Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or Harry Potter or make any money from fiddling around with JKR and S. Myers amazing worlds.
Thank you to all of you who continue to read and review and gigantic thanks to my amazing BETA Miss. Ellen.
This chapter is from Bella's POV
Chapter 11
Acceptance
As I followed Edward out of the house and toward the surrounding woods behind their home, I suddenly got a very bad case of deja vu. I had been able to remain calm up to this point, I hadn't broken out it a fit of uncontrollable sobbing, not that I was capable, at least not the tears. Still it hurt to see him. My human memories of the day he left me, the all-consuming pain of having my heart broken in half came flooding back into my perfect memory, it was almost just too much to handle.
Plus, now that I was a vampire everything that appealed to me about him was magnified, his smell, the sound of his velvety voice… but at the same time, something was different. That undeniable desire I had had to be with him, to touch him, to taste him was gone.
Finally, when we reached a clearing, he sat down on a patch of grass, and invited me to do the same.
"Do you… hate me?" he asked. His gaze unable to meet mine, he seemed fixated on a blade of grass he carefully rubbed between his thumb and forefinger.
Hum, how to answer that? You broke me. What the hell do you think?
"Part of me wants to." I don't think, despite how much I wanted to at time that I could ever really hate Edward.
He let out a long sigh. "I thought I was keeping you safe."
It was the same thing I had heard from the rest of the Cullens, but coming from Edward it wasn't as easy to forgive him for some reason.
"Yes, well it didn't quite work out that way, now did it?" I managed to say, though honestly I just felt like punching him in the face. Being out there, alone in the woods, it was bringing back thoughts and memories I've tried so hard and long to repress, or at least to not dwell on.
"I know that now, and you have no idea how sorry I am. I ended up unknowingly pulling you into the life I so desperately wanted to keep you from."
His eyes moved up to mine, his hand that had been occupied with tiny blades of grass was now resting upon my own. It felt so different from the last time his skin was against my own.
"I still love you." His lips turned into a crooked smile that I used to find so irresistible, his golden eyes bright and full of hope. "I know this is a lot to ask, but…"
My stomach clenched at his words, I knew what he was going to say, to ask, and I knew my answer would only hurt him.
"I would like another chance with you, Bella," he continued. "Now that we don't have the same concerns as when you were human, I honestly think we could be together, forever.
"Oh, Edward." I gave a heavy sigh, why did he have to do this, why could he just accept that I was with Harry and leave well enough alone.
"I love you Bella," He brought my hand to his lips placing a soft kiss upon my cold, marble like fingers. "And I want you to be with me, with my family, as a Cullen."
As a Cullen, did he…did he just propose? Oh God.
"Edward, I have Harry," I said, sliding my hand from his. "I love Harry."
I had hoped that would be enough, that he would say he understood, wish me luck and that would be that.
No, I'm not that lucky.
"I know you believe that." He began scooting inches closer to me, "But that's only because you've been with him the last couple of years, you were lonely and… and needed someone. But Bella, he's not your mate. I am, I was attracted to you when you were still human, that alone says so much."
I used to think the same thing, but things have changed, I have changed.
"You were attracted to my blood, Edward. The very first day you met me it took all your control not to sink your teeth into my neck, and drain me dry in the middle of biology."
"At first, yes, but when we got to know each other-"
"Edward, I was a young, naive human girl who thought she was in love with a vampire, and you… well, I'm sure you cared for me in your own way, or at least you did until I was no longer a good enough distraction for you."
My dead heart suddenly felt like it weighted a thousand pounds as his words replayed in my perfect memory. "You're not good for me, Bella… I don't want you to come… and, don't worry. Your human, your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."
Had he really thought that?
"I didn't mean it."
What?
"What?"
"I didn't mean that. You were never a distraction, I just said that because I thought a clean break would be best". He let out a long sigh running his hand through his wild bronze hair. "I'm so sorry. I never should have left you. I should have just stuck it out until you finished school and then changed you, like you wanted. I wished I had. Oh God, I wished I had."
And then, before I could stop him, his lips were on mine, hard and fierce and nothing like the soft, chaste kisses he gave me when I was human. It was raw and full of want, but it wasn't what I wanted or needed. Edward was no longer a part of my life, he was my past, my human past. Harry was my future.
At vampire speed I pulled my lips from his, throwing myself against a large rock several feet behind us, cracking it down the middle.
"No, Edward. I can't do this. I love Harry".
"Bella-" He started to say, taking several steps towards me.
"No! When you broke me so completely he fixed me, healed my very soul. I felt so lost before I found him and I can't imagine life without him in it."
"Bella, please, just…"
He was now only a foot or so away, reaching out his hand for me, but I refused it!
"No, Edward. I love Harry. He is my mate. And besides, I thought you were trying to work on things with Tanya."
Edward shrugged and dropped his hand, "Yes, but when she said she wanted to come here for the party after all, I took it as a sign. A sign that no matter what, fate will always bring us back together."
When I was a 17, 18 year old girl that line probably would have had me melting into his arms, but that was then and this was now. I was no longer a girl, human or otherwise.
"Edward, Tanya seems like she truly cares about you. I know you have some… some idea of what your perfect mate should be, and that for some reason you think that's me, but it's not."
He shook his head, "Tanya's a nice girl but she is not you."
He was so goddamn stubborn.
"I'm not even me anymore; at least I'm not the girl I once was. I've grown into myself, and honestly I think it's time you do the same."
He frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. "What exactly is that supposed to mean?"
"Exactly how it sounds. I found out things about myself since you left, Edward. I'm not the shy, unsure girl that I once was. I'm a woman, one that despite being afflicted by vampirism, will finish my degree, and somehow have a career."
"You can have all of that with me."
"Edward!" I raised my voice, my patience running thin. "Stop this! I… Love... Harry. I have a home with him, a life with him. We share everything, and I mean that Edward, everything, my heart, my soul and my body."
He growled, it was low and menacing, he started to pace in circles as he pulled at his hair. "Why! Why would you give yourself to him?"
"I told you, Edward. I love him."
"You loved me." His words were weak and I could see that his resolve to win me back was starting to falter.
"Yes, Edward, I did. You were my first love, but you weren't my true love."
Slowly I placed my hand on his shoulder, his golden eyes rose to meet my own. "I will never forget the time we spent together; you showed me an amazing world that I completely fell in love with. You are an amazing man Edward Anthony Cullen, and Tanya is very lucky to have you."
Several moments passed while we just stood there as he allowed himself to process my words, and by the light dawning in his eyes, I could see he knew that I was right. The question was, was he ready to admit it?
"Tanya has always thought we were meant to be," he admitted. "From the very first moment she saw me she said she felt a connection. I always thought her feelings were misplaced because I didn't feel the same, or I didn't allow myself to feel the same."
"Is that how you feel now?"
"I care about her and the more time I spend with her, I mean really spend with her, the more I can see that she truly is a wonderful woman. It's just that…"
"What?"
"We're just so different. That was one of the things I loved about you, Bella, we had the same interests, we could have amazing in-depth conversations about literature and music."
"And you can't with Tanya?"
"Well, yes and no. We talk about it, we just share different… opinions."
Was he really saying what I thought he was saying?
"So you don't think you and Tanya have a future together because you have different tastes in music and literature?"
He was really grasping at straws here, wasn't he?
"Well, there are other things, too. She spends way too much time in the bathroom. Honestly, she's worse than Alice and Rosalie combined."
I shook my head in utter disbelief. "Oh Edward, how unbelievably sad this is."
"What? What are you talking about?"
Was he truly that clueless?
"Edward you are looking for things to dislike about the woman. Come on, bathroom time, are you kidding me? Do you want to start talking about how you spend nearly twenty minutes every morning gelling up your hair or how you're completely OCD when it comes to organizing your music and books?
"Hey, I have a system. There is nothing wrong with that. It simply makes it easier to locate something when I want to find it."
"Edward, you have a perfect memory, you moronic vampire. You could put your CD's in a pile under your couch and you would still know where they were when you needed one."
"Under my couch, are you kidding me? I would never." He looked truly appalled, and I seriously wanted to laugh. But now was not the time.
"My point is that we all have quirks like that. For example, Harry insists on hanging up all of his jeans in the closest. I don't get that, I'm perfectly fine folding mine and putting them in a drawer, but that's just Harry, and how he keeps his clothes doesn't change the fact that I love him, nor will it ever. Edward, if you are looking for someone who is as perfect as you think you are, I got news for you buddy, unless you start dating yourself that's just not going to happen."
He gave a snorted laugh and shook his head, "I am far from perfect and I don't expect my mate and me to have everything in common, but some things would be nice."
"You're telling me you and Tanya have nothing in common?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. I wasn't backing down on this. He needed to see that this girl could be good for him. I didn't want him to leave her the way he did me. She seemed to truly love him, at least from what Alice had told me, and if Eddie boy needed someone to pound this shit into his head, than hand me a hammer, I volunteer.
"No, we do."
"Okay, what?"
"Does it matter?"
I didn't answer, but crossed my arms over my chest and gave him 'the look'. Oh yes, he remembered it.
"Fine." He huffed, dropping his hands to his side, and then shoving them in his pockets, "We both enjoy the taste of Mountain Lion blood."
"Okay, that's a start, what else?"
"We like taking walks and watching the sunset."
"Aw, that sounds romantic, what else?"
I was happy to see his lips pull into a smile, which only widened as he went on about the things he and Tanya did together. He had even confided that he was teaching her to play the piano and in return she was attempting to teach him how to paint. Tanya sounded like an intelligent woman, yet at the same time a fun girl to be around. And by all the compliments Edward was spouting about her, I was sure deep down he knew he loved her, even if he wasn't ready to admit it just yet.
We chatted for another fifteen minutes, mostly about him and Tanya, before finally heading back into the house.
A/N: Okay a little Bella POV. Up next Harry has a chat with Marcus and a little something special.
