Authors Note:
Thank you so much for all your comments, here's the next chapter for you. The next couple of chapters will be quite emotional and you will find out near enough everything about Ana's past and more on Christian's, I am leaving out one little slight detail but you will find out about that soon enough. I hope you enjoy and thank you again for reading!
Chapter Eleven:
I've read about the Dominant/Submissive lifestyle before, and I know some of what it entails but I never thought I would find myself in a situation like this. I look at Christian and wait for him to answer but he doesn't, somehow I know that everything Elena said was and is true, my eyes plead with his to tell me otherwise but he just looks away. I decide I can't handle his silence anymore and I begin talking:
"I said I wouldn't leave Christian, but you owe me an explanation and a good one, if you don't then I will leave and I won't come back" Christian's head snapped back to look at me as I spoke, he took a step closer to be and I took a step back, his eyes widened.
"I won't hurt you…" he whispered, his voice broke as he said it.
"It doesn't matter Christian, I deserve to know who you really are seeing as though I don't know you at all"
"No Ana you do know me, you do"
"Well then start talking Christian…"
"I can't…"
"Why not?"
"Because you will still leave me…"
"Christian, I will walk out of this apartment if you don't start talking…"
"Ana, please, I never wanted you to find out this way, eventually I was going to tell you this but I didn't want you leaving so I avoided it as much as I could..."
"Well it looks like your friend did it for you" he stiffened up at the slight mention of her.
"Who is she Christian? Who is she to you? Do you have a past together, are you together now?" he doesn't answer.
"DAMN IT CHRISTIAN, TELL ME!" I scream at him.
"YES OKAY YES ANA! Everything she said is true but please, it's not me anymore, you have to believe me, ever since I met you…"
"Since you met me, we've known each other probably less than a month, how can you possibly decide to suddenly change your lifestyle just because of meeting me, that's bullshit Christian!"
"No Ana it's not, you don't understand…"
"Then make me understand!" I watch him closely, he takes a deep breath and continues.
"Ok, I'll tell you everything, but please don't leave. I know you probably will after I've finished but…"
"Just tell me Christian" he nods and leads me over back to the bar stools in the kitchen, I sit down and wait for him to start talking, whilst grabbing my champagne then putting it back again realising drinking champagne probably wasn't the best idea at this moment, I had a feeling this definitely wasn't going to be a cheerful conversation. He doesn't sit down next to me, he stays standing, far enough away from me.
"Ok, what she said was true, every bit of it, although I do wish it hadn't come out like that. I was a Dominant, have been since I was 21 years old. A year ago I decided I didn't want to be in that kind of lifestyle anymore so I tried to leave it all behind and move on with my life, at first I was fine but then the stress of my job got the better of me and I needed a release, it's the only way I've ever known. Then I met you…you stumbling into my office changed my life, more than you know. Elena was right too, I don't have any friends, I don't have time for friends, my brother and sister don't count. My job meant that I sacrificed a lot in order for me to achieve what I have, I kept everyone including my parents, my brother and sister at a safe distance, they hardly ever see me and when they do it's for an hour at the most before I find excuses to leave again and head back to work. You're the first real friend I have ever had, and I didn't want to lose that by telling you about my fucked up life. I swear to you Ana, I would have told you eventually, we've only known each other a short while and I didn't think you would be ready to hear it…"
"When we first met, did you see us as friends?" he takes a deep breath.
"No, I didn't, but I didn't see you as my submissive either. I didn't know what I saw but I knew I had to see you again, I couldn't get you out of my head. So when my brother planned his stag do around Portland, I grabbed at the chance to see you…"
"You wasn't in the club by accident was you? You knew I worked there?"
"Yes I did but I didn't know you would be working that night, which was by chance"
"How did you know where I worked?" I saw him hesitate slightly.
"I ran a background check on you, I had to Ana, I had to see you"
"YOU WHAT? You had no right invading my privacy like that Christian"
"I didn't have much of a choice Ana, I didn't know how else to find you, you've called me a control freak enough times, well that's true, I need control, I have to have it"
"Why?"
"I just do Ana"
"But why do you? What's Elena got to do with all of this?"
"She's a family friend, she's been a friend of my Mothers for years…"
"But what does that have…wait? Was she one of your submissives?" Please say no…
"I was hers, for six years" What?
"Six years? SIX YEARS?! But that would make you fifteen years old Christian, that's child abuse!"
"Ana it wasn't, I asked for it, I needed it. I was an out of control teenager, drink, drugs whatever it was it didn't matter, I needed help…"
"HELP? You call all this help? It's child abuse and you need to admit that right now"
"No Ana it wasn't child abuse!"
"YES IT WAS!" I screamed at him. I couldn't control my anger anymore, I was going to make him admit this.
"Ana please, you just don't understand…" I slapped him hard across the face, he didn't just say that to me.
"Don't you dare tell me I don't understand what abuse is Christian, DON'T YOU EVEN DARE!" I screamed at him, by this point I had tears pouring down my cheeks. I must have slapped him with some force as there's already a hand print across his face, when he looked at me, his stare was deathly cold.
"What do you mean Ana?" I needed to control my anger, taking a deep breath.
"This conversation isn't about me, it's about you, it's about you admitting that was she did when you was fifteen was child abuse. I can see it all clearly now, she's still controlling your life, you have no friends, hardly any contact with your family, that's all her Christian, she made it that way so she could control every bit of your life".
"How come you don't have a family Ana?"
"That's none of your fucking business Christian, don't you dare turn this around and start asking questions about my fucked up life, you don't have the right since you clearly can't see what abuse is"
"Ana, it wasn't abuse when I asked for it"
"It doesn't matter, you was fifteen years old, you was a child, a fucking child Christian, and she needs to be stopped…" I moved towards the elevator but he grabbed hold of me roughly, I winced.
"ANA! Don't you fucking dare walk out of here and go looking for her" his hold on me tightened and it began to hurt as I began to panic.
"Christian…please, let go of me" I whimpered quietly, he looked at my face and let go of me immediately, straight away I moved away from him.
"Ana, I'm sorry, I would never hurt you, please believe me…"
"You are already hurting me Christian, I don't know how I can make you see it, and you are so blind by her twisted little games…"
"Ana, please…"
"Don't, I don't know what to say to you, you have to figure this out by yourself, whatever I say is not going to get you to understand"
"You are leaving?" he asked desperately.
"I don't want to leave you, but I can't stay here with you either knowing all this, I need time to think. Christian, you've become like my best friend, I can't stand the thought of someone hurting you in anyway, I would do anything to stop that from happening but I'm too late for all of that"
"Ana, I'm the same man you met"
"No, you are a completely different person to me now, to the whole world you are the CEO, the in control, confident, extremely smart man who could take on anyone that ever came across him. But to me, I see a small boy terrified of admitting the truth, scared of admitting what he has known all along. Whether you admit or not, you was abused, you was only fifteen years old Christian, that's classed as abuse". I needed some time to think, I knew already that I was going to come back to him, he's become the most important person in my life and I would do anything to protect him and keep him safe but he needed time alone.
"I need some time to think, I need some fresh air, I'll come back Christian but I need to feel like I can breathe because right now it feels like I'm suffocating…" he didn't answer, he didn't look at me, he didn't even stop me from walking away. Before I got very far, I heard him whisper and what he said stopped me dead in my tracks.
"I was born in Detroit Ana…"
