A/N: I didn't post on Sunday because I was sick in bed and so today...you get three. This is number 2...don't get lost okay? Good!
Chapter 11: Be Your Everything (Boys Like Girls)
It happened in slow motion.
Not just that moment in the train station but everything.
From the moment that she walked off back in New Haven, time had kind of stopped for me.
I had been frustrated as I threw my phone right after my coffee.
It cracked and I just walked away.
Santana had gotten underneath my skin and I knew that I was to blame.
What if I had just been sex?
I was pushing her to forget Brittany.
What gave me that right?
They had history on their side.
A different history than she and I had.
I didn't want to be another Brittany in her life.
We lived apart just like she and Britt had and the moment things got tough, San had shown up in Lima and broke her heart.
I couldn't be that.
So I blocked her out.
When I got my new phone, I blocked her number and when Rachel had let San use her phone, I changed my number.
Cassie had tried to get me to see reason but I wouldn't.
My heart had been broken enough and I wasn't going to put myself out there anymore.
I promised myself that I wouldn't.
I wasn't gay.
This had been a tryst...fun and I was over it.
Over her.
Or so I thought.
I was coming from a sorority mixer with my new flavor of the week, best friend, Kayla when I was accosted.
Seriously.
Again.
Except this time it wasn't the police but when I saw Rachel's face, I wished that it was the police.
"What are you doing here, Rachel?"
"I came to see you."
"Of course you did...but why?"
Kayla shot me a look and then made her excuses before walking in the opposite direction.
"Because I need to talk to you about the way that you are treating Santana."
I stopped short and looked at Rachel with all my anger and resentment.
"She left me...I spent a night in jail. I laid myself out on the line and she ran! Santana fucking Lopez ran like a pussy and you are here to lecture me!"
I had my finger in her face but she didn't back down.
Of course not!
"You know better. She told me what you said...how you wanted to be with her. Let me clue you in on something. Do you remember how Santana spilled her heart out for Brittany back when she was with Artie?"
"Yea...what about it?"
"Those were her exact words to Brittany. When you said that to her, all those feelings came rushing back and she got scared. She's not perfect, she's human just like you and me, Quinn. She hurts and the only person that she has ever laid everything out for was Brittany. That break-up with Brittany wasn't real for her...it was a break. It was like she was testing Brittany to see if she would wait for her. It was a test of their relationship, it was a stupid move and she knows it. Brittany called her bluff and she started dating Samuel and that broke her apart. You saw it. At the wedding, you saw how much it hurt her to see them together and then less than a month later here you are professing your love for her. She got scared. Why can't you see that?"
I had my arms wrapped around myself and tried to not let those words get to me.
But they had.
Rachel was only telling me what I already knew.
She was only pointing out what Cassie had tried to for weeks now.
"It's too late to fix it. She's probably moved on."
"Not true. She sulks...like all the time. It was like Brittany all over again and then Brittany showed up with Samuel. It killed her that you wouldn't answer her messages. She needed you. Her BEST friend and you blew her off. You say that Brittany doesn't deserve her but you know what...I'm not sure that you do either. Now, that's all that I needed to say, I'll leave you be. I have a train to catch. Fix this, Quinn."
When I got back to my room Cassie was sitting on her bed with her big headphones on watching a movie on her laptop.
She smiled at me and then pointed to my bed.
"You got a letter!" She yelled.
I nodded and then picked up the letter from my bed.
It was from Santana.
But I mean it was from SANTANA.
The letter was more her than I had ever seen.
This was the part of her that Brittany got to see.
And I felt honored.
So honored that the tears that poured from my eyes didn't allow me to function for a while.
I cried so hard that I ended up with Cassie shoving ice cream in my hands and insisting that we talk.
Except I didn't want to talk...not to her.
For me there was only one person that was worth the words that I wanted to speak.
But I couldn't call her.
I couldn't even write her.
I had to see her.
But I had a week of finals in front of me.
There was no way that I could skip.
I had to see her.
I went a whole week in my isolation.
She was in Lima and when I called Rachel she had told me that she wasn't due to be back until the end of the following weekend.
That was perfect.
As I packed up my dorm room for the summer that Thursday and I racked my brain for a way to get her to see that I was in this for good.
That I was ready to be with her too.
That I wasn't going to walk away again.
And then after reading her letter for the millionth time, I knew what I needed to do.
I was supposed to be interning in New York for the summer, with a stipend and a small apartment in Manhattan.
So Cassie drove me all the way to the city.
She had asked her rich daddy to let her stay in New York with me and so I was going to be in Brooklyn.
It was like that quote from one of my favorite writers...
"When you want something bad enough, the universe conspires to help you." I whispered over and over again as we unpacked our stuff in our apartment.
I said it so much that Cassie insisted on buying the book so that she could read it and fully grasp what I was saying.
And then the day came and I was a wreck.
I had been weeping over breakfast and lunch.
I was second guessing myself.
What if she came back reconciled with Brittany?
What if she didn't want me anymore?
What if I had pushed her too hard?
And then she walked off the train and I quickly tore a blank sheet of paper from my notebook.
She stopped and looked at me and then looked up.
I watched a million emotions cross her face and then she smiled.
At me.
It was perfect.
It was cheesy.
It was a clean slate.
A/N: That quote comes from one of my favorite books by Paulo Coelho...The Alchemist...it's a great read! :) I hope you enjoyed this.
