
So lift your head
And let your story be told
Life on earth will end for all conceived
And prove to be only a breath,
A mist, a womb for what's to come
How soon forever arrives
The sun will set on this my dear
Your labors aren't in vain
You're blistered and you're burned from it
Your wounds are gonna heal (forever arrives)
Flyleaf - Break Your Knees
BPOV
Tanya grabbed my arm and pulled me outside to the waiting Buick sitting by the curb. Her grandma never cared when she took her car and since she didn't have one of her own, this was the only option. I didn't care what we drove in, honestly. As long as we got there.
As we drove down the highway, the car filled with silence as I stared blankly out the window and Tanya drove, keeping her eyes straight ahead.
I knew she was worried about me, but fuck, I didn't know what to do about it after a month of this shit. I couldn't remember how to feel anymore. I reveled in the feeling of emptiness but there was something nagging at me that I couldn't quite place. I wasn't accustom to thinking much lately either. I would just let everything sort of happen. Now that I was trying to utilize my mind and emotions, it seemed like a lost cause. I tried to feel happy about being here with Tanya, miles away from Charlie, but I couldn't, no matter how I tried I couldn't escape the black hole I'd sunk myself into. I wanted to smile and be happy to see Tanya after all this time. I was scared that if I came out of my empty mind, I wouldn't be able to find my way back. Things were better this way. I had no troubles. I'd sit and wait things out, wait for the impending doom.
Suddenly, my car door opened and I jumped back into my seat in shock. That was before a I chanced a look around and noticed we were in T's driveway and she was the one who opened the door, waiting for me patiently.
How the hell did I daydream away a two hour drive?
I shook my head to clear it, which was a pointless act seeing as my mind had been empty for weeks.
I got out of the car and followed Tanya into her house. As we walked into the tiny living area, I noticed her grandma sitting on her grandma sat on the couch watching 'Murder She Wrote'.
Huh. I guess it's true that old people love that show.
Tanya continued pulling me through her small house until we reached her room. The house only held two small bedrooms, one tiny bathroom, and a joined kitchen and living room. It was an odd set up, but fuckawesome when you have parties or have the munchies. I could recall all the times we would be watching 'Grandma's Boy' after smoking out and want something to eat. We never had to miss a single robo-bitch or DDR joke since the rooms were connected.
There was a down side to it though. The house was small so when we'd throw major parties, bodies would be packed everywhere.
Tanya pulled me down onto her bed and started moving her mouth.
I tried to hear her, really I did, but being completely shut down for the last however-long doesn't really help the hearing department. She started snapping her fingers in front of my face to get my spaced out eyes to focus.
I regained myself somehow and looked at her expectantly.
"B, what the fuck dude? I know you aren't going to say anything so sit there and fucking listen," she started. I knew she was about to have a shit bad rant, so I focused the best I could manage. "Listen man, I know shit with your old man is fucked, okay? I know this and you know I know what you're going through. You can't do this to yourself. You can't just shut the fuck down and let him do whatever he wants Bells. You can't let him beat you without even putting up a fight. I know you B, you're a fucking fighter. You've fought for something normal your entire life. When I talked to you a few months ago, you sounded fucking happy. You were talking about those dudes you met at school and I got excited for you. I thought you would find someone up there in that shithole town to help you out with your shit since I can't from here. You had hope in your voice. Then that prick does some punching practice again and you just, disappear. There's nothing in your eyes B. You can't do this shit, man. I know it's the easiest way out, I fucking know that, but it's not what's best. You're going to go through school and go away to college, get a job and fall in love with someone. You're going to live a happy life B, but you can't do that if you give up. You always told me to never give up because I wouldn't want to look back on my life and see that I gave up my life for nothing. Bella, you're doing that now. You can't go down without swinging. You have to have some pride, man! I know that spit fire best friend of mine is in there somewhere. The one who talked shit and stood up to her sperm doner father and could take a shotgun like no bodys fucking business." She took a second to breathe in a shuddering breath.
"Bells, I hate seeing you like this. You have to live your life to the fullest. You have to keep going. You'll never know if you can find a way out of this if you stop trying. If you don't, then he's already killed you without even laying a final hand on you."
She was crying in hysterics now. Tanya, my best friend, with the armor of steel, who can hold emotions inside for fucking years, is sitting in front of me crying.
All because I gave up. I quit trying to live. I forfeited my entire being for nothing. She was right, I know she was, but fuck this shit is hard. The only reason I'm not blowing up on her and telling her she had no idea what I was going through and to fuck off, is because she does know what I'm going through. She went through the same, if not worse, shit with her dad.
Who the fuck have I become? I'm an empty shell of nothing but air and space. And for what? A piece of shit that liked to throw me around every once in a while? Fuck that! Why should I give him the luxury of me never putting up a fight? What had he done that would cause this to be easy on him? Shit, if he wanted a fight, I was going to give him one.
As soon as I recovered from 'Night of the Living Dead' and was home with some dignity.
Tanya was so right it hurt. I needed to buck the fuck up and get my life back. What life I had at least. I could live the life I wanted. I did the first day at school when I met the fuckawesome gang. They were people I could see me spending time with everyday. I could have the time of my life and Charlie would never know unless he busted me.
So what happens if I stayed like this and Charlie pushed it too far one day? What would I have to leave with? Nothing. I didn't try to do anything. I would die at his hands and have nothing. I owed myself and those around me to have some sort of life. Especially myself.
Tanya was going to help me come back from the Twilight Zone and when I got home, I knew exactly what the fuck I was going to do; party like a fucking rock star with my new peeps.
I was pulled out of my thoughts by Tanya suddenly stopping her crying and staring at me with a gleam in her eye.
Then she smiled. I smiled in return.
Than she pounced.
"B! You're back! Well, somewhat. Fuck, man, you had me scared shitless."
I sighed, feeling like shit for putting her through that.
"I'm sorry Tanya. Really, I'm okay right now, so can we not talk about it and get this party started? I know while I'm here I'm not going to have a moment of soberness, so lets get this shit started," I said, pushing her off me and sitting back up right on her bed.
She squealed, just like Alice would do. Alice. Fuck I missed her. I know her and Edward kept coming into my view almost everyday and now I felt like shit for ignoring them. Sure, I thought it was best, but what Charlie won't know won't hurt him, right? The whole gang was just trying to be my friend and I pushed them away because of Charlie. i don't owe that bastard shit. I deserved their friendship and I had to get it back. One thing at a time though.
I wanted to call them really quick to say I'm sorry and all that shit to reassure them I'm okay.
"T, I'm going to step outside to make a phone call okay?"
She looked at me knowingly and nodded, "Sure hun, take your time. I'll have a surprise for you when you get back inside." She winked as I got off the bed to grab my phone.
"Dude, you sounded totally lesbian just now," I chuckled.
"Shit B, you know I love the cock."
I nodded and kept laughing as I walked to the front door. Laughing felt so foreign to me now. Everything did. Smiling, talking, listening. I needed a fucking reality check and with T's little speech in there, I got a piece of one. I knew I'd be doing a lot more smiling and laughing this weekend. I was going to let loose and live my life.
I stood on the porch and hit the green button on my phone.
"Hello?" asked a chipper voice.
"Hey, Alice, it's Bella." I was very concerned about how she would take me calling. I mean, I kind of, sort of, blew her off for the last month or so.
"Bella! Oh my gosh, I've been so worried about you! I've tried to talk to you everyday in class and nothing! Then Edward said he went to your house and you shut the door on his face, and oh my gosh, are you okay?!" she sounded frantic.
"Look Alice, I'm really sorry how I've been acting. I was going through some shit and just, I don't know what came over me."
"All is forgiven my friend, trust me. So where are you? We were thinking of having a get together with just the gang, so wanna join?" she sounded hopeful.
"Um, well, I would love to, really I would, but I'm kind of, in Phoenix."
"Wow! That's awesome Bella. Visiting old friends? Well, no worries. We'll just have to throw a coming home get together when you get back! When are you coming back? You are coming back, right?!"
I couldn't help but laugh at her. "Of course I'm coming back, Al. I'll be back sometime Sunday, so I'll see you on Monday, okay?"
"Awesome! The gangs waiting on me anyways. I'll smoke one for you Bells."
"Okay Al, that sounds like a plan. I'll do the same for you."
"Kay. Bye!"
"Wait!" I couldn't stop the word from launching out of my mouth.
"Yeahhh?" she sounded confused.
"Um, tell Edward I'm really sorry, okay? Just tell him I had some shit going on and everything okay? Oh, and no offense to the others, but could you keep it quiet? I feel like I know you two better somehow."
"No problamo Belly! I'll be sure to let him know!"
"Thanks Al. I'll talk to you soon."
We said our goodbyes and I realized I had a huge shit eating grin on my face.
I was giving Alice a nickname, though it was just her name minus three letters, and she said 'friend' and I didn't cringe or anything. I was definitely making an improvement on my new mind set.
When I got back to Tanya room, she had a long mirror on her bed with six lines of pills, two pieces of a drinking straw, and a card she was using to even the lines.
"T, what the fuck are you doing?" I asked, sitting back down.
"Bells, I know you pop some pills here and there, put really, snorting them is so much better. The effects are faster and shit. Here," she handed me a straw end and took the other herself.
"Watch, it's easy as Madonna."
She stuck the straw end to her left nostril and clamped the other shut with her right pointer finger. She leaned down towards the mirror and inhaled the pill dust through her nose so fast I almost missed it.
"What the fuck Tan? Where'd you learn that shit?" I laughed as she pushed the mirror towards me.
"Right after you left. I started fluffing pills and snorting them with some of the old gang and picked up a new nickname."
"What the fuck is it, Hoover?" I repeated the action she showed me and felt the pill particles slide into my nose. Though I didn't do it in one quick sweep like her, it only took me a few extra snorts.
Tanya busted out laughing, "No, it was actually Red Devil, you know, since I have some red in my hair, but shit man, I like yours better!"
She saw me fiddling with my nose and jumped up.
"Oh! Come with!" She grabbed my hand and dragged me to the tiny bathrom next to her room.
She turned on the sink to an extreme low so there was barely any water running and stuck her finger under it so there was some about to drip from the tip.
She look at me pointedly and tipped her head back before letting the water drip down her pill filled nose.
"It helps with drainage and shit. It runs all the powder from the nostril out so its not all clogged."
I nodded in understanding and repeated the action.
As I did so, I felt the drainage she was talking about. It's like the entire pill started going from my nasal cavity straight to my mouth and throat. It was a bitter taste, like letting a pill dissolve itself in your mouth.
I must've made a face because Tanya laughed and said "I know, it's a shitty taste. Some people love drainage and others loathe it. Eh, we have a mutaul love/hate relationship."
I started licking my gums, noticing they were completely numb and felt fucking awesome.
Tanya just nodded and headed back to the bedroom where she proceeded to roll the fastest blunt I've seen in a long fucking time and light it.
And so the fun began.
"Get her T! Fuck em up!" I yelled at Tanya as she and some dark haired bitch sumo wrestled on the little mat someone set up outside.
I took another swig of the mixed drink I made and went back to cheering. When I say mixed drink, I mean, I was so fucked up that the alcohol couldn't be tasted anymore so I grabbed a shot of every alcohol in the house and put them all in one big ass cup. It was my thing, everyone knew that.
It was known as 'The Bella Surprise'. Fuck yeah I have my own drink, wanna fight about it? Nah, didn't think so.
Anyways, back to sumo wrestling in the backyard.
Tanya was in the suit with the red sumo thong and the other bitch was in the blue. She was pushing the other bitch toward the outside line when the bitch bent down and clipped her legs. Being the drunk shit Tanya is, she toppled backwards and fell.
"Fuck that shit T! Get up!" I screamed.
It was now Saturday night and I have been fucked out of my mind for as long as I've been here. We couldn't have major shit all hours of the night since cops could come and what-not, so early hours of morning we'd have our little group of friends inside the house and reminisce about the old days. I was fucking ecstatic when I saw the old guys again. I haven't been gone long I know, but fuck, when you're gone at all, time seems to pass like crazy.
I got to catch up with Paul and his brother Jared. They were cool cats. They were a few years older than us but cool as fuck. Sam is dating Emily, whom is Jared and Pauls sister. Sam was dating Leah until they broke up and Leah is... fuck I'm too drunk for this shit.
Whatever. I caught up with everyone and met this guy Garrett Tanya seems to have suddenly taken a liking to. I saw them together yesterday and they are cute as fuck together. I noticed he never once looked up and down another bitches body and acted like Tanya was the only one in the room, as the same for her. It would be kind of scary if it didn't seem so damn adorable and exhilirating. I bet they fuck like rabbits.
"I think Tanya's got the bitch," someone said to my side.
I looked back to the mat and saw Tanya was once again on her feet and they were circling again. Out of nowhere the girl launched for Tanya and T did a quick side step that surprised the fuck out of me since she was as toasted as I was, and sent the girl flying into the crowd and off the mat.
She raised her hands in victory and screamed out.
I saw it was an old friend Jacob Black that had spoken but that was just by the glance I shot his way before making my way to Tanya on the mat.
"You did it babe!" I slurred.
"What'd you say, B? I can't understand you. Are you that fucked up? The parties just getting started!" she yelled, jumping up and down like rocky.
Huh. I thought what I said was perfectly clear. Fuck, I must be toasted.
Suddenly a thought came into my mind and I fucking lost my shit. I landed on the ground laughing so hard. I think it was mainly because of the drugs and alcohol in my system because really it wasn't that funny.
"What?" Tanya asked, standing above me in her sumo outift still, causing me to laugh even more.
The giggles got so bad they were the silent ones. You know, where you start laughing so hard you can't breath, tears are running down your face and you aren't making any noise? Well, I was past that.
I got my shit together enough to tell Tanya what was so funny.
"Dude, I bet... I sounded like... Barry from... Beerfest when they played Asshole... and he got smashed..." I couldn't quit laughing.
I'm guessing Tanya heard me because soon she was joined in the giggle fits.
After we got ourselves together we went inside to chill out.
We headed to the living room and sat on the couch. People knew not to sit in the middle or right side; those were our spots. You take our spots, you get your ass kicked. Everyone was standing around drinking, smoking, listening to music and generally having a good fucking time.
We didn't play drinking games or pong shit or whatever. We just tipped our cups and drank. We didn't need petty shit to get us fucked up and we knew that much.
We sat people watching for a while before Garrett claimed the spot next to Tanya, grabbing her full attention.
I didn't mind. He wasn't around all the time and knew we needed our time to catch up so he could steal her for a little bit.
I took another long drink from my cup and noticed it was almost empty. I frowned before I felt someone place themselves on the arm of the couch next to me.
"Need a refill?" Jacob asked.
Now, don't get me wrong, Jacob's a cool cat too. He's handsome and all that jazz, but so not my type. I don't know why, but suddenly a vision of bronze hair and fuckawesome green eyes popped into my mind. I quickly shook it off.
"Nah, I'm drinking the Bella Surprise so you couldn't get it right anyways," I answer, polishing off what was left.
I've known Jacob longer than I've known Tanya. He was cool and stood up for me when I was still a little push over, but he liked me more than good-friend-I-see-as-an-older-sister type. I didn't feel the same, obviously. He just didn't get it. Lately, Tanya told me he's been finding himself in the beds of lots of chicks and was started to get a big head, no pun intended, not to mention a hot head at that. She said he's always getting into fights at school, whether they be female or male. With males it's physical, with female, verbal. He better not start his shit with me becuase I was a mean drunk sometimes and was just itching for someone to fuck with me. I needed to let my agression out. Maybe I should try out the sumo mat.
"Come on, B. You know I can mix random liquor just as well as you can."
Snap.
I'm sorry, that was my last nerve breaking.
He hit two sore spots in the tiny sentence. No one calls me B but Tanya and he knows that. Secondly, the Bella Surprise is a Bella Surprise for a fucking reason. No one can make that shit but me.
I told him as much. "Jake, don't fucking call me that. You know just as well as I do that you can't make my drink so fuck off."
"Fuck Bells, why you being such a bitch! I was trying to be nice. What the fuck happened to you? Daddy not give you enough money to buy booze with, is that it?" he snapped.
I cackled darkly. Tanya must have heard him because whatever she was talking to Garrett about was forgotten as she whipped her head in our direction.
I stood up with a dark smile on my face and stood toe to toe with Jacob Black, the mother fucker who was about to regret fucking with one Bella Swan.
"Jacob. You have no fucking clue what has happened to me," I snarled. I glared. I was fuming. "Don't act like you know me. Don't pretend you understand. Back the fuck off." I was right in his face now. I'm sure he could feel spit hitting his face with my words.
He stared in shock before squaring his shoulders and puffing out his chest.
He's going to make a big fucking mistake.
"Listen bitch, I'm sure you're use to everything going your way and people letting you talk to them however you want but not me. I don't stand for that shit. Now apologize, princess." He smirked at me.
"Apologize?! Excuse me?! You want me to apologize to you?!"he nodded.
I grabbed Garrett's full cup of liquor and threw it in Jacob's face. He stood and yelled in pain from the stinging in his eyes.
"Here's your fucking apology, asshole." With that, I kneed him in the balls before grabbing his wrists and pulling down, successfully kneeing him in the nose with the same leg.
He flew back, one hand on each damaged good, yelling expletives.
"Fuck! Bella you're such a bitch! What the fuck was that for?!"
"Jake, I suggest you get the fuck out of this house before things get much worse. You don't know what the fuck I've been through. You can walk around and treat every person around here with disrespect, but you won't do that to me. I've put up with a lot of shit in my life but I'm drawing the line. It's about damn time I stood up for myself, starting with you."
He just stood there, staring blankly at me.
"Get. The fuck. OUT!" I yelled one last time before he scrambled towards the front door and left.
"Hell yeah!" Tanya screeched, pulling me into a hug.
I was still pissed as hell but I couldn't help but feel proud of myself. I've never stood up for myself like that with anyone. Sure, I've been in my fair share of fights with bitches who think they're shit don't stink or who have started it, but I've never off and pummeled someone because they were blatantly talking down to me. I felt a swell of pride.
It was in that moment that I knew I could do this. I could go back to Forks and have a happy life outside of my home. I could stand up to Charlie and let him know I'm not going down without a fight.
I was feeling several things in that moment too. First of all, of course, was the alcohol which had a lot of help in pushing me to stand up to dick head Jake, but there was more than that. I didn't feel so consumed in fear as I had my entire life. I still felt it, it wasn't as much, but it was deep down in me, boiling below the surface. No, much greater than that was determination. I was determined to put Charlie in his place and stand my ground.
I've let him push me around for too damn long. I'd had enough of his bullshit.
I just hoped the courage I felt stuck around until I got home and actually had to face the monster that is Charlie.
The rest of the night went on without incident. After Jake left, bloodied and deflated, Tanya shoved a blunt in my face and told me to chill out and have a good time. So I did. We hung out with everyone who came by the couch because we didn't move from the spot the rest of the time. We were drunk and baked beyond belief. There was no way we were moving successfully.
We stayed up all night hanging out and toking up, and before we knew it, the sun was high in the sky and my flight was right around the bend.
I hadn't slept the entire weekend I was there, so I was pretty fucked. I smelled of weed and booze so I decided to take an hour long shower to rid myself of the stench.
When I got out, Tanya had all my things packed in my little carry on bag and was holding a bottle.
"What's that?" I asked, nodding towards the bottle.
"It's a present from me! I put an ounce or so of green in your bag. Don't worry, I put it inside a pair of panties and rolled them in some jeans. Even through the x-ray thing they won't see it. These little bad boys," she shook the bottle, "Are the greatest things to ever come to pharmacudical knowledge. Just one will knock you on your ass."
She had this gleam in her eye as she studied the bottle. Like she was seeing love at first sight or some shit.
"What the fuck are they T?" I asked, a little tired of being out of the know.
"Oxy's."
Now I've heard of Oxycontin's before when I lived down here, but I wasn't all that into pills then. Now I'm a little more experienced in the department and couldn't help the drool that spilled over my lip.
"Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie!!" I yelled, reaching towards the bottle like a little kid reaching for a lollipop.
Oxycontin's were the strongest pill I would ever touch. They were strong and could put you on cloud fucking twenty for two days. Cloud nine wasn't high enough for these bitches. I'd done it once when I was still living here, but that was it. That shit was the extreme.
"Ah, ah, ah. Rules. I have to talk to you about this shit Bells," she chided.
I nodded in understanding. She was like this sometimes. She would give me 'the talk' every now and then when I'd have Lortabs or in the rare occasion I'd have pills on me.
"Now you know these are strong. These are Oxy 80's. They will kick your ass but give you the best feeling you've experienced with a pill that won't put you to sleep for three days like Flexirel. This shit is fuckawesome if you take it the right way. It's a time-release formulation and it will keep you high for as long as you want, pretty fucking much."
I chuckled at her. Tanya did her best to explain shit when really she didn't have a clue what she was talking about either. I have to give her props though, at least she tries.
"Anyways, don't take a whole one at first. If you don't have a tolerance for them you could OD and shit. So start off with just half for the first times you take them and after a while you can take a whole one. You might even want to start with a quarter and work your way up." She stopped talking for a second and looked like she was contemplating something. "Yeah, start with quarters then go to halves. It'll work your tolerance up better."
She handed me the bottle and I inspected it, seeing my name on the label.
"How the hell is my name on here?" I asked.
"I have some hook ups in pharmacy shit and they put it on there for me. That way if they actually do find the bottle at the airport, it has your name on it and they can't do shit about it." She smiled, looking damn proud of herself.
I gave her a hug and put the bottle in my purse. "T, you know how to make a girl happy. I know I'll need to pay you for the plane ticket. And the green. And the pills." We both laughed at this. "I promise, when I'm famous and bringing in millions, I won't forget the little people," I said, throwing her a wink.
She laughed and swatted at me, "Fuck off. Get your shit together. Your flight leaves in three hours. Charlie should still be gone, right?"
I nodded. She knew Charlie was always gone on the weekends. I couldn't remember the last time he actually was home on a weekend.
We gathered my things and got in the car to start the drive towards the airport.
A/N: Well, there's that. I know it seems like I went through her weekend pretty fast and there weren't many details, but all it would be is drinking and drugs and shit and nothing interesting, so I just added the Jacob part in there for kicks. People were asking if Jacob was going to be in it, so there you go ;)
This chapter was longer than others, so I hope it was okay.
I'm trying to hurry up and finish this story so I can start on my other one. I have everything in my head how this will play out, so sit tight. The gang is going to start showing up more now that Bella had decided to be free and live life for once.
Oh and don't worry, Edward will be there the entire time.
He's going to confront her soon, so stay with me. I'm not sure how many chapters until they start discovering what the other knows, so keep reading and it will pop up sometime in the near future.
Review loveys!
